I´m soo sorry for no updating in a long time! School just started and I haven´t had time for checking up on the grammar mistakes and writing a new chapter.

but i had this one saved and well here it is.

Instantly as the anthem ends, a group of Peacekeepers forge a circle around us and marches us in to the front doors of the Justice Building. I see Darius who I just saw a few hours early outside the Hob on my left.

It suddenly feels like a life time ago. His face is blank, showing no emotion as though his favorite seamstress is not being taken away to her certain death. I must admit it hurts. I can still see the relief on Gale´s face when Prim and Katniss were safe. Did he even feel slightly hurt or mortified that my name was called?

I guess I will never know.

I keep taking small breathes and slowly exhale them, while they show me to a room. Once we´re deep inside the building they push me inside a room and leave me alone. My eyes widen at the sight of the room. The mayor doesn't have a room this nice in his house probably.

I would have never imagined District 12 having a room this rich looking. The carpets look hand-stitched with beautiful colorers and the couches in this room were made of fabric that i´ve never even seen before. My hand carefully touches the backside of the couch and I feel the softness of the fabric. Not even rabbits could feel this soft.

I walk around the couch and sit down, my hand still feeling the softness of the fabric. I can still feel the panic building up inside of me. My breathing starts to quicken. I look around and I swear it looks like the walls a moving closer towards me. I start hyperventilating and I quickly stand up from the couch.

I´m shaking my hands as I walk back and forth from the couch to the door.

This is the first panic attack I´ve had in years.

I can´t breath

It feels like someone has switched my lungs out with bricks and a huge chestnut is stuck inside my throat.

I want out, I want to leave this room and be done with this. Most of all I want to scream my brains off.

After a minute I approach the nearest wall and lean against it. I slide down to the floor and pull my legs together and rest my head on them. Tears are streaming down my face faster then the river I usually catch fish at. I don´t even care that cameras are going to be filming my face as soon as we get to the train station after I´ve said my goodbyes to my loved ones.

The door opens and I´m surprised to see that my mom is standing by it. The peacekeeper outside closes it and my mom comes closer. I don´t stand up to give her a hug, since our relationship isn´t that close but when our eyes meet I´m shocked to see her eyes are filled with tears.

I can´t help it but my jaw drops. I stare at her and that´s the only thing I can do at that moment.

"I´m sorry." She sobs. "I´m so sorry."

I immediately stand up, now completely stunned at my mom crying and saying sorry.

"Why are you sorry?" I ask as I slowly approach her.

"This is my fault!" She sobs, while more tears burst out.

"Why would this be your fault?"

She catches her breath and looks deep into my eyes. "Because I´m cursed."

She´s gone mad. Finally the last match in her head has been put out. Must be when my name was called because she has never uttered those words to me ever. I look at my mom with the last ounce of empathy I have left for her, for the memories of her sining to me when I had a nightmare or when I was sick.

"Wh..why would you think that mom?" I ask her my voice breaking.

"I´m being punished...punished for what he did!" She sobs even more as she collapses to the floor. I hold on to her and sit beside her on the floor.

"Who did? Punished? Who are talking about mom?" I demand. I´m scared now. I´v never seen her like this before.

"He was a peacekeeper you know...He liked how I looked...worked in district 11."

She stops using full sentences but I don´t need to know anymore. I know who she´s talking about. She´s talking about the monster who helped create me. My father.

There is a reason why I mentioned I look more like the people from district 11, because my mother looks exactly like them too. And I guess a low life peacekeeper who worked in district 11 who had been transferred to district 12 saw that too. He took a liking to my mother. If you haven´t guessed it yet but in Panem the peacekeepers aren´t her to protect you.

That´s why she has her moods sometimes. That´s why she sometimes can´t look me in the face. She sees him.

The disgust overwhelms me as she tells me this.

Why would she tell me this, why would someone tell their daughter who is about to die that her father is a monster. This doesn't make me want to live, this makes me hate myself even more.

My mother was attacked by a peacekeeper and I´m the evidence.

"After all these years...Why...why not kill me!" I sob as I look deep into her eyes.

"I...I blamed you...all these years...but you´re mine...you are not him!" She cries as she put her hands on my cheeks. "Why wouldn´t you talk to me?" I ask her even more tears streaming down my face.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath and I understand. Shame can be a powerful thing to some people.

I move closer to her and throw my arms around her. She clings to me like never before. Warmness goes through my body as my mother hugs me for the first time in years. We finally have a real talk and in a few hours I will be gone forever.

"You have to win!" The words burst out of her. She still has me in her embrace.

"You can do it! You hunt like your friends do, you might have a chance."

I shake my head not wanting the feeling of hope that I might survive stuck inside my head. it´s just going to hurt when Peeta Mellark or someone else decapitates my head from my body.

