The Beginning Of A New Life Chapter

"In order to be happy in love, one must know, without losing sight, how to close one's eyes." Marcel Achard

''I had a really good time tonight,'' I say as I lean against the front door to my house.
''Me too,'' he says. I can see that, just like me, he doesn't know what to say or do. Tonight was probably the strangest date I've ever had, ever.

We went to dinner and a movie, just like when we were teenagers, except now I don't spend the whole time worrying about my father killing him once he finds out I'm dating him.

''Maybe we can do this again some time soon,'' he says, the hope evident in his voice.
''I'd like that,'' I say and a smile appears on his face, a twinkle in his eyes. ''How long are you going to be in town?''
''For a few more days and than I have to go back to California,'' he says, hands in his pockets, looking like a teenage boy who isn't sure how to tell a girl that he can't way to see her again. ''But ehm... in about two weeks I have another meeting in Chicago after which I can stop by, but you know... only if you want me to...''

I smile at the way he's talking, reminds me of when we were kids. ''Well, perhaps we could go out tomorrow night,'' I suggest, an even bigger smile appears on his face.
''I'd like that,'' he says.
For a few seconds neither one of us knows how to continue. Should I invite him in so he can see the girls before he goes back to his hotel, or should I say goodbye now. Should I give him a kiss, or just a hug, or both...

''I'm gonna go back to my hotel now,'' and he just answered my first question,'' I'll pick you up at 6 tomorrow.''
''Okay,'' I say and smile. He gives me a hug; it feels familiar but also strange since I haven't been this close to him in a while. We just stand there for a while, neither one of us really wanting to move. After a while, both too soon and too fast, he pulls back, smiles at me and than takes a few steps towards his car.

''Les?'' I ask and he turns around.
''Yes?'' He asks, taking a step back towards me. I take a step towards him as well and he looks surprised when suddenly we're standing really close to each other, just a few inches between our faces, I wait a few seconds before I lean, my right hand resting on his chest, and I give him a kiss. Just a short one, ''I'll see you tomorrow,'' I say with a big smile.

''I can't wait,'' he says with a smile and heads over to his car. I stand outside until I can't see his car anymore.

I get my key out of my purse and go into the house. When I'm inside I lean against the door and sigh.
This has been our first date, with each other, since we've gotten divorced nearly two years ago. After Christmas, nearly three months ago, and the email in which I wrote that I still love him, it took him a while to convince me to go out for dinner, just the two of us.

Being with him the way we were tonight, going out to dinner, just two adults and no children, made me realize how much I've missed doing that since we got divorced. Obviously I went out with Milo, quite a lot actually, but he and Les are so different that I can't really compare them. With Les when we went out it was comfortable because it was familiar. We had been married for 20 years, we had children together, we knew what the other's interests were and what we really shouldn't talk about.

With Milo it wasn't as familiar, since we were only together for a year, but it was fun. We were still getting to know more and more about each other, it was new, but still comfortable. It was change, not something I'm a big fan of, but I liked it. He made me feel like a teenager again, going out on dates, not having to think about the children as much as you would if you were married and you had had the children together.

With Milo it was fun because I never knew what was going to happen, he was always full of surprises. With Les I always kind of knew what was going to happen, dinner and possibly a movie, and what we were going to talk about, things that had happened, not caring that we had gone through those things together.

Tonight was no different from that, I mean, it was a little different since we are no longer married, but we still talked about what things were like when we were. When I was silent for a few seconds he'd start talking about Jesse, or Lizzy, or birthdays, or anniversaries. Bringing up happy moments, not even daring to start about the thing we really should talk about; the thing that ended all the other things.

Every time tonight when I was really starting to have fun I'd get a flashback of that night. Even after all this time I still can't believe he hit me, then lied about going to counseling, and then having the nerve to ask me to still give everything up and come back to him anyway.

