Chapter one: A secret face in the mirror.

I sigh softly as I stand and I try to let myself go back to normal as the others see me. I will stop Brend even if I have to take my own life to do so. I turn and leave my room feeling that he won't come out right now and try to take over my body at least for the time being at the moment. I notice that the door is open a crack enough for someone to peek in but the hall is empty when I look out. I really hope no one saw that.

"Hey Near!" Linda's voice calls as she notices me since she had just turned into the hall.

I close my door behind myself. "Leave me alone Linda." I tell her turning the other way and walking away until I am around the corner. I sigh softly as I head towards the common room. I stop from entering when I spot some kids chatting by the piano in the room. I turn away not wanting to go in the room any longer. I could have stayed in my room if I didn't want to see anyone but I need to look as normal as possible right now so I can't just be cooped up in my room. I glance outside to the setting sun seeing the usual soccer game is finished.

Maybe I'll go outside today.

I do go outside every once in a while when I feel like it but the others see me as a more indoors person. I head to the back door and go outside not seeing too many outside since the soccer is done thus they are most likely inside to get a drink of water. I wander a little and I end up heading into the forest behind the orphanages field just for a little exploration though I have only been in the forest only once before.

The forest is peaceful and beautiful.

I take a deep breath through my nose allowing my mind to go through the different smells I can sense.

Regular forest smells.

I have a secret face in the mirror which is the other inside me but I just do everything I can to keep him down until I can figure out what to do to get rid of him from this planet.

The time I first changed into Brend I will never forget….

Flashback:

I had made a potion to see if I could make something that would bring out the strongest emotion within someone for the Whammy's project to make us use our creative side to make something.

It's a success so far and I need to test it but no way was I going to get someone to drink it thus I knew what is to be done as I stapled the how to make it paper I made to the observations page I also made.

I had worked all day on it and now it is early evening. I then picked up the potion and the purple liquid almost looks like paint when I know it is not especially since it is more malleable like water. "Well here goes nothing." I bring the tip of the tube to my lips and I tilt my head back tilting the tube up to drink the liquid inside. I only get half of it before I drop it onto the hard wood floor of my room and I fall into the darkness of unconsciousness not even having time to process the tube shattering on the floor.

Since my door is closed and I am in my room no one came to bother me though it is just about to be night anyways as the last of the sun's rays die out for the night.

I groan as I start to come around back into consciousness. I scrunch my eyes and I shift my arms to push me up from the floor using one hand to keep me up while the other goes to rest on my head. I don't really recall anything after starting to drink the potion and the small headache is going away. I cannot deny that I feel different almost as if feeling an indescribable feeling deep within. I ignore the shattered glass on the floor with purple liquid from the potion on the floor except to make sure I don't step in broken glass since it's not too far from me. I get up to my feet and I open my eyes feeling completely different then when I first drank it like I was now someone else but at the same time it feels like the feeling of really being alive. I feel like power is flowing into me and I can feel some sort of desire for something. "What is this feeling of power and desire?" I look down to my hands wondering though not noticing that my voice sounds a little different as if it's my regular voice just more evil or dark. "I've never known I could feel this way. Never have I felt so alive!" I smile which is more of a smirk as I clench my hands into fists. "Where did this feeling of power come from? As if to make me know why I'm alive." I look to out the window seeing the dark sky out. "Like a mystery of the night it's a secret. It's sinister dark and unknown though I don't know what I desire but I'll seek it out alone!" I stand straight still smirking as I grab the blanket on my bed trying it on for a cloak but tossing it into the air behind me when I don't like it. "There's a thirst I cannot deprive and I have never felt so alive! I bet there is no battle I cannot win feeling like this, feeling alive." I slouch slightly almost as if to make me look possible darker. "I am like the moon's shadow bringing out the darkness of this world." I smirk a little wider. "Like the moon seeming out of place I seem alone and lost in the night." I open my window and prepare to crawl out.

Rodger doesn't check my room since him and the teachers trust me to be in my room at curfew so I don't have to worry about that.

I crawl out of my window and climb up to the roof of the orphanage. I crouch there on the roof but I straighten a little as I look down to the field down below being reminded of the place I am at. "Like the moon damned with the sun I am damned with some sort of heavenly wannabe place." I turn to the sky. "But I and the moon are blazing with light!" I walk across the roof heading to the end of it but I only walk for a few seconds before I dash forward and hop down from the roof onto the stone wall around the orphanage grounds then down to the ground outside the wall. I like being agile sometimes but without the wall there I could have been hurt or possibly killed by jumping down however that doesn't even bug me and it is only a thought for not even a second in my mind. "It's the feeling of being alive!" I decide to call this feeling just the feeling of being alive and being the person who has allowed me to feel so alive. I start running away from the orphanage and heading into town in which not many are out since its night. I dash behind some buildings. "Filled with evil yet truly alive. It's a truth that cannot be denied."

