Every time she stumbled, she heard the snarl of the sehlat, felt its breath at her neck, pushing at her. Waiting for her to fall.
I have to - I have to-
She awoke gasping, clawing at the casing around her arm, her hand throbbed with each heartbeat.
"Scion?" Box whispered.
The desert became her room, the jagged ground her twisted sheets. "Box? My arm-" she couldn't find a word that fit the sensation. Itches? Aches? Burns? A blue crust had formed where her wrist met the casing. "I can't sleep."
The hologram flickered into being. "You have done little else for three days, Scion. Your injuries-"
"Three days?" She pulled the ESH down to sit on the bed and buried her cheek against his lap.
"I have been your ever-present nursemaid." The ESH reached pinched the center of her swollen hand, then the center of the opposite hand and shoulder. "Is that better?"
The sensation of the pinches blanketed the riot of nerves. She looked up at the ESH in wonder. "Much. You're programmed to do that?"
"I am a hologram of many talents-"
Box cleared its throat loudly.
"-and P'Nem provided pressure point techniques help with the pain and your nightmares."
"Has she -"
"She and not-she have-"
"Not-she?"
"Her husband - wouldn't leave you alone until I convinced them I could see to your needs. As it is, P'nem checks that regen-pack-" he tapped the casing on her arm, "-every morning. Not-she-"
"Lorot."
"Whoever - he wanted to sneak you to ShiKahr City for treatment since medical regenerators won't work in the desert. P'Nem said that would only make the situation worse. Vulcans might not argue, but the discussion was very intense."
Juliette tried to absorb it all, but her mind felt sluggish. "They argued in here?"
"My awareness extends outside this room, Scion," Box said. "P'Nem agreed to secret you to Sekahr City if the pack wasn't working, but she seems satisfied with the results."
Results. "Box, I have to get messages to Betazed."
"I will be able to exchange data the day after next. What are your messages?"
The distance to Box, with how she felt, might as well have been the Plain of Blood. She couldn't risk the Vulcans hearing her. "ESH, if I tell you the message, could you tell Box?"
"We do share a memory core, Scion."
Juliette was too tired to feel foolish. She rested her head on his shoulder as she murmured into his ear, repeating the story she told in the projector room back in the monastery. Matron would appreciate collaboration, even if she couldn't repeat the story precisely. Besides, it would provide assurance that Juliette was still alive.
The ESH asked, "Now you must get some rest."
"There is one last thing - another message."
"Hopefully shorter than the previous."
Juliette pushed herself forward so that her lips almost touched his ear. Her thoughts were louder than her words.
P'Nem is of the Tal Shiar.
#
The day after, P'Nem informed Juliette that Danek and T'Mar would be visiting and set up two chairs next to her bed. After she had gone, Juliette summoned the ESH.
"Please move those chairs closer together, and I want you to be nice to T'Mar and Danek."
"I will be as kind as I can be to the dowdy and frumpy."
Juliette groaned. "I am serious. As Scion of the 433rd house of Sri, you will say nothing without my permission!"
The ESH sulked while Box laughed.
T'Mar and Danek arrived appropriately escorted by P'Nem. T'Mar wore the cream robe and ochre scapular of a Novice, while Danek was in the blues of an Initiate. It was such a relief to see them. Juliette allowed herself a small smile and introduced the ESH and Box. The ESH gave a short bow, and was silent, while Box chattered enough for the both of them.
The Vulcans moved their chairs apart before sitting. T'Mar shot a disapproving look to Juliette before joining Danek in examining her arm. The capsule had shrunk closer to the flesh, and now had more of a shape like her forearm.
"I am so glad - I mean - I am pleased that you could come. I was worried when I didn't see you in the infirmary."
"Master Surot had many questions -" T'Mar said, "about how you got out, and what we knew. He was perhaps the most animated I have ever seen him," Her tone made it clear that animated was not a positive trait.
"Was he really…" Juliette grimaced. What was the polite term? Outraged? Upset?
Danek cleared his throat. "He said the Plain of Blood was a lesser trial."
From behind T'Mar and Danek, the ESH stared at T'Mar's hair with an expression of horror. Juliette's glare made T'Mar look back; the ESH switched to a wide-eyed smile. Juliette sighed.
T'Mar leaned toward Juliette. "I told Danek."
The antics of the ESH were forgotten. "Everything?"
Their gazes met. Juliette felt the pressure of T'Mar's presence. She smothered her own feelings as best she could before letting her in.
