The return to the monastery was burdened by the sacks of zattre and tension. Lorot stared out at the horizon while Danek kept his head downward, each claiming a separate domain to contemplate along the way. Juliette let them be, her attention alternating between the sunset and the slowly cooling rocks, rubbing the brooch within her pocket with her thumb.

The last sliver of twilight faded as they entered the courtyard but this time, capsules of light embedded in the walls cast a flickering, blue-white illumination over the stubborn sand drifts that clung to the walls and the disassembled blower that threw sharp, brooding shadows against the wall. Even in pieces, Juliette thought it looked menacing, though not as foreboding as T'Sana and Syvok when they emerged from the doorway they were about to enter.

"You are considerably late," T'Sana said directly to Danek and Juliette, "We were about to send out others to look for you." Juliette felt no relief from her or her words.

Danek replied with a shallow bow to the other initiates. "We didn't mean to cause concern, Syvok. We were detained-"

"You were out a long time - alone," T'Sana said with a pointed look toward Juliette.

Juliette fumbled over the mix of words and suspicion in her mind until the meaning became obvious: Skipping out of work was inappropriate, but what they were alluding to was something else entirely. She forced herself to appear calm and hoped any red in her cheeks would be taken for the heat of the day. "Danek was not improper."

"We have complete faith in Danek's character," Syvok said.

Juliette forced herself to laugh and was pleased with the dismay she felt from Syvok. Amusement was not the response he was expecting. "You think I would be inappropriate with him? Vulcans do think quite highly of yourselves."

"Our thoughts of ourselves are not at issue, " T'Sana said. "Betazoids have-" she stopped.

"Have what?" Juliette asked, and felt the ripple of T'Sana's sudden discomfort. She knew that answer but liked making the Vulcan squirm.

"A certain reputation."

Juliette tilted her slightly toward T'Sana, her feigned innocence obvious. "And what reputation would that be?"

"They are overly interested in the opposite-" her voice trailed off under Juliette's direct stare. "You are too young to understand-"

"Men? Intimacy? I know how that all works, Initiate T'Sana. Perhaps I could draw you a picture, or find you an educational holo-" She reveled in the feeling of T'Sana flailing at the topic.

"That's hardly necessary-"

"You seemed to think it very necessary just a moment ago. Let me be clear. I'm not interested in any of that, and even if I was, what makes you think that I would be attracted to any one of a lot of grubby, sand-faced -"

"What she means to say," Lorot said loud enough to silence everyone, "is that they finished gathering the zattre, and returned to check on the house. They arrived before noon, and we got so busy with packages from Betazed that we lost track of the time. The fault is mine."

The initiates' eyes went to Lorot, whose presence had been forgotten in their rush to judgment. Juliette looked down to hide her own surprise. Lorot hadn't been there when they had been home for several hours. Why was he lying? To protect Danek?

"We were mistaken," Syvok said.

"You most certainly were," Lorot said, without a hint of graciousness. "I suggest you be grateful the novice and Initiate were unharmed and have been successful in acquiring zattre."

"We are, of course," T'Sana said, looking everywhere but at Juliette, who kept her rage behind a pleasant smile.

Lorot said, "I also suggest that if you have any questions about Betazoid physiology, you consult with her yourself in more suitable surroundings. I will be speaking to Master Surot about the shamefulness of this display."

The initiates, Danek included, bowed low to Lorot. "I shall take the zattre to the kitchen," Syvok said.

Juliette handed over her satchel without a glance in his direction and hoped it would start leaking again. T'Sana walked as though Juliette's following her was a coincidence and glided passed Juliette's cell.

"You are supposed to be in your cell, novice," she said.

Juliette bit back a retort but glared down the hallway when she realized the words were not for her. At the entrance to her cell, T'Mar gazed down the hallway, looking through the approaching Initiate directly at Juliette, and continued to stare long after T'Sana strode by and retreated to the shadows of her own cell. Juliette could only stare back at that small, disapproving frown until T'Mar too, drifted away.

#

Juliette could barely focus on morning meditation, and when the chimes were rung, She was among the first of the novices to the doorway.

"Juliette Sri." Master Surot's call caught her before she was free.

She adopted a guise of serenity and hoped that the events of last night were not on his mind. He remained seated meditative pose, unmoved by the ringing chimes. "Yes, Master Surot?

"You were very unfocused in meditation."