There's a woman walking a little slowly especially since she has a lovely dress on as well as make up and styled her hair. She doesn't even notice me as she walks in front of the buildings right in the straight space between the two allowing me to easily spot her as I rush past.

I retrace my steps and I peer around the building to look at her as she keeps slowly walking as if nothing is going on. I have a wicked smirk on my face that I can't or well won't push down. "It's the feeling of being Brend!" I move to the front of the buildings peering around the corner to watch as she walks towards a small deserted section on the other side of the opposite building from the building I retraced my steps behind.

She stops when reaching it and since it's not too far I can still see her clearly.

There are two street lamps on either side just to light the area.

She has stopped and is looking at something that I don't care to know what it is. She moves some of her blonde hair to behind her ear and she blinks her honey colored eyes leaving them half open trying to make herself look as pretty as she can. Her blue dress looks like it's on the sexier side and it almost covers her black high heels.

I laugh softly but evilly as I plan to approach her to kill her when I pause feeling something new inside like a faint spark of it. "Wait." I say to myself with a face of confusion and I look down to my chest putting a hand on it. "What is this?" I take a second and I understand what it is. "Sweetness? I thought I had lost you some time ago. It's faint but there." I close my eyes letting my expression change to contempt with a soft smirk. "Sweetness. Your folly will cost you dear my dear." I felt like I was talking to someone suppressed inside me. "You will never escape me again." I open my eyes and crouch peering at the woman, who is looking away from me, from around the corner. "I'm afraid that you will pay dear my dear."

All around us is silent so much so I swear that I could hear her heart beat pounding at a steady rhythm with each beat sounding in the air.

I move a few steps back until it seems like my shadow is looking evilly at her from against the wall of the building opposite to where I stand. I turn quickly moving back when I swear she starts to glance back thus now even my shadow is hiding from her. I run to the other side of the building since it's not too big and I peer around the corner to watch her as she puts a hand over her eyes as if trying to figure out what is over in the place I just was.

The street lamps start to dim until one goes out completely causing her to look at it. The street lamps are just having light bulbs burning out but it's almost as if they are helping to set the feeling as the other one goes out leaving the place lit only by the full moon as well as a touch by street lamps a little away.

The woman looks up and is starting to look scared as she takes a step back.

I jump out of my hiding place and into a new one behind a mostly dead bush growing there. I watch through the branches as well as what's left of the leaves as she looks over in my direction becoming more scared of the dark place. I dash following the bush making sure to stay hidden until I can sneak over to the other side of her without her seeing me. I stand there beside her, not too close to alert her that I'm here, with a small smirk on my face and my shadow is behind her, I swear if this was something on T.V. then my shadow would have the evil smirk in it. I watch her waiting until she notices me.

She looks down at her feet then she looks up right at me pausing for a second before jumping back in the opposite direction from me as if to process I am standing there. She gives me a scared and nervous soft smile hoping to whatever god she worships that I am friendly. Her hopes will not become true though for I have come for something much darker.

I walk forward letting my wicked smirk widen a bit as I back her up towards the wall that became behind her when she noticed me standing next to her.

She looks terrified as her back is pressed up against the wall but she is too scared to even take her eyes off of me even just for a moment.

I walk forward a few more steps until thanks to the light coming from the street lamps farther back my shadow covers her as well as a little above her which makes me imagine red eyes and a wicked evil smirk as the face of my shadow. I stare at her with my wicked smirk wide and her face is terrified with a hint of begging for me to let her go. I approach her more and she starts going through the purse I didn't notice she had until now. I am standing about two steps from being right in front of her.

She is staring to shake as she realizes that she may not be able to escape this. She pulls out a Butchers knife that is perfect for a home kitchen and just the right size to fit nicely into her purse as she for some reason carries it around.

I take a step forward and knock the knife out of her hand only to quickly pick it up from the ground. I grip the handle in a nice strong grip as to keep it from slipping from my grasp. I smirk wide enough to show my white teeth but keeping my wicked look at the same time as I watch her terrified eyes. I lean closer putting my free hand on the wall beside her body as she starts to tremble in front of me with tears coming to her eyes. I move close enough that she turns her head to the side away from me so my nose brushes against her cheek letting me smell her perfume as tears run down her face ruining her make up.

