Chapter 117

Jasper

Esme was right of course, as soon as we got back Rose and Alice grabbed Bella and bundled her into Charlotte's car where Jenna was waiting and off they went leaving us guys to our own devices while Esme took over Skye and Felix and Kat went out to try their hand at painting an interesting tree in the grounds. Emmett and Carlisle were due any time having taken a circuitous route back to avoid big towns where there was more risk of being stopped by the police. I took Peter and Charlie to one side and explained the situation.

"We need to have something ready for when Carlisle gets back. I know Bella will feel much better if we give Phil a proper burial."

Charlie nodded,

"I think that's a really good idea Jazz. There's a nice spot under the old oak, Bella likes to sit looking at it so I think she'd approve."

"If you help Charlie with that I'll chisel a stone for him, what do you want on it Charlie. or what do you think Bella would like?"

"I dunno, he was born in 1975 but it might be better to put a simple inscription Garrett, I'll leave it with you."

Bella

When we got back after a long shopping trip I saw Carlisle's car parked up in the garage and Emmett cleaning the inside of it. He saw me and smiled winking and turning back to his task. Jasper came out of the house with Charlie and I ran to him relieved to be back with him again. He put an arm round me and guided me to the swing seat in the garden, my favorite spot where I would sit and look at the old oak, such a majestic tree with gnarled branches, I wondered sometimes how old it was. This time though there was something different about the scene, there was an earth mound under its branches with a stone above it and I understood this was Phil's final resting place. It was peaceful and beautiful and I started to cry. Charlie put his arm around me as Jazz held my hand and I walked over to read the inscription.

In loving memory of Phil Dwyer

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.

I was grateful they had buried Phil already and I knew it had been done right, none of these people would have disrespected him.

"Who chose the words? They're beautiful?"

"Garrett spoke to Charlie to OK it but it was his idea."

I went to find Garrett and thanked him for his kindness,

"You're very welcome Bella. I just wished it could all have been avoided. I would have liked to meet Phil and Renee because you got your resilience from someone."

I hugged him and pecked him on the cheek before the tears started to fall once more.

That night I was shattered both emotionally and physically and went to bed early sleeping in Jasper's arms knowing he would help me sleep if grief stopped me and he did. When I woke in the morning I felt a lot better, as if somehow a cloud had been lifted and I understood that by finding and burying Phil I had somehow said goodbye to Renee too and I hoped they were reunited now and happy. Thinking about this started me thinking about my future, the inscription was right, we didn't know what might happen next.

How right I was became only too apparent when the mail arrived. There was a letter addressed to Major and Mrs Jasper Whitlock and it was postmarked Italy. I dropped it to the table shaking as I did so and wishing I hadn't volunteered to fetch the post. Jasper snatched it up and tore it open reading the enclosed letter before handing it to me slowly. I unfolded it and read the words written inside,

Major and Mrs Whitlock,

We are assuming that by this time you are indeed married and preparations are in hand for Mrs Whitlock to join our world as was agreed. Certain circumstances allowed an extension of our original deadline for this to happen but no further extensions will be possible and delay will not be seen favorably. You are invited to Volterra for the Christmas celebrations next year and we hope in the meantime to hear that the necessary actions have been taken.

Yours Aro, Caius and Marcus Volturi.

"Well it looks like we've been given our deadline."

"Why next Christmas though? Why so long?"

"Because darlin' they don't want a newborn ravaging her way through the citadel."

"Oh right, am I going to be a rabid newborn? Charlie wasn't."

"No he wasn't, so you might surprise us too but you don't have to do anything you don't want to do Bella."

I smiled at him but I knew if I didn't go through with becoming a vampire I was putting not only myself but the rest of them at risk of a Volturi backlash.

The rest of the day was spent getting ready for Charlie and Jenna's wedding at the weekend but I was preoccupied and in the end Alice and Esme shooed me out to find Jazz. They were sweet about it knowing why but it didn't help me. I wasn't scared of becoming a vampire or marrying Jazz, I was scared of taking that final step with him once more. I felt ugly and clumsy bearing in mind not only all that had happened to me but also the fact I hadn't been aware of his true nature when we slept together before. I didn't know all vampire women were so beautiful, so exquisite and I felt extremely inadequate. I was very conscious of my scars and still wondered at Roses words about Jasper not worrying about them, being the last person to worry about them in fact.

I found myself under the old oak tree and sat down beside Phil's grave, he was the only one I could open my heart too now and I liked to think Renee was there too listening in.

"What do I do mum? I love him so much but I'm so scared. What if I freeze? What if I get a flashback while we're making love? What if I disappoint him? If he sees my scars and they disgust him?"

I waited, what for I'm not sure, maybe for a little voice in my head but there was only the sound of the birds singing and in the distance Kat, Peter, and Emmett, playing basketball while Skye sat in her stroller watching and shouting in her own little language accompanied by Edward. Her life was so simple now, she was with parents who loved her and could protect her.

She would be looked after, educated and then eventually turned once she was old enough and we all knew that Edward was waiting patiently for her, being her companion and friend right now like Felix was for Kat. They were both lucky children who had found happiness from the hell they had lived in. I wanted that happiness too, I wanted Jasper as my mate not just a companion and friend but I wasn't sure how to tell him that or what to do.

A shadow passed over me and I turned to look up into Felix smiling face,

"May I join you for a moment Bella?"

I nodded and he folded cross legged beside me.

"You look…..thoughtful, unsure. Can I be of any assistance?"

I shook my head, how could I explain what was wrong to Felix, a man I hardly knew and Volturi to boot.

"Well perhaps just a little company then?"

"Of course, I like it here, its peaceful."

"Yes, its good to have somewhere you can go when you want to think. For me it's a cave in the mountains above Volterra."

I looked at him in surprise and his smile widened,

"You think someone like me doesn't think? Or need a little time out occasionally?"

"No of course not, at least I hadn't really thought about it."

"We all have our own internal struggles we wish someone could solve for us. Like you, someone who has been through so much yet come out the other end even stronger."

I laughed at that,

"I don't feel stronger Felix."

"Really? Are you scared about becoming a vampire?"

"No, it means I can be with Jasper for eternity, I love him and it's what I want."

"I see, are you worried he doesn't love you in the same way?"

I almost said yes but thinking about it that would be a lie. I knew he loved me as much as I loved him. He had stuck by me through it all and helped when necessary but also stood back when I needed space.

"No. I know he loves me."

"Then all other problems are merely transient. Tell him how you feel, don't be afraid Bella, if anyone understands it's The Major."

There was more in his words than met the eye at first hearing and I turned to look him straight in the face.

"Rose once told me Jasper was the last person to take notice of my scars and I didn't understand, I still don't."

He sighed,

"She's right and it's clear if you think about it. How do you think he got his fearsome reputation years ago?"

"By fighting I guess, I thought she meant he was scarred too but I've seen him naked and there aren't any."

"Really? And you trust the evidence of your own weak human eyes? That could be a mistake."

As he finished speaking I heard Kat calling for him and he stood up.

"Just remember we all wear scars, some are more visible than others but there is no man who is truly unmarked. Take that step Bella, you won't regret it."