I didn't tell him about the badge, and I really need to talk to you about it.
"Parts arrived from Betazed for the holo-projector," T'Mar said after a long pause.
What about the badge? Juliette asked as she asked verbally, "Oh good. Are there instructions as well? I don't want to ask Pylkau for help."
T'Mar blurted out mentally and verbally. "Pylkau has console"
Never almost done
"been very analyzing -"
helpful analyzing the signal.
Danek looked over, startled. "T'Mar, are you alright?"
T'Mar shook her head, her eyes were unfocused. "I'm fine."
Stop. Juliette said. I'll teach you how to play that game later. She smiled. "Its very thoughtful of you to be concerned, Danek. Isn't it T'Mar?"
T'Mar crossed her arms and leaned further away from Danek. "I suppose it is."
Danek shot a curious look to Juliette. "I was just-"
"But you must go now," Juliette said to Danek.
"I-what?"
"Yes, please," T'Mar said with a nod. "I wish to discuss a personal matter."
Danek surrendered, shaking his head. "I shall tend to the garden."
"Juliette," T'Mar said flatly after Danek had gone. "Perhaps, you should not try so hard in the matters of Danek and me."
"T'Mar, you are my friend. I just think you should give Danek a chance."
"Is it not my choice to give him a 'chance' as you call it?"
"It is, but if you have decided to not give him a chance, is it fair to keep the bond?"
T'Mar pursed her lips. "I - I suppose that is true. I will endeavor to do so, but please, let me-"
"Of course. I am so glad I don't have to bond."
"My life would be even more complicated without it. But that is not why I wanted privacy." She looked back at the ESH.
"They're okay. The badge?"
"Yes, the computer is close to cracking the encryption."
Tired as she was, an electric thrill ran through her. "That's great - er isn't it?" Thrill. Dread. They competed. Dread was winning.
"Unless we are detected - either by them or by Pylkau, as he's also analyzing the signal. This network isn't just within the monastery but is using the channel to increase the range of their communicators. Most do not work in the Sas-a-share without the assistance of a powerful station."
"You have not seen anyone else with bird-like badges, have you?" Not just one Tal Shiar, but a network. Dread won by a wide margin.
"The other communicators would not have to look like birds. You said the Loresinger was upset when he saw it."
"Very. Danek could help us see if there are other communicators."
"I could not tell him about the badge because that would mean telling P'Nem might be Tal-"
"Shhht - no. We can just tell him I found it."
"You could tell him right now. He's in the garden..."
T'Mar slumped her shoulders. "Juliette…"
"I'm sorry."
"You are not," T'Mar said with resignation, "But I know you mean well. You may tell him if you wish - I have a favor to ask."
#
T'Mar returned, P'Nem in tow, wiping her hands with a cloth, her face warring factions of calm and reticence. "I do not understand why it takes two of you to ask a question."
"Is it alright if the ESH cuts T'Mar's hair?" Juliette asked.
P'Nem looked slowly between T'Mar and Juliette. "What does your mother say of this, T'Mar?"
T'Mar paused as if weighing each word. "Mother has not said no."
"That is the kind of logic I would expect from Juliette Sri. If your mother says yes, then by all means proceed."
Juliette wrung her hands. "So you are saying no."
"I am not. I am leaving the decision in the hands of her mother, as it should be."
Juliette and T'Mar in unison protested. "But-"
"But what?"
Juliette wished she could give up, but T'Mar wanted it so badly - badly enough to argue with a Tal Shiar spy over a haircut. "But you know well that T'Mar's mother will say no, sight unseen."
"As is her right as T'Mar's parent. Do not drag me into the middle of this."
"But if you were to approve the hairstyle before it was done-"
"Juliette Sri, tell me how your mother has the forbearance for three daughters."
Juliette bit her lip. None of the usual tactics - cute smiles or big soulful eyes would help here. Of course, Matron and Lars could feel it was a ploy but at least recognized the effort. But P'Nem was immune to all that, a Vulcan who -
As soon as the thought came to her, with a glance she threw it to T'Mar, who caught it with a small flicker of expression. There was hope for her yet.
"It is alright, Juliette," T'Mar said. "The mother of my bound is correct. I should adhere to convention."
