"Well," Shaun says, when he's heard the full story.

"That's all you have to say?" Lucy asks. Her voice is dead, and she won't look at him. On the way back to the safe house, Desmond had convinced her to tell the whole story, including her defection to the Templars. He'd argued that they couldn't afford secrets, any secrets, right now. Lucy had not so much agreed as given up. Desmond is worried about her.

"I'm still processing," Shaun says.

"I'm not," Rebecca says. "I have a question."

"What?"

"Will the Templars help?"

"Becca!" Shaun protests. "How can you even suggest that's a good idea?"

"Because it is," Rebecca says. "We know we need an apple to kill… Connor, I guess. And we know Desmond's ancestors have interacted with them. But we're low on resources and I doubt we have much time before Connor tracks us down. Not if killing Desmond is so important to him."

"Thanks," Desmond mutters.

"We need help."

"Templars?" Shaun says doubtfully.

"They want the king dead too," Lucy says. She looks down at the ground when Shaun looks in her direction. Desmond shifts closer to her, because the way they've broken her isn't okay. Something, maybe her secrets coming out or being forced to drink the tea, maybe both those things combined, but something has destroyed her.

"How do we get away from them after it's all over, though?" Shaun asks.

"Does it matter?" Desmond asks. "It'll be over. That's the whole point, isn't it? Whatever happens next is… nothing. Nothing, compared to what Connor can do."

"Fine," Shaun says quietly. "Lucy… can you…?"

"I'll get in touch with them," she promises. "I'm sorry."

She hurries off to make her call in private, and Desmond waits until he hears the sound of her talking on the phone end before following her. She's sitting glumly against a wall, staring at her phone.

"Hey," he says.

"Hey," Lucy says. "I told Vidic we'd come to him. I thought Shaun might be a little less upset if the safe house stays safe."

"The assassins will never use it again anyway," Desmond points out. "You've seen it."

"Guess so," Lucy says.

Something's wrong with her. Something is so, so wrong, and Desmond wants to help. "Please," he says. "Tell me what's wrong."

"I can't."

"Lucy—"

"I can't tell you."

"Oh. I—" He'd thought she trusted him.

"I'll hurt you if I tell you."

"That's okay," Desmond promises. "We're friends, aren't we? Friends can share their burdens with each other."

"But…" then she makes a face that seems to say she's tired of caring. "I want to be human again."

"Oh."

"I know that's a horrible thing to say," Lucy says. "Especially to you. You've always been like… like this, but Desmond…" she shudders and wipes tears from her face. "I don't know how to deal with this."

He's heard people tell him he's messed up and wrong for being part wolf his whole life. It shouldn't hurt now, but coming from Lucy… Lucy, who likes him, whose life he has just saved, who is like him… "What's scaring you?" he asks. "Exactly."

"I don't know—"

"Yes you do," he insists. "Think, Lucy."

"Everything smells so…" she gestures vaguely, struggling for words. "Detailed. I never knew things could smell like this. I don't know how to process everything, I don't know what it means."

"You'll get used to it," Desmond promises. "And I'm here for you, okay? If you have questions or anything, I'm here to help."

She hesitates for a very long time, then says, "I do have a question, actually."

"What?" Lucy's almost whispering, so Desmond drops his voice too.

"Will you kill me when I lose my mind?" Lucy asks.

"What?" Desmond physically jerks away. "No, Lucy, no! I'm not going to kill you! And you're not going to go crazy."

"I am though," she says. "You got your ears from Ra—Rato… from your ancestor. Mine came from the tea. And the tea always, always makes people go crazy. Maybe it'll be a week from now, maybe it'll be a year. But eventually I'll go the same way as all the soldiers Connor's given the tea to over the years. Ever heard of one of them lasting long?"

"No," Desmond admits.

"No," Lucy agrees. "No, they never do. And neither will I."

Desmond looks around, trying to think of anything at all to say. His eyes land on his two ancestors, perched together as eagles on a high place near the ceiling. He whistles at them the way he'd heard Haytham do it earlier, and first one, then the other, stirs and flies down to him and Lucy.

"What are you doing?" she asks.

"This—" he gestures to the two eagles, then reaches forward and takes her hands. "This is my family. This is all I have, except for my dad and he doesn't really count. I'm saving you, okay? All three of you. We're going to find an apple anyway, and we already know they can make humans into animals. I'm sure they can do the reverse, too."

One of the birds (it's harder to tell them apart by scent when they're eagles, but Desmond thinks it's Ratonhnhaké:ton) looks up at him and makes a sad, pleading noise like a chirp. Desmond nods.

"Just don't give up," he says, and he's not sure if he's talking to his ancestors or Lucy or to himself. "You can't."

-/-

They meet with Vidic later that afternoon, in a cramped building that Haytham assumes must be relatively unimportant to the Templars. The old man seems just as mistrustful of the assassins as they are of him, but brings only one guard along. Haytham overhears Shaun and Rebecca complaining bitterly about this—it doesn't seem so much like they resent him being in a guard as it does that they have a problem with this man, specifically.

