Trigger warning: There is a suicide attempt in this. If this could possibly trigger you, please to not read after the three dots. After the attempt I will end the scene with another three dots. it will be safe to read after then. thank you.

I thought about running away and never turning back. I thought about just walking away from all my problems and leaving them behind in a town where no one knew my name.

I thought about it. In the end, I couldn't bring myself to leave. Sam may have basically ripped my heart out and stomped on it, I had to be stronger than this.

In a messed up way, Sam was right. There was no way I was trying as hard as I should to get clean, but her words made me want to do the opposite.

Her words made me want to drive a knife deep into my forearm and lock myself in a room and bleed out. Its pretty graphic but its the truth. I was near an abandoned warehouse when I finally touched down. I transformed into Fenton and walked around, noticing the people standing outside in black clothes with their hands in their pockets.

"Hey kid." One greeted. I waved and went to walk away when another went behind me. "Now kid, you've had to have heard of this place. You smell like a druggie. You got money?" Another sneered. I did have like thirty dollars in my wallet, but I didn't want to…

Wait what are they selling?

"What are you selling?" I asked hesitantly. They laughed. "Obviously drugs. Our biggest seller is Coke, but we got Meth and Heroine." He said.

"I'm sure I don't have enough money to buy an-"

"Nonsense. We give you whatever your money can buy." The man persuaded. I mulled it over.

"I have thirty dollars?" I asked, pulling out my wallet. The man grinned. "Okay. That can get you a little sandwich bag filled halfway with Coke…" The dude said, pulling out a bag with the white powder.

I knew what I was doing was probably less than ideal. Either that or remember everything that had ever happened to me in the past couple of months.

I gave him the money and took the baggie, feeling the weight in my hand. "Nice doin' business with ya'." The man said creepily, thumbing the cash. I laughed nervously and replied, "Yeah, you too."

As I walked away with the drugs in my pocket, I facepalmed. Why the hell would I buy drugs from strangers I know nothing about?

I'm not going to use it, so I guess I just wasted thirty bucks. I sighed. That's all the money I had for lunch. I'm going to have to go back. Back to where I'm not wanted. Back to where its the last place I want to be.

I could eat the coke, but I feel like that would be less than ideal. I transformed again and flew home. I thought about the so called things that I could apparently live for.

The only thing that is keeping me alive is Stella. If Stella wasn't in my life anymore...I wouldn't be either.

I've pushed away everyone except her. I've disappointed everyone multiple times except her.

But I have lied to her. Many times.

I got home and shoved the stupid waste of money into my underwear drawer and laid down on my bed. I looked into my mirror, looking at myself. I saw the monster that I had become.

I glared down my reflection and punched my mirror, glass shards everywhere.

"I can't do this anymore, you hear me?! I can't live another second in this world, okay! I give up!" I screamed at the broken mirror, falling to my knees.

"I give up…" A lone tear slipped down my face as I wrapped my arms around my knees. I sobbed into them, hoping that none of my family was home to hear that. I'm giving up. I don't want to be here anymore. I miss everything about my old life. I miss being happy and carefree.

Everything changed because of my stupid portal accident. Everything. All because of her. She started this mess.

Now I'm the one going to have to clean it up. Tonight. Tonight, Danny Fenton will cease to exist.

…

I stayed in my room the entire day, not leaving to eat or drink. I left to go to the bathroom, but thats only because I wanted my final hours to be comfortable. My mom tried to come in, I told her to go away, that I didn't want her near me. Stella was the only one I kept in contact with, because I wanted her to know that I would always love her, no matter where I go next.

Stell [rec] Hey! I'm almost home! i can't wait to see you babe, I miss you so much.

Stell [sent] I love you.

I sent the message. I wrote a note. I packed a bag. I left my house.

Stell [rec] I love you too (: Are you okay?

Stell [sent] I'll love you no matter where I go next.

I walked down the street. I turned left. I walked to Tucker's house. I left a note. I left.

Stell [rec] Are you okay?

Stell [sent] and I want you to know that this isn't your fault.

I walked down the street some more. I took a right. I passed Sam's house. I left a note. I left.

Sister Jazz [sent] I love you. I'm sorry.

I walked down the road. I walked into the woods and through the clearing. I walked passed hikers and walkers. I walked to my secret place.

This place has been my safe haven since I was five, so I thought it would be poetic to end it all in. My phone was vibrating up a storm. I was crying as I checked them.

Stell [rec] Danny? Whats going on?

Stell [rec] Danny? come on! dont do this!

Stell [rec] wait just thirty minutes. I'll be home! I can be there for you!

Sister Jazz [rec] for what little brother?

Sister Jazz [rec] what are you doing? whats wrong. I love you too. so much. whatever dangerous thing you are doing, dont do it...okay? call me.

Tucker [rec] y r stell and jazz freaking out?