As hard as it is for me to believe that, it's even harder to believe that he has done all of that and still a part of me wants to be with him. A part of me wants that when I come home he's there, that when I'm sleeping he's next to me and that when I need somebody to talk to I just have to take a few steps and he is there, ready to listen. I know that if I want that I can have it back in just a second, all I have to do is call him and ask him to come back. But there is such a big downside that I don't know if I should take that risk, I now know what he is capable of when he gets really angry and I need to know that that is not going to happen again.

I take a deep breath; all this thinking is giving me a headache. I'll figure it all out later, now I just have to sleep.

''And then I kissed him and he left,'' I say simply to Lu. We're in the hospital cafeteria and for some reason I decided she would be the best person to help me figure out what to do.
''And?'' She asks with raised eyebrows.
''And then nothing, that was all that happened,'' I say.
''That wasn't what I meant. I just want to know what's going to happen know, are you two getting back together, is he going to stay in California, what...?'' She asks.

''I don't know what is going to happen, I mean we're going out tonight but I just really need some advice on what to do,'' I say.
''What do you mean what to do? What you're going to do tonight, what you're going to wear?'' She asks with a smile that would suggest she's kidding but with her you can never be a hundred percent sure.

I give her a frustrated look and she gives an ever bigger smile.
''Just joking,'' she says. ''I don't know what you're supposed to do, so... follow your heart,'' she says with a grin.
I groan and lay my head down on the table, ''that's going to take forever, I keep asking but my heart is refusing to answer.''

I can't see her but I hear her chuckle. ''Just make a list of good things that getting back together will bring, and make a list of bad things. Look which list is longer and your problem is solved.''
I look up, ''if it only where that simple,'' I sigh.
''It is,'' she says and takes a bite of something that looks disgusting, smells delicious and has a name so difficult I can't remember it.

I shake my head, ''No, it's not. I you were in my situation what would you do?'' I ask.
''Well, personally I don't think I would consider getting back together with man that has...'' she doesn't finish her sentence but I know what she was going to say.
''Hit you.'' I finish.

She gives a slight nod, ''but that's just me,'' she says trying not to sound to judgmental.
I already know how she feels about what he did and she has told me enough times; once a man hits a woman there is no saying he won't do it again. Still, right now it's making me feel dumb for even considering giving Les a second change.

''Look Andy, if you really want this you know I support you, but you know how I feel about that he did. And even though he's been in therapy there is no guarantee it won't happen again,'' she says, turning serious suddenly.
''There is also no guarantee that it will happen,'' I argue back, knowing it doesn't matter what I say, I will never be able to fully convince Delgado this is a good idea.

''Just go out with him tonight and maybe than you'll know what to do,'' she says as she finishes whatever it was she was eating. We get up and walk back to the RWHC.
''What if I'm not?'' I ask. ''What if I'm never sure?''

''Delivery for Dr. Campbell,'' I hear somebody, probably a delivery guy, say behind me. I turn around and see a man who's holding the biggest and most beautiful bouquet of flowers I've ever seen stand next to Lana's desk. I walk over to him and sign the form.

He hands me the bouquet and as he walks away the little card falls, before I have a change Lana has already picked it up.
''Had a great time last night, can't wait to see you again,'' she reads out loud. ''Who's the guy?'' She asks me.
''It's nobody,'' I say, not really feeling the need to explain my personal business at work with patients around.
''Sounds like a pretty interesting guy,'' Peter says as he joins our conversation with a smile.

''Well... it's certainly interesting,'' I mutter.

It has taken me a long time but I've finally had enough inspiration to write something that is, in my opinion, worth uploading. I'm also working on another chapter for Hurt, Happiness and Everything In Between but I really wanted to update this story first. Since in most of my stories I make Les the bad guy I think I'm going to keep him pretty nice in this one (even though I still prefer Milo).

As always, please review (reviews help keep me motivated) and if you have any ideas for the stories I'm writing or if you have anything else to say just send me a message.