P'Nem set her jaw slightly as her gaze flicked between the Vulcan and the Betazoid. "Do not think that your shameless attempt at manipulation is effective, but-" she breathed a small sigh, "if you find a style that T'Mar wants and Master Surot will not make you shave your head over, I will talk to the mother of the bound of my son. But then her word is final."
T'Mar nodded. "I already know which one I want. It is one Master Surot will have to approve."
P'Nem asked, "Which is?"
"I want a style like Juliette Sri's."
Juliette threw a panicked look to the ESH. "I...uh…"
The ESH worked his mouth furiously, his face red.
"You may speak," Juliette said.
The ESH took a deep breath.
"Politely!"
The ESH stopped and started. Then stopped again. He knelt in front of T'Mar. "I beg you. I am not a hair replicator like that ancient torture device in your monastery. Within these projectors shine the photons of an artiste! Let me create a creation that is very uniquely T'Mar and compliments your unique … ah … characteristics."
"But I like that style," T'Mar said.
"There is a galaxy of styles to be discovered. Let me try. If you do not like it, I will cut your hair exactly like Juliette's-"
Juliette blurted, "You will-"
"-and ritually delete myself."
"He will," Juliette said with a grave nod.
Box chuckled.
#
P'nem helped Juliette to the garden while the ESH worked his miracle. She sat in the middle and listened to Danek rake the sands. When he activated the canopy, Juliette asked, "Could you leave it open a little longer, please?"
Danek left it open sat across from her, his attention pressing on her.
"Something is … on your mind," Juliette said with an air of caution.
"I am … troubled by a question," Danek said.
"Ask."
"Why did you not tell me?"
"About the sehlat?"
Danek nodded. "About anything. I thought you would have - after we…"
"I didn't tell anyone. I should have. But then you might have gotten hurt."
"Vulcans are more resilient than Betazoids."
Juliette prickled at the comparison. "Even so, that doesn't make putting a friend in jeopardy any better. Not when you had done so much."
"Do you think your - those who think highly of you want to see you face danger alone? Juliette, P'mera isn't quite sure why you are still alive. She swears you should have died of shock in the desert. Even a Vulcan would have.
Even a Vulcan.
I have spent considerable time calculating the odds of your survival, and the fact that you would face those odds and not let me help is-"
"Danek."
"I thought we-"
"We?" Juliette asked, a chill sliding along her back.
"Had a level of reliance - hunting for zattre, the storm - we-"
"Danek you saved me during the storm-"
"And you still didn't tell-"
"but I - I didn't want you to be my crutch. I hurt everyone I touched. T'Mar, you - I - I want to show you something."
Danek tilted his head to her. The sun was lower than the wall of the house, and the courtyard was in shadow. Dim automatic lights cast a wan glow along the pathways and benches. Sight faded, but other senses could see Danek's distress and concern. Thankfully, T'Mar had told him something of what was going on. He'd been so helpful, but they'd kept him so much of what they'd done in secret - no wonder he was concerned. Juliette reached out with her good hand, her fingertips on his temple and cheek, and steadied herself with a deep breath.
Danek gasped as Juliette let the memory flow - the storm and the terror-born desperate need to run from the lightning, the wind - from everything and that the only thing that held her in place was Danek holding her.
Danek said, "I had no idea."
"See, I have relied on you." Juliette let the memory echo. His mind was so comfortable, all neat and orderly. A nascent Kolinahr master - one on the Way, but drifting. A tower that could realize the stars built on the precise foundation of logic surrounded by whorls of errant thought reflected Danek's comfort with her presence.
She couldn't tell if she was drawn to swirl or drawn to her. It merged with her the moment she recognized it. His binding. Her stability wavered. This was no orderly part of the Vulcan mind, but something primal. Everything twisted with a sudden rush of heat and pulse; a connection between mind and flesh dependent on each other. The rigidity she felt in Danek became supple and delicate and sensual.
T'Mar?
Juliette? How?
Responding would strengthen the connection. She left the question unanswered and unwound herself from the bind as carefully and quickly as she could without disturbing it any further. Every motion seemed warm and enticing that pushed languid heat through her body. She opened her eyes, her fingers felt the heat on Danek's face, his deep breathing.
"Juliette? What did you? I remember the storm and-" He reached to reconnect as she pulled away.
She leaned back from his outstretched fingers, but could still feel his skin. "And nothing. It was just the storm."
"I thought I felt -" he stammered.
"You felt the storm. I wanted you to see how I needed you then, understand just a little how I felt."
