Chapter Seventy One

Bella

I woke feeling sick and exhausted and the horrible images I had dreamed were still there just waiting to break through, I could feel it. This was my punishment for losing Aggie, for being taken from him, and from home. I had almost allowed myself to feel I was safe, I was loved, but this was just a trick he had set up to test my loyalty to him. If I allowed myself to relax, to feel I deserved such kindness he would know, he would be angry and he would punish me. I could feel the belt across my shoulders, his fist and feet hitting my body as I cowered trying to protect myself, the stinging pain of his palm across my face.

I had to be a good girl and stay loyal to my family, to him and Aggie, Kat too. If I were being tested was she too? Had he set a trap for both of us and would we both die if we failed? A flash of a vision, Sophie lay dead on the floor of the cellar covered in blood. There were other pictures too, even more horrific but I struggled to keep them hidden, I couldn't cope with anything else without losing my mind and if I did that he would certainly kill me.

I wanted to be good, to be worthy of love, of the kind of treatment I was receiving now but this was a trap, if I allowed myself to relax, to accept these kindnesses then he would know and I would never be allowed to have them or his love.

If I could just become worthy then perhaps he would find it in his heart to forgive me, to allow me to leave the cellar to live in the house, in the warmth and light, like this place, this trap. This man must be his friend, I was being tested and I had to pass, if I didn't then I was lost and I would never deserve any kindness and comfort, any love.

Jasper

I knew Bella was awake, her emotions were in turmoil once more but this time she was feeling only fear, suspicion, and guilt. I had hoped I might get through to her at last but no, she had in fact retreated further if anything and my task was now even more difficult but I had the time and the patience, I loved her and I would never give up.

Suddenly she opened her eyes and scrambled from my lap onto the floor backing away until her back was against the wall.

"I don't deserve this, any of it I'm a wicked girl and I should be punished, you have to take me back. I have to go back, I need to learn to be a good girl and then I can earn all this. I know I'm a wicked girl sir, please give me a second chance, I want to earn your love."

I moved towards her but she lowered her head and put her arms over it shaking and begging me not to touch her.

"You can't be kind to me, I'm wicked I have to earn love, earn nice things, and be obedient."

That stopped me in my tracks.

Seeing that all I would accomplish by continuing my move would be to scare her and distress her more I moved back and sat watching as she wrung her hands muttering to herself, the words meant nothing coherent, they were the outpourings of a soul in torment but all I could do was to listen. She worried her lip and pulled at a loose thread on the dressing gown she was now wearing then suddenly as if realizing what she was doing she stopped, her eyes wide with fear.

She jumped up and took it off hurriedly folding it neatly and putting it beside her looking round for something else to wear. I ran through to the bedroom and came back with some old sweats she had left here and handed them to her. She thanked me very quietly and pulled them on before looking at the dressing gown.

"I'm so sorry, I think I may have ruined it, please forgive me, I told you it was far too good for me. I'm not good enough to have nice things."

She lifted her head up as if addressing someone else, him I suspected,

"I'm sorry sir, I know I shouldn't have taken it but I realized. I'm getting better see, I realized without being told or beaten. That's good isn't it?"

Bella

I had to make him see that I was getting better, I understood how wicked I was and how much I wanted to be good, to earn nice things, to earn his love but there was no reply, just his friend waiting and watching, trying to catch me out. How he made me think I knew him, knew this place, I didn't know but I could not afford to be tricked again, I didn't want to be beaten.

I thought hard about what I'd done, I'd eaten the food he gave me, was that wrong? I didn't know. I had a bath, was that wrong? Maybe not the bath itself although it wasted so much precious water and that was a sin as far as he was concerned but then I remembered in horror the dirt, the scum I had left in there, the wet and dirty towels and I knew he had caught me in a sin and when he came back for me I would be beaten.

We always had to clean up after ourselves, if we bled we had to clean it up with rags from the pile. If we vomited after being beaten we had to clean it up and I had left a terrible mess in that pristine bathroom, I had shown him that I hadn't learned my lesson.

I got up and ran through looking around for cloths as I saw the dark scummy ring where the water had reached, the dirt laying in the bottom, stranded when the water had gone down the plug hole. Finding nothing but some clean towels which I dare not use I pulled off my sweat pants and began to rub at the dirt using the spray he had washed my hair with to help move the mess into the bottom so I could wash it away. It was moving but very slowly and I began to worry I would never be able to clean it and the proof of my shame would still be there when he arrived to check.

"Bella what are you doing? Let me, its not important, it will come clean easily enough."

I turned to look at the stranger through tear dimmed eyes and shook my head still scrubbing at the scum ring,

"I have to do this, I have to get it clean before he comes. I have to."

I turned back and then felt his hand on my arm stopping me,

"Enough Bella, its fine, let me. No one is coming to check on you, he's not coming back ever I promise you."

I shook my head rapidly in denial,

"Yes he is, you can't fool me, I know this is a trap, a trick and I don't want to fail. I'm a good girl and good girls clean up their mess. I have to do this."

He tried to pull me back but the churning in my stomach, the fear of reprisals made me sick and I vomited on the floor between my legs. Seeing more mess to clear up I panicked, my tears coming faster and hotter now as I ripped off my sweater and used it to wipe up the pile of vomit crying so much I was hiccuping and terrified I might be sick again or he might walk in and start to scream at me. I ran the water in the bath scrubbing rapidly until the scum started to move but then I heard a noise, he was here, it was too late. I scurried into the corner and huddled praying that my beating would soon be over and I could start again. He had to give me another chance, he just had to,

"I can be a good girl, I can be a good girl."

I found myself saying it over and over again as my whole body shook so violently that my teeth chattered.