Then I remember something and I break our embrace. "Listen about food, don´t worry...I will ask Katniss or Gale if they can spare a game or two for you when they usually hunt, alright! So don´t worry." I try to sound reassuring but my voice breaking doesn't help. And then the peacekeeper is at the door, signaling that our time is up. I help my mother stand up and she hugs me hard.

"I love you Prim." She says and that´s the first time she´s ever said those words to me. In that moment I forgive her, for her blank stares, cold tones, angry outburst. She´s my mother and I can´t help but still love her. I start crying again and all I´m saying is "I love you too mom." and then less than a second the peacekeeper drags her out.

I´m alone again, crying not out of fear but out of happiness that my mom loves me. I dry my tears with my palm and silently stand as I wait for the only people I expect to come through those doors.

But I´m surprised when the door opens and someone I don´t expect enters.

Madge.

She walks straight to me. No tears or a sad look on her instead there's an urgency about her tone that surprises me. "They let you wear one thing from your district in the arena. One thing to remind you of home. Will you wear this?" She holds out the circular gold pin that was on her dress earlier when I delivered strawberries to her house. I hadn't paid much attention to it before, but now I see it's a small bird in flight.

No not a bird, but a mocking jay.

They're bizarre birds and something of an embarrassment to the face of the Capitol. During the uprising the Capitol produced a series of genetically altered animals as a resource against the rebels.

The common term for them was muttations, or mutts for short.

One of those mutts was a special bird called a jabber jay that had the ability to memorize and repeat whole human conversations. They were homing birds, entirely male, that were released into territories where the Capitol's enemies were known to be hiding. After the birds gathered informations, they'd fly back to centers to be recorded. It took the rebels awhile to realize what was going on in the districts, how private conversations were being transmitted. Then, of course, the rebels fed the Capitol endless lies, and the joke was on them. So the centers were shut down and the birds were abandoned to die off in the wild.

Only they didn't die off. Instead, the jabber jays mated with female mockingbirds creating a whole new species that could replicate both bird whistles and human melodies. They had lost the ability to enunciate words but could still mimic a range of human vocal sounds, from a child's high-pitched warble to a man's deep tones. And they could re-create songs. Not just a few notes, but whole songs with multiple verses, if you had the patience to sing them and if they liked your voice.

I´ve seen countless of mockingjays outside the woods, but never once tried singing to them. I´ve never had the patience or the passion to sing to them or even try.

"Your pin?" I say. I look at the pin and frown. A token is the least of things I´m going to worry about right now.

"Here, I'll put it on your dress, all right?" Before I can answer, she leans in and fixes the pin to my dress. "Promise you'll wear it into the arena, Vera?" she asks. "Promise?"

"But..why..I mean..I´m not as close to you as...I." I stammer not even making a full sentence. I´ve gone into so much shock today I can´t even verbally communicate with anyone at the moment.

"you´re just as much my friend as Katniss is! We might even be more so when you come back." She says in a n understanding tone. I look at her pin and the only thought that goes through me is that Madge thinks of me as a friend. She quickly gives me kiss on the cheek and I´m left standing again. Except I have a golden mockingjay pin on my dress.

Finally when the three people I´ve been waiting for come in. I don´t hesitate to embrace them all in a hug. I hug Katniss first, then Prim and last but not least Gale. I can smell the woods on his body and the way his heart is beating soothes the panic inside me.

"Listen," he says. "Getting a knife should be easy enough for you, but you´re good with booby-traps so find a secure place and do what you´re best at...traps. You might get away with it for a while."

I know he says those words to help me but the sound of his voice and the look in his eyes tell me everything. He doesn't believe I´ll make it through the bloodbath.

Anger overwhelms me. How can he say this to his friend and still sound patronizing. Was I even a friend to him? Or was I just a girl who occasionally helped make booby-traps when needed to.

"What about a bow? What if I got a bow?" determination can be heard in my voice as I say those words. I know I might not make it through the bloodbath but that does not give him the right make me out as weak.

His eyes widen, probably not expecting me to have any ideas.

"Sure, but you´re not as go-" He doesn't finish the sentence because with one elbow to the ribs by Katniss he shuts up.

I knew he could be tactless sometimes but wow.

"You´re faith in me is strong uh! Gale." I say with bitterness. Thoughts of why I would even be in love with this guy goes through my mind.

I cross my arms and turn towards Katniss. "I know the basics and I´ve had a few kills on my end, when we hunt..I can get a bow right."

I wait for her to back me up, say that I´m right and can survive with the use of a bow.

But what she says crushes me.

"They don't always have bows," She says.

Flashes of the year were there where only horrible spiked maces that the tributes had to stab one another to death with.

My face must be showing how hurt by her answer I am because she quickly says "Plus we don't even know if there'll be wood," Another year, they tossed everybody into a burning desert. Many contestants were bitten by venomous snakes or went insane from thirst or died from heatstroke.

