Chapter 5

Aching Heart

"Mikleo."

In the dead of night, a voice pulled him from his sleep. And even when he wasn't awake, he'd recognize that voice anywhere. Having always been a far lighter sleeper than Sorey, Mikleo woke up when the shepherd called his name, even though he'd spoken it as a quiet whisper. Opening his violet eyes, he blinked, and was surprised to find Sorey's face hovering just above his own. And the rest of him…Mikleo was shocked to find Sorey literally on top of him in his bed. Immediately, heat rushed to Mikleo's face.

"S-Sorey! Wh-what're you doing?" He hiss whispered, panic striking him as he thought of the others possibly seeing. But as he turned his head frantically to the side to gaze at the other three beds, he found them oddly empty.

"Don't worry, they're not here," Sorey said. "I told everyone the truth. I told them that we needed some time alone together. I asked them to spend a few hours away from the inn."

"You what?!" Mikleo cried horrified. He went to sit up, but Sorey's face was so close to his own that if he had sat up all the way they would have bumped heads. Instead, he ended up propping himself up on his elbows in order to glare at him all the better.

"Are you crazy!?" he cried. "Why would you do such a thing?!"

"Why?" And Sorey looked truly puzzled at the question. And he wore his usual, confused, puppy-dog face as he cocked his head to the side. It was one of his more adorable expressions that Mikleo loved. "Because I love you, that's why."

"I…huh?"

Mikleo's heart suddenly started to pound. And it started up so fast from where it had lazily been in slumber only a moment ago that it felt like a drum, beating him from the inside out. He stared up at the person he'd loved for as long as he could remember being alive, but he didn't reply. He was struck speechless, for he'd yearned, craved to hear those words from him for several years now.

Sorey smiled sheepishly, yet another expression Mikleo found so endearing.

"When we talked earlier before, in the tent when we were alone; I finally understood what you were trying to say. And I'm so sorry it took me this long to realize what you were asking. You know how slow I can be sometimes, I'm sorry."

Mikleo couldn't blink. Hell, he could barely breathe. His violet eyes as large as the moon, he stared at Sorey through the darkness. Was this really happening?

"Mikleo," Sorey started again. "I sent the others away so we can finally be together. That's what you were trying to say before, right? You don't want to wait any longer?"

He swore his heart was beating so powerfully it was making it difficult to breathe. Sorey's eyes were such a brilliant green, and the way he was looking at him, with so much affection and just a hint of hope and loneliness.

"I'm sorry I waited so long," he said again. "You're hearts been aching…hasn't it? You just...hide it so well."

"Yes," the answer came from him suddenly and breathlessly. He hadn't even meant to part his pale lips to speak. The confession had simply forced itself out. "I've wanted to be closer to you. I've wanted…more than what we have. But I don't know how to do that, and I had no idea how to ask. There's always something in the way…being in Elysia, or knowing we're in Gramp's domain…or joining up with the others on our journey, and sometimes…it's just because I'm scared. But you're right Sorey…"

And then his expression changed, and for once, he didn't want to hide anything. A type of heart wrenching pain that Sorey, and even Mikleo himself, didn't know he had, appeared on his smooth face.

"My heart has been aching," he divulged. "But I hide it so well, even from myself, that I've never admitted to it. I didn't even really know until now. I've been carrying it by myself for years, and it's only gotten more and more powerful. It's started to hurt…"

And when Mikleo said that, Sorey's expression changed to deep sympathy. Immediately, he leaned in closer. Still just above the seraph, he reached out a hand. Then, gently, he started to run his fingers through his snow white hair.

"I could never let you be in pain," he said. "And now that I've finally figured it out, now that I understand, I can take care of this. I can take that ache away."

He leaned in even closer still, resting his body on top of Mikleo's. And when he did, Mikleo could feel his heat, and he could inhale his very unique human scent. He could feel his muscles beneath his shirt, and he felt his heart beating in his chest.

"Mikleo," he said, his voice taking on a husky type of quality he'd never heard in him before. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?"

"Sorey…" Sorey didn't waste another breath. Closing the distance between them, he gently and sweetly pressed his lips into Mikleo's. The first kiss was tender and kind, much like Sorey himself. And there was so much magic in it and so much spark that Mikleo wondered if he ever knew artes to begin with at all. He loved Sorey so much in that moment that he thought his heart would burst from being so full.

He suddenly wanted more. More and more, as he had been wanting for some time. And Sorey, seeming to sense this, or maybe just because he knew him so well, decided to deliver. He kissed the seraph again, then again. And then, the fourth time, their kisses became hotter and heavier. Some sort of fire was building up within them, and it was a heat Mikleo didn't want to fight. It told him, something amazing was about to happen.

