Lavender stayed awake the rest of the night, not that there was much of it left. She would be exhausted the next day, but she wanted to see Seamus before he left. Maybe he would stay for a little while. The snow stopped around five in the morning. She took Seamus's leather jacket from the peg by the door and slipped it around her shoulders, breathing in the scent of him deeply. She didn't have shoes on and the feeling of the cold fresh snow beneath her feet almost made her yelp.

The snow had muffled the usual city noises and the whole world seemed blanketed in a peaceful silence. Even her neighbors were still asleep, and some of them were usually early risers. No one had set foot outside her building yet so when she turned slightly to look at her footprints, her bare feet had left the only marks in the snow. She reached down and made a snowball, packing the snow together firmly. Two months ago she would have snuck back inside with this and thrown it in Seamus's face to wake him up.

That thought drew a sigh from her and she dropped the snowball. Suddenly feeling the cold, she went back into her flat and hung Seamus's jacket back up on its peg before going in to the kitchen to start breakfast. She knew he'd be waking up soon and she wanted to catch him before he had a chance to sneak out again. Last night had been wonderful but also confusing and saddening, and Lavender felt like she had to get some kind of answer from him about what they had become.

She rummaged through the cupboards hoping to find something that would work for breakfast, but with the recent full moon and her reluctance to go out into public around the holidays (and with her scars), the pantry was looking bare. She had toast and some frozen sausages so she went ahead and started heating those over the stove. Water, of course, had been set to boil and by the time she hushed the kettle she heard Seamus moving around in her bedroom.

Lavender felt her heart jump, which was ridiculous. It was like she was scared of him, which was absolutely not true. She knew he would never hurt her... well, that wasn't strictly right. He would never mean to hurt her, but he would do it anyway. Something about this morning, pre-dawn light felt final, like whatever happened in the next few moments would decide their future. It was a ridiculous, dramatic thought and she tried to push it aside, to no avail.

Instead, she fixed the tea very deliberately, trying to keep each step of the process perfect. Parvati had suggested to her once that when Lavender felt like she was losing control of her life and her emotions, she started being overly controlling in other aspects of her life, lick schoolwork and the way she folded her clothes. Lavender had brushed it off when Parvati mentioned it (that had been towards the tail end of that absolute fiasco with Ron in sixth year) but then towards seventh year when the world had been falling apart, she had taken it more to heart. So, she poured the water over the tea strainer just so, to the perfect three quarter inch below the rim of the mug.

She then set to slicing toast, ignoring the slight tremble of her hands on the bread and knife, intent on making each slice the perfect half inch. Too soon, he came into the kitchen, looking around with his hair adorably mussed from both sex and sleep. Her hands jerked with his entrance, ruining the fifth slice of toast. She quickly put that to the side, pretending like it hadn't happened. She smiled at him, the tremble in her fingers also present in her smile. "Morning," she greeted.

He yawned. "You're up early."

Lavender shrugged, trying her best to feign nonchalance. "I wasn't too tired." That was a lie. "Sorry there's not much for breakfast. It's been a strange few days."

He brushed off her apologies and took the plate and mug of black tea she handed him. They ate in silence, Lavender picking at her toast and devouring her sausages despite the nervous fear that had lodged into the pit of her stomach. Seamus ate like he usually did, stuffing his face and clearing his plate in the space of a few moments. "Thanks Lav," he said once he put down his fork.

"There's more," she offered, half rising to go back to the skillet of sausages.

"I can't," he said. She stilled, standing over the table and drawing in a deep breath. "I've got to be at the office all day today. I won't be home until late."

"Of course you won't," she sighed.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"You work all the time now, Seamus. I'm just commenting on it." Maybe if she pretended like it didn't bother her it wouldn't. That thought almost made her laugh at her own naivete. It had been too many years and too many scars for her to be some stupid little girl like that anymore, waiting and waiting on a man and pretending to be okay with it.

