Bucky wakes up to the distinct smell of rubbing alcohol and blood, something that has him jerking upright in an instant.

"Easy, Buck," Steve says, rubbing the back of his friend's neck for a moment. "Just getting my stitches changed."

"Where's Birdman?" Bucky asks. Besides a young female nurse, the room is empty.

"Once I woke up everyone decided to give us some space," Steve explains. "Plus you may have scared Sam off," he jokes.

"All done, Captain Rogers… America… sir," the nurse rambles, blushing.

"You can just call me Steve, miss," Steve says, throwing on the charm that's more polite than flirtatious.

She nods and smiles. Bucky smirks at how flustered he made her.

"Well, Cap–Steve, you should be ready for discharge in just a few hours. Your wound is healing very well."

"Thank you, ma'am," Steve says. The nurse giggles a little before making her exit, accidentally bumping against the corner of the bed on the way out.

"The ladies sure go after you now, now that you're all big and buff and saving the world," Bucky says, part with amusement and part with resentment. Dames wouldn't give him a second glance when he was just a scrawny kid from Brooklyn. Bucky loved him then. Bucky wanted him then. He knew him as a hero before the serum, back when he was getting his ass kicked by bullies and rescuing injured animals. Steve has always had the courage and the heart, but it wasn't until he got the brawn that he became a "heartthrob."

"Yeah," Steve replies, somewhat bashfully. "Still terrible at talking to them, though."

"You seem to be doin' well enough. Even got that pretty blonde agent to lay one on you." Bucky winks.

Steve shrugs awkwardly. "So about that talk."

Way to change the subject.

"I'm sorry," Bucky says, patting Steve on the shoulder. "It was wrong, comparing you to HYDRA, and–"

"No," Steve cuts him off. "Sam and I shouldn't have done that."

"You were just trying to help, as horribly played out your plan was." Bucky forgives Steve, but he's still a little bitter about the whole ploy.

"It was wrong, and the timing made it even worse," Steve admits. He looks down at his hands. One has an IV taped in place and a vitals detector clamped onto his pointer finger. Steve plays with the latter a little. "I knew you were broken up about what happened on the mission. But I didn't know how badly. What you went through, out on the field." Steve's voice cracks a little. The other Avengers must have filled him in on Bucky's little dissociative episode.

"I've had worse," Bucky says nonchalantly.

"I didn't expect Sam to pull that then. If I had known more about what happened–I should've stopped it. Either way."

"Let's just call it even," Bucky tells him, holding out his hand to shake. Steve accepts. Bucky knows that his best friend feels at least just as regretful as Bucky does. They both made mistakes.

"Deal, jerk."

"Punk," Bucky quips back. He pauses, then looks at Steve sadly. "I thought you were gonna die." His voice breaks. "I thought you were gonna die and never even know…"

Bucky goes silent. He sits up, grabbing an extra pillow a nurse must've brought and settling it between his back and the wall.

"Know what?" Steve asks. All teasing is over now.

Bucky has no idea what to say.

"Buck?"

Bucky shifts nervously. "There's something I need to tell you. But I don't know if I can. It kinda depends, really."

"On what?" Steve asks, looking Bucky right in the eyes.

"On what Wanda Maximoff made you see in Sokovia. When you first met."

Steve breaks eye contact first. That never happens during uncomfortable talks. His cheeks turn a little pink, too. "I wouldn't exactly call it a meeting."

Steve doesn't normally deflect like this, either.

"Steve," Bucky encourages, trying not to sound as anxious and impatient as he is.

"Bucky, you don't wanna hear about that."

"And why is that?" Bucky challenges.

There's another silent pause. This conversation is not going very far. As scared as Bucky is, he wants answers.

"I don't want to lose you," Steve says quietly.

"Nothing you could possibly say could make that happen," Bucky assures him.

I'm with you 'til the end of the line, pal.

Steve runs a hand through his already messy hair. "It'll change things."

"Maybe for the better," Bucky says gently. His heart is hammering right now. Bucky is glad he's not attached to a monitor. Curiously, he looks at Steve's pulse. It's gone up quite a bit. Bucky is nervous, but for the first time in a long time, he feels optimistic.

"Can't Wanda just show you?" Steve asks weakly. All of his normal courageous bravado has melted away.

"Steve, you know how I feel about people poking around in my head."

Steve adjusts his pillow for longer than Bucky feels is necessary and leans back against it the way his friend is. "Could you pass me my water?"

Bucky realizes his hand is shaking when he grabs the cup of water from the tray table. That's a nervous tell that disappeared decades ago, back when he was training for the army. Bucky tries to steady it as he hands the water to his friend who drinks it slowly. Steve is stalling.

"I won't judge you, you know. No matter what."

Steve keeps drinking. He drinks until the straw makes a gurgling sound and then he shakes the ice chips around in the cup.

Bucky groans impatiently and takes the cup away, putting it back on the table.

"Talk to me. Please."

Steve starts picking at the blanket in his lap and Bucky grabs one of his friend's hands with his right one. He squeezes Steve's hand reassuringly.

"It's not pretty," Steve tells him.

"Most of the stuff I tell you is not pretty."

Steve nods and looks down at their joined hands. He looks a little surprised, like he just noticed. Steve gives Bucky's hand a quick squeeze and takes a deep breath.

