Thank you for all the positive feedback on the previous chapter, I'm thrilled to know you're liking the story! :D And so as to say thank you, here's chapter ten for you.
RoseJustice's review has also gotten me seriously hesitating whether Fili will eventually tell Thori about his father's treatment, I still can't decide what to do about it! (Grr, so frustrating! ^^). I guess the hurt he feels would be pretty hard to talk about, even to close relatives like Thorin or Kili, especially when it's one you love and look up to that is the cause of the pain, so I think that Fili would have to be somewhat reluctant or he'd have to let a word slip without meaning it if ever Thorin were to know. For those wondering if the two will deal with the issue, the answer is yes, they will, I've got it written already too, but not just yet. Rest assures, our favourite Uncle Thorin will eventually know about this, and about Fili's problems concerning the meals he keeps giving to Bilbo, because deep down, we all know Thorin is a Caring Uncle Figure, and that Bilbo is a friendly hobbit, who both look out for others. :)
At Guest's request, I also decided that I could include a little flashback involving Fili and his Father. Okay, technically he isn't getting hurt, but I tried to imply it instead (I know it's a bit like cheating... :P)
Well, as usuall, I hope you'll enjoy! :)
The whole company fell silent, frozen right where they stood and none of them made any sign to move. Fili never acted like this, he'd never given them that look or ran away from them before. Bilbo felt awful, if he hadn't been so insistent, this never would have happened. If he'd just kept a little more to himself, like any respectable Baggins should have, all this could maybe have been avoided. By the time he'd apologized however, there was nobody there anymore, Fili had disappeared.
Bilbo's apology seemed to let the rest of the dwarves out of their state of shock, and each one of them slowly tried to process what had just happened. Kili was the first to fully recover, and had been about to set out in search of his brother when he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder. Turning around, he came face to face with his Uncle.
"Stay here Kili, I'll handle this."
"But-" As always, Kili had to protest, as he tried to evade his Uncle's grip on his arm, which was unyielding but not hurting him. Fili was his brother, and if something was wrong with him, he needed to help him, not stay back and do nothing, it was what brothers were for. He always managed to get something out of the elder anyway, Kili always knew how to break Fili's silence barriers when something went wrong, he'd been doing it for years now.
"No buts Kili, I'll deal with this one." The answer was firm, not leaving room to argue. Kili knew better than to try and argue with his Uncle anyhow, Thorin's use of words was too good, he always managed to disarm his opponents, even if they were his two beloved nephews. Resolutely, the youngest Durin watched as his Uncle strode off in search of his elder brother, hoping that whatever had happened, it hadn't been too bad, and that Thorin might be able to coax him into coming back to them, where they could all return to eating around the fire and joking merrily. However, a part of him still had its doubts.
Bilbo had also been about to go after Fili, feeling extremely bad for his prying questions, but Gandalf stopped him, arguing that it was probably for the best if Thorin deal with it this time. It was something to be sorted out with a family, not with a friend, not yet anyway. Thorin was closer to Fili than Bilbo was, and despite how much the hobbit wanted to help, he saw the reasoning behind the wizard's argument. The dwarves all returned to finishing the cauldron of soup, albeit in a much more quiet fashion than a few minutes ago.
Thorin knew his nephew hadn't gone far, even if he had just ran off, which was completely unlike him. He knew he wouldn't have abandoned them in the middle of nowhere. Even if Fili wasn't quite himself at the present moment, he still knew better than to go wandering off into the woods surrounding them all alone and devoid of weapons (well obstructive weapons, as his nephew somehow always managed to conceal the smallest daggers on his person somehow).
Pushing past the gruff bushes which kept scratching his arms, and stepping on dead branches and snapping twigs, he made his way through the trees, knowing precisely where he was headed to. Thorin finally found Fili exactly where he thought he would, next to the ponies.
His heart ached as he heard the soft crying and the whimpering noises his nephew was making, and by the posture he'd adopted, Thorin guessed he'd been sobbing into his pony's mane ever since he got here. He tried to stop the twist in his gut, to suppress the ball in his throat, but he just couldn't. Seeing his eldest nephew like this, breaking down at a simple meal, he felt so powerless. It was one of the rare moments in his life where the great Thorin Oakenshield was at a loss of what to do. He was a warrior, a skilled fighter, he even had a decent amount of knowledge in any sort of politics and diplomacy, he could get himself out of almost any situation, yet he found all those qualities quite futile when it came to easing his nephew's cries.
