Chapter Eighty

Bella

I felt more relaxed when they left than I had since Jasper saved me from the horrors of the cellar. I had liked his sister, she seemed to understand how I felt and that was a relief. There was something odd about them all though, both Rose and Peter his friend. They all had the pale skin and cold touch and although I understood his sister carrying the same genetic flaw to find his friend did too was strange. There was also the odd way they spoke, as if they were much older than they looked but that was impossible. Maybe I was seeing Monsters everywhere I looked.

I sat and managed to speak about what had happened with Jasper for the first time, not in detail but I was able to tell him how the man had tricked us into stopping and then looking up and seeing the blood and Phil laying in the road. I was shaking by this time but desperate to continue even though Jazz told me it didn't matter. Of course it did, if I couldn't tell him what had happened how could I ever get over it? I found myself unable to talk about Renee as my mind began to scream and skipped ahead to meeting Kat and the way we were treated, the stale food he scavenged from bins, the water that was rationed and the chains, the cold and the silence.

Jasper

I was relieved Bella was finally talking to me about what had happened to her and despite Kat's reassurances that Mendoza hadn't raped Bella I needed to hear it from her own mouth to settle my mind. She skipped over all that had happened to Renee and I knew that was the most painful, the memories she couldn't yet face.

The more I heard the more angry I became until I realized I was projecting as Bella dissolved into tears once more. I held her until she stopped crying and I noticed her looking at the cell phone Rose had left.

Bella

I really wanted to speak to Rose but I was afraid if I rang she would be too busy or angry I was wasting her time but of course Jazz noticed.

"Why don't you ring, Rose will be pleased to hear from you."

I looked at him unsure of myself then lifted it and hit speed dial. When she answered I was tempted to apologize and disconnect but of course she knew who it was,

"Bella? It's lovely to hear from you. Are you OK? I guess that's a silly question really, you wouldn't be ringing me if you were OK. Shall I come over?"

i cleared my throat panicking I was causing a nuisance especially as she had Skye to look after.

"No, its OK, I was just…...I…..it doesn't matter Rose I'm sorry to disturb you."

"I'll be there in a little while Bella, just hang on."

Fifteen minutes later she was there at the door all smiles and came to me wrapping her arm around my shoulders and telling Jasper we would be fine if he needed to go out for a couple of hours. There seemed to be a message I didn't get in her words but I had noticed he was looking unwell with the dark circles under his eyes, eyes that were a black as night.

"Would you be OK with Rose for a little while Bella?"

I nodded and was surprised to find that I meant it. Once he had gone she led me to the couch and we sat down together.

"You have such beautiful hair Bella, would you like me to try getting some of the tangles out as we talk?"

I nodded, not because I cared about my hair, I hadn't really given it much thought but because it was easier to talk if Rose wasn't watching me.

As she began brushing my hair very gently I took a deep breath,

"I think I'm going mad Rose."

She laughed, a tinkling sound that wasn't derisory,

"What makes you think that?"

"Every time I think I'm beginning to feel better I begin to think about Renee, about what happened and I want to scream."

"Well, I guess you need to talk it out, once it's not a secret any more, once you can talk about it you'll feel so much better but you have to make that first step, then I can help you. Would you like to tell me what happened?"

I shook my head but it was a lie, I did want to tell her. or at least I needed to talk about it to someone and Rose was here, listening and not questioning me."

"I didn't know at first. I suspected but I didn't know, when we were first taken. I heard him with her but I didn't know what was going on, I guess I didn't want to. I heard her screaming and begging, I heard the sounds but I shut my mind to the truth."

"We all do that sometimes Bella. Its a defense mechanism, you don't have to feel guilty, was there anything you could have done to stop it?"

"No but I should have tried."

"No Bella, you need only feel guilty if you could have stopped him and did not. Did your mother say anything to make you feel guilty?"

"No, she was really brave right up to the end. We saw it, Kat and I. He did it right in front of us and then he slit her throat."

Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I felt Rose's arms wrap around me once more.

"Bella, your mother wouldn't want you blaming yourself and feeling guilty. She would be happy that you survived, that you lived."

"Why didn't he take me instead? Why her?"

"Because that's the way things go sometimes. She's gone but you're still here and you owe it to her to enjoy the life you have or he's won."

"He's destroyed everything and I'm sure she wouldn't want that now would she?"

I shook my head but the tears kept falling and it was a long while before they stopped yet she never complained just continued to hold me.

"You know Bella, you do still have a family. There's Charlie and Jazz and of course as you and he plan to marry you also have me and the rest of the family."

"I'm not sure I should go on with it Rose, after all I'm not the girl he fell in love with any more."

"Yes you are, I can see it in my brothers eyes when he looks at you, he loves you Bella and I think you still love him too. He feels so helpless right now, he doesn't know what to do or what to say. he's waiting for you to decide. to tell him what you want him to know but you'll never find a better more caring man, that I can tell you."

She had begun to brush my hair again and within half an hour it felt much better, not stiff and itchy any more.

"Right, lets wash it and see how you look, some will have to be cut out I'm afraid but if you trust me I'll do that too."

"What about Skye and your husband? Won't he mind you spending so long with me?"

"Emmett is dying to meet you Bella and he's happy if I can help you. Skye is probably being spoiled rotten by Esme or Charlotte, as far as they are concerned if you rang it meant you needed a friendly ear but I promise you I won't tell anyone what we talk about, not even my brother."

I nodded and she took me through to the bathroom to wash my hair before Jasper got back and for some reason I felt I could trust her, not only to keep our conversations private but also to tell me the truth.