"I shall work harder tomorrow. I was distracted."

"I'm sure the gloves cause some discomfort."

Juliette flexed her hands that sweltered within the thick bulk of the gardening gloves. "I will get used to them, Master."

"Are you seeking to avoid a lizard bite or Calthesis thorn while you meditate?"

Juliette couldn't help but laugh and wrung her hands. "I hope to avoid accidentally touching someone."

Master Surot studied the gloves as if noticing Juliette for the first time. "That is thoughtful. Get some medical gloves from P'mera. They are lighter and cooler. Let her know I asked you to do so."

Juliette nodded and after a pause said, "If there is nothing more-"

"Sit, Novice Sri."

Juliette shuffled back to her place on the mat and knelt, and looked down with glum resignation.

"I am keeping you from something important?"

"I am eager to get started on my project."

"The holographic projector."

"Yes, Master."

"Initiate Pilkyu has gone to great length in his attempts to change my mind about this project of yours. His lengthy list of concerns portends everything from mild inconvenience to the destruction of the entire monastery."

"I shall make every attempt not to inconvenience anyone."

"What about the destruction of the monastery?"

"I shall endeavor to avoid that too, Master," Juliette smiled to herself. For some reason, the Vulcans didn't seem to mind the word 'endeavor' as much as the word 'try'.

"See that you do so. I have faith in you, and even more faith in your father's graduate students that he has pledged to assist you. As such, I am expanding your task. No one knows the computer system here like Initiate Pilkyu, and while his knowledge is impressive, he has been so busy keeping everything running that he has not had time to document for his replacement, should he choose to walk the path of Kolinahr."

"Yes, Master."

"I wish you to document what you learn, and to ask questions where appropriate. Bear in mind, Initiate Pilkyu will hold you suspect for every flicker in the lights, whether you are responsible or not. You must proceed with diligence and caution. But I must ask you, Why such an ambitious project?"

Because my parents have a plan. "Because I want to see my family."

"You already see them. Almost daily. Their concern when you did not call in at the appropriate time last night was substantial."

"I will contact them right away. If I can help improve the project, I would see them better, and they would feel like people."

"And so you wish to improve the holo-projector to be closer to them."

"Yes, right-"

"With improvements, I'm sure they will sound, feel, even smell like they are truly there. But will not the empathic component remain absent?"

"That is true."

"Then you should not let your eagerness distract you from your chance for actually being able to return to Betazed with your abilities intact. Only then, will your family be as real to you as you want them to be. Your most important project, Juliette Sri, is yourself."

Juliette nodded but looked down.

"Did Danek tell you where zattre comes from?"

Juliette took a moment to absorb the question. She never knew what he was going to ask next. She grimaced. "The Kli'mari throw up Dornyal pulp."

Surot arched a brow. "Not exactly the phrasing I expected, but accurate enough. Did he explain why?" Surot studied Juliette a moment, then shrugged. "I suspect not. The pulp of the Dornyal is poisonous to many creatures, including the Kli'mari, however, they need zattre, so they take only a little pulp each, and do not hold it very long. In time, the digestive enzymes of the Kli'mari break down the poison, which contributes to the flavor of zattre."

At Juliette's vague nod he added, "You do not understand why I am telling you this."

She shrugged. "I'm sorry, I do not."

"Vulcans treat emotion as the Kli'mari treat Dornyal pulp."

"They throw up emotions?"

"Do not be so literal. It is poisonous, experienced in small amounts, and released quickly. When you talk to a Vulcan about what they are feeling, the may become offended because you question their ability to control themselves."

"But isn't that-"

"An emotion? Most certainly, but pointing that out will not aid you interacting with most Vulcans. Consider, Novice Sri, a Vulcan as emotional as yourself would be seen as dangerous to themselves and those around them. Even if you are not Vulcan, for those who do not see such displays often, it is disconcerting. Even logic cannot change perception overnight."

"But I am changing their perceptions - just not for the better. I didn't know that going with Danek to get zattre was breaking any rules."

"You mean being improper."

Her anger flared. "We were not."

"Danek decided to be improper when he chose to go with you unescorted."

"But-"

"But, he did so because you were instructed to gather zattre and no one else would go with you. Had you gone alone, as you would have probably stubbornly done, in the best case you would have returned without zattre and several Kli'mari bites. At worst, you would have not returned at all. He chose to be improper because it was the only alternative."