What could possibly be wrong with the lad, he couldn't figure. Bilbo, despite finding the hobbit a little troublesome, hadn't harmed him, and he didn't recall their burglar saying anything hurtful. Besides, he knew Bilbo would never offend them out openly, he maybe wasn't the bravest, but he wasn't insulting. His nephew didn't seem to bear any scrapes or scratches either, so he definitely wasn't hurt. What could it be then?
"Fili?" He asked quietly as he slowly approached the younger, but he got no answer.
Thorin discreetly made his way over to the blonde, careful as to not startle him, but the lad didn't even seem to have noticed his uncle was only a few feet away from him. Fili looked so small, surprisingly even smaller than his brother, and Thorin felt a pang of guilt settle deep inside him, what could possibly be wrong with him? Thorin squinted his eyes, hoping he may find some scratch, even a small patch of blood, which would explain Fili's need to be alone, but never found any. He was about to inquire out loud what the problem was, hoping Fili might be willing to discuss whatever was amiss with him. However, after a short reflection, hethought better than to say anything, afraid he'd aggravate the poor dwarf's state even further. Fili was never one for admitting his troubles, and Thorin knew better than to force him to speak, his nephew would eventually come to him if he felt he needed to, it had always been like that. It was painful, having to watch the lad suffer alone, but forcing him to speak would not settle the matter, Thorin knew it wasn't how Fili worked. Instead, Thorin decided to put a comforting hand on his nephew's shoulder. Sometimes, actions just worked better than words, even if they didn't come off as reassuring.
Fili turned around instantly as he felt something brush against his loose clothes, and crossed Thorin's stare. Although the elder remained silent, he thought he could read disappointment there, and he immediately started feeling worse again as the weight of his Uncle's gaze pushed more and more on his aching shoulders. There was too much there now, and before he could stop himself, he found that he'd grabbed the front of his Uncle's coat and buried his head in his chest, sobbing all over again. The blonde wanted to stop, he wanted to show Thorin than he didn't need to worry about him, but found that he couldn't control his emotions anymore, and he let them all out. He wouldn't dare speak though, Fili couldn't confide in his Uncle, no matter how much he wished he could. Uncle had other things to worry about than an incapable sister-son.
His nephew's change in attitude startled Thorin. His usually composed nephew, Fili who always knew what was going on around him, didn't look any of that at the moment. The dwarf leader just let the lad take hold of his coat for a while, before feeling the need to do something to help him feel better. If words didn't work, he could always act, and even if he hadn't done this since both Durin boys were dwarflings, he decided to give it a try.
Bringing Fili closer to him, Thorin gently wrapped his arms around his nephew with one hand on the small of his back and the other behind his head, letting him know that he was there for him, and that he didn't need to say anything if he didn't feel up to it. He could have sworn his nephew was shaking, as he clung to him like a lifeline, but Thorin didn't mind. He wasn't acting as the great Thorin Oakenshield at the moment. Right now, he was just Uncle Thorin, the uncle Fili needed. During the silence, he started questioning his decisions too, maybe bringing Kili and Fili along with him hadn't been a very good idea after all, maybe his brother-in-law had been right when he'd said they were still too young for this sort of thing…
"Fili?" he asked gently after a while, noticing the sobbing had stopped but still hearing hitched breaths. He didn't get any answer. "Fili, are you feeling any better? What happened back there?" Thorin asked quietly, holding onto his nephew's shoulders and looking down at him, kindly.
"I… I'm not s-sure Uncle" Fili stammered. To be honest, he couldn't figure out why he'd let himself crumble like that, especially in front of everyone. Maybe he'd been keeping too much inside and the built up emotions just needed out. It had felt good on the spot, and right now with Thorin's arms wrapped around him, making him feel safe, but realizing what exactly he'd done, he just felt shame. "I guess I'm just tired, and wasn't in my right state of mind. I'm s-sorry." Without being the truth, it wasn't exactly a lie either. Fili hated having to keep things from his Uncle, but this was not something he could talk about, not with Thorin, not with Kili, not even with Bilbo, not with anybody.
