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This one slightly darker than the previous but not completely unimaginable considering this show.

Another one of those nights. Her face pale and innocent; hauntingly beautiful. Here she is again, walking through my dreams, I run to catch her but she's gone, hidden. Every time I get close enough to touch her she burns and disintegrates into tiny fragments of ash. In this strange forest filled with the faceless maimed bodies of those I killed; here her face shines brightest, hers frightens me most. "Ali!"

"Ali!"

That's when I wake up in a cold sweat again. In darkness alone with my own demons. I check the time to see its only 11pm, I've only been asleep two hours. I know what's going to happen next, it's subconscious now. Before I realise it I'm dressed in a plain black shirt and jeans and leaving my barracks. I'm headed towards inferno nightclub, just on the outskirts of the Texas army base. I'm looking to find anyone, anyone who will make me feel something other than pain, guilt, fear.

After my short walk I take my usual seat as the bartender Eve says, "what can I get you today Emily?"

A slight smile tugs at the corner of my lips as I answer, "you know what I'm going to say. It never changes."

"Triple vodka and coke coming up." She says winking at me. She has tanned skin, much like my own if not darker, short black hair and dark brooding green eyes. Her accent is slightly different from the usual Texas lot too but I have never bothered to ask anything about her background. Her slender face and oddly dull clothes do not match and scream outsider. She is much like me, obviously not from around here, since everyone else around here fits in, has that Texas charm and southern pride.

I wait a few minutes before she returns with the final of my multiple cold beverages. As she passes it to me she keeps her hand on the glass waiting for me to look up at her. I resist for a second or so but I realise she won't let go until I do it, so reluctantly I look up at her to see everything I didn't want to see written in her eyes. Sadness and pity. I've come here far too often for her not to know what's next. She's tried to talk me out of it but there's not much she can do to help.

"Not tonight Emily, Please." She whispers knowingly. In a weird way I think she cares for me or maybe it's just uncomfortable watching someone self destruct over and over. She's right though, I should go, I have been here everyday this week. It's got progressively worse recently, I used to only come here once every two weeks, then once a week, twice a week, but this week has been too hard. The hauntings don't let me sleep at night, she won't let me sleep.

"Thanks for the drink Eve." I say in a normal voice, pretending I don't know what she's talking about and carrying on about my business. She lets go and walks away slightly worried but continues working.

I swiveled around on my chair finishing the last drops of the drink and face the dance floor. The hunt begins. Today I didn't have to look around long before my eyes locked with a pair of twinkling blue ones. A quick cunning smile sending the invitation. I look away knowing what this will do to her, playing the game just like always. I look again and there she is looking at me still. She moves her body in a sexy way, gracefully rolling her body twirling and shimming. Dancing in another mans arms yet eyes locked to mine like magnets. I look away one last time but this time to the ground and smile. One...two...three. I look up and she's still there but her eyes show it all, she's hooked and the traps set. She couldn't get away now. I make my way to the dancefloor and almost get attacked by a tall, musclular guy. I don't resist, I put my hands on my hips making sure I'm in control, swirling around him teasingly. Those blue eyes spark to life, the rage and immediate jealousy behind them. The atmosphere almost shifts, electric, the air choking as its sweltering and pungent with lust and sin. After a minute or so she's held off long enough and she makes her way to the toilets, never taking her eyes off me. I follow her easily and the next thing I know I can feel the cold toilet walls pressing against my back. Her eyes still twinkling and that spark still behind her eyes. I could tell she believed she was the one who seduced me, but she made it too easy, like all the other the ones. Predictable, the way she fell into this trap like a defenseless animal fell into a snare.

"The names Erin." She says as she kisses my lips gently. I wish she hadn't told me, it only makes it harder when they want more from me. So many of them like to be known, as if I care. I've stopped trying to care for them because when I let them in, they're never enough. Too sweet, too nice, too clingy, not caring enough, not her.