And yes, Cross seems surly and a little tense, but none of them is in a great place right now. Surely he's allowed a bit of a break.

Rebecca calms down a little when Vidic throws up his hands in defeat and proclaims that her system is an unorganized mess, and clearly she'll have to run things because "no sane person could be expected to figure this out." Shaun continues to make snarky comments under his breath until Desmond is thoroughly buried in Altair's memories. Then he turns his attention to looking up historical details Desmond needs to synch better, and he finally goes quiet.

Lucy… Well. Haytham isn't sure what Lucy is supposed to be doing, but mostly she seems to sit in front of her computer while she tries not to cry. Haytham doesn't mean to start watching her, but there is something in the way she starts to break that reminds Haytham of Ratonhnhaké:ton. Well, of course. They've both had the tea. How long before Lucy is like Ratonhnhaké:ton?

Vidic works in a station off by himself, near Lucy but still somehow distant. Haytham knows Vidic is following the trails of various precursor artifacts the templars have identified over the years, but apart from some glowering and cursing, he never gives any indication of how he's doing. Haytham wonders if the man is tracking some of the same pieces he'd traced hundreds of years ago.

Either way, it doesn't seem to be working. Their best bet for finding an apple remains the memories Desmond is reliving in the animus.

"It's really hard," Desmond confides to Haytham once when they've shut the animus down for the day. "I think my DNA is messed up because I'm part wolf. I can't really get inside Altair's head."

"Not a bad thing," Cross grunts. "At least you're not bleeding."

Haytham jumps but Desmond doesn't look surprised that the other man is standing there, listening to their conversation. He probably heard him or smelled him or something. He turns around to answer Cross, and Haytham wanders off. There's no point participating in a conversation where only one of the other people can see him. Besides, Desmond is the only one Cross really gets along with. They can talk about the animus for hours, and eventually someone will overhear them talking about what it's like to kill someone and have their dead body glitch out and start flipping around or something, which is why everyone pretty much leaves the two of them and their weird conversations alone now.

Haytham goes over to Ratonhnhaké:ton instead, who is lying on the floor near Lucy with his head resting on his front paws. The other Haytham, the animal one, is a squirrel at the moment, eating nuts out of Rebecca's hand. But Ratonhnhaké:ton very rarely leaves Lucy alone now. Maybe some part of him remembers what it was like to go through this. To be forced from human to wolf, to lose his mind, piece by piece.

Or maybe that's just wishful thinking, from a man looking for a sign of humanity where there is none. Maybe he just likes this particular spot on the floor. Haytham eases himself onto the floor next to Ratonhnhaké:ton, and smiles just a fraction. The wolf wags his tail like a dog, and moves slightly to rest his head on Haytham's lap.

And time passes.

-/-

Connor doesn't give in when the apple wants him to anymore. He fights, and so every moment of his life is pain. The apple seems to delight in this new game, playing with Connor the way a cat plays with a mouse. There are times when Connor honestly feels like he can do this, like he's fighting the apple back and out of his head. And then the apple will bring the full weight of its power crashing down on him, and Connor will be washed away by it all. For a time everything is bliss and simplicity, just unadulterated worship of the thing in his head that is trying to destroy him. He'll come back to himself hours or days later, his hands around a man's throat or his sword in a woman's chest.

Don't you want to just give in already? The apple will ask.

No, Connor tells it, every time. But every time he says it, he says it with a little less strength. He is not a weak man, and that is not a boast. Connor has always been strong, he has had to be. But the apple is wearing him down, wearing him away. Someday, when it asks him to give in, Connor knows he will say yes. He knows the day is coming when he will beg the apple to just end him. To take away the suffering, and make life nothing but endless years of joyful service to the apple.

All he can do now is keep saying no as long as he can. Every no he gives it is a victory in the war between them, but he has to win every time. The apple only has to win once.

He wishes he had someone to talk to. Someone to tell him to hold in there and be strong. Connor misses Ratonhnhaké:ton. Desmond. Even his father. And the other Haytham, of course, the one that had been decent. In the early days, before Connor knew the truth of the apple, when it had just been the five of them… there had still been hope then.

Connor misses hope, he aches for hope. But the apple has filled up the places in his head where hope should be, and there is no room left there for things that are good.

The days become a blur. Even when Connor is aware of himself, when he knows what he is being forced to do is wrong, he can scarcely pay attention or keep track of going on. Sometimes the apple will drive a pain like a spike through his head, prodding him into paying attention. Usually this is because it is about to torture someone to death, and it wants Connor to watch.

Today, it's because he has something new to show him.

Connor finds himself in one of the underground cells, looking at a solidly built man with altogether too much hair.

This is Desmond's father, the apple tells him. You are going to kill him.