Evening My Lovelies
I'm quite fond of this chapter so I'm really hoping I've done justice to the idea of D'Art and Aramis having a heart to heart.
Notes On Reviews:
Deana: Thanks for the review - Glad you liked it. Enjoy the new chapter! x
Katie (Guest): Thanks for the review - I'm thinking you may be crying again tonight... or at least I'm hoping you do considering I've tried to make quite an emotional chapter. Athos is going to be feeling the guilt big time that's for sure. Enjoy the new chapter! x
Debbie (Guest): Thanks for the review - I do love writing D'Art's nightmares, which should probably worry concern me lol. Athos's guilt is going to hit new heights when he realizes D'Art overheard him. Aramis chat will help start things off but D'Art needs to speak to his other brothers too. Worry not there will be an apology coming from Athos fairly soon. Enjoy the new chapter! x
criminally charmed: Thanks for the review - Oh I dunno I'm quite enjoying your reviews right now lol :D Worry not Athos will be taking steps to make things right again fairly soon. Aramis's chat is going to help things but D'Art does need to talk to the others before he can truly begin to heal. Enjoy the new chapter! x
GoGirl212: Thanks for the review - What would they do without our lovely Aramis :D Enjoy the new chapter! x
pallysdeeks: Thanks for the review - Aramis is gonna try but we all know how stubborn our pup is. Its going to take more than one chat to really start healing but they wont be giving up on him. Hmmm I like your idea for the fight we'll have to wait to see what happens with that, we've got a bit until Quentin returns. Enjoy the new chapter! x
Issai: Thanks for the review - Hope this lives up to your expectations. Worry not Aramis with be taking steps to ensure D'Art feels his brothers love. Aramis can be stubborn when he wants to, his brothers had no hope of keeping him in his bed so its simpler just to accept it and help him. Glad you liked the nightmare, it was a lot of fun to write :) Enjoy the new chapter! x
pheonixriv: Thanks for the review - Aramis is a lot of fun to write so I'm really happy you're enjoying reading him :) I'm hoping their talk lives up to your expectations. Enjoy the new chapter! x
f1gymnast: Thanks for the review - Aramis has his stubborn moments that's for sure, luckily our boys have long since learned just to go with it when he gets like that. Athos's guilt is going to reach new heights in coming chapters but he will help D'Art when they have their own conversation in a coming chapter. Enjoy the new chapter! x
KarenF (Guest): Thanks for the review - Glad you're enjoying Aramis, we've got a whole chapter focusing on him and D'Art today :D Athos will be having his moment in a few chapters. Enjoy the new chapter! x
Maryg (Guest): Thanks for the review - It's alright :) If you've lost your mind then I lost mine ages ago as I LOVE writing nightmare scenes, especially D'Arts nightmares :D Worry not our pup and Athos will be having a chapter all their own very soon where we can expect some comfort moments... maybe even a snuggley moment. Wow I'm so happy you're loving the D'Art/Aramis relationship, its a lot of fun to write. Enjoy the new chapter! x
Lilac Lavender: Thanks for the review - Gotta love Aramis right :D I loved that All For One bit so I'm really glad it had an affect on you :D D'Arts going to be crying a lot in the coming chapters but don't worry our boys will be ready with comfort and hugs. I LOVED writing the nightmare scene so I'm really glad you found it intense as thats how I wanted it to come across. I'm really hoping their chat lives up to your expectations :D Enjoy the new chapter! x
MicheeO: Thanks for the review - Glad you're enjoying it :D Enjoy the new chapter! x
WelshEssex (Guest): Thanks for the review - Yeah Athos is beginning to understand that his actions had negative after-effects. D'Art has a LONG healing process ahead of him but Aramis chat with him will definitely help. Enjoy the new chapter! x
As always much love and many thanks for following/favouriting/reviewing/reading
Love you all!
Enjoy!
xxx
Chapter Forty-Two: Shared Pain
Aramis kept his silence until the last of their brother's had left the room, nodding to Porthos as the man squeezed his good shoulder on the way out.
As soon as the door is closed behind the last musketeer Aramis turned his gaze back to D'Artagnan, his heart breaking at the hollowness he noticed in the younger man's eyes.
"Hey D'Art," smiled the medic softly as he reached out to take D'Artagnan's hand in his own, the smile turning to a frown as D'Artagnan flinched away from him.
"Won't you speak to me?" he asked quietly, his frown becoming more pronounced as D'Artagnan flinched again, this time at the mere sound of his voice.
Over the next few minutes Aramis continued his attempts to get some sort of response from D'Artagnan, who remained stubbornly silent.
It was after several minutes of this that Aramis noticed the bowl on the Gascon's bedside table.
