Deeks mentally ran through a list of places he knew to which Kensi might have fled: her apartment, his apartment, Pendleton, any of the hundred or so beaches along the California cost. There were too many possibilities and not enough daylight left to narrow them down. So, sitting in the Mission parking lot, engine running, he called Eric.

"Hey Deeks, I thought you left already." The tech answered.

"I have. I need you to do me a favour."

"Sure, what's up." Deeks could picture the tech poising his fingers over the keyboard.

"I need you to get me a location on Kensi's phone."

"Uh, sure. Is Kensi okay?" The click-clack of the keyboard could be heard in the background.

"She's fine. She's just not answering her phone and I'm not sure where she is."

"Should I tell Hetty? Is she missing? Do you need back up?"

"No!" Deeks replied hastily. "No. It's fine. She's fine." He hoped. "Just give me her location. Please." He added as an after thought.

"Uh, sure. Well her phone is on. Do you want me to send you the location?"

"That'd be great. Thanks Eric."

"Deeks?" He called before the detective could end the call.

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure everything's alright?"

"I'll let you know tomorrow." He sighed, disconnecting the call and checking the text message he'd just received.

He was hit with deja vu as he pulled up in front of the house and made his way up the path to the white wooden time, instead of feeling awkward and nervous he just felt sad and concerned. He rang the doorbell and waited. The SRX was in the driveway and he'd seen her phone abandoned on the passenger seat when he'd peered into the window as he walked past. It had been three hours since she left the hospital. Technically she could've taken a cab and could be anywhere by now but Deeks hoped that, given their relationship, she wouldn't completely take off without at least texting him.

He pushed the bell again and when he heard no movement inside he crouched in front of the lock, pulling out his lock-picking kit from his back pocket.

"Kensi?" His voice echoed through the house and almost convinced him it was empty until he saw her shoes by the door. "Kens?" He called louder this time, making his way up the stairs.

He peered in the each door along the hall way until he found her. Curled into a ball around a pillow, Kensi was asleep in the middle of her mother's king bed. His heart broke in two, both for the parental figure he'd just lost and for the strong and capable woman who looked so vulnerable and child-like as she slept.

He sat at her hip and gently reached his hand up to her hair, running his fingers through her dark tendrils.

"Kens, babe?" He whispered softly. Kensi turned her face out of the pillow towards him, her closed eyes were red and puffy and the absence of the eyeliner she put on that morning testified to the amount of tears she'd already cried today.

"Deeks?" She blinked her eyes open, disorientated. "What…"

He could see the moment it all came rushing back to her and it made his stomach knot in grief. She scrunched her eyes shut and curled further in on herself even as her hand reached out and scrunched the front of his shirt into a tight fist.

"I'm so sorry Kensi. I'm so, so sorry." He soothed, rubbing her back as she tried to pull herself together. He felt the hand twisted in her shirt tug at him, willing him closer. Swinging his legs up onto the bed, he leaned against the headboard as Kensi practically crawled into his lap, burying her head into his chest like a scared child while he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

Deeks waited her out, allowing her to wage the war with her emotions until he felt her take a few deep but shaky breaths.

"Why didn't you call me?" He murmured the question into her hair and felt her shrug against him in response. "You didn't have to do this alone."

She shrugged again, this time raising her head from his chest. She leaned her forehead against his temple and spoke just above a whisper.

"I know. But I kind of did."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She relaxed further into him and didn't reply. Deeks continued to run his hands over her back and side, trying to sooth her with his touch. After a few minutes of silence he felt her pull away and stand up. She stretched out a hand to him and tugged him from the bed. Kensi led him down the stairs to the living room.

He recalled being here not three weeks ago, sipping a beer while resting a hand on Kensi's knee as she and Julia reminisced about moments from her childhood. Today though, Kensi sat in the corner of the couch while Deeks sat in the middle, close but not quite touching, giving her some space, and the arm chair across from them was empty.

"An SUV hit her car this morning." Her gaze was focused on an indeterminate point on the wall and her voice was detached. "Her convertible flipped and rolled a few times and she got pretty banged up. She hit her head and broke some bones…" Kensi paused and stood, beginning to pace in the small space between the couch and the coffee table as she recounted.

"She flatlined in the ambulance on the way to the hospital and the doctors… the doctors did all they could but after she got out of surgery she was brain dead." Her voice wavered as the emotions started to penetrate her previously cold exterior. "I had to sign to have them turn off the life support." She all but whispered.

Deeks moved to stand, to offer her comfort, but she put her hand up to stop him. If he touched her, if she stopped moving, if she thought too hard about it, the words coming out of her mouth would stop being cold facts. They'd tear her apart again.

Venturing over to a cabinet she pulled out a framed photo. She started at it a moment and then handed the frame to Deeks. The picture was of Kensi, about eleven years old, decked out in snow gear, holding a pair of red skis beside her, smiling widely for the camera.

"Did we ever tell you about our ski trip to Canada?"

"I don't think you did." He was running his thumb over the face of the care-free little girl who had yet to feel the pain of loss.