Danek nodded, his breathing steadied. Why was his face so red? "It would seem that with all these secrets, we have one of our own."
"I-"
P'Nem's voice sliced through the deepening shadows. "The ESH is done with T'Mar."
Juliette hoped that meant the haircut was completed. "P'Nem, could you please help me? I'm - I'm tired, and I don't want to fall."
Danek said, "I could-"
"No, no," Juliette said. "See her new haircut. Do not forget to compliment her and the ESH in that order."
"The order is important?" Danek asked as P'Nem caught Juliette's arm.
"Very. Please, don't wait for me." She allowed herself a nervous laugh as she took shuffling steps toward her room.
"Is everything alright?" P'Nem asked as they entered the kitchen.
Juliette nodded. I trust myself around a Tal Shiar more than around Danek at the moment. Her fingers still tingled. Everything tingled. "Thank you for teaching the ESH about pressure points."
"I am pleased they were helpful." P'Nem was quiet for a moment. "Juliette, have you ever fired a weapon? A pistol? A carbine? Have you ever even wielded a knife?"
Juliette's heart skipped several beats. She shook her head. "I'm feeling rather tired-"
"The Sas-a-shar is dangerous. We should have taught you sooner. Before we sent you out for zattre. And you should learn before you face the sehlat again."
She leaned against the table for support. "P'Nem, please, I do not think I need to face her-"
"You do. It had many opportunities to kill you, but it did not. Do you know why?"
I kept running. But it followed. Waiting for me to fall.
"I don't know. Maybe it...it was-"
Growling
"-toying with me."
Stalking. P'Nem is just toying with me.
"You're shaking."
"I'm … just tired…"
"Juliette, a sehlat that lives so close to the monastery and hunts Vulcans and Betazoids is a danger to everyone, and must be dealt with. Few sehlat seek out humanoids for prey when there is easier prey available."
"But-"
"I know. I do not wish to make a mistake, and with your help, we will be sure that what we have to do is necessary."
Juliette stared into P'Nem's level gaze. She tried to imagine if the sehlat was hunting Danek or T'Mar. Stalking them. Waiting for them to fall. Dragging them across the rocks. The lack of choice made her stomach churn. Worse yet - weapons in the desert. Could accidents happen? Had she outlived her usefulness? She avoided P'Nem's gaze and nodded.
P'Nem gently took her arm. "I am pleased you understand. Now, let us see what trouble your hologram has gotten us into."
#
Like Juliette's, T'Mar's hair resembled the traditional bowl, but did more to hide her ears, and framed her face. Juliette was stunned by the transformation, though not as taken as Danek, who went as far as to say, "It gives you a pleasing visage."
Danek and T'Mar's faces were flushed. Juliette hoped that was normal. They sat closer, proper, but their proximity was a marked change from their past distance. T'Mar's frown was but a tenth of its usual gravity. Juliette felt as an intruder merely watching them. They were focused on each other. Juliette was the outsider, forgotten, almost discarded as a promise well before her arrival sorted itself out.
T'Mar glanced toward Juliette. What have you done?
I-I do not know. I was showing Danek memories and - are you alright?
The experience was...pleasant. Perhaps we could-
Juliette wanted to maintain the intimate warmth of the contact but eased the connection away. She was too exhausted to hold the emotions back -T'Mar would be overwhelmed and worse. The ESH propped her pillows and cleared his throat loudly - a signal the galaxy over.
#
Juliette drifted exhausted and drained, but sleep twisted away. P'Mar and weapons - Danek's fingers against her face twisted with her arm, torn and ragged. The sehlat watching, waiting for her to collapse.
"ESH?"
"Yes, Scion?"
She reached out for his hand and drew him to the side of the bed. "You did well today. T'Mar is pleased."
He sat on the bed. "Saved from deletion. If she was pleased, she has an unusual way of showing it. Vulcans are not demonstrative at all."
Juliette pushed him back on the narrow bed. "No, they are not." His lashes glowed in the dim light. "They keep their feelings buried deep." She ran her fingers over the smooth cheekbones, the thin lips, and sharp chin.
"Scion? You are in hardly any condition-"
"Quiet." Her mind swirled with thoughts of Danek and T'Mar as she rested her head on the ESH's chest. "Just...Just stay." He was a construct of light and force with an inviting face and delicate fingers; trillions of calculations to make the approximation of a heartbeat and the soothing rise and fall of his chest. A hologram without presence. But at least he was warm, and that was enough.