Chapter Sixty Seven

Peter

I stayed with Kat until she fell asleep although she didn't say much after hearing what I'd said. Once she was deeply asleep I pulled my hand free of hers and covered her with a blanket then crept out so as not to wake her, she looked peaceful for the first time since I had set eyes on her, as if she had received some comfort from me and that felt good. If I went downstairs I knew I would be bombarded by questions from the others and I didn't think I could face that. I was confused by my own feelings and I needed time to work it all out in my head. Fuck, I hadn't felt this confused in years!

I found an unused bedroom and closed the door sliding down it to squat on my heels, my head in my hands as emotions came crashing down on me all at once. It was like a fucking maelstrom, anger, fear, confusion, and grief, and I had no idea what they all meant. All I could see was Kat when we burst into that fucking cellar, how terrified and neglected she looked. She was a kid for fuck sake and no kid should be subjected to that kind of treatment. She should have been able to feel loved and safe among adults yet Kat was suspicious of adults and especially women. I felt a sense of wonder that she had interacted with me, that she trusted me, probably the most untrustworthy person of all. She would be better off with Esme or Rose, they both wanted kids and they instinctively knew what to do with them. Even Emmett who seemed on their wavelength or Carlisle who was already a father figure, but not a miserable, selfish, ill mannered and bad mouthed guy like me. Yet that thought hurt, it really fucking hurt because I knew it was what everyone else would say if I tried to take responsibility for her.

If they couldn't find her real parents then chances are one of the Cullens would take care of her…..but she'd chosen me. I was the one she trusted and listened to….yet I wasn't a good example for a kid, not a little girl especially. As the realisation that I didn't stand a chance of being the important person in Kat's life hit me I found myself pounding away at my own head to try and stop the pain but of course it didn't help. I could hear a strange noise coming from my lips, the sound of a soul in despair. I wanted to look after Kat, to guide her and help her get over what she had been through. I could do it but no one was going to believe that. I wanted the opportunity to be a father, how fucking ironic after all these years despising the idea of a family.

I was so far up my own ass in my own despair that at first I didn't hear the gentle knock on the door and when I did I just whispered "Fuck off"

The knock was repeated and I scrambled to my feet, fists ready, and tore open the door only to find Kat standing there, rubbing sleepy eyes. I groaned slipping down to my knees, now that just proved how unfit I was to look after a kid! She knelt down too and put her arms around my neck,

"What's wrong Peter? You sounded sad."

I managed a choked laugh at that,

"I'm sorry I swore at you, I didn't know who it was knocking. Did I wake you?"

She shrugged,

"I hear and see things when I'm asleep. Things that frighten me so I came looking for you."

"For me? Why me?"

She pulled back enough to look into my face,

"Because you said you loved me and you were kind. I wish my daddy had been like you."

"Yeah me too kiddo, you deserve someone who loves you, you're a good kid."

She shook her head,

"No I'm not, I don't think I can be or everyone wouldn't be busy thinking about what to do with me."

"What makes you say that Kat?"

"I heard them, Esme and Carmen. They looked in on me and I pretended to be asleep."

"Why didn't you tell them you were frightened?"

"I heard them talking as they shut the door. Esme said I wonder what will happen to her and Carmen said well it won't be any of us taking her in, it's too dangerous."

I felt a spike of annoyance, why couldn't they have kept their mouths shut, they didn't know if she was really asleep.

"Carmen didn't mean it the way you think she did Kat."

she smiled a little sadly.

"They don't want me because he might come looking for me and kill them like he killed Ellie's mummy."

I felt a lump in my throat and another in my belly as Kat started to tremble.

"You saw that?"

"I closed my eyes but I heard it. He ripped off her clothes and cut her throat. I saw afterwards,all the blood, and we had to clear it up. Ellie was really brave, I miss her, I was really horrible when she started looking after Aggie. I guess I was jealous."

"You thought the baby was taking your place?"

"She was but it wasn't Ellie's fault, daddy was so happy to have another little girl. He didn't treat me nice any more after she was born. He was the only person who said they loved me and didn't go away. Sophie was kind to me, she made me a doll but I think Esme or Carmen threw it away. Ellie tried to be nice but I was horrible to her, I was afraid to love anyone else. They always go away."

Her lip began to tremble and tears ran down her flushed cheeks.

"Do you think there is someone who will look after me? Someone who won't be afraid? I don't want to be on my own Peter. I'm so bad no one else will ever love me and want me, and if daddy doesn't come for me what will I do?"

I pulled her close feeling close to tears myself even though I knew none could fall.

"Kat honey, he's not coming back for you and if he did I wouldn't let him take you, none of us would, but I promise you that you won't be alone and you are not a bad girl."

"I am, he told me all the time."

"Well he was wrong, you are a good girl and I promise you that you will never be alone and you will always be loved….by me."

"You promise Peter?"

I nodded and held her tight kissing the top of her head,

"Yes Kat, I promise."

I had no idea how I was going to accomplish this but hearing her words I had made my mind up that I was going to look after Kat and make sure she had the kind of life she was entitled to, one where she could grow, run around, laugh, and know she would never be hurt or terrorised again. Of course I would have to discuss it with Charlotte but I knew if I explained how I felt she would back me, she always did no matter how crazy the ideas , Charlotte always had my back. Of course the biggest problem would not be her or the Cullens but the Volturi. We all knew the tale of the Immortal children and the Volturi fear of them. We would have to show that we could raise Kat without telling her about our world which wouldn't be easy but it was one fight I was prepared for come what may.

I felt Kat relax in my arms and knew she had fallen asleep feeling safe there. She seemed to trust me to keep my promises so I had a stiff fight on my hands. Picking her up I took her back to her room and tucked her up in bed, such a fragile little thing without anyone to stand in her corner, until now that was. Now she had me as her champion. I bent down and kissed her on the forehead then pulled the covers up and went out shutting the door quietly and going downstairs to find Charlotte. We needed to talk, and sooner rather than later.