Kensi sat next to him again, close enough that their shoulders brushed.

"This photo was taken a few minutes before I slipped on some ice and broke my nose." Kensi laughed at the memory and Deeks grinned with her.

"I knew that wasn't your real nose." He ribbed with a mischievous grin. The teasing had the desired effect and a smile over took her face as she playfully nudged him with her shoulder, effectively leaning into him.

"Hey. Not nice."

"Sorry." He didn't look it though.

"Do you want to hear the story or not?"

"I do. Please, continue." He looped his arm through hers, pulling her further into his side.

"We went to the on-site doctor and they got me fixed up but my eyes started to bruise and it really hurt. I still wanted to go skiing."

"Of course you did." Deeks mumbled under his breath, squeezing her shoulders.

"Shhh. Anyway, I still wanted to go skiing but I couldn't get the eye mask on and the force of the cold air hitting my face gave me a migraine. So we still had this cabin for two more nights and Mom decides we're going to make the most of this trip. She pulls every blanket off every bed and we start building this huge fort in the middle of the living room while Dad's out getting dinner. He gets back and I swear all he can see is a sea of blankets. He can't even walk around them to get to the kitchen so he crawls in and I just remember falling asleep between the two of them really late after a movie marathon. Dad left for an 5 month deployment a few weeks later." She rested her head heavily on his shoulder, her voice turning solemn. "I just got her back Deeks."

"I know Kens, I know."

"I feel like I'm fifteen again. Like the rug's been pulled from under my feet. This is how it started. I lost my mom then I lost my dad and then a few years later I lost Jack." She gripped his shirt in her hands, holding tightly to him, lest he slip away as a few stray tears made tracks on her cheeks. "It hurts. God. I'm supposed to protect the people I love, not kill them."

Deeks sat upright at that, pulling her with him so she was facing him. He crooked his forefinger under her chin to pull her eyes to his.

"Hey, no. That's not what happened here. Some idiot wasn't watching the road. None of this is even remotely your fault Kensi."

"But it was. I was the one who turned off the life support. I was the one who made that choice. What if I made the wrong choice? What if she could've recovered Deeks? God, I didn't even give her a chance, I just told them to turn it off and left her there."

"Kensi no. Her chances of waking up, of making a full recovery, they were slim to none Kens. You did the right thing."

"You can't know that."

Deeks sighed. He knew there was little he could say to argue with her point.

"You need to stop blaming yourself, Kens. The world doesn't rest solely on your shoulders.

Kensi examined his face but nodded, looking thoroughly unconvinced.

"Trust me."

"I do." She sighed. She took his hand and twined their fingers together. It gave her a focus point as she gathered the nerve to ask her next question.

"Will you help me plan the service?"

"Of course. Absolutely. Whatever you need. Say the word and it's done." He squeezed her hand. "Partners."

"More than partners."

"So much more than partners." He agreed, dropping her hand to wrap his arm around her and pull her back into him. "What do you need from me right now Kens?"

"Take me home Marty." She requested. They stood together and Deeks stopped her from moving away with a gentle hand on her hip. He bent down and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.

"We'll swing by my apartment and fed Monty and then we can head back to yours."

Kensi shook her head, trying to communicate phrases she couldn't find with her eyes.

"Take me home." She reiterated, palms coming to rest against his chest.

Something loosened in his shoulders and there was a sparkle in his eye.

"Sure thing Princess." He leaned forward for another sweet kiss before taking her hand and leading her out of her mother's house.

The funeral service was small, intimate. Her team came to lend their support and other than the small group from the Office of Special Projects there were only a few of her mother's close friends. She decided not to write a eulogy, the only things that could have been said in it too personal, too guilt ridden for her to voice out loud to a group of strangers.

Deeks was by her side the entire time, his hand in hers or his arm around her shoulder or his fingers grazing along the small of her back, constant contact. When the minister had finished saying his part and the rest of the guests began to depart the cemetery her team took turns hugging her. Words of condolence were whispered in her ear as Sam wrapped his arms tightly around her. Callen offered to help in whatever way he could. Hetty gave her and Deeks the next two days off. Nell simply squeezed her tight and Eric hugged her awkwardly.

"Do you want some space? I can go wait in the car?" Deeks offered as the rest of their friends departed.

Kensi grabbed his hand and clung to him like a life line, shaking her head adamantly.

"No. Don't." Her voice was small and broken, the same as it had been for the better part of the last week.

"Okay, hey. I'm not going anywhere." He assured her, pulling her into his chest and stroking her hair with his hand. "I've got you."

"Take me somewhere Marty." She whispered, tilting her head up so she spoke the words against his jaw.

"Where?"

"Anywhere."

Deeks placed a long kiss to her hairline before pulling back from the embrace and leading her by the hand to the car.

He drove them along the coast turning around and heading home only after she fell asleep in the passenger seat.