"Shut up." I say hoarsely against her lips. She jerks back a little shocked by my response, but she knows exactly what she came in here to do. So I whip her around, pushing her front against the cold bathroom stall door. I push into her back roughly and place my cheek by her own. Her face puts on slight scowl and I can feel her about to push me back due to my response. So, I begin to kiss her neck. "Emily." I say biting down the soft skin of her neck. "Hmmm I like that name." She responds quickly. I hate the ones that talk too much, they always want to know more, get more involved. So I almost growl "shut up," again. My lips are roughly back on hers, I can tell she's angry by the sudden pick up in pace. Her hands more frantically pulling on my hair, biting at my lip. This is what I want, fire, destruction. I don't waste anytime removing her clothes, I carelessly shove up her dress and rip off her underwear as she frantically runs her hands under my shirt. Tension now building within me, I couldn't wait any longer before connecting intimately with her. The press of breast against breast, my hands working magic with purpose. A feral look in my eyes as her blue ones collapse into the back of her head. This is one of the few times I get to feel alive I've learn over the last years. This is exactly why I came here, to feel the hot flesh of yet another woman underneath me, the sensation inside making me go numb at times, the friction only fuelling the inferno. Moving the blonde streaks of hair out her face so I can see the effect I'm having on her. Hearing her moans and grunts as I control every reaction of her body. Finally I explode sending pleasurable heat to coarse throughout my body and little stars to cloud my vision. In that small moment I feel close, intimate with someone, I feel wanted, loved maybe,- no never loved, adored. Then she convulses around me, desperately trying to hold in the loud moans she produces. After a few peaceful moments I put myself back together and begin for the stall door.

"Wait!" She squeaks and reluctantly I turn around to see those large blue eyes again. I realise there never really was a sparkle in them, maybe it was the vodka induced haze and need of human contact that made her seem to sparkle. She's pretty enough but I'm not interested in anything more than a quickie in the bathroom stall.

"Don't you want my number or something?" She asks. I knew this would end bad, the ones that talk are the ones the get hurt the most.

"No, I got what I wanted." I say coldly. She understood quickly and shoved me out the way as she exited. "Bitch" are the last words she leaves me as she hurries off.

I'm back at the bar again and, what was her name? Ellen or something? Is nowhere to be seen. Thank goodness, I'm not one for awkward and angered glares.

"Same again?" Eve asks. I don't bother to look up at her as I nod. The bar is quite empty at this point, with only a handful of people with thier own problems sitting drinking and a few drunk ones at dance floor moving to some depressingly slow music. The drink is infront of me quicker than expected.

"Thanks." I say looking up at her this time. Then I see it again but with something new, that look where she feels sorry for me, pities me and judges me.

"You were gone longer than usual today." She says making conversation.

"Yeah, I guess." I answer sipping the icy cold concoction.

"Will I be seeing you again tomorrow?" She asks curiously.

"Why do you care? You still get your money."

"Suffering from a broken heart are we?" She asks sarcastically. If I wasn't this way I could see myself with her, she seems nice enough and funny too.

"Ha. Are you offering to mend it? I've seen you looking at me, wishing you were one of those girls." I slur out a little.

"Sorry but you're really not my type." She says leaning in a little closer, with a daring look in her black eyes.

"I'm everybody's type." I say raising my eyebrows suggestively. She laughs and walks away to serve a new costumer.

4 more tequilas and a bar fight later I find myself laid in the army base hospital bed with wires and tubes going in and out of everywhere. I don't remember much and don't really know why I'm here. I'm heavily drugged, morphine steadily dripping into me, pulling me into a deep sleep. I feel numb all over, I see my ribs wrapped in bandages before being pulled back to sleep.

When I finally wake up from another dreadful dream, I'm faced with my sergeant and a corporal named Nathe.

"Hello, Fields" She says in her usual manner.

"Heard you got your ass beat during a bar fight kid." Nathe says with a smirk. I roll my eyes as I attempt to remember what happened.

"Yeah you know me, born rebel."

"I'm sending you home Fields." Seargent King says getting straight to the point as usual.

"What? Why?"

"Your behavior Soldier. You need to recover. Afgan isn't something everyone can handle." She explains. I don't see why she should care, I arrive to work on time, complete my work, turn up to training with no complaints.

"I told her you wouldn't want to go." Nathe says knowingly.

"Well it's not a request, it's an order. I spoke to the psychologist, she's convinced you are suffering from PTSD." She answers quickly.

"How long for?" I ask coldly.

"Until you are ready." King explains.

I can't go back to Rosewood, my memories are still vivid and raw. I can't face my past and I most definitely can't face her. The thought of seeing her again frightens me, I know she hates me and I know I won't be able to help falling in love with her all over again.

After the Seargent leaves a surprise visitor comes in. An old flame who somehow managed to be stationed at the same camp as me. Paige the rock I had taken for granted. We were friendly now, which is more than I had expected. Silence surrounds us as I think and dread the idea of returning to Rosewood.