It was considered very anti-climactic in the Capitol, all those quiet, bloodless deaths. Since then, there's usually been woods.

"There's usually some," I say.

I look at them with a deep frown on my face, thinking why they would act like this in what could possibly be the last time we´d ever see each other.

Suddenly out of the blue, Prim burst out in to tears. She raps her arms around my waist.

I take a deep breath and carefully pat her head and say. "Don´t worry Prim, it´s alright."

"No it´s not." Prim says. "I didn't say anything, I should have said something."

At that moment I realize that even if she´d had said something I would still have volunteered for her. Because she´s Prim and no twelve year old and especially her doesn't deserve to go through the horrors of the hunger games, no matter how much of a coward I am, I still would.

"Prim, listen, they would´ve still picked me," I say "I´m the oldest they would have likely chosen me."

I rap my arms around her and hug her.

"I made the choice of saying it for them before they could."

The Peacekeepers are back too soon and Gale asks for more time, but they're taking them away and I start to panic when I remember something "Don't forget my mom!" I cry out, clinging to Prim´s hand.

"We won't! You know we won't! Vera, I´m sor —" Katniss says, and they yank Prim and me apart and slam the door and I'll never get to hear her apologize.

I walk towards a mirror hanging above the fireplace and see that my eyes aren´t red from crying. Plus my skin is too dark to any redness to be seen from crying.

The door opens and I know that now is the time that a useless peacekeeper has come to take me to the train station.

But when I turn around I see a mane of red hair and freckles.

Darius.

I´ve never seen him with a grim look before but it gives some what of comfort that he will be in the short list of people who cares about me. It sounds selfish when I think about it but thinking all these years no one caring for me it gives me somewhat strength. As to what? I don´t know.

The group of peacekeepers from before form a circle around me again. Nausea hits me when I remember what my mother told me minutes ago.

Monsters...all of them.

I look at Darius and he´s staring forward clutching his weapon with a hard grip.

Not him..he wouldn't

while walking towards the front door of the Justice Building I make sure to walk closer to Darius. We´re walking so close I can hear his breathing.

When we reach the front door the words burst out of me before I can stop myself.

"I´ll miss you."

Our eyes meet and his eyebrows raise in what I expect is shock. His mouth opens a little and he intakes a deep breath. But before I can get a response I´m being dragged out and forced inside a brand new car form the Capitol. I look to my left and see Peeta has already been forced inside the car.

It's a short ride from the Justice Building to the train station. I've never been in a car before. In the Seam, we travel on foot.

As soon as I see the station ahead I regret even crying. The station is swarming with reporters with their cameras trained directly on my face. I´m grateful for my dark skin not showing any redness around my eyes or giving any indication that I´ve been crying I catch a glimpse of myself on the television screen on the wall that's airing my arrival live and feel gratified that I only appear shocked with my wide eyes open.

Peeta Mellark, on the other hand, has obviously also been crying. His eyes are red and puffy and I can still see some tears and interestingly enough does not seem to be trying to cover it up. I narrow my eyes at him. He doesn't look like the type who would cry in front of the camera.

I immediately wonder if this will be his strategy in the Games. Is he trying to make a Johanna Mason?

Johanna Mason, from District 7 won the hunger games a few years back. She cried from the moment her name was called until theres was only a few tributes left in the arena. Turns out she could kill brutally. I have to admit, She shocked pretty much all of Panem.

But this seems an odd strategy for Peeta Mellark with his broad-shoulders and strong look. It will take an awful lot of weeping to convince anyone to overlook him.

Then a thought hit me and I look down feeling guilty. Maybe the reason he his crying is for the same reason I was. Fear! Fear of the unknown death that might meet us in the arena and saying goodbye to his friend sand family, well except his mother she´s still horrible, doubt anyone would cry for her.

We have to stand for a few minutes in the doorway of the train while the cameras gobble up our images, then we're allowed inside and the doors close mercifully behind us. The train begins to move at once.

The tribute train is even more rich looking than the room in the Justice Building.

"Come on along, dear children." Effie Trinket says and she pushes us froward to show us our bedrooms. My jaw drops when I see my bedroom. A closet full of clothes that Effie tells me I can use and a private bathroom with hot running water.

"Everything is at you disposal darling" She smiles and then leaves the room to show Peeta his, which turns out to be right next to mine.

"Now remember supper is ready in an hour. I expect to see both of on time." She says and then leaves us.

I play with the shower for a bit and then decide that I might as well take one. I peel down my white dress, carefully take out Mages pin and put it on the bed. The warm shower relaxes every muscle in my body and it feel like heaven. When I´m done I dress in a dark blue dress and attach the pin to my dress.

