Title: dark, confined spaces (but not the kind you're thinking about)

Rating: T

Pairing: Zoro x Luffy

Genre: Humor/Romance

Time Period: Modern AU

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.

Warnings: swearing, suggestive stuff.

A/N: Whew, made it in time. I was inspired from a tumblr prompt: 'we don't know each other at all but got stuck in an elevator together and in that hour i feel like i've known you longer than i've known my best friends' au. Happy New Year!

The phone goes off. And like every other time it's gone off, Usopp dreads picking up the receiver. He tries to remember how he ended up working as a receptionist for the building's maintenance department again…

But his memory fails him.

It probably involved long, exaggerated accounts of his resume during the interview.

In other words, it was all. His. Fault.

He tries to steel himself: he puffs out his chest, picks up the phone and.. "He-he-hellooo?"

"Yeah." A deep, gruff voice cuts through the silence. "The elevator's stuck."

An excited, high-pitched voice chimes in. "Whoo-hoo! It's so dark!"

"Wha-" The sound of rustling clothing scratches at Usopp's ears. "Get off of me, you weirdo!"

"Ne! You wanna tell some ghost stories?"

Mr. Gruffy sighs like he's going to punch something. "You still there?"

"Eep!" Usopp hurriedly clears his throat. "Yes sir. Um, I just called maintenance. They're working on the issue, so just sit tight."

"Not like there's much else to do, shishishi!"

Before Usopp hangs up the phone, he swears he could heard a small "tch" sound.

Eleven minutes later, Usopp runs multiple lines through his head.

Not to be the bearer of bad news but…

Sorry but…

So guess what! We have no idea what's wrong!

Usopp slams his head on the desk. This job was bad for his weak little heart.

He dials the phone. It connects to the elevator in time for him to hear:

"Dare." That came from Mr. Gruffy.

"I dare you to lick your elbow!" Mr. Sunshine challenges him.

A pause. Usopp almost wants to interrupt them to point out that…

"That's impossible," Mr. Gruffy gripes.

Exactly!

"I see…" Mr. Sunshine draws out his words suggestively. "So that means I win!"

"Wha- hell no!"

"Shishishi!"

"Grr…Dammit! The only way this could work is if I cut off my tongue and…"

Usopp makes a hacking cough. Later, he won't remember whether he was trying to interrupt, or whether the suggestion of an impending amputation made him choke on his own spit. He hears various expletives. "Just wanted to let you fine folks know that the maintenance team is still working on the problem."

"You mean they don't know what the hell is wrong."

"Aww, don't be mean, Zoro. Hey, it's my turn!"

"…Fine. Truth or dare."

"Dare!"

For the sake of Usopp's sanity and burning throat, he hangs up.

Thirty-two minutes later, Usopp heaves a sigh and picks up the phone. He doesn't care what kind of Su-per mood the repairman is in; he's tired of being the bearer of bad news. He hears the familiar click and:

"-But hey, you know that thing that happens?" Mr. Gruffy asks.

"Yeah, I hate that!"

"With the-" and a silence that Usopp can only assume is filled by hand gestures.

"And the-" followed by more silence.

And then they start laughing like they're having the time of their lives in a lightless, claustrophoba-inducing metal death box. Usopp suddenly feels a sense of dread creeping in. What if they've already gone crazy?! "Ahem!"

The laughing abruptly ceases. Mr. Gruffy speaks up. "Oh, it's you."

"Yeah, it's me," Usopp lamely replies. "I've been told that maintenance has almost figured out what's going on, but they're gonna need a little more time."

"…Well alright then." Mr. Gruffy goes back to his original conversation. "But hey, it's nothing a little duct tape can't solve."

"Yeah," Mr. Sunshine admits, "except then you gotta deal with the bloodstains afterwards…"

Usopp slams the phone into the receiver. Change of heart. He loved his job. He loved his little cubicle. Most of all, he loved that fact that he wouldn't be the one opening those elevator doors and peeking inside.

Forty-eight minutes later, Usopp doesn't even bother feeling dread. His hands just automatically reach for the phone and go through the motions:

"-not like you can miss a parent who's never around. But Sabo was more family than he'll ever be."

Mr. Sunshine's voice is soft, barely hovering above a whisper.

Through it all, Usopp could pick up a quiet rustling; like a wild animal slipping through tall grasses, or a hand drifting through a bed of hair. "Ahem," Usopp softly interjects.

He hears several muffled thuds and more swearing from Mr. Gruffy. "The hell- have you been listening the whole time?!"

"What?! Nononono! I just got here! I mean…They're saying they're almost done. Should be a few more minutes."

"About time." But Mr. Gruffy's tone doesn't really match his words. He sighs, and there's more shuffling sounds. "You were saying?"

Usopp freezes. He's trying to figure out what Mr. Gruffy's talking about, and what he's supposed to say next, when Mr. Sunshine's voice drifts through again.

"So yeah, about Sabo…"

Usopp quietly places the phone on the receiver and leans back against his chair with a noisy sigh. Yeah, he definitely wasn't getting paid enough for this.

…

One hour and six minutes later, Usopp dials the phone triumphantly, for what he hopes is the final time. When he connects to the elevator, though, he doesn't hear anything. No rustling, no voices, not even a breath sounds. Holy shit, did they…suffocate in there? His voice comes out a little too shrill. "Hello?!"

Usopp hears some choking sounds followed by two very angry exclamations of "WHAT?!"

"YOUR ELEVATOR DOOR SHOULD OPEN SHORTLY HAVE A NICE DAY!"

At the end of Usopp's shift, the cost for replacing the cracked phone is deducted from his pay.

Zoro steps out of the elevator, stretching his arms with a satisfied groan. "Ugh. Finally, we're out."

"Yeah." Luffy jumps onto the linoleum floor from behind Zoro.

They lock eyes for a bit. Then they fidget around, not quite ready to leave, but lacking any good reason to stay in each other's presence.

"You know…" Luffy bites his lip. "I don't really mind being trapped in dark, confined spaces with you."

Zoro stares at him. Then his lips curl in an anticipatory smirk.

…

…

…

Twenty minutes later, they find themselves in a karaoke box, belting a horribly off-tune version of Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On."