"I do not want Danek to be shunned."

"Danek and his family have respect of the community despite being - unusual. Have faith that our world is based on logic and facts, and that Danek in his family are resourceful enough to manage those moments that occur as others determine the difference between 'proper' and 'decent.' But I did not ask about the Kli'mari and the Dornyal to discuss village politics. The relationship has a direct bearing on you, Juliette Sri."

"Because the emotions and thoughts are poisonous to me, as well."

"Just so. Your ability to meditate has matured enough that you can begin the process of shaping yourself, similar to the way of Kolinahr."

Juliette looked down into her lap and picked at the fingers of her gloves.

"And your doubts return," Surot said.

Juliette nodded, unsure of her voice.

"Why does this distress you so?"

Juliette took a deep breath before speaking. "Master Surot, last week, during the sandstorm, those that followed the Way of the Kolinahr were in the lower levels."

"Yes, I recall. The filters on the upper levels had given out, and the air had become filled with dust."

"While they were eating in the dining area I observed them."

"Telepathically?"

Juliette nodded.

"You were warned against doing so. However, if you were going to do it, The Masters-"

"There was nothing there!"

"Explain."

"They didn't even feel like people. There was something, but it wasn't like a hologram - it was worse. There was thought, but no presence." She clasped her hands together to hide their trembling.

"Juliette, calm yourself. You will never be a Kolinahr Master, but the control that one must achieve along the way may help you. Without that ability the only safe place for you may be places like this monastery."

She forced her breathing to steady and nodded. "I will tr-endeavor to do so," she said. But she would never be like them - mechanical and soulless. Never.

#

Before she could do anything with the holo-projector, she had to call home. Pilkyu was already in the projector room, hunched over a console but instead of leaving for her to make her call in private, he continued working as and responded only the second time she cleared her throat, finally glancing up to regard her with eyes that seemed too far apart.

"You may use that other console on the other side of the room. I am engaged in core-logic analysis, so do not disturb me." He returned to the console before Juliette could respond.

A portion of the panel had been reconfigured just for her; one button to connect, the other to disconnect. She pressed the first. The projector rings in the floor and ceiling hummed as an image coalesced between them, and then dissipated, the light fading as a button on the console flickered with red script that she did not recognize.

She pressed the disconnect, and the hum stopped while the console returned to normal. A glance toward Pilkyu, who conspicuously ignored the holo projector, made it clear to her he would be no help. She tried again, and this time, the image stayed though the colors were faded. On the table behind Mother and Lars, the silver bowl had been replaced by her velvet creeper - bright and lush even in the washed-out colors of the hologram.

Mother looked toward the plant and then to Juliette's hair. "Scion," she said, "I see you have already put your present to good use."

"Yes, Matron," Juliette said. "I have to stay quiet so that I do not disturb Initiate Pilkyu's work." She hoped they picked up on her meaning: I am not alone in the projection room. She paused with a frown. And why was he, if nothing that went through the projector could be trusted? Couldn't they simply play back the entire exchange between her and her family later?

"Your mother and I were very worried when we did not hear from you last night," Lars said.

"I was busy convincing my gift box to stop singing."

Her mother crossed her arms and looked down her nose toward Juliette. "Was that an error with the projector, or did my daughter, the Third Scion of House Sri, just roll her eyes?"

Juliette's gaze shot to the floor. "Most assuredly a glitch, Matron. I am very grateful for my presents."

"Then the sooner you get started on that projector, the better. My daughter has trouble enough keeping a pleasant expression without the help of faulty holograms."

"I'll be starting right away."

Lars smiled and nodded. "Very good. You should be able to send the results of a level one diagnostic though our regular calls. Even systems this old had self-diagnostics, though it might not be called a level one. I wish I could give you more, but without any diagnostics, I don't know what to say."

"Yes, Papa."

Lars smiled at Juliette. "You wouldn't believe how much interest on Betazed there is on working on ancient Vulcan technology. If I was asking about last year's model of holo-emitter, everyone has House obligations, but when its a few hundred years old, then the whole Pentahectad wants to lend a hand."

"Does that mean they know I'm here?" Juliette's gaze darted to where Pilkyu was working. She could not see him through the projected light, but the steady ticking sound he made pressing buttons had stopped.

Both her parents nodded, just a little before her father spoke. "No, and we must keep it that way."