A/N: Who doesn't love the image of Jasper in a shower? I know I do. Well, the change has to come sooner rather than later and Alice has some blank spots in her visions. How will Bella take the news? Enjoy!
Chapter 32 – No More Time
Change her or let her die? Both left a bad taste in Jasper's mouth, and yet, only one of those options was utterly deplorable. Even if Bella hated him for it, he couldn't let her die. Just the thought of a life without her… he didn't want to imagine it let alone live it.
As Bella sat down beside him, she noticed how stiff and agitated he was. Had something happened? Were they in danger? Had Edward or James…? Shaking her head, she grabbed his icy hand and waited for him to speak, and somehow she knew this conversation was going to change her life forever, but would it be for the good or bad?
Clearing his throat, Jasper squeezed her hand. How did he do this? He had fought countless vampires in the Southern Vampire Wars, fought enemies and friends in order to protect his life and those of his coven, and had led the life of an outlaw at various times in his long life; and he never experienced the anxiety he did right now facing his mate. The information he was about to impart would change everything about them and Bella's future.
"JW?" Bella asked quietly.
There was no hope for it. In this instance it was best to charge headlong and worry about the consequences later, "Darlin' I talked to Alice while you were takin' your shower."
"And?"
"She got a vision of the future. I know you and I discussed stayin together in the future, but our timetable has been moved up."
Frowning, the question flew out of her mouth before he could continue, "What do you mean? Is something bad going to happen?"
"Calm down, darlin'. I am not gonna let anything bad happen to y'all," Jasper released her hand and pulled her into his arms, kissing the top of her wet crown. "I promise I am gonna do all I can to protect you and everyone else, but as much as I want to protect you and allow you to stay human a while longer, that isn't an option any longer. Alice said that if you are not changed, you'll… you're gonna…"
"JW?" Bella could feel the panic bubbling up as bile burned the back of her throat.
"If you aren't changed into a vampire, you're gonna die. James and Edward will get you," his voice was a whispered breath, as if he was spilling a dreaded secret that once spoken aloud would make the outcome suddenly happen without provocation.
Bella's head started moving side to side in denial, "But can't her visions be wrong? Can't they be changed?"
"Not this one darlin'. There are some black spots, but she is adamant that if you are not changed now, you will not have a future."
"But what about my father? What about school?"
"As a newborn your control will be more on par with an animal. You won't be able to attend school or see your father for a period of time. We could make it look like you had an accident or…"
"No! My father… he can't… he won't be able to handle that." She breathed in deeply and released it slowly in an effort to get her emotions under control.
"I could leave you as a human and we could hope and pray Alice's vision is wrong, but if she's right – and she usually is – then we will only have this week." It was a low blow and he knew it. Placing that last bit of information on her felt like he was pushing her choose him over her family and friends... and he truly was doing just that.
"This week?"
"James and Edward will somehow get to you, and it all happens within the next week."
"How?"
"She didn't know."
"So maybe…"
Jasper pulled her closer, interrupting her rant, "No. Alice isn't wrong about this. We have two choices. I know which one I would like for you to pick, but I'm not goin to pressure you. You have to decide. Do you want to be changed or remain human?"
She sat there in silence for what felt like an exorbitant amount of time, but in reality the clock only made three full circles before she said anything, "If I will act more like an animal, what about my feelings for you?" She needed to know how this would affect her feelings and desire for the man she cared so much for.
Honesty. He needed to be completely honest with her, "After you wake up, blood will be your priority and it takes about a year for you to be able to control that animal instinct… sometimes longer, sometimes shorter, but the average is a year. Your feelings won't change… they'll just be put on the backburner for a while."
As she sat there and listened to him explain what being a newborn entailed, all she could think is that if she went through with her change, and really she didn't think she had much of a choice, then she would have to wait even longer to fulfill her carnal needs. Is that what she really wanted to do? Bella knew two things to be true: she didn't want to wait that long to experience what it felt like to be with Jasper beyond her dreams, and she wanted more than another week on this earth with him. She still wanted forever… it was just coming a lot sooner than she had anticipated and had not been mentally prepared for this turning point. Another problem, she didn't want her father to suffer. An accident or even making it appear as if the mass murderer had gotten to her would plague her father. As the police chief, he would probably continually ask why couldn't he stop the madman or protect his daughter, and she refused to put that sort of guilt or sentence upon him. There had to be another way. "If I went through with the change, what about my father? I know you said I can't be around him, but an accident or to look like I had been killed… with everything else going on… I just can't. He would probably blame himself since he is looking for the murderer. So you have to think of something else."
Jasper hadn't even considered that point of view, and he had to admit that she was right. If they went through with making it look like she had been killed in an accident or by an actual person, he would be wracked with guilt. If she went missing, being a police officer, he would never give up looking for her. So what other options were there? How did they keep the father and daughter apart for at least the next year? He wasn't sure. "We'll work it out. Don't worry."
"And I want one more thing."
"What's that darlin'?"
Hestitantly, she tried to gather her courage in order to proclaim her other desire, "I want… before I'm changed, I want…"
"Want what?" Jasper questioned when it appeared as if she would not continue.
Burying her fact in his chest, she murmured softly, "I want you to make love to me. I want to experience that before I have to spend a year as a mindless animal." His silence put her on edge and she asked, "Can we?"
Could they? Yes, they could, and he very much wanted to, but he was also unsure. God how he wanted her, and Alice had warned him this would be a condition, however, time was of the essence and he wanted to take his time to savor his mate fully and without others within listening distance. Still, he also knew that he couldn't reject her or deny her and there were always ways of kicking everyone out of the house or finding a place where they could be alone. Swallowing hard, his libido rising, he answered in a husky voice, "Yah, we can do that darlin'."
"And then afterwards, you can change me." Her mind was set and she was determined.
"I… I don't know if I can," Jasper whispered. He was afraid to change her. Would he taste her blood and accidentally take too much? Would he be able to stop drinking after he bit her? His greatest fear was she would die by his own hand if he tried to change her himself.
Pulling back away from her mate, Bella studied him for a moment before demanding, "What do you mean?"
"Carlisle has more experience with changin people. He's always been able to stop from taking too much… I think it might be best for him…"
Bella shook her head negatively and interrupted him before he could finish his thought, "No! I trust you, JW. I know you won't kill me. Please? I want you to be the one."
Honestly, Jasper wanted to be the one to change her as well, but he didn't know if he could. It had been so long since he had made another person into a vampire, and his thirst was vastly more sated then than it was now. Back then, he fed on humans, and now although animals sustained him, they didn't completely quench his hunger. He couldn't risk her. "Bella, I love you with all my heart, and the last thing I wanna do is put you in any kind of danger. I know we don't have a choice with James and Edward, but with Carlisle being the one to change you…"
She quickly got to her feet, releasing herself from his embrace, her temper flaring, "No. JW, I know you would never do anything that would hurt me, and I know Carlisle's control is out of this world, but I only want you to bite me. Will you at least try it? You could always have Carlisle and the others there to pull you away or talk sense into you if something goes wrong…" Approaching him again, she lifted her hand and cupped his cheek, "Please? If you really can't, I will understand, but you won't know until you at least attempt it."
Again, he found it hard to deny her wishes when she stood there and gazed upon him with her shining brown eyes. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair and finally nodded, "Ok. I'll try it darlin', but I ain't promisin' nothin'. Got it?"
"Got it!" Her beaming smile was blinding as she threw herself back into his arms and kissed him. When they finally ended the kiss, Jasper was hovering over her ready to make her earlier dream a reality. Breathless, she asked, "So when?"
Groaning, he rolled over and fell onto the bed, "I still need to talk to Carlisle and Sam Uley. I'll go do that in a minute."
"Why Sam? I thought he was a Quileute."
"He is, but there are certain… protocols we have to go through. Technically, I'm not supposed to change you."
"Isn't it my choice?"
"It is to a degree. We have a treaty with the reservation and that includes no biting any humans."
"So if he doesn't agree?"
Jasper turned his head and brushed his fingers over her face, "No matter what their decision, I plan on spending forever with you and I refuse to allow Edward or James to take away your future just because I leave you human. To me, your agreement is the only thing I need."
His proclamation was sincere and heartfelt, full of emotion and love, and it brought tears to Bella's eyes. Tears she refused to allow to fall. Leaning forward, she gave him a small kiss before laying her head on his chest, trusting him wholeheartedly. "Hey JW?"
"What is it darlin'?" He asked brushing his fingers through her mane.
"When I go through the change, will you still love me the same?"
Chuckling, he smirked, "Well, there will be some things that are different."
"Like?"
"I won't have to treat you like glass anymore and you won't risk gettin hypothermia by snugglin' with me too much."
She couldn't help but join in his laugher. It would be alright. Everything would work out. Even with the impending threats coming at them from all sides, no one could take away what she felt deep inside. Jasper was her mate, and that was all that mattered to her. Soon enough their bonds would be tested and the threats would escalate. People could get hurt, but she knew in the end, she and Jasper would be together and she would hold onto that threat tightly, wrapping it around herself in order to survive the coming storm.