"You've not eaten," stated the man, his voice becoming more serious as the medic in him took over. He stared unforgivingly at the boy until he offered the medic a weak, one armed shrug, a small flicker of emotion passing across his face too quickly for Aramis to read.
"You really should eat D'Art," said Aramis, his voice once again soft as his hands reached out for the small bowl of now cooled soup. "Do you want me to heat it up for you?"
Again he got only the smallest of responses, another shrug. It was frustrating and Aramis had to force himself against yelling at the boy, especially as he noticed that the younger man's eyes never rose to his face if he attempted to look at him, they locked onto the thick bandaging covering his wound. Seeing this made it very hard to be annoyed with the boy.
An idea hit Aramis then as he pulled a small object out of his pocket, his other hand pulling a small dagger from his belt.
D'Artagnan continued to remain unresponsive as Aramis's worked, though the surprise on his face as the marksman placed a tray containing slices of apple on his lap was enough to make the sharpshooter chuckle lightly.
"I knew I was saving that for a reason," grinned the medic as he picked up one of the small segments and placed it in his mouth, enjoying the sweetness and crunch before nodding at his brother. "I know the doctor has you avoiding solid foods for now but I wont tell if you don't."
To Aramis's joy, amusement seemed to flash across D'Artagnan's face briefly at his words before the man contained himself and turned his attention back to the plate on his late.
Aramis was half convinced that the Gascon would ignore the fruit just as he had ignored him but it appeared as though nothing, not even whatever was going on in the Gascon's head could make him ignore his favourite treat and a small fond smile tugged at Aramis's lips as the boy shakily lifted a piece of apple to his lips after a few moment's indecision.
For the next few moments Aramis remained silent, content to simply let his little brother actually eat something, but before too long he knew he had to speak again.
"D'Art," he said softly, hating the way his brother now flinched at the sound of his voice. "D'Artagnan…" this seemed to have more of a reaction as D'Artagnan allowed his head to turn more toward the man before he seamed to realize what he was doing, then his gaze returned to his lap.
With a sigh Aramis decided to just come out with the most important thing he had to say. "You… You know I don't blame you for what happened right?"
Surprise was clear on D'Artagnan's face as the younger man's mouth actually dropped open and he didn't even seem to register he was staring Aramis in the eye until several moment's later.
Aramis's heart clenched when he noticed not only the younger man's physical response to his words but also the emotional one as well. For a brief moment D'Artagnan's empty eyes had held a small flicker of hope in them but that faded when the younger man seemed to catch himself, physically shaking whatever thought had inspired the hope from his system, leaving his eyes just as dull and empty as they had been only moments before.
"You were sick D'Art," explained Aramis softy as he edged his chair closer towards D'Artagnan, now sitting as close to the younger man as he could without sitting on the bed with him. "Judging by the way you reacted before you fired the pistol," he continued, hating how pale the man was becoming at his words but knowing he needed to hear them. "You seemed to be trying to protect someone, my guess the lovely lady Corinne. When I reentered the room your fever-filled mind saw me as a threat and so you reacted the only way you could… I don't hold any of that against you petit frère."
He wasn't sure what part of his statement affected his brother but as he finished speaking D'Artagnan had tears streaming down his face, despite the boy's attempts to stop them.
Unable to simply sit there while his brother was crying Aramis used the Gascon's distraction to take the boy's hand in his own, tightening his grip when D'Artagnan tried to pull away.
"Did any of us ever tell you," mused Aramis a few moments later, as he drew small circles on the back of D'Artagnan's hand with his thumb, his words making the Gascon pause. "How Porthos got the scar on his arm?"
With some hesitation and clear curiosity D'Artagnan shook his head, making Aramis smile sadly at him and squeeze his hand gently.
"It wasn't long after Savoy that it happened," explained the medic, his eyes closing as he fought not to lose himself to the memories of that painful time. He opened his eyes with a small smile on his lips as he felt D'Artagnan tentatively squeeze his hand. Despite not knowing what was about to be said the Gascon had apparently picked up on the fact that it wasn't a subject his friend liked to talk about, nor did he speak about it easily.
"I was running on very little sleep, my mind tortured by horrific nightmares and memories whenever I closed my eyes… plus some of my wounds had become infected so like you I was suffering from a fever," Aramis explained with a shuddering breath before pausing to steady himself before continuing.
"I was terrified of everything back then, the slightest sound startled me and add my poor health to that and we had an accident waiting to happen."
"…A-Aramis," murmured the Gascon weakly as he sensed his brother's self-hatred and self-loathing. Aramis startled slightly at the sound of his brother's voice but recovered quickly, offering the boy a reassuring smile that even he could tell was forced, before continuing.
