Chapter 118

Jasper

I saw Bella walk over to the oak as I carried some boxes in for Rose and almost followed her until I saw Felix headed in that direction. He sat down beside her and they started to talk and I couldn't help hearing a part of the conversation masked sometimes by Kat's shouts or Skye's squeals. Enough to understand the reason for her confusion and longing. I had no doubt that Bella and I would get back to where we had been before she was kidnapped but I couldn't push her. I had to wait for her to make the moves and I'd been thrilled when she started wanting me in bed with her although the feel of her naked body pressed against mine was hard to resist and I spent the hours she was asleep controlling my more animal urges. The letter this morning had made the situation more urgent but I refused to allow the Volturi to force her into anything.

When he left she watched him return to Kat before looking over directly at where I stood even though she couldn't possibly have seen me without vampire vision. The mating pull was telling her my location and I had to smile to see it manifest itself. I was still toying with the idea of joining her when Rose appeared looking for the boxes I was carrying. She scowled at me then saw Bella and grinned taking them from me and whispering in my ear,

"There's a small motel about a mile up the road, Emmett and I have used it on occasion. If you want a little privacy to…..talk, I'll make sure you aren't interrupted. Just get back before the wedding."

"Its not for two days Rose, we don't need that long to talk."

She arched an eyebrow,

"Go idiot."

Bella

I was just getting up thinking I really should be helping out with the wedding preparations when Jasper appeared holding out his hand,

"Would you take a walk with me Bella?"

I hesitated then thought what the hell, I wanted to talk to him and at least walking we would be away from other ears.

"Sure, I'd like that."

Holding hands we walked in silence for a while along the edge of the road seeing no traffic at all.

"I saw you talking to Felix, I take it you aren't so intimidated by him any more?"

"No, I see the way he plays with Kat and even Skye. I have no illusions he could be terribly violent if the occasion arose but for now he's gentle and thoughtful."

"We all have a monster inside us Bella. Especially me. I know you've heard bits and pieces of my history but I was like Felix once upon a time."

"I know, but like him you are gentle and loving with me. Jasper, I have to tell you something."

He hushed me with a kiss,

"Can it wait a little longer Bella. There's somewhere we can talk in private and I have something to tell you too."

"Of course."

We walked on for a long while just talking about the wedding and Kat's impending birthday before coming out where the quiet road we had walked along joined a busier road and at the crossroads was a small motel, its vacancies light flashing as if to beckon us over.

"Is this the place you meant?"

"Yes, I thought at least the others wouldn't hear what we say and I thought it might make it easier to open up. Can I buy you lunch?"

I smiled, I must admit I had thought he was going to suggest getting a room and I was somewhat relieved, only because I needed to speak to him before we got involved in anything.

"That would be nice, thank you."

The restaurant beside the motel was half full so we found a booth away from the majority of the diners and Jasper ordered coffee while I looked at the menu,

"Bella I understand things have been very difficult for you so please don't think you have to make any decisions right now. Giving us until next Christmas to visit means you don't have to do anything until you are ready."

"But they'll know won't they? That I'm still human I mean."

"I don't think they care too much, as long as you are with me and your father is already one of us so they are pretty sure you will join us too."

"I want to Jasper, really I do. I love you and I want us to get back to where we were before Mendoza came along and spoiled everything."

He grasped my hand and put his lips to it as the server came up and she smiled at us indulgently,

"Do you want some more time dear?"

"No its OK, I'll have a tuna melt with salad please."

She put down the coffees and went off still smiling.

"So, what is bothering you Bella? I know something is? Is it me? Because I love you more than life itself and I will wait as long as it takes you must know that."

"I do, I know you haven't changed but I have, physically and mentally. I'm not the girl you fell in love with Jasper."

"Yes you are, you're exactly the girl I fell in love with, just stronger and more mature that's all. It makes no difference to me."

I smiled at him and sipped my coffee amused when he mirrored my action, knowing he wasn't actually drinking but it made sure he fit in, something I would need to learn once I was a vampire.

My meal arrived and I started to eat looking out on the parking lot when suddenly a terrible fear overtook me. I found myself back in the diner with Renee and Phil drinking what would be our last coffee together. Phil was talking to the man about trucks or something and I saw Renee smiling at me as I twisted my engagement ring round on my finger thinking about Jasper. I was pulled back to reality by Jasper's arm around my shoulder holding me close. Turning to him I could see he was worried about me and with great effort of will I calmed myself until my hands were steady enough to pick up the fork that must have fallen from fear numbed fingers.

"Bella? What happened?"

"I'm OK, it was just a flashback but I can work through them now, I know I can. I won't let Mendoza win Jasper or Renee and Phil aren't the only ones he will have destroyed."

i finished my meal with some difficulty helped by the comfort of Jasper's arm around my shoulder and drank both our coffees before deciding I was OK.

"You want dessert?"

I shook my head then suddenly changed my mind and ordered cherry pie with ice cream. It had been Renee's favorite and I wanted to think about her for a few minutes.

"Do you know what happened to Renee's body Jazz?"

"Carlisle arranged for her body to be buried with Charlie's in Forks. We thought it best as no one knew where Phil was. I don't think she would mind do you?"

I shook my head, Charlie wasn't even there but at least mum had a final resting place.

"I'd like to visit but I know I can't, after all I'm still officially missing."

"Once you become a vampire we'll go, no one will see us at night and we can move fast."

I smiled at him,

"I don't deserve someone like you Jasper."

"You got it the wrong way round Bella but I'm just thanking my lucky stars. Shall we go back now?"

I was tempted to say no, get a room but I didn't and we walked back together, I was feeling much happier, much stronger, now and ready to take the next step soon. Once Charlie's wedding was out of the way.