Thorin didn't want to start an argument, not now, when they all needed to just cool off. "Why don't you go and get some sleep? Looks like you need it. If ever you don't feel well, don't hesitate to ask Oin." he suggested after a while, giving a light squeeze to Fili's shoulder, encouraging him to take his advice. A good night's sleep would do them all the world of good, he reflected.
Fili nodded, and they both made their way back to the others, Thorin with one hand remaining on his nephew's shoulder and Fili wiping the tears away, unwilling to let the others know he'd been crying, it would be too embarrassing. Dwalin having scouted around earlier, and not having noticed anything that could prove itself threatening, Thorin decided that the ponies could do without somebody watching over them for one night at the very least, he knew they wouldn't run off, and even if they did need somebody to guard them, he definitely wasn't going to assign the task to Fili, the lad needed rest above anything else right now.
He watched in silence as Fili made way to his coat, which was spread on the ground, and rearranged his bags so he could rest his head against them, before curling up on himself and slowly trying to nod off. He followed the others, who had started to settle in for the night, and drew his protection over his shoulders, before silently dozing off himself.
If Fili gave the appearance he was sleeping, seemingly peaceful with his eyes closed, inside, he most certainly wasn't. He was still afraid, scared, of what he'd done, wasting Thorin's precious time by making him feel concerned over him. Oh, he liked his Uncle, he really did, but despite knowing Thorin was trying to help him, he still felt as lonely as ever, even if his Uncle's words or mere presence had always been a source of comfort.
The sun had already been falling when Dwalin had finally called their day quit. Fili was exhausted, learning how to wield two swords was definitely most tiring, especially for a dwarfling, but he'd never complain out loud, or he knew these lessons would come to an end, something he hoped would not have to happen before a long time, at least until he was an accomplished warrior, and even then, keeping up practicing with Dwalin could only prove to be helpful.
As he pushed the door to the house open, escaping the biting cold and the freezing snow which had been falling for hours now, Fili immediately caught the scent of what must have been roasted meat, and needless to say, it smelled especially good. He'd been about to trudge into the kitchen, letting his nose be his guide, when a looming figure came out of it, looking down at him. Instantly the blonde's breathing quickened, and he winced as he took a step back, feeling a bruise on his jaw suddenly ache again, one he had not acquired with Dwalin. Father was there.
"I'll be needing good sized logs for the fire tonight, lad. If I were you, I'd get to it, now. Wouldn't want to let Mother get cold when she comes in with your Uncle, would we? " And he raised his eyebrows in the intimidating fashion only he knew how to use perfectly, as he crossed both strong arms across his broad chest, taking a threatening step forward.
Fili didn't dare protest, not when it was Father "asking". He didn't want to go back outside, where he was sure he'd lose one of his fingers to the chilling gusts of wind, but he'd learnt that arguing with Father tended to have quite painful consequences, and he didn't think his tired limbs could put up with it tonight. His arm was still sore from last night's grip, and the pain from the red burn on it hadn't dulled down yet. He'd rather face the biting cold than a blazing flame.
Besides, he soon found himself believing that it wasn't all that bad. Fili thought of Mother's smile when he'd come in with a load of wood they could all use to keep warm, and how Kili would jump and beg to be the one to light the fire, he was even looking forward to see Father chuckle at his little brother's enthusiasm. But most of all, maybe Uncle Thorin would have arrived by then. Mother had said he might drop by for the evening, and both Kili and he had been thrilled at the news. Uncle Thorin was always a source of smiles and good times, for everyone. Things weren't that grim, really.
What felt like hours later, with aching shoulders and frozen fingers, Fili pushed the door open as he carried in the logs his Father had asked of him. The blonde deposited them in a neat heap next to the dying fire they'd already had going, before turning back. He passed by the kitchen, but hesitated at the doorway. Looking in, he could see Kili laughing, with Father ruffling his hair and Mother chuckling as she went about the room, putting dishes away and organizing whatever she could see, she was always so meticulous. Fili wanted to go in, and almost ordered his feet to do the movement for him, but something kept him pinned in place. This was how it was meant to be. They'd always meant to be three, not four. He'd always been an extra, a spare, they didn't need him here. Besides, if he went in, Father would lose his smile, and he'd interrupt Kili's good time. Fili wouldn't do that to his brother.
