Chapter 106

Bella

I had no idea what to think or how to explain my feelings after all he had told me. By becoming involved with him I had passed a death sentence on myself but then if we hadn't met I would be dead already if not worse. He and his friends wouldn't have come looking for me and Mendoza would probably still have me locked in a cellar somewhere. Of course I loved him, I always had but I was scared of becoming a vampire, of leaving the world I knew and understood to step into one more violent and deadly than anything I had ever known. I just wanted someone to talk to and with Renee gone there was only Rose. I knew she would listen and not judge me so I was relieved when she came through the door. Jasper came to me and kissed the top of my head lingering a few seconds before smiling at me and leaving without a word to Rose, just a quick nod of thanks.

"Hi Bella, you OK?"

I shook my head and the tears began to fall,

"No, I'm not Rose, I have no idea what I should do. Jasper told me about the Volturi and I'm scared."

She came to sit beside me and pulled me into a sisterly hug, I never felt threatened with Rose close by even knowing what she really was,

"Its OK Bella, its fine to be scared. Its a lot to take in after all you've been through."

"What would you do in my place? Will they kill me if I run?

"I won't lie to you Bella, they will try and its hard to outrun the Volturi but Jasper would protect you with his life if you decided that's what you wanted to do. He loves you, he has no choice and he's the best person in our world to have watching your back."

"But they'll kill him too?"

"Yes they will. How does that make you feel?"

"I don't want him dead Rose, I love him, I'm just scared of what that means."

"I understand, the thought of becoming a vampire scares you, it certainly scares me all the time. I'm terrified of someone finding out what I really am."

I shook my head, she had misunderstood my words,

"Its not becoming a vampire that scares me so much as the thought of giving my life to a man who could one day decide he's bored with me. It happens all the time in my world so why not in yours? Then I'd be left all alone with an eternity as a vampire. I know I have Charlie but I don't think I could bear the thought of losing Jasper if I handed him my heart."

"Bella, has it occurred to you that he's already taken that step. As a vampire who's found his mate you already hold his heart in your hands and you will always do so, he loves you and he will always do so. There is no falling in and out of love for our kind."

"You mean he'll always be mine? But what if I decided I couldn't become a vampire?"

"He would still love you, but he's already told you all this Bella I'm sure."

"Did you never doubt your love for Emmett or his for you? I saw so many romances crash and burn."

"Not for vampires, its a one shot and its binding for life. Jasper loves you and always will, what you should be asking yourself is do you love him enough to spend eternity with him? I'm going to make coffee and get you something to eat as per my orders so you think about what I've said."

I looked at the clock surprised to see it was almost eight in the evening, by calling Rose over I'd kept her from bedtime with Skye and I felt guilty and incredibly selfish. I followed her into the kitchen,

"I didn't see the time Rose, I'm so sorry to keep you from Skye, why don't you go, I'll be OK on my own."

She turned to me and smiled a wicked looking knife in her hand and a chopping board full of vegetables at her side,

"Its OK, Emmett's home and he loves bath time with Skye and telling her stories even though she's too little to understand."

"You really love her don't you?"

"Yes we do, its given us a chance to be parents and that's wonderful but tonight you needed me more than she did."

Thinking about what she said I nodded,

"Yes I did, thank you Rose for everything but its time I stood on my own two feet again unsteady though they might be. You go home, I'll finish dinner and please, don't ring Jazz for an hour, I just want a little while to get myself straight."

"Are you sure Bella? He's going to kill me for leaving you alone."

"I can't have a babysitter all the time, I have to get past this fear of being alone Rose or I'll never take control of my life again. I won't be scared forever, I can't be."

I could see she was unhappy so we compromised, she would finish cooking dinner for me and then leave giving me an hour to eat and clear away before ringing her brother.

"If he kills me its all your fault and I just hope you can live with the guilt."

"You're a vampire Rose, he can't kill you but I would be upset if he tried."

She laughed and I helped her finish the Mediterranean tortellini she was preparing and found for the first time I was actually looking forward to a meal and not only that I felt more relaxed than I had in a long time and I knew I'd made my mind up about a lot of things.

After she left I finished eating and tidied up then went through to the bedroom and opened the closet looking through the clothes Rose had bought for me and grabbing a rose pink sweater and a pair of white jeans. Then I showered quickly and got changed, checking my appearance for the first time in ages and groaning at the skinny, haunted looking girl who was me. I tried a smile and it made me look better so I tried to keep it on my face and almost succeeded.

I pushed my feet into the fluffy slippers Esme had bought me then brushed my hair and tied it back before deciding I'd done the best I could and went back into the lounge curling up on the couch and flicking through one of the many magazines Rose and Alice had brought for me although I had one eye on the clock as the minute hand moved towards the time Rose had told me she would ring Jazz and let him know I was alone in the apartment. Would he be angry with her? I hoped not, it had been my choice not hers. I wondered how long it would be after she rang before he appeared and what he had been thinking about while he was gone. My heart was beating fast and my mouth dry so I poured myself a soda and stood at the counter until my hands stopped shaking. Mendoza was dead I had nothing to fear any longer...well the Volturi but that could be solved if I so chose.

The minute hand clicked to the moment that Rose was ringing and I clenched my fists to keep them steady. I watched as it moved one minute past and then another before I heard the key in the door and Jasper's voice,

"Bella? Its me, are you OK?"

I nodded stupidly before answering him,

"I think I will be now."

He came into the room looking at me apprehensively,

"Rose told me you were alone so I came straight back."

"Where were you?"

Now he looked guilty,

"Down the street in the park waiting."

"Well you don't need to wait any longer. Rose helped me see a lot of things including how unfairly I've been treating you and I'm sorry for that Jasper. I know what I want now but you are going to have to help me."

I could see from his expression he had misunderstood and I smiled holding out my hand,

"I want to meet the family, after all I'm going to be joining them soon aren't I?"

His smile was blinding and he stepped to me hugging me close and kissing the top of my head but I tilted it upwards so our lips met for the first time since I was abducted and it felt so right.