It took them close to a month of going to Julia's house almost every night after work to pack everything away. There was a sizeable amount of possessions going to the thrift store and an even bigger pile of things Kensi couldn't bring herself to part with that went into a storage unit. There were six boxes that weren't put in storage that Kensi had decided to bring back to Deeks', not that there was much room for more of her things in his small apartment.

She was unpacking a box in the bedroom when she found it. At the bottom of the jewellery box that held so many pieces she knew were gifts from her dad to her mother, an envelope with the words For Marty in her mother's elegant script. She held it in her hand, running her finger across the ink and feeling what she knew to be a ring inside. The ring she had yet to find in the rest of her mother's possessions. The ring her father had proposed to her mom with almost 4 decades ago. Her heart skipped a beat or two in her chest.

"Deeks?" She called out into the apartment to no response. "Marty?" She called again, louder this time. She heard shuffling then his heavy footfalls as he made his way from the living room to the bedroom.

"Hey, everything okay?" He asked as he reached the doorway.

She nodded and felt tears sting the back of her eyes but she refused to cry again. Instead she held the envelope out to her boyfriend.

"What's this?" He asked, taking it from her and examining it himself.

"It's for you. I found it with Mom's things." She shrugged.

"What do you mean it's for me?"

"It has your name on it." She replied simply.

"Okay." He turned the envelope over and began to pull the flap open.

"Wait, no. Not here. Don't open it here." Her eyes went wide.

"Why not?"

"Go for a walk. Take Monty to the beach. Just… not here."

He looked at her with curiosity and concern.

"Do you know what's in here?"

Kensi shrugged. "I have an idea…"

Deeks assessed her for a moment, taking in her pleading eyes before nodding.

He took two steps forward so he was standing between her legs which were hanging off the side of the bed.

"Okay. Monty and I are going for a walk then." He raised his hand to press it to her cheek. "Are you okay?"

Kensi nodded, mustering up a smile and placing her own hand over his and squeezing. Deeks leaned down and placed a kiss to her forehead.

"We'll be back soon."

He tugged an unwilling Monty along the waterfront before giving up and falling to the sand, his lazy dog curling up beside him. He pulled out the envelope and before he could torture himself about what was obviously some kind of a ring inside, he tore it open, tipping it upside down so that a note and a diamond engagement ring fell into his palm.

For when she's ready.

That was all the note said.

He flashed to a conversation he'd had with Julia a few weeks beforehand.

"So, you and Kensi have been partners for a while now." Julia started as soon as Kensi left the room to visit the restroom.

Deeks nodded. "Just over five years."

"And you've been dating for how long now?" She asked, a slightly conspiratory look on her face.

"About a year." He replied.

"So when are you going to make an honest woman out of my daughter?" There was a twinkle in her eye.

"As soon as she'll let me." Deeks huffed a laugh, only half joking.

Julia smiled at him and opened her mouth to say something else just as they heard Kensi's footfalls approaching again.

"She'll be ready eventually."

"I'll be ready for what?" Kensi asked as she re-entered the room.

"Dessert." Deeks interjected before Julia could reply.

"I'm always ready for dessert. You should know that by now." She grinned as she sat back down next to him, patting his thigh with her palm.

He fingered the ring, slipping it over his thumb to examine the white gold band and the medium sized diamond. Sucking in a deep breath he closed his eyes before exhaling again.

"Come on Monty, let's go home." He stood, slipped the ring into his wallet for safe keeping and lead the dog back to the car.

Kensi heard his return almost an hour after he'd left with the envelope. He padded down the hall and joined her in the bedroom where she had just finished putting away the last of the knick knacks from the box.

"You open it?" She asked, leaning back on her palms on the bed.

"Yup." He popped the 'p' as he came to join her.

"And?"

"And, it was probably what you thought." He told her honestly.

She felt her heart skip a beat and she turned to face him.

"So…"

"So."

"Was there a note?" Kensi asked.

"There was."

"And it said…" She tried to coax. Deeks grinned at her, refusing to give anything away.

"Your mom and I, we're on the same page." He replied vaguely.

"What does that even mean?" Kensi sat forward and turned to face him. She was starting to get frustrated.

"Do you trust me?"

"Deeks…"

"Do you trust me?" He repeated.

"Of course."

"Then trust that one day I'll tell you what was in the note."

Kensi considered him for a moment, cocking her head to the side, assessing. Finally she nodded, shuffling over on the bed so she could rest her head on his shoulder. His arm came around her waist automatically.

"Don't make me wait too long." She whispered after a few moments silence, her words barely there.

The hand not around her waist came up and brushed back her hair from her forehead.

"I won't. I'm not going anywhere Princess. I'm staying right here with you as long as you'll have me." He pressed the words into her skin with gentle kisses.

"Good."

A/N: It's a little bit choppy and the ending isn't quite perfect but it is what it is. Thanks for your patience in waiting for an update. For those of you not on Tumblr, shortly after I started this fic, while I was still overseas, my dad got diagnosed with cancer and some of the stuff in here hit too close to home for me to write about. He's doing well and has his last does of Chemo at the end of the month for anyone interested/concerned.

I hope you enjoyed the ending and it was at least partly worth the wait.