Head down, the blonde made his way up to his own room, where he was certain he wouldn't be bothering anybody and sought out the comfort of the only place he'd ever known to find any, books.
He'd been engrossed in whatever story he'd managed to find when he heard the commotion downstairs: Uncle Thorin was here! Fili's heart lifted immediately and without thinking twice, the blonde jumped off his bed. Skidding across the room, he caught hold of the door handle, where he calmed down a little, and then it happened all over again. He couldn't go down there. He wanted to, but Father hadn't said he could. As quick as the smile had been to appear, it faded away. Fili wasn't wanted down there, Uncle had his priorities anyway.
Thorin hadn't stopped grinning since the front door had been opened for him. He hadn't even managed to set a foot into the house when he found a mop of dark brown hair in his arms. Kili had always been the spontaneous kind of lad, and as he clutched Thorin's coat like there was no tomorrow, the dwarf ruffled his head, smiling as he heard the playful cries of protest. It was good to be here.
After much convincing on his sister's part, a very reluctant Kili backed away, to let his Father welcome his brother-in-law, whom Thorin was very happy to see again. The dwarf let himself be dragged into the kitchen, where a most tempting plate was waiting nicely for him. Just the smell was enough to open the tired Uncle's appetite.
Sitting down, and looking back up at the other three, eyes darting from one cheerful face to another, Thorin suddenly realized one of his favorite nephews was missing from the picture.
"Is Fili not here?"
Kili was the one to inform him that his brother must have felt a little tired, and Dis's husband said the lad was upstairs, probably sleeping in his room, adding that he'd had a long day's work with Dwalin. If he'd been running around with the warrior all day, there was no doubt about it then, he was more than likely exhausted.
Kili had decided to keep his Uncle company at the table, after his father had left them both together. Thorin listened intently to the lad, who was proudly going on about how he was getting better and better at using the bow Father had gotten him for his last birthday. His Uncle was proud, Kili was an exceptionally skilled child, for his age, and was glad to know all seemed well. The dark haired boy was excellent company for discussions, on anything really, always the enthusiastic one who could go on chatting for hours and hours.
Once he felt like he could no longer take another mouthful, despite how good the meal was, Kili offered to look after the dishes, saying Thorin would probably be needing some much wanted rest after making his way here. Thorin agreed, but instead of heading to the living room, he made his way up the stairs, to a certain nephew he hadn't seen yet. He smiled as his sister's husband was seemingly coming down from the room he'd been heading to, thanking his host for his good hospitality.
Fili had been quietly reading for a while now, Father having threatened him not to come down, unless he wished for his belt, which the blonde tried to avoid, promising he'd stay up here as long as it was required of him. Besides, Father's bruising grip on his arm as he ordered him to stay in his room had been enough to dissuade the child from going down. He didn't want any more scars to add to the collection Father had already given him. So lost in his book he hadn't even heard the commotion downstairs. Besides, nobody had opened his door yet, so he wasn't needed with the others anyway. He was used to it by now anyhow, even if he hated the lonely feeling. He often went up to read so the others could spend time together, so that Father could be happy with the family he wanted to have.
Despite being engrossed in his book, he heard his door open, and looked up, expecting Father or maybe even Kili, to let him know he could come down. But it was neither one nor the other. It took the blonde a second to analyze who was there, and the instant after recognizing the face, he'd already jumped off his bed, so glad to have someone.
"Uncle Thorin!" Uncle Thorin's arms around him were always the best hugs he'd ever had, and the warm hand ruffling his wild hair allowed Fili to grip Thorin's coat even tighter. Everything was always better when Uncle was here.
Despite how his Uncle's hands kept unconsciously pressing against sore bruises on his back and how his stomach rumbled rather loudly as he clutched the older dwarf, Fili didn't dare break the moment, knowing Uncle's display of affection for him had become a rare thing indeed. Besides, he could put up with anything if it was to have Uncle Thorin with him, just him, even if it was only for a few moments.