Tucker [rec] hello?

Tucker [rec] dude?

Sam [rec] please dont. i read the note and im so sorry danny. i didnt mean, i was just disappointed! i cant live without you! please!

I shook my head. All of these messages were lies! Every single one.

Sister Jazz [sent] goodbye

Tucker [sent] goodbye

Stell [sent] goodbye

When I went to send a message to Sam, I couldn't just give her a one word reply. She apologized. Sam Manson actually admitted to being wrong. I couldn't just...leave her to believe that this was her fault.

Sam [sent] I cant live with you either. This is why I'm doing this. I cant live with myself disappointing everyone around me. I cant keep lying to everyone on how im doing. itll tear me apart. dont blame yourself. blame dash. dash is the one who started this whole mess. im just the one finishing it. tell my mom i love her. tell yourself i love you. and i do.

And in that moment, I held my breath as feelings washed over me. I loved Sam. Since when? What the hell!

I started to hyperventilate as I realized everything that I had kept inside the deepest part of my soul.

My true feelings for my best friend. The one who has been there since the beginning. My feelings for her were almost as much as the mine for Stella. Maybe they were the exact same. I couldn't tell anymore.

I couldn't choose. Not now. I have everything planned out. Sam would figure out where I was, so I had to do this now.

I pulled out the blade that I had packed in my bag and pulled up my sleeve. I pressed the blade against my skin. I let the blade go deep into the skin, the blood flow quickening. I sighed.

I didn't have to ruin my friendship or break Stella's heart. I just could disappear into the friendly darkness that I'm always so rudely taken away from. The darkness was just at the corners of my eyes. I felt the tug at my heart as the darkness washed over me.

Then I panicked.

What the hell was I doing? I didn't want to die! Not now! I regretted the decision immediately as the blood kept flowing from my veins. It was too late to turn back now, so I looked on the up side. The upside was this: my friends could live happier lives not having to worry about me every day. My sister could live a normal peaceful life without ghosts, or a half ghost brother. Stella could find someone who deserves her.

Sam could get married and not have to worry about whether or not her husband was going to come back from a ghost fight.

Its ironic that Sam was my last thoughts.

Then it was all black.

…

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Whaa?

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"...comatose...don't know...wake up."

What the hell?

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"...Wake up...please…"

What the actual fuck? Where was I? Its dark, and I'm terrfied.

"We are in your mind, Daniel." A voice echoed throughout the darkness. I turned slowly around. Peering down at me was Clockwork. "Hey Clock...why are we in my mind?"

"Because you are in a coma. You were found five minutes after you died, and Sam was able to get your heart beating again. You are lucky to be alive." Clockwork scowled. I shrugged. "I didn't want to survive Clockwork!"

"I know that you are trying to be a martyr, Daniel, but your mission to hurt everyone you care about is getting old. You just found out you love Sam, just as much as you love Stella, and you were more than willing to just throw that revelation out the window! Daniel, neither Sam nor Stella would be able to get over you that quick. The future would be the following; Stella would not find anyone that compared to you in eight years, finally finding someone who reminded her of you. Guess what? He dies of cancer and she dies of a broken heart. Sam wouldn't be able to live or breathe without you. She would kill herself days after your funeral, just to follow you. To be with you.

You think you are doing the world a favor, but you aren't. You are not doing anyone any favors by dying. This world needs you to be alive. Your family needs you to survive. Your body will maybe take months to heal itself. Please, don't do this again! I can't tell you anything else about what you do after this moment. Just remember, that Stella and Sam would die for you to live."

Clockwork vanished from my mind. I processed this information slowly. Sam would kill herself if I died? Stella wouldn't get over me for eight years?

I...If I wanted to kill myself successfully, I would need to push everyone away. No friends, no acquaintances. My only friend would be my blade and my booze.

I know that contradicts everything Clockwork was trying to tell me, but I don't give a damn. I want to die. I want to get rid of all human emotions without turning into Dan.

...Clockworks warning. He probably thinks that that would what I would take out of his conversation. To separate my human and ghost halves to sever that pain. Nope. I'm just going to end it all.

After I end everything between everyone I care about...if I even remember this moment in my head.

Do comatose patients remember anything about their time under? ...Clockwork knows I'm not going to remember. He's trying to brainwash me.

That bastard. How long has it been since that day? A month or two? A day or two?

I couldn't tell. Clockwork could, but he gave me no means to find out. I wonder if I could try to use my ears to find out….

I focussed on trying to hear. It was too quiet and I needed a distraction. A voice was talking. That stupid beeping noise was beeping. Someone was crying in the room next to mine.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Hey, dude. It's Tucker. The doctors told me you probably wouldn't hear this. Keep fighting...okay? For me, for Sam, and for Stella. For Jazz, who is home from college because she wants to be here if you wake up. She wants be here if you don't. Stella doesn't understand why and thinks she's not good enough. Sam blames herself and keeps looking at the last text message you sent her, crying. You sent Sam a longer message than your girlfriend.

