I've started realizing that I'm kind of deviating from the original idea I had for this story (but don't plans always change? ^^), so I'll try and include Bilbo a little more from now on, if I can.
On an other note, thank you all for following so far, and I really hope I'll be able to keep up a satisfying story for you. :)
Fili woke up early the next morning, after an uneasy night. Sleep had not come to him as fast as he would have liked, and as he waited for it to carry him away, he'd had time processing all the trouble he'd given to the company. He felt frustrated with himself, for causing so much damage around, and worrying Thorin. Although his uncle didn't say it out loud, deep down, Fili knew he was probably worried over his heir, and Fili didn't want his uncle to lose focus of their goal. They were on this journey to reclaim Erebor, not to cuddle and fuss around Fili. He decided he'd need to be more careful from now on, and try not to give the others any chance to make him the center of attention again. Last night's break down had been bad enough, no need for more…
After sitting up and rubbing sleep out of his eyes, he noticed he'd been the first to wake among the company. He'd always been a light sleeper, unlike his brother who could sleep through an apocalypse, which maybe explained it… There was no point in staying down now, unless he wished to have an aching back for the rest of the day, which would only be a hindrance if they were to continue riding, so he decided to make himself useful.
Knowing the others would probably be needing a fire once they woke up, the dwarf thought he might as well make one now, besides, he felt freezing cold himself. It puzzled him, because winter was still leagues away, and there was neither wind nor rain there to bother them. Maybe it was just him then… After getting the fire going, he curled up next to it, trying to get as much heat as possible out of it as he extended his hands as close as he could to the warmth, still trying to keep a safe distance between him and the flames.
He didn't know how long he'd been like that, staring into the orange glow which was strangely comforting and slowly warming his icy fingers, when he heard a slight rustling behind him, before Bilbo sat down quietly to his left.
"You don't look too good, you sure you're all right?" The hobbit could see that Fili didn't look very well, catching the dark circles under his eyes and the ashen-colored skin. Fili looked as if he hadn't slept in days actually. Truth be told, he'd started noticing the blonde seemed somewhat off, he was definitely hiding something but despite trying to read him, Bilbo soon found that Fili was too good at mastering his expressions. He couldn't read him. Oh, he knew something was wrong, it was plainly evident to him now, but he knew better than to ask his friend out openly about it. Fili, despite being one of the dwarves with whom he spent the most time, and one of the ones who had been extremely nice to him, still held some reservations, Bilbo knew. He wished he could gain the lad's full trust, that he could feel safe enough with the hobbit to unburden himself, but the swordsman still seemed somewhat reluctant.
"Me?" Fili had been totally caught off-guard. Had he really become that easy to read? If Bilbo knew something was off with him, then the blonde suddenly knew he must have let something slip. Damn! Fili hadn't wanted any of them to spare their concern over him, knowing people like Ori or Bilbo would need it more. He was relatively fine anyway, meaning he knew he wasn't concealing any bruises…Yet. However, between lying to the others and finding ways to escape spending time around them in the evenings, particularly around dinners, it was getting harder and harder. After all, there were only a limited number of excuses he could use. And when all his options ran out, he knew that eventually they'd all know, and Fili wasn't looking forward to Thorin discovering it, almost certain that he'd probably receive one stern lecture, but he just couldn't eat with them anymore. It was too difficult.
Bilbo, he knew was concerned for him out of friendship, because both had become good companions along the way. It was nice of the hobbit, to spare time to look out for him, Fili really did appreciate it, but there were others Bilbo could see to more. Ori was the youngest, he deserved more attention than him, Ori was the one who needed reassurance, needed the others to be there for him. Despite having Dori constantly fuss around him, the scribe needed others too.
"Don't worry Bilbo, I'm fine!" he brushed off lightly. Fili decided to lie. He knew it wasn't very honest, especially for a dwarf from the honorable line of Durin, but he couldn't let Bilbo in on this, despite how much he wanted to be able to just talk openly with someone. "Just didn't sleep very well." He added, to cover up any suspicions the hobbit could have. True, although he had slept a little all the same, his body felt completely exhausted, and Fili was still trying to figure out why. They hadn't even used that much energy, having only been sitting on the ponies, while the animals had done most of the work. Yet, as the days dragged on, he could feel himself getting weaker and weaker, despite sleeping as much as he could. It might not have come off as much when he'd first noticed it, but the blonde was definitely beginning to get concerned, why was it happening to him?
