Visiting hours were over. It was with a little hesitance that Nina followed Chibs into the SAMCRO clubhouse, and she held his hand, squeezing it for support as they went. It had been a long, long time since she had been there, back in that place, and she had left it with such hatred that she had sworn she would never go back again.
Yet, here she was.
Tig looked up at her with curious eyes. He didn't understand why Jax had insisted on them staying in the apartment, Chibs had made it more than clear that he would prefer to stay in a hotel but Gemma wouldn't stand for it, not with the baby. He watched as Chibs tugged away from her, letting her hand go, and walked across to sit down with Happy, who was nursing a bottle of Jack and a bad mood.
He wondered if he should go over, say hello. It seemed too strange to just pretend everything was alright, Tig knew that, deep down, Nina hated him. His fingers brushed against his throat, feeling the ragged line that Nero had scarred him with and he pursed his lips a little. He knew why, he'd never forget why, and it had gnawed at him for so long but maybe, maybe while she was here he could ask her the truth of it.
"Come on, Trager. Big fucking pussy."
He was sure it was his inner voice cursing him but he felt Bobby gave him a gentle bump from behind, sending him forward a few steps. Tig chuckled, glancing at the larger, older Son and Bobby winked. With a renewed sense of courage, Tig edged forward.
"Hey." He looked awkwardly towards Chibs, but noticed that he was consumed with conversation with Happy. Nina glanced at him, bouncing Kaya in the sling around her neck, and she gave him a fleeting smile.
"Hi."
She started to walk around him, but Tig side-stepped her blocking her way. He tipped his head, trying to catch her eye, and he gave a hopeful smile. "Can we talk? Maybe?" Fuck, he was sure his smile must be scaring her, she seemed a little put out. Maybe it was the tape across his nose from where she had clocked him. "Please?"
That last please seemed to do it. She gestured for him to follow her and ran her arm over Chibs' shoulder as she walked past him. He watched, aware that Tig was tailing her but assured by her small interaction with him that she was okay with that. Nina walked into the apartment and started to lay Kaya down on the bed, glimpsing up as Tig came in and saying firmly,
"Don't shut the door, please."
His hand eased away from the handle, eager to win her trust, and he pushed his hands into his pockets awkwardly. He swung his hip as he stared at her, watching as she unclipped the sling around her and lifted the sleeping baby up out of the harness and lay her down on the bed. Nina crawled across, picking up the pillows and adjusting them around Kaya to stop her from rolling off the bed, and Tig felt his heart beginning to beat faster as he watched.
"You're good with her."
Nina laughed, pinching Kaya's toe playfully. "I did it twice on my own before, remember?"
She didn't want to look at him but she couldn't help herself. Her gaze flicked up to find him staring at her, unable to break his eyes away. "You were good at it. Raised two beautiful girls," he finally ventured, moving forward a couple of steps. Slowly, he sat down on the edge of the bed, near to her but not beside her like he really wanted to be. "Nina-"
"I don't want to talk about her." She looked at him dismissively and shook her head. "Emily."
"Please." His voice was pleading as he tried to keep it low, not wanting interference from those in the other room. "Nina, last time we were together, you and me. You forgave me." He whimpered. "You promised me we were good."
"That was before I knew." She was curt as she said it and he whinnied softly, his eyes beginning to grow wet with regret. "What you did to her."
Tig was shaking his head, even as she spoke. All of the hope he had that this would, somehow, sort itself out, it was all beginning to melt away with every word she said.
"But you did forgive me," he whispered, clinging to it. "You told Nero, you texted him and told him we were good. He told me," he added quietly. "When…" He didn't say it, but he lifted his head to show her the scar on him. "He said he couldn't kill me until he knew that we were right. So that you'd never regret."
Nina swallowed, unaware that her father had been the one to do that to him. She drew herself up, keeping her body language tight and closed to his usual manipulative ways.
"You deserved it," she said sharply. "You deserved everything you got and more."
She started to stand up but Tig reached for her hand, not wanting her to leave him like that. "I nearly killed myself," he admitted out loud, unsure how else he might convince her to stay there. "That summer, when you left. When I was recovering. Drinking food through a fucking straw, like I was damaged." He shivered at the memory, he had never felt like less of a man. "Took me months to get my head straight. All that kept me going was the thought you might come back." She went to get away from him again but Tig rubbed his thumb against her hand softly. "Nina, please. I need us to be okay."
She could see that he was being honest, but she didn't want to give into him. She glanced at Kaya for a second and then shook her head.
"We will never be okay," she said. Her voice was measured as she pressed her lips together. "I hate you."
He could barely believe she had said it, and he felt his knees buckling beneath him. "Don't say that," he begged, his eyes filling with tears. "You don't mean it."
"Why do you even care?" she snapped. She heard Kaya start to whine and she took a breath, counting to ten to try and keep her head when all she wanted to do was scream at him. "When Daddy's better, I'll be out of here and you'll never see me or any of my family again."
"You can't go again," he insisted, shaking his head. It was precisely the wrong thing to say to her, Nina's eyes grew dark as they narrowed.