"You need to stop all this foolishness. You're gonna get yourself killed one of these days and I know you didn't fight in that war so you could die of alcoholism." She says sternly. I'm honestly stunned at her words, we haven't spoken about the war or my recklessness ever. We joke and keep the atmosphere light, it's always been too hard to talk about it.

"They're sending me home." I manage to push out. She stops checking the monitor above me and looks at me with worry and joy all at the same time.

"Its about time you went home Emily. I bet she misses you more than you think, they all probably do." she says knowingly. Alison had never been a comfortable topic between us but Paige had confronted me years after high school. She had confessed the reason for her leaving for California; she knew I'd never be over Alison and could not be hurt anymore.

"It's all ruined Paige. How can I go back there?" I say almost desperately.

"You can't keep blaming yourself for things out of your control. It's been five years. If you haven't let her go by now isn't it a sign that you never will?" She said as the tears welled up in her eyes.

"I've got something for the dreams too. I asked the doctor, she said take these pills once a day before you sleep." She instructed handing me a set of about 20 tiny yellow pills.

"How did you know?" I asked, I've never told anyone about the dreams and sleepless nights.

"You're in this hospital regularly Emily. I visited you more than you know. You think I haven't heard you call out Alison's name out." She explained.

"I was the one who asked for your medical files to be reviewed." She admitted a few minutes later.

"What? YOU HAD NO RIGHT! I'm a grown woman, I know what's best for me." I shouted loudly.

"I had every right. You are nothing but a scared girl who's taking out her troubles on her self. You're self destructing. It's not right to have almost slept with half of the women in Texas. I won't stand here and watch you tear yourself apart. Go home and put to rest whatever it is that is truly eating away at you." She said sternly before reaching for my hand and swiftly walking out and slamming the door behind her. Everything she said was the brutal truth, and nothing stings more than the truth.

I arrived in rosewood too soon after that. My ribs were still heavily bruised and I was on medication too. Rosewood hadn't changed all that much in five years. The shops and atmosphere was stil as suffocating as ever. I hadn't let anyone know I was coming back, not even my parents. I didn't want to be treated any differently than the old days, but joining the army has a way of putting you in a glass box. When I returned to my childhood home luckily my parents were not home yet. I dropped off my bags into my room before I head out again. I just needed to walk to clear my head, it was spinning incessantly. I didn't even bother to change out of my camouflage uniform before running out the house. I didn't care that my ribs throbbed with hot pain, I kept running. I hadn't realised where I was headed until I reached the remains of an old dusty path with the overgrown woods surrounding. I crept quietly passing trees, feeling leaves and inhaling the woodsy natural scent that surrounded me. A small smile spread across my face as all my good memories flooded back, the rush and joy that overtook me that one magical day at the kissing rock. The freedom and happiness I felt when I was with her. I reached the old rock and heard rustling before I realised I wasn't alone. Like fate there she was sitting on the ground, face wet with old tears and twirling a ringin her hand. If this coincidence wasnt just the biggest slap in the face. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move as I stood there staring at her. Her long blonde hair far past her shoulders now, more golden than ever before. Yet she hadn't changed a single bit as I examined her quietly. That's when I realised I was truly in love with Alison Dilaurentis and I always would be. It felt like not a single day had pasted since I left, because here I was smiling and completely captivated by the same girl. She hadn't realised I was there yet but she soon would, it was too late to turn around without being noticed.

"Hello Ali." I started evenly with an apologetic look on my face. She looked up startled, hurriedly wiping away the tears only to be replaced with new ones. She looked as though she had seen a ghost as she took cautious steps towards me. Her eyes were wide like a deer and I thought I was the one to have perfected that deer in the headlights look.

"Em?" She whispered in disbelief. I watched as she struggled with her thoughts, a range of emotions washed over her within that silent minute; from anger to relief to sadness to joy and back to sadness.

"How could you!" She began screaming at me as her voice broke. She pushed me hard repeatedly. Screaming every insult in the book at me. Her crying turned hysterical as she settled her sore red eyes on me.

"Where were you?"

"You LEFT me." She despaired.

"I hate...I really hate you." She choked out pain straining her voice as she wrapped her arms around my waist. I held onto her tightly, it didn't feel real, it felt like a dream. Her tears making my uniform wet but it didn't matter everything was perfect. This is where I belonged, in her arms. I was stupid for ever trying to belong in anyone else's. I was hers and she was mine from the moment we met in this very town many many years ago.

She eventually composed her self and let go of me. She took a few moments studying my face and appearance before making her way to sit on the infamous kissing rock. I followed and waited for her to indicate I could sit with her. I moved next to her and she leaned her head on my shoulder, we shared a minute of silence before she whispered so very quietly, "I got married."