Lifting his arms upward, he wrapped them around Sorey's neck and back. He wanted him close. He wanted him as close as he could possibly be. No, he wanted more than that: he wanted to be a part of Sorey, and to have Sorey be a part of him too. He never wanted to be separated from him.

Sorey, seemingly feeling the same things, and burning with the same fire, reached out his hands too. Putting one hand to Mikleo's slender waist, he gently started to lift up his shirt. He wanted to feel the snow-white, smooth skin he'd been looking at for so long. And his rough human hands against such perfect skin was exactly what Mikleo had wanted too. Each of Sorey's fingertips might as well have had lightning in them for the excitement it caused him.

Beside himself with infatuation, Mikleo let out a rush of air from his mouth. Then, wanting so much to touch Sorey too, he moved his own hands up and to his dark chocolate locks. Sorey's hair had always been soft and thick, and he wanted to dive into those locks now.

Sorey moved his lips to Mikleo's perfect neck, and he tenderly and lovingly started to kiss him there. As he did, Mikleo buried his nose in his human counterpart's hair, inhaling deeply for that familiar scent. He wanted to breathe him in. Have Sorey be in his every pore.

"I love you," he finally repeated back to him. "I love you Sorey. I love you so much it hurts! Promise me; promise we'll never let anything separate us. I've been so afraid of the malevolence…"

"I'll never let anything separate us," Sorey immediately complied. "Nothing can get between us. Nothing. Don't be afraid. I'm the shepherd. I'll take care of anything that threatens our dream of having humans and seraphim live together."

Mikleo, his body on fire, clutched at Sorey all the tighter. He believed his words, or rather…he believed that Sorey thought them to be true. Sorey could never lie, not to anyone, and especially not to him. But Mikleo still had a fear in the back of his mind that reminded him of what happened in Glaivend Basin. All their power combined was as nothing against Heldalf. And his malevolence was so thick…that it'd completely cut them off from one another.

Mikleo had never been afraid of anything as much since. Nothing was more frightening than that idea: not dogs, not ghosts, nothing.

And of course, it was at that exact moment when he was thinking of his fears that a suddenly dark and powerful force was felt. Sorey and Mikleo both let out cries as it washed over them and the entire town of Lowgrin. And the wave of it was so thick and damaging that it actually caused physical pain. They both cried out, and in only a second more, a domain of malevolence so solid that the air turned purple, enveloped them.

Grimacing, it took Mikleo a second to open his eyes. But when he did, fear like he'd only ever felt once before, pierced him. For there was Sorey, still above him like before, but now his arms had gone straight through his chest. He was supporting himself with palms against the mattress, as if Mikleo's body wasn't even there.

"Sorey!" Mikleo cried. But it was clear from Sorey's wide-eyed, horrified expression that he no longer saw Mikleo. And he didn't react when his name was called. Instead, he called out himself as he stared at a seemingly empty bed,

"Mikleo!"

Mikleo stared at the person he loved, his violet eyes huge.

No! He thought, his heart now pounding for an entirely different reason. No no no no no!

"Mikleo! Mikleo! You're still there! Aren't you? You're still right here! I…I won't leave you! Don't worry! We'll figure this out!"

Instinctively, Mikleo reached out his hands to try and grab onto Sorey. But of course, just like before, they slid right through him as if he weren't even real. And the sudden loss of so much physical contact with Sorey was so devastating that he actually let out a tortured cry.

"No!" He screamed. "I want to live with you! I want to live with you!"

Horrible laughter filled the room. It was dark, coming deep from within a barrel chest, and it was also full of cruel mirth.

"Humans and seraphim living together: that idea is not only preposterous, but it's disgusting. And what's far worse than that? Humans and Seraphim copulating! The two of you are the very reason this earth is bathed in sin and disease."

Heldalf appeared in the doorway. He was as huge, as dark, and as terrifying as Mikleo remembered. And because he'd just been sharing such an intimate moment with Sorey, Mikleo suddenly felt extremely exposed. Although he wasn't naked, he was in nothing but his undershirt and shorts. Crippled by the malevolence, and barely able to move, he couldn't do more than grab at the sheets and pull them up over his bare legs. When Sorey saw the sheets move, and when he heard what Heldalf had said, he turned on him, anger in his normally kind green eyes.

"You're wrong!" he cried. "This is the most holy and beautiful thing the earth has ever seen!"