"So, Wanda made us see things we were most afraid of. At first, mine wasn't so bad.

"I was at a dance hall with Peggy. She was all dolled up in that red dress and heels. She was telling me the war was over. Only I was small, like before the serum. It didn't seem to matter to Peggy, though." Steve pauses and smiles to himself. "She noticed me before I was Captain America."

So did I, Bucky thinks, annoyed. Is this story about Peggy Carter? What does that have to do with Bucky and what he wants to tell Steve?

"Peggy asked me to dance. She told me she'd show me how."

Bucky snorts. "Of course your biggest fear would be dancing with a woman." He doesn't say it out of spite, more out of an attempt to make Steve feel more comfortable.

"I wish that was it," Steve says grimly. Then he continues. "I did alright at first, but then I stepped on her foot. I apologized and looked down at our feet, but I saw…"

Steve leans his head back. His breath is shaky and his heart rate and blood pressure are rising steadily.

Bucky takes a chance and rubs his thumb over Steve's knuckles. They've always been pretty physically affectionate with each other, but Bucky has never made such an intimate gesture. It seems to calm Steve down a bit. "It's okay," Bucky tells him.

"I didn't see heels. I saw boots." Bucky's head spins as Steve speaks. "And when I looked up I saw you, dressed like you were the night before you shipped off to England."

Bucky's breath hitches. Steve was thinking about dancing with him. He continues rubbing his friend's knuckles. Bucky knows things are about to go south.

"You called me a clutz but just kept dancing with me. Only I was the lady now. Your hand was on my waist." Steve is blushing all the way down to the exposed part of his chest now. "Buck, I'm sorry, this must be making you uncomfortable. I shouldn't be telling you this."

Steve tries to pull his hand away but Bucky grips it firmly. "No, it's not making me uncomfortable. Unless you're telling me your worst fear is having to dance with me instead of your gal. If so, that stings a little."

Steve looks at him finally, eyes squinted. "Really?"

"Really. I promise. Continue, please."

Steve looks back at their joined hands again. "And then you kissed me," he says quietly. Steve's body gets tense, like he's waiting for that negative, disgusted reaction that Bucky was fearing he would get from Steve when he opened up. When no outburst follows, Steve continues, voice a little louder. "You kissed me in front of everyone. I pulled back and looked around but no one cared."

"Stevie," Bucky whispers. He wants to grab his friend and kiss him now, because Steve saw them together in the way that Bucky has always wanted them to be. But the story isn't over yet.

"And then all hell broke loose. SHIELD agents were bursting through every door. They tore us apart. All of their guns were pointed at you. The agents, hell, even the old-fashioned folks in the dance hall were shouting about the Winter Soldier and HYDRA. You looked so confused and terrified and I couldn't fight them off, I was too weak. You had no idea what they were yelling about and nobody would listen to me that it wasn't you."

Steve sniffles and Bucky sees that his eyes are wet. He's not crying, but he looks like he's on the verge. Bucky reaches up and cups the back of Steve's head with his metal hand and brings his lips to Steve's forehead.

"You can stop," Bucky tells him as he pulls away.

"It's okay," Steve says. He looks dazed after the kiss to the forehead. Steve actually reaches up and touches the spot as if that would confirm it really happened.

Bucky clears his throat. "'M sorry."

"Don't be," Steve says. He still sounds confused, like Bucky hasn't made it clear enough that he returns his affections. Maybe they've both been idiots. Unless the kiss in Steve's vision was part of the terror and Bucky completely misunderstood and Steve is just trying to be polite. Now Bucky is overthinking things, doubting himself.

Bucky starts to focus again when Steve grips his hand tightly and doesn't loosen his hold as he continues talking. "And then Rumlow was there. He dragged you onto your knees right in front of me." Steve's voice is shaking like he's never heard it before. At least not coming from a healthy Steve. "Peggy came out from behind the agents with a gun, still dressed in the dress and heels she was dancing in. I begged and pleaded that you weren't who they thought you were, tried to tell her that Rumlow was HYDRA. She didn't respond to any of that, just lifted the gun to your head–God, the way you were looking up at me… scared to death, crying, even. Peggy looked me straight in the eyes and said, 'I'm sorry, Steve.' Then she pulled the trigger."

Steve's hand is shaking now and Bucky rubs soothing circles over it with his thumb.

"Well, shit," he says, at a loss for words. How the hell does someone respond to a nightmare like that? A nightmare that Bucky had to drag Steve right back through in order to have the courage to tell him how he feels. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed the topic."

Steve sighs and leans his head back against the wall. "Why? Because it changes things?" He once again tries to pull his hand out of Bucky's grasp but again his attempt is resisted.

"No, you idiot. Because it hurt you." Bucky sits forward and adjusts his position so that he's in Steve's line of sight. His friend stares down at the blanket. "Look at me, Stevie."

Steve's weary and bloodshot eyes finally meet his and Bucky says, "But it does change things."

There's a flicker of sadness across Steve's features before he turns away. Steve clearly misunderstood.

It's frustrating, how stupid they've both been for God knows how long. So Bucky lets go of Steve's hand and grabs him by the face.

"Come here, you dumbass." Then he pulls Steve towards him and kisses him.