My whole body tensed immediately, it felt like a knife had been driven through my heart. The pain I felt in my ribs was nothing compared to bomb that she had just dropped. For several minutes I had to focus on breathing because I wasn't sure I would remember to anymore. It took a while for me to calm down but I did. Of course she had gotten married, five years is a long time for anyone to wait for something that was never strictly promised. Alison is the most phenomenal woman I have ever known, I'm she sure had no shortage of admirers even with her previous reputation here.

"What's his name?" I asked surprised at the evenness of my voice.

"Rollins" she answered glumly head still on my shoulder. My arm had at some point snaked around her to settle on her waist. "His name is James but everyone calls him Rollins." She elaborated her voice lacking character.

"Hmm" was all I could say. Jealousy ran through my every vein as my mind began imagining such a man for Alison. "Does he make you happy?" I asked after a long while. As cruel as it sounds, I needed validation that leaving was the worst and stupidest thing I had ever done. I wasn't sure what I wanted to hear. The more sane parts of me wanted to hear that she had moved on without too much pain, that her husband made her happy, that he made sure she was living her life to the fullest. The darker and more selfish parts of me wanted her to tell me how big my mistake was, how she too had been stuck in hell, I wanted her to tell me how miserable she had been without me and shout at me for not coming back sooner. I wanted her to tell me that even now she still needed me, just like I still needed her. "Yes." Even though I had considered both answers to the question, the answer was still a surprise to hear. "Then why were you crying?" I countered. "You and I both know there's only one person who could ever truly make me happy" she answered fatigue slipping into her voice. "Are you in love with him?" I pressed, curiosity lacing my voice. I turned to face her but she did not look at me. "Yes," she said far more quieter than before. My heart was already heavy that this blow did little to add to the pain going on inside. Something about the way she had said it had made me question where it was a lie or not. Finally she turned to face me, her eyes glassy with tears. She watched me carefully, her guard obviously up in her stormy ocean eyes. I couldn't prevent the smile that came across my face as I stared at her. I was still in awe. "There are things I love about him." She stated more honestly. A light pink coloured her cheeks as she looked away from my eyes. Her eyes couldn't stay away for long though, they were back locked with mine once more. I moved closer to her face never breaking eye contact, until our lips crashed together. It wasn't desperate or rushed or weighted with expectation of more. It was a kiss shared between friends with undefined boundaries, a kiss we both needed to momentarily soothe the void in our hearts. Something shared to forget about the loneliness that tugged at me with each passing day. I broke away from the kiss as I felt my own salty tears seep between our lips. "Why do you think it hasn't worked between us?" I asked contemplating the idea.

"I don't know Emily. I've asked myself that more times than I can recall." She said lightly as she drew patterns on the back of my hand. For the first time in over 2 years I felt at peace. For many years now anxiety was itching in my mind constantly tormenting me to no end. I never felt at peace or still, I always felt moving and rushing. Alison was my home, my serenity and my peace. I would always be weak for Alison, weak for those big blue orbs that bore straight into her soul. I would always marvel at her beauty and I wondered if i would always be addicted to Alison's presence. I didn't look or want to speak about the wedding ring on Alison's finger, it was just a reminder of the very valuable thing I had thrown into someone else's awaiting arms. "I bet you wish you never met me." Alison stated not moving to look at me. I wondered what was going through the blondes mind but knew better than to ask. "I'd never wish that." I responded after a while. Suddenly Alison's phone began vibrating causing both of us to jump in shock. She looked at the name for a while before meeting my eyes once more. I didn't have to look to know it was Rollins calling. I could see her pleading with me to tell her to not answer it. "Answer it," I said with a sad smile on my face. I could see the momentarily disappointment in her eyes as she stood and answered th

e phone. "Hey Rollins...no it's okay, I'll come home soon..." I listened to the worried voice on the other end of the phone. Even from this short conversation I could tell Rollins cared a lot for Alison. "Don't worry I'm safe...I-, uh, love you too." Alison barely managed to get the last few words out. I watched as something I recognised as guilt flashed across her face. I stood to bring her into another embrace, she didn't resist. I inhaled her unique always light floral scent before I stepped back. "I know you have to go, so I'll see you soon okay?" I asked vulnerability evident in my voice. Ali attempted to smile but it barely reached her cheeks. I couldn't bare to watch her walk away so I closed my eyes as I slumped back onto the rock.