Despite their situation, Mikleo blushed. But even so, they were no match for Heldalf. And Heldalf suddenly seemed infuriated by Sorey's words. His lion-like face flashed with danger, and his eyes sparked purple.

"I will show you the meaning of despair and loneliness shepherd! And I will teach you what it is to feel real pain!"

It all happened in only a second. Heldalf was at their bedside in a blink. He reached out a hand so large it might as well have been the size of the sun. Lashing out with that hand, he grabbed a hold of Sorey's neck.

"Sorey!" Mikleo reached out to try and grab onto Sorey, but as before, his hands flew through his love as he was yanked forcefully from him, his body seeming as if it were as light as foam. Heldalf leapt back a few feet away from Mikleo so he couldn't reach him, then held Sorey up into the air by his neck as if he were a doll. Mikleo's purple eyes, wide with horror, took in the sight of Sorey's boots kicking at the air beneath him, searching for the floor, and his hands gripping the edge of Heldalf's in an attempt to pry the fingers away from his tender throat. His childhood friend made terrible gagging sounds as he struggled to breathe, his face contorting with pain as their enemy squeezed.

Heldalf laughed cruelly as he increased his grip, causing Sorey's beautiful green eyes to squeeze shut in agony. But what Mikleo couldn't know was that his own face reflected far more agony than that of his loves. And he appeared so pale, his mouth so twisted and his eyes so pained that one would wonder if he wasn't the one being attacked.

"STOP!" he screamed. Fighting against the malevolence that was keeping him pinned down to the bed like a weight, he struggled to rise. But just like in Glaivend Basin, it was as if all of his strength had been sapped from him. Moving was like fighting to stand with an anvil strapped to his back. "STOP!" he cried again, his voice cracking with desperation. "Let him go! Don't hurt him! Please!"

Mikleo struggled to push himself up, but as soon as he pushed his hands against the mattress, he collapsed back down and into it. Heldalf laughed just as wickedly as before.

"You can't see or hear him Shepherd, but your little seraphim lover is screaming and crying and begging me to let you go. Does that cause you the pain I'm trying to convey to you, or shall I do more?"

Without warning, Heldalf released Sorey and he went plummeting to the floor. His body hit the ground with a terrible thud. Mikleo cried out. For a second, it appeared as if Sorey was going to try and rise to fight, but the Malevolence was simply too thick. They were both just as helpless as they had been before in the battlefield. And so, before either could do anything, Heldalf pulled back a boot, and then slammed it forward, kicking Sorey while he was down.

A scream of the likes Mikleo never knew he could produce left his lungs. His hands flew to his pale face which was already so twisted in horror that his family back home wouldn't have recognized him.

"STOP! STOP IT!" And all he could think about in that moment was how Sorey was human, and how he bruised and bled and got injured more easily than seraphim. All he could think about was that time when they'd been children and Sorey had taken a bad tumble down the hill and twisted his ankle. It'd taken him weeks to heal back to full health again and walk without a limp.

Of course, that had been before Mikleo had discovered his healing powers. And since that time, Mikleo had made damned sure that Sorey didn't have to suffer for so long after injuries. But he still got hurt so easily. And he was careless sometimes. And he put himself in danger. Like with this whole shepherd thing. Of course he'd take on such a huge responsibility. Of course he'd take on such a dangerous role! He was Sorey. And he helped people. That's what he was like. So of course, of course he would get hurt. But…this…

"STOP!" Mikleo screamed again as Heldalf kicked Sorey a second time. Like fire, tears raced from his eyes down his face, and he felt like he was going to go crazy. "I'll do anything! Anything! Please! Please stop! Don't hurt him! Don't hurt him!"

But Heldalf kicked Sorey again and the joy on the monster's face was so complete that it let Mikleo know he wasn't going to stop. He was enjoying Sorey's cries too much. And he was enjoying Mikleo's cries too. And Mikleo knew in that moment that Heldalf would continue until Sorey was dead. He'd hurt him, beat him to death, and then he would take Sorey away from him: permanently. And since Sorey was human and mortal, he would never ever come back. It would be forever. His fear of being separated from him would be realized in its most ultimate form. And after that, he'd be alone for all time. He'd never see Sorey's smiling face again. Never see those green eyes glinting in the sun. He'd never explore another ruin with him, never travel the world, never hold his hand or kiss him, or…

"No," Mikleo suddenly said, and he said it in a strange, calm way that didn't fit the situation at all, especially since only a second ago he'd been screaming and crying. His face went slack and the complete whirlpool and craziness of his out of control emotions suddenly settled like an ocean becoming perfectly still before a storm. And then, he felt the changes start to occur within him.