Bilbo remained silent, and shifted away slightly. He might not be the smartest hobbit around, but he knew when someone was lying, and Fili was definitely lying. But why would the blonde feel the need to lie to them? To his friends? To people he could trust? Surely if something was wrong, he'd speak up about it, right? Bilbo bit his lip, as he stared at the small chunk of bread he'd been given, Fili had been acting strangely for a while now, he'd noticed. He wouldn't say it out loud, knowing better than to alarm the others, but as a friend, he took it upon himself to keep watch. It was only just little things here and there, but the hobbit had started to notice when Thorin's nephew would claim he needed a walk when Bombur would be in the middle of cooking their evening meal, he'd seen the lad in the corner of his eye as he'd sometimes go off somewhere by himself after dinner, or just sometimes how he'd sleep right through their meals. The burglar was starting to get a little concerned, but surely somebody else had seen this too, right? He needn't worry about it, Thorin would certainly see to it himself. But if ever Fili fell too far, Bilbo still wanted to be there, to be able to give him a hand to pull him back up if he needed it, although he strongly doubted it would ever go that far, Fili was fine anyway he thought, chuckling lightly. How fast he'd come to care for this odd group, Bilbo found himself admitting suddenly.
The others were finally making a move to get up. One by one, the other dwarves all stretched, yawned, put their jackets or belts back on, and came sitting around the source of warmth in a circle. Bombur gave each member of the company a small piece of bread to start the day off with, Thorin having told them to be careful with the amount of supplies, saying they needed to make them last as long as possible.
Fili wasn't really hungry, but nibbled at the offered food none the less, knowing he'd be needing it for their day's ride if he didn't want to fall of his pony. At least the rain had stopped, to everyone's benefit, and they would probably be making better timing today.
Thorin, who came back after checking their mounts so as to make sure that they wouldn't be forgetting anything, sat down across from them, saying that today they would try and go a little further. He seemed to be in a slightly better mood than yesterday, and Fili supposed that the night's sleep had done most of them good. To his relief, his Uncle didn't even seem to recall last night's short conversation, which was all the better, because Fili really didn't want to give Thorin means to fret over his well being, he was fine anyway, or at least, he tried to convince himself he was.
Indeed, the dwarf leader felt much more composed this morning, and didn't want to press his followers for the time being for fear they might push themselves too far, and Thorin wouldn't stand for that. They'd all agreed to help him on this quest to reclaim Erebor, their homeland by right, and Thorin desperately wanted to see the kingdom back in dwarven hands again, but he'd promised himself he wouldn't do it at the expense of anyone's health, including the hobbit.
Soon enough, they were all on their way once more, with some of the party talking among themselves, others staying quiet and reserved. It gave their leader a little time to himself and his own thoughts. Bilbo he found, was for now much more trouble than he was worth, but it wasn't in Thorin's nature to punish people who got on his nerves. He'd seen dwarves suffer punishment, he'd seen the horrors his people had endured in the hands of Azog the Defiler, and he'd sworn to himself to never fall that low. Yes, they may be losing time by not making haste, and yes, they might be losing a precious hour or two, but he'd rather they all arrive in good shape to their destination than as broken limping skeletons barely clinging to life.
His grandfather, Thrór, had been a good king, Thorin had admired him and had always held up a deep respect for his elder. It had been agonizing to him, witnessing his descent into madness. One day, Thrór had been a caring family member, the next, he'd become a cold being, no longer recognizable, even by his kin. Thorin had still stayed by his side, desperately hoping that someday Thrór would come back to his senses, leave his gold to see in Thorin a grandson, a boy who needed a grandfather, but Thrór never did, and as time went by, he lost so much of what made him Thrór, that the heir to Erebor could no longer identify him as family.
