Chapter Eighty One

Jasper

When I got back after finally feeling confident enough about leaving Bella with Rose to hunt properly I could see the difference in her. She and Rose were sitting by the fire and talking animatedly about Skye who was a popular topic all round it seemed to me. Rose had done something with Bella's hair, it was shorter and most of the tangles were gone.

When I walked in Bella turned to me and for the first time I had seen a smile, weak and fragile, but it was a vast improvement. Rose jumped up and kissed Bella on top of her head mirroring my usual affectionate move,

"Right well I'm off but I'll be back tomorrow with Skye and we'll see what we can do about getting you some clothes that fit."

I winced at the reference to all the weight Bella had lost in captivity but she just nodded walking Rose to the door,

"Thanks Rose you helped me a lot. I'll see you tomorrow."

Bella

I was glad to see Jasper back, I had missed him, but I was sad to see Rose go. I felt so much better after talking to her and I knew I would be doing so again. She seemed to understand what I was feeling and she never passed any judgement instead helping me to see the truth behind my feelings. Once she had gone I turned back to Jasper who was looking at me nervously.

"So you enjoyed Rose's visit?"

I nodded,

"Yes, she's a really nice person, so easy to talk to. She said the rest of the family are eager to meet me and I guess I should be thanking them for all they did to help trace me."

"Whenever you're ready Bella, they understand you've been through a lot. You need time to come to terms with things."

I sighed,

"You mean with the deaths of Renee and Phil? You're right of course, if I keep it all bottled up then I'm never going to be able to live with it. I've given you a really hard time haven't I? It can't have been easy, finding your fiancée is a complete wreck who didn't even recognize you and cries all the time."

He walked closer and held out a hand,

"I love you Bella and I'll wait as long as it takes. Just having you here is enough for now."

I looked around the apartment seeing all the things I had added or we had bought together and then took his hand.

"I don't deserve you but thanks for being so understanding. I do love you Jasper, I'm just scared of my memories, my thoughts, scared I won't be able to give you all that you deserve."

I colored at the mention of sex but he needed to know I wasn't ready for that again, not yet.

"Bella I'm happy to follow your lead on everything but please know that I will never hurt you or force you to do anything you're unhappy with."

I nodded hearing the truth in his words.

"I know that Jazz. Rose wants to help me get some new clothes, mine are a little on the large side but I told her I'd soon fill in again. I must admit I am all skin and bone but I can't eat so much not yet."

"Skin and bone or twenty stone I will still adore you. So you're going shopping with Rose?"

I felt panic welling up inside,

"No, no not shopping. we're going to look on the internet. I don't feel like going out, not yet, its too…..I'm scared Jazz."

He wrapped me in his arms and comforted me,

"I know darlin' but you don't need to be. No one is ever going to hurt you again."

I leaned back to look into his face noticing how the dark bruises had faded and his eyes were back to that beautiful liquid gold color.

"I know you mean that but he shot Phil, he cut Renee's throat, how can you save me from someone like that? I want to believe you but it's so hard. I thought Phil would keep me safe, my mum too, but when it came down to it they couldn't, no one can and that's what I have to learn to accept and live with. That I will never be safe ever again."

Jasper

I was torn, should I tell her my secret or would it be too much for her in this fragile state? She had to learn one day, one day soon, and perhaps learning it now would give her the confidence to take that first step back into the outside world. I thought about it for a long time then decided she was just too fragile to learn that there were other monsters, even more terrifying and dangerous out there. The only thing I could do was to get her meeting more people, find people who cared about her and made her feel safe and secure and worry about telling her our secret later when she could cope with another shock.

"Bella, I think it might be good for you to meet the rest of the family, they are really excited and Rose will be grilled relentlessly when she gets home. What do you think? There's nothing to worry about, everyone already knows what happened so you don't have to worry about awkward questions."

"I'm not sure Jazz, you know how I get. Just you or Rose is fine but I'm not sure I can cope with a lot of people all at once. I was nervous with Peter here too but I had Kat and Skye to distract me. What if I start crying or freaking out?"

"Then how about just Carlisle and Esme? I know they are really excited at the thought of meeting you. Esme is very sweet and Carlisle too, there wouldn't be any pressure on you I promise."

She looked at me unsure and afraid but then I saw her take a deep breath to steady herself and nod,

"OK, I guess I can't hide away from everyone but you will stay with me won't you? I don't want to be alone with them."

"Of course I'll stay. We can wait until you get your new clothes and you'll feel more confident. Rose did a good job on your hair."

She touched it self consciously and smiled,

"To be honest I didn't realize it was so bad. It smelled nice after you washed it for me and I just keep doing the same thing. I couldn't bear to visit a hairdresser, I'd hate for a stranger to be touching me and it would mean going outside. I'm not ready for that yet. Its too soon…..I"

I could hear the panic bubbling up inside her and feel the rising terror so I squeezed her hands gently,

"No one is going to force you to do anything. You decide when you are ready so stop worrying."

"OK."

The threatened tears were halted, just, by my words but I understood she needed constant reassurance and that she looked to me for it which was a good thing.

The next morning true to her word Rose was back and she and Bella spent a couple of hours on the computer and everything was going fine until Rose put the order in then I heard Bella gasp,

"Rose don't. I haven't got the money."

She turned to me,

"I don't know how much money I have in my account Jasper. Is my check book here?"

"Don't worry about it Bella, I'll find it later. For now here…."

I threw her my wallet,

"Use my card."

I saw her hands start to shake and was at her side, moving a little too fast in my concern.

"Bella its fine. You're my fiancée, we share everything and right now you need some new clothes."

Rose pulled her back down into the chair,

"Bella take a deep breath. You need something to wear and trust me, money is no object to Jasper, besides which I haven't spent all this time finding things you like to turn the computer off so hand over that wallet quick or I'll pay myself and give you something to really worry about."

I thought Rose was being a little harsh with Bella but she just handed over my wallet and smiled.

"You are a bully Rose."

"Yeah but you love me all the same little sis."

"I never had a sister before."

"Well you have two now and when Alice finds out what we've been doing she is going to explode with jealousy."

"Why?"

"Alice thinks she's the only one who knows about clothes, trust me you'll find out soon enough. Talking of which Jazz tells me you're going to meet Esme and Carlisle so I thought I'd hurry things along a little and bring you a present, you want to look good for them don't you? The future in laws?"

Bella nodded but I could see that made her think of her own mother and expected more tears but she bit them back and took the bag from Rose. Inside were a new pair of jeans and a long sleeved tee shirt much like the ones I wore.

"And no complaints, I'm deaf to them."