"I stabbed him," he admitted, pain in his voice as he did so and he couldn't quite bring himself to look at his brother's shocked face as he moved to continue the explanation. "I was trapped in one of the more horrific nightmares I suffered when my body reacted on instinct to Porthos trying to wake me. I lashed out without even thinking and the next thing I knew Porthos was crying out in pain and my dagger was embedded deep in his arm," with a knowing look Aramis added, "Sound familiar?"
When D'Artagnan looked down in shame at the reminder of what he had done Aramis once again squeezed his hand, while his other hand moved to wipe away the stray tears that had fallen from his eyes at the memory.
"Thankfully I didn't hit anything major but Porthos was out of commission for a very long time and at the beginning it was doubtful he would even have full use of his arm again."
D'Artagnan's head shot up at this, his eyes wide as he took in what was being said to him.
With a sad look on his face Aramis gently brushed the stray locks out from D'Artagnan's eyes.
"But do you want to know what the absolute worst thing was?"
When D'Artagnan said nothing in response Aramis continued anyway.
"It wasn't the fact that I had hurt him, it wasn't even the fact he had almost lost his career because of me… It was the lack of blame or judgment I saw in his eyes whenever he looked at me that was the worst."
D'Artagnan stilled and Aramis knew he was on the right track.
"I couldn't handle how easily he had brushed it off, like it was nothing. I felt I deserved to be blamed, I had almost cost him his arm after all but instead of worrying about that or himself Porthos spent most of his recovery reassuring me that he didn't blame me, that it wasn't my fault and I… I am ashamed to admit that I hated him for it."
The room fell silent following Aramis's words as D'Artagnan tried to process what had been said to him and Aramis tried to regain control of his emotions.
"Y-Your both fine now though," mumbled D'Artagnan quietly, his head still bowed but Aramis could hear the desperation and plea in his voice and it was enough to make his heart clench as he moved his hand under D'Artagnan's chin, forcing the younger man to look at him.
"We are," nodded Aramis, his voice gentle. "It took me a long time to accept that Porthos held no ill will towards me for what happened and even longer still to move myself passed what happened but what Porthos said to me definitely helped speed the process along."
"…W-What did he say?" asked D'Artagnan, the hope in his voice making Aramis smile.
"Our esteemed friend knows me quite well and knew I would never forgive myself if I didn't do something to prove to him how sorry I was… So he gave me an order. He said to me that if I truly regretted what I had done, if I was truly sorry for it then I would stop fighting all their attempts to help me deal with what happened at Savoy, I would stop trying to slowly kill myself by refusing to eat and I would work on getting myself better… I think he may have actually have cried a bit while asking that of me and, well you know I don't handle the big lummox crying well and after what I did I was hardly going to deny his request."
D'Artagnan's lips twitched at the fond insult sent towards his brother but Aramis's next words had that almost smile vanishing from his face.
"So I'm going to make the same request from you," stated the medic, his voice once against serious as he held his hand underneath D'Artagnan's chin, forcing the boy to look him in the eye.
"I know how sorry you are D'Artagnan, I saw your remorse plain as day on your face once you snapped out of your haze. I have never held you responsible for what happened, but I sense you might just be like me in that regard so… If you want to earn the forgiveness I am willing to give freely then you will let us help you," Aramis voice turned softer now as his hands moved to cup D'Artagnan's face, his thumbs gently wiping away the tears now streaming down the boy's face.
"You have the support of your brothers D'Artagnan," whispered Aramis as he brought the now sobbing Gascon into a tight embrace, neither man caring about the pain in their bodies as they took silent comfort from the other.
"Whether you like it or not we're with you mon ami. What happened was not your fault and we're going to make you see that. None of us hate you and we wish only for our brother to return to us."
Unable to handle what was being said to him D'Artagnan weakly pushed Aramis away, a stab of pain shooting through him at the look of hurt on the medic's face. Shaking his head D'Artagnan wrapped his arms around himself as much as his injuries would allow. "Lies," he whispered, the hollow look returning to his eyes much to Aramis's dismay.
Before the medic could ask for clarification on what his brother deemed as lies D'Artagnan looked to the side, tears still flowing down his face, though he seemed largely unbothered about them at that point.
"…A-Athos hates me," he whispered brokenly and Aramis's face scrunched up in confusion as to how the younger man could even think that when suddenly understanding flooded through him and his eyes filled with a sad, knowing look.
"You heard him," murmured Aramis, silently cursing his elder brother for words and anger he knew the man didn't really mean.
When D'Artagnan could do nothing but nod weakly, his body becoming wracked with sobs once again, Aramis pulled him back into a tight embrace.
"He was scared mon ami," whispered Aramis softly as his hand gently moved up and down the younger man's back in an effort to comfort him. "Athos can explain in more detail if you're willing to hear him out but he spoke out of fear not anger, he does not hate you."