I hear a knock on my door and it´s Effie Trinket who has come to collect me for supper. I follow her through the narrow, rocking corridor into a dining room. There's a table where all the dishes are highly breakable. Peeta Mellark sits waiting for us, the chair opposite him empty.

"Where's Haymitch?" asks Effie Trinket brightly.

A little too brightly if you asked me. I take the seat next to Peeta.

"Last time I saw him, he said he was going to take a nap," says Peeta.

"Well, it's been an exhausting day," says Effie Trinket. She sound relieved that Haymitch isn´t here and I feel the same. His strong smell of alcohol still makes me want to puke.

The supper comes in courses. A thick carrot soup, green salad, lamb chops and mashed potatoes, cheese and fruit, a chocolate cake. Throughout the meal, Effie Trinket keeps reminding us to save space because there's more to come. But I don´t listen. The hungry girl from the Seam takes over and only one thing is going through my mind.

Eat!

I'm stuffing, stuffing myself because I've never had food like this, so good and so much, the thought that they might take the food away any minutes makes me want to eat faster. I don´t even bother using the forks and knives that Peeta and Effie are using. My hands are smeared with different kinds of food and when I look up I see Effie with her mouth agape. Shocked by my way of eating. She wrinkles her nose in disgust and pushes her plate away and looks at Peeta.

"At least, one of you have decent manners," says Effie as we're finishing the main course. "The pair last year ate everything with their hands like a couple of savages. It completely upset my digestion."

I look down on to my hands sticky with food and my mouth has probably food stains all over it. I narrow my eyes and say. "Are you going to finish that?" I pull her plate towards me without waiting for an answer and start stuffing her unfinished food into my mouth. I make sure to eat with my mouth open just to see her face turn green.

The pair last year were also two kids from the Seam who'd never, not one day of their lives, had enough to eat. And when they did have food, table manners were surely the last thing on their minds, the same with me.

When I´m finished I wipe my hands on the tablecloth. This makes her purse her lips tightly together. I take a look towards Peeta and he´s got an amused look on his face. I smile and make sure to thank Effie for a lovely dinner.

Now that the meal's over, I'm fighting to keep the food down if I can hold down Greasy Sae's a winter specialty, which by the way I still don´t know what´s made of I can hold this.

Effie takes one look at her golden watch and gasp. "It´s nearly time for the recaps!" She stands up "Come on, children follow me."

We go to another compartment to watch the recap of the reapings across Panem. They try to stagger them throughout the day so a person could conceivably watch the whole thing live, but only people in the Capitol could really do that, since none of them have to attend reapings themselves.

One by one, we see the other reapings, the names called, (the volunteers stepping forward or, more often, not. We examine the faces of the kids who will be our competition. I nearly choke when I take a sip from a drink and see a monstrous boy who lunges forward to volunteer from District 2. If Peeta doesn't kill me surly this boy will. A tough looking girl from District 4, the look on her face seemed like her name being called inconvenience rather than a death sentence. A fox-faced girl with sleek red hair from District 5.

When I see the female tribute form District 11 I take a sharp intake of breath and look closer.

She has dark brown skin and eyes. If she wasn´t from another district I would have thought she was my long lost sister. The worst thing is she´s twelve. When she mounts the stage and they ask for volunteers, all you can hear is the wind whistling through the decrepit buildings around her. There's no one willing to take her place. I clench my hands into a fist. Why couldn´t the escort have taken two slips by mistake like Effie did any other person would probably have volunteered if they knew their name would be called.

Last of all, they show District 12. Prim being called, me running forward to volunteer. You can't miss the desperation in my voice as I shove Prim behind me, as if I'm afraid no one will hear and they'll take Prim away. But, of course, they do hear. I see Gale pulling her off me and watch myself mount the stage. The commentators are not sure what to say about the crowd's refusal to applaud. The silent salute. One says that District 12 has always been a bit backward but that local customs can be charming. As if on cue, Haymitch falls off the stage, and they groan comically. Peeta's name is drawn, and he quietly takes his place. We shake hands. They cut to the anthem again, and the program ends.

Effie Trinket is disgruntled about the state her wig was in. "Your mentor has a lot to learn about presentation. A lot about televised behavior."

Peeta unexpectedly laughs. "He was drunk," says Peeta. "He's drunk every year."

"Every day," I add. I can't help smirking a little. Effie Trinket makes it sound like Haymitch just has somewhat rough manners that could be corrected with a few tips from her.

"Yes," hisses Effie Trinket. "How odd you two find it amusing. You know your mentor is your lifeline to the world in these Games. The one who advises you, lines up your sponsors, and dictates the presentation of any gifts. Haymitch can well be the difference between your life and your death!"

Just then, Haymitch staggers into the compartment. "I miss supper?" he says in a slurred voice. Then he vomits all over the expensive carpet and falls in the mess

Hope you liked this chapter and I might update a new one tomorrow or maybe this friday!