Her mascara is even running and it is quite unattractive but whatever.

I move my head so my nose brushes against her exposed ear. I don't plan on saying anything but the satisfaction of having her terrified to the point of tears trapped between a wall and me is such a sweet taste to me like I had been given an invisible luxurious treat. I raise the knife since she has her eyes closed probably expecting rape. I would never even want to rape someone like her in truth I prefer men over woman so yes I am gay deal with it or die. I bring the knife down slamming it into her chest.

Her eyes shoot open and she opens her mouth to scream but my hand against the wall moves to cover her mouth as so I don't get caught as she screams in pain against my hand that muffles it.

I pull the knife down a little causing a spray of blood to hit my face but it doesn't bother me as I watch her take her shaky final breaths until she is dead slumped lifeless. I pull the knife out of her body and let go of her watching her body crumple to the ground. I feel wonderful and I turn away from her dashing off still holding the knife that is now bloody. I run through a shadow from a large window with blinds making it look like the shadow from a cage. I think of the animals trapped behind bars and not just the animals at the zoo but the ones in prison too. "Predators trapped behind bars of the cage." I snicker and leave the shadow dashing deeper into the darkness of the night. "Predators live by the thrill of the hunt but this time the predator is me!" I stop running and stand straight with my lips seeming to be stuck in a wicked smirk look. I bring my free hand to my cheek and I swipe some of the blood off of my face onto my thumb only to bring my thumb to my lips as I lick most of the blood off in one lick.

The metallic taste seems to sing wonderfully in my mouth and a pleasant shiver travels down my spine.

"Lusting like a raging desire." I hum as I remember the murder I just committed but it makes me feel even more wonderful insanely so. "It fills my entire soul with its wonderful curse. Fuelled by the raging fire inside." I take a step forward and tilt my head at an angle in which I can see the dark night sky with the full moon high in the sky. "Tonight. I will destroy heaven blind and plunder from all of mankind as I kill. I will live on forever!" I tilt my head fully up as far as it will go as I spread my arms out almost as if imitating that of what someone who thinks they are like a god would do. "With Satan himself at my side! I will show the world that tonight and forever the name that is to be remembered is Brend!" I bring my head to its proper angle as well as dropping my arms to my sides and I lean my back against the nearest wall. "What a feeling to be so alive. I have never even imagined myself to be so alive. The feeling of true evil inside!" I bring the hand with the knife up to in front of my face looking at it noticing on the metal of the knife there is a part of it that is not covered in blood is showing my reflection with some blood on my face and blood red colored insane looking eyes. I only smirk more at the sight. "It is the feeling of being." I put the knife down letting my arm go back to my side as I push myself away from the wall. "Brend!" I finish what I was saying before. "With this feeling of being so alive. There is a new view on the world that I can see come alive as if it is a new world itself. It's a truth and it cannot be denied." I close my eyes for a second only to open them half way with that wicked smirk still stuck on my face. "There is nothing better than the feeling of being Brend!" I laugh evilly then I dash off into the darkness to see who else I can find to target tonight.

End of flash back.

When I had woke up in my bed I didn't remember what I did last night but as soon as I look into my reflection in the mirror after seeing a bloody knife on my nightstand as well as the potion spill with broken glass still on the floor along with the blanket from my bed I was horrified.

I had saw blood on my face and on my clothes making me start to panic as I remember everything that happened last night while I stare into my stormy grey eyes. I remember asking myself out loud 'what have I done!?' in horror. I have changed to Brend many times after that but I do everything possible to hide him from the others even if he keeps coming out. I know when I am Brend with the main indicator being my red eyes though I guess my attitude change can also be an indicator other than the fact I don't have control over him but Brend does sometimes try to slightly act like me to trick people mainly in the orphanage when they can't see our red eyes. I even almost attacked a class along with the teacher within the orphanage when I changed to Brend but I managed to stop myself luckily making sure to get away from that class during their class time glad that no one saw me.

There's no way I can hide it forever.

Someone will most likely find out and at some point they will link the big news murders to me at some point so I need to end this as soon as possible.

But how? Is killing myself the only way to stop it? To stop him?

AN:

Since Near is Brend in a sense the point of view doesn't change as the two are one in the same person just different at the same time. It's almost like having two personalities.

Mello.