Ever since that day, he'd developed this terror of being affected by what the dwarves called "dragon sickness", he'd sworn to himself that when he reclaimed his homeland, he'd not fall to the same fate, he couldn't bare making Kili and Fili face that feeling of helplessness that he'd felt so long ago, knowing someone you loved was just inches away from you, yet at the same time, you and that same person were leagues apart. It still hurt sometimes, when he thought about it, and it just redoubled his conviction that he'd fight the madness, if only for his nephew's sakes.
Coming out of his slight daydream, Thorin noticed they'd entered some forest. He didn't like it, he didn't like any kind of forest. Trees always reminded him of the elves, and elves kept bringing him back to a certain king, and his betrayal. The place was calm, almost too calm, and it put him on edge. The dwarf leader looked around anxiously, expecting one of those giant spiders of the forests of Mirkwood to jump out at them any minute, yet none ever came.
The wind whistled through the trees, lifting up bundles of dead leaves from the ground, sending them twirling around them, as if they were trying to trap the dwarves, keep them prisoner of the forest. Thorin looked around uneasily, at the long branches that seemed to reach out, almost grabbing them as if they were huge claws, and the rippling of some stream far off, which resonated in his ears, like a beast's growl. He wanted out, he wanted to be out in the plains again, even if it meant putting himself and the others in danger, he couldn't stand the oppressing feeling that weighed more and more heavily on his shoulders as minutes passed by.
Soon enough, they came to a narrow passage, and he almost gave an audible groan as they would have to go and see for themselves if they could continue without the ponies, seeing how small the space left for them to move about was. Of course, he got no protests from the others, being their leader, and as they left their mounts in the small clearing, they all followed Thorin one after the other, deep into the passageway.
Pushing branch after branch, they ended up finding the end of the interminable rows of trees. Fili found himself to be exhausted already, and they'd only been walking. What on earth was wrong with his body? Why was it betraying him like this? Stepping a little aside of his other companions, the blonde tried to get his hitched breathing under control, he tried to get rid of whatever was happening to him. And then it happened again. The awful burning sensation was back in his throat, he needed to get away, now, he needed to get rid of what he'd eaten this morning. The trees would give him ample cover for that, and Fili prayed nobody would follow him. He started backing away slowly, discreetly making his way to a patch of isolated plants.
Once there, he allowed himself to panic as he crashed to his knees. Making sure nobody was around him, and feeling his quick breakfast rise in the back of his throat, Fili let it out. The burning feeling was awful, and the taste left in his mouth after the heaving was most unpleasant, but at least, he knew he'd managed to get rid of the food, he'd managed to get rid of what his frame could not stomach. It might not have totally calmed his nerves, but Fili could see that he still held some kind of control over how he felt, he was still mastering his slowly crumbling body. And for now, it was all that mattered to him.
However, staying apart from the others was bound to raise their suspicions, and the blonde wasn't ready to let any of them in on this. They didn't need to know anyway, it wasn't dangerous, and he still had many years to spend before entering Mahal's halls. Recomposing himself, and hoping they wouldn't ask any questions, he trudged back to the others, whom he found had not moved since his little escapade.
Bilbo was the only one to have noticed Fili, seemingly joining them out of nowhere, and the black circles under the blonde's eyes definitely set the hobbit's alarm bells off. If it were just he and Thorin's nephew, he would have confronted him directly, and despite how unpleasant it would have come off as, he probably would have forced answers out of the lad too. But Bilbo was just a hobbit, he wasn't the one who could knock some sense into Fili's brain, Thorin was the only one who could do so, and right now, their leader was not in the mood for Bilbo's questions. The hobbit bit his lip, he couldn't leave his friend like this much longer, he needed to have the lad's uncle see to him as soon as he could. Despite still being rather nervous when it came to speaking with the stern warrior, Bilbo decided that as soon as he'd get the chance, he'd take Thorin aside to express his concerns, even if it would cost him his curly hobbit locks.
Thorin, miles away from the thoughts that were plaguing Bilbo, had been about to order his companions to go back for the ponies, so they could maybe try and cross all this countryside a little quicker than by using their feet, when he heard an all too familiar, bone-chilling growl. But it wasn't just any cry.
That was unmistakably a warg. And where wargs were concerned, orcs were too. This was definitely not looking good.