Something shifted, and a dark presence he'd been unaware of until that moment let a single black drop of hatred into a once crystal clear pool of purity. That one drop spread out across the surface of the ocean, causing waves to be born. And before Mikleo even fully understood what was happening, he felt the churning from within. Power started to fill him, but it was a power that didn't feel like it was his own. And it was so overwhelmingly strong that he wasn't even sure he could control it. All the same…he sensed it would allow him to save Sorey. And although he instinctively knew he would be sacrificing himself in order to do so, he hardly cared. He needed the power to break through the Malevolence, and this power building within him…with all its darkness and corruption…would allow him to blend in with his surroundings. And if he was the same as the Malevolence around him then he could get up, move through it, and go to Sorey's side.

That was all that mattered. The power to defeat Heldalf. He hardly cared where that power came from or what it would ultimately do to him. And so, Mikleo accepted it. And in only a few seconds, he decided to allow the malevolence to take him over.

Heldalf watched the transformation, his eyes glowing with triumph.

"Yes!" he cried, his voice roaring with sick satisfaction. "Yes seraphim! Let the blackness in! Let it take over your soul! Feel the truth of this world! See it for what it is! Agonize over the hatred, grief and pain!" He chuckled. "You hate me do you? Then come. Come and save your precious shepherd, if you can!"

Mikleo's body was changing. Purple veins appeared, snaking and throbbing their way over his once beautiful pale skin. The pale blue in his hair faded, and a dark, ugly gray started to take its place. The soft, holy glow he'd always had as a seraphim vanished, and the same dark aura they'd always associated with malevolence before started to exude from his skin. His purple eyes were robbed of their light and instead started to glow the same color as Heldalf's. His ears pinched together at their ends, creating points, and his skull erupted, painfully so with a set of horns. And now that the transformation had started, he couldn't stop it, even though terror was now swirling around with the hatred he'd let in.

Heldalf had stopped abusing Sorey in order to watch the transformation. And as such, it gave Sorey a moment to watch too. Mikleo, no longer invisible to him for the loss of his holy light, was becoming corrupted right before his eyes. Curled on the floor on his side, his hands clutching at his gut where he'd been kicked, Sorey appeared devastated. And when Mikleo looked to him, he was shocked to find Sorey gaping at him, his green eyes huge with horror of the likes he'd never seen before on his handsome face. And it was clear from that one look alone, that Sorey had never been afraid of anything more than this in his entire existence. And Mikleo, seeing that he was afraid of him, felt what was left of his quickly disintegrating heart, twist in his chest.

"Mikleo…" he whispered weakly. "What have you done…"

Still in the process of transforming into a demon, Mikleo got up from out of the bed. He took a single step forward. Lifting a hand, he reached out toward Sorey, with twisted bones and claws that weren't his. Then, opening his mouth he tried to speak to him. But all that came out, was a terrible, grotesque roar.

Mikleo woke up screaming. Or…he'd thought he'd been screaming. But after he sat up, thrashing in bed, fighting against his sheets, he found that no noise came from his throat as he opened and closed his mouth. He was as silent as a still pond.

Lifting a hand, he immediately put it to his throat, feeling choked and as if he were drowning. But when he found his throat as normal as ever, he immediately and in a panic stricken way, ran his hands over his ears, through his hair, and then over his lips. But he found himself, thankfully, normal as always. He had no pointed ears, no horns, and no fangs. Lifting his arms, he looked to those next. But they were as smooth, perfect, and snow-white as always. There were no frightening dark purple veins. And his holy seraphim glimmer was still present. Looking to his hands, he found smooth, rounded fingertips, and the same small palms as before. There were no claws, no twisted bones.

Still gasping for air, he took in a sigh, letting his hands fall down into his lap. For a few seconds there after he woke, he was afraid he'd been corrupted even while in his sleep. But it seemed he was still a seraphim, and being able to feel his usual holy power confirmed it.

Oh my God… came his thoughts. I've never had such a terrifying dream before. And now that he was fully awake and had a moment to think about it, a terrible shudder ran through his body. Even though they were in the desert and it was still hot at night, a chill ran through his body. Normally one who liked the cold, Mikleo found himself shivering. Lifting his hands, he wrapped his arms around himself. Then the leftover fears and emotions from his dream set in on him.