"I'm doing my work to protect you, Lavender, we've talked about that."

Lavender went to stand by the sink and wrapped her arms around herself, staring out the kitchen window like it held the secrets to this conversation. "You've told me about that. We haven't talked about anything."

"What?" He sounded legitimately confused and another time she would have shook her head at him and laughed about him being such a boneheaded boy. But that was another time, and now it just made her sad.

"I miss you, Seamus. I never get to see you any more. Even if you are doing this all to protect me, you're really just hurting me. I can take care of myself if a werewolf comes for me. I can't begin to tell you how sad I will be if you leave me." She was careful to keep her voice low and steady, trying to choose her words with care.

It didn't work. She flinched when he smacked the table, making the plates and silverware and tea mugs jump and clatter back down. "Damn it, Lavender, I'm not leaving you! I'm home every night, I'm here for you when you need anything, you know that!"

"Except that I don't, not anymore!" She shot back, whirling around to face him. He was staring at her with confusion and anger all swirled into one expression and it hurt her even more to know that she was the cause of that. But she couldn't back down, not now. "We've spoken twice in the last two weeks! You're constantly gone at work. You come home late, if you come home at all, and you leave early. You weren't there when I woke up from the full moon the other night, and the worst thing about that was that I knew you weren't going to be there! How do you think that makes me feel, Seamus?"

Yelling was only going to make things worse. Seamus never backed down from a fight, not that he and Lavender had had many before. But his passion had made him an invaluable asset the past year in the DA, and she had seen very well before that he would never give in. It used to make her feel like he would fight for her until the end of time, but now it just felt like he had given his all to a new cause. It didn't matter if it was done in her name. She just wanted him back.

"I'm trying to protect you!" He shouted again. "You know that! Someone out there wants to kill you and I'm going to get him before he gets you!"

"And after that, things will go back to normal?" She asked. She didn't want to yell, but she couldn't fight the bitter resentment that practically dripped from her voice. "After that, you'll go back to working regular hours? After that, you'll come home and we'll talk on the couch like we used to? You'll make dinner Friday night and be there for me after the full moon, every time?"

"Yes!" Seamus yelled, staring at her. She raised her eyebrows at him and he crumpled a little. "I – I don't know. I'm going to be an Auror, Lavender, it's not a regular job."

"Not a seamstress like me," she said, regretting it as she did. Then again, he had said it first.

"I didn't mean that." His voice was quiet as he denied the accusation again. "You know I didn't mean it like that."

"I do know that," she said, voice lowering to match his. "But you still said it. And you're still gone when I need you. And I don't want to need you, Seamus, I don't want to need anyone. But right now, I do."

There was silence for a few moments before he took his plate to the sink and walked out of the kitchen. She followed him into the living room, watching as he gathered his things to leave. "Stay with me," she said suddenly, surprising both herself and him.

"What?"

"Stay with me today. It's the day after Christmas, you can take a day off. Don't go to the office today. Stay with me." She was asking him to do a lot more than just stay with her for the day, and they both knew it. "Stay with me," she asked again, hating the shaking in her voice, despising herself for pleading with him.

Seamus met her eyes for just a moment before donning his jacket and shaking his head. "I can't. I'll try to get off early tonight and be here for dinner, okay?"

Lavender drew in a a deep breath before shaking her own head. "Don't bother." She bit her lip to keep the tears from starting, hard enough to draw blood. Just because he made her cry didn't mean he had to see her do it. "Just go."

He seemed for just a second like he was going to argue but then he swore darkly, the profanity hanging on the air between them, and then walked out the door and slammed it behind him. She heard his footsteps in the snow outside hurrying away, and then she broke down crying, collapsing onto the couch. He wasn't coming back, she knew that as sure as she knew her name. She grabbed the moonstone tightly in her hand, as if hoping that if she held it hard enough, she would hear him returning. But that was a dream, and she knew better than to believe in dreams.