- "If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see
You can find out firsthand what it's like to be me."
-The End. by My Chemical Romance
"Again, why do you think you're here?" It had been the third time they had asked Yamaguchi the question, and each failed attempt led to a frustrated Kei and an amused Tadashi.
"Well, everything starts of with an assumption, so tell me why you think I'm here," he smiled cynically, poking Kei's cheek.
"We're not doing this again," Kei hissed, glaring down at him as Yachi stood beside him, holding her clipboard close to her as if her life depended on it.
"But we just did, we've done this more than the one time you told me you'd be capable of doing," Yamaguchi laughed, staring up at Kei with wonder evident in his beautiful eyes.
"Smartass," Kei muttered, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in the chair he had asked to be brought in. "Are you even going to show progress? If you aren't going to cooperate I advise you to inform me as I do have work besides being here."
"You're being too truthful. That's new for any doctor of mine," Tadashi mused, bringing a finger to his chin, mocking a thoughtful pose.
"Well, I wouldn't want to waste my time on something useless," Kei barked back, pushing up his black framed glasses and staring at him.
"Don't say such things, that's pretty rude," Yamaguchi tonelessly said, sitting up straighter and looking into Kei's orbs.
"Like you'd know about manners," the blonde retorted, smirking and staring him down.
Yamaguchi laughed lightly, a sincere and pretty sound, and said, "I was raised properly, manners were included, Tsukki." The look on Kei's face was to die for, maybe even come back alive and die again, and realizing the amusement he was giving the boy before him, Kei dropped his farce and smiled, one opposite of the one Yamaguchi had given them.
"Guess so. Now let's continue with the session, Yachi-san if you will," Kei directed his attention the the blonde that stood beside his chair. She was a bit startled, but nodded her head and reached into her lab coat, pulling out a tape recorder, just the right size to be able to carry around. "Now, Yamaguchi, this is where things get serious. We encourage you to answer all of our questions truthfully, that way you can make progress and hopefully be able to return to society." He nodded his head at Yachi who pushed the button, initiating the actual session.
"Yamaguchi, can you tell us your full name and age?" Yachi asked. She had begun to feel braver around the mentally ill boy, even after yesterday's outburst.
"Tadashi Yamaguchi, age twenty-four," he responded