I…I let myself be corrupted, he thought in horror. And Heldalf was…a…and he was hurting Sorey! And Sorey was…so sweet…and I…I wanted…wanted him to…

His thoughts swirled, and his heart was pounding again. He felt the fear and hatred to be sure…but he couldn't forget the beginning of his dream either. The way Sorey had looked at him, and how wonderful it'd felt to hear him say those words to him. And when they'd started to come together physically…

Mikleo felt the same warmth and wonder as before. Still holding himself from the previous shudders, he now held himself a little more tightly from the memory of something so good.

I want that, he suddenly thought. More than anything. And the desire of it, and knowing that in this awoken world he didn't have what he had in his dream, made him feel suddenly and horrifically hollow inside. Although he'd been fighting off a type of loneliness for some time now, it now hit him so hard and fast it nearly took the breath out of him.

Sorey… his insides groaned. And he couldn't forget some of the things he'd just learned in his dream.

Your heart has been aching…hasn't it? Came dream Sorey's voice. And with Sorey having said it, he could no longer deny it. He'd been carefully hiding it away from everyone, including himself for so long that he almost had himself fooled. But now…with Sorey pointing it out so blatantly, there was no longer any way to deny it. His heart was aching. Painfully so. And at the moment of this realization, it hurt so badly that it almost drove away all the fear and horror of the rest of his dream.

His insides groaned yet again, and Mikleo knew at that moment that he had to get out of the inn. He needed to be alone, think things through, try to understand himself better or come up with some sort of plan. He knew he couldn't go on like this. It would kill him. Or worse…he'd become corrupted by malevolence. And he could never ever do that to Sorey. For if he ever did turn…it would be Sorey who would have to deal with him.

And so, being very careful to be as quiet as possible, Mikleo got up and out of bed. Moving over to his clothes pile, he grabbed his white pants. Silently, he pulled them on. Although he knew none of the humans could see him, it still felt indecent to just walk outside without some clothes on. Zipping them up, he moved to his boots. He slipped those on as well. But he didn't bother with his heavy blue cloak. It was a hot night and he already felt suffocated. He had on his black undershirt and that would be enough for a walk alone outside.

Once dressed, he glimpsed the other three beds to his side, just to make sure no one else had woken up or witnessed any part of his nightmare. Thankfully, Edna, Zaveid, and Lailah all appeared as if they were still asleep. But he didn't stare at them for long. Instead, he turned to look the other way and to the other bed beside him.

There laid Sorey. He was fast asleep. He was sprawled out on top of his mattress, his chest facing the tent's ceiling but his head turned to the side. His mouth was wide open as he breathed deeply, and a little bit of drool was dribbling out the corner and onto his pillow. He looked so relaxed and so goofy and carefree in that moment, that even as upset as Mikleo was, he had to smile at least a little.

"Doofus…" he whispered in the dark. He stared at him, fondly and affectionately for several long seconds, taking in the sight of his wonderful, innocent, naive face. And as he stared at him, he felt his heart starting to swell all over again as it had in his dream. His love for him was becoming so powerful that it was causing the very ache that they'd spoken about in his nightmare. And Mikleo was at a point where he was no longer able to stop it.

And so, he stepped over to the side of the shepherd's bed. Seeing him without a scratch on him, and seeing him happy and ok made him feel a lot better. And for just a moment, a moment where no one was watching; he wanted to allow himself to stare at the person he loved so deeply. He didn't want to hide his feelings. He didn't want to pretend that they were less than what they were. And so, he kept his amethyst eyes on him, even though the longer he stared the worse that ache in his chest became. He wanted to feel it.

"You're beautiful too you know," he whispered to him. "And you're right, I don't want to wait any longer. I can't wait any longer." His voice tightened. "But I've tried to tell you so many times, and I keep failing. So please…please…can't you tell me first?"

He stared at his sweet, sleeping face, and as he did, he let a moment pass in silence almost as if he were expecting an answer. But of course, none came. He let out a heavy sigh, his lilac eyes shifting to the side.

"That's too much to expect from you. You are a doofus after all…" Mikleo looked back to his sleeping love. "I'll…try again tomorrow. I'll do my best by you. I'll try as many times as it takes. OK?" He looked to Sorey's sleeping form, but of course, he didn't answer this time either.

Mikleo leaned in over him. Lifting a hand, it looked like he was about to brush his fingers through his hair, but he hesitated, and then stopped. Letting his arm fall back to his side, he then turned and walked away. Pain etched on his face, he moved down the long tent, past all of his sleeping companions, and to the tent door. Once there, he stepped out from its flap and into the sleeping Lowgrin night.

((So proud of myself on this one! Hope you guys felt the heart ache as much as I did!))