If my theory is correct, and you can hear me, I think you love Sam just as much Stella. I could see it in your eyes when I said I had dated Sam that you had wished you were dating her. Sam is keeping the text message to herself, so Stella won't know whats on it, if you told Sam anything just for Sam to know.

I'm going to go to school now, but I'll be back after. See you soon."

There was a slight pressure on my shoulder, like someone patting it, then the room was quiet except for the beeping.

The beeping was pissing me off, severely.

I turned off my hearing. I waited, what seemed like an eternity. I tried to calculate how much time was passing, but I can't know for sure. I turned my hearing back on a while later.

"Its been two months…" A voice said.

Damn, thats a fucking long time.

"Its been two months since I found you in your secret place. Two months since I saved your life. Two months since you sent me that text I don't understand. If you can't live without me, why would you leave? If you loved me, why did you go?

Don't worry, I won't tell Stella...or you, for the matter. Doctors say that you might not remember much when you wake up. If you don't remember the message, that's okay. I won't tell you. I'll let you figure it out by yourself.

If you loved me, as in loved me loved me...I love you too. Every day. I miss you, and I care so much about you. I want you to get better, but I made you worse. I can't stress how sorry I am…" Sam finished as she burst into sobs. I wanted to wake up, to hold her and tell her I was fine, but I can't. I turned off my hearing and waited. I waited and waited and waited. I was too scared to turn it back on, to hear my best friend cry.

I want to wake up! I want to see everyone! Or just let me die! Right here, right now! Anything that saves me the torture of hurting everyone as I'm sleeping. There was a pressure on my hand now.

Clockworks right, I gotta at least try to get better. I have to try to be the person everyone wants me to be. Happy. I promised myself that I'm going to try a lot harder at being happy, from now on.

I tried to squeeze the hand in mine. I tried to wake up the nerves that wouldn't respond and loosen up the muscles. I felt my finger twitch.

Wait...where was I again? Why is it dark? What the hell happened?

…

I opened my eyes to see Sam, smiling wide, tear tracks running down her face. "Danny!" She whispered in awe. I nodded, my head killing me. My muscles hurt and my joints felt like they hadn't moved in three months.

"Thats because you haven't moved in three months." Tucker said from the doorway. I blushed, not knowing I had said that outloud.

"How long was I out?" I said, my voice hoarse. "I repeat, three months." Tucker repeated. Oh.

"Oh…" I repeated out loud. Tucker laughed. "It's good to see you in the of the living buddy. We missed you." Tucker said, smiling and coming over to hug me.

Something was strange...what happened? Why was I in the hospital?

"Wait...what happened?" I said into his shoulder. He looked back at me wide eyed. "You don't remember?" He asked. I shook my head.

"Nope. What did I do? Was it a ghost?" I asked. Sam shook her head. "Danny...you tried to kill yourself. I found you." She explained, her smile disappearing.

"Yeah, you left everyone notes too, except Stella who wasn't home. You texted everyone goodbye except fo-"

"Except for your parents. You gave everyone one word. Goodbye." Sam cut Tucker off, who was looking at her confused.

"Oh…" I said awkwardly. "So...I'm alive though."

"And this close to a mental hospital dude. You have to stop. We can't keep bailing you out." Tucker warned. I nodded.

So they would have to not find me next time. "Can I see Stella?" I asked. Tucker nodded. "I'll go get her, and a doctor. Sam, lets go." Tucker said. Sam nodded, sparing me one more glance before heading out the door.

I sighed, preparing myself for Stella. "...Again." She said when she opened the door. I nodded, looking down.

"...You broke my heart." Stella spat. "You're mad." I stated. She gave me a look. "No shit! I'm supposed to fixing you! I'm supposed to be making you better!" She growled. I shook my head, going to stand up. I was wearing a white t-shirt and gray sweatpants.

"Stella, I'm sorry!" I pleaded. She shook her own head. "No, Danny. Sorry isn't going to cut it."

"Are you only with me because you think that I need fixed?" I asked, my voice going quiet.

"Danny…" She sighed. "We aren't having this conversation here...okay?" She said, walking out of the room. I watched her go, my heart sad. I didn't think she'd be mad at me.

She didn't even deny it.

Stella was only with me because she thinks I need to be fixed.

What a revelation to wake up from a three month long sleep to.

…

I totally planned on this being a happy chapter.

This might have been the saddest chapter I've written for this story. Oops.

So, Sam's not telling Danny what he figured out before he forgot. If you are confused: Danny forgot everything when he woke up. Everything that happened the night he tried to commit suicide. He forgot that he found out he loved Sam, and he forgot Clockwork's warning. He also forgot what he promised to himself.

Thanks for reading!