"What are you going to do, Alex? You going to hold me to the goddamn table in the other room and make me yours again?" She twisted around, lifting her shirt at the back just enough to flash the reaper he had engrained in her back when they had first met. "I am not yours, I am not your club's."
She started towards the door and Tig let out a choked sob as he called, "But you're my wife." She stopped short, turning on her heel to look at him and then paced slowly back towards him. Standing in front of him, millimeters between them, she rocked up on her tiptoes and growled,
"You signed those divorce papers the second you shot her."
"You alright, Hap?"
Chibs settled on the table opposite Happy, lowering himself down to sit. His knee clicked, it often did now but he didn't mind so much now he didn't have to deal with the club's usual antics. Chibs' life was subdued now, calm, muchly helped by having Kaya thrust upon them unexpectedly when Dmitri refused to let Natasha keep her. Happy looked up, his eyes were bloodshot as he lit another cigarette and knocked back another shot.
"No." It was just like Happy to barely answer and Chibs chuckled, patting his leg.
"Natasha, aye?" It wasn't like he needed to ask, it was screamingly obvious to everybody that that was what had got to him. Happy's huge, hulking form had been reduced to that of a love-sick teenager in a matter of hours by seeing her.
"That creep. Just took her back. Like she was his."
Chibs was about to reply when he felt Nina's hand caress his shoulder. He looked up at her and spotted Tig haunting behind her. Their eyes had the conversation he needed to, she was okay dealing with him and that was all he needed to know. He nodded and she left, leaving him to turn his attentions back to Happy.
"It all changed, brother," he said quietly, joining Happy in a drink now. He sipped the Jack, he just didn't down it like he used to, he didn't enjoy it as much. Life away from SAMCRO had mellowed him out, and for the better. "Our hands were tied."
"She wanted to go," Happy grumbled. "She made that choice."
Chibs smiled sadly, fiddling with one of his rings on his hand, the newest one that had found its way there while he and Nina had been away. "She was trying to help her Ma, God bless her heart," he said by way of explanation. "It didn't work out like any of us expected, brother, but she's… she's happy."
Happy wasn't the word he wanted to use, not really. Natasha was tolerating Dmitri Pelekov, not only for her own ease but also for the club. Her heart was with SAMCRO, through and through, and despite the number of times the Russian had wanted to break ties with the club, she had always brought him back around, her loyalty fuelling her desire to win him over.
"She can't be happy. Not with him." Happy was shaking his head. "I know her, Chibs, you know that. I…" He looked up, rubbing his palms together hesitantly. "I love that girl."
Chibs nodded slowly, he knew that all too well. "Aye. And she loved you. But things have to change, sometimes. Nothing's ever as you expect." He chuckled, glancing towards the apartment, idly wondering what they were talking about. "You think I ever figured I'd have her in there?"
He had been referring to Nina but Happy presumed he meant Kaya. "If you fuck without wrapping up your junk, that's what you get."
Chibs opened his mouth to protest and, in fact, chide, but he checked himself, realizing he would give everything away if he said a word. Instead, he grimaced, shook his head and looked down at his feet for a second. God, he needed a joint or something, this place was getting into his head and he'd hardly been here for an hour.
"She looks like Tash," Happy muttered, continuing. "She was like that. All small, button nose. Never saw her as a baby, but I guess that's what she was like, right?"
Chibs smiled sadly, reaching for the cigarette gritted between Happy's teeth and taking a long puff. "Aye, she was. You forget, I barely saw her as a bairn," he added, tapping his temple. "Been a whole new experience with Kaya."
Happy shrugged. "That shit suits you. I couldn't do that. Have a baby and stuff." He laughed and shook his head. "There's only one person I'd want that with anyway."
Chibs chuckled. "Aye. Well a good Catholic girl like that shouldn't be dropping her panties as it is, should she?" He eyed Happy, waiting for him to make some sort of comment or apology for messing around with his daughter, but Happy seemed lost in some sort of happy memory. He stared at the opposite wall for a long moment.
"I have to get her back."
Chibs was about to answer when Jax walked in with his usual swagger. He cleared his throat, looking at the President's patch on Jax's cut with distaste, and shook his head dismissively.
"Your Prez'd tell you to take what you wanted back, right?" That was what Jax had done. He'd conned and manipulated everybody left, right and centre to get back at the head of the table, and somehow he'd managed to stay there. Chibs couldn't be more grateful to have gotten out of it all when he did. "You want her? Get her. But be careful what you damage on the way," he added by way of a warning. "Because if you fuck shite up with Pelekov, it won't just be Tash you throw under the bus, it'll be the whole damn club. Me? I'm done with you ugly bastards..."
Happy laughed at that and gave Chibs a relieved smile, grateful for his blessing and he nodded, but Chibs leaned forward and kissed the top of his head softly.
"...just watch who you cross to get what you need, brother," he said, motioning to Jax over his shoulder. "Because there's a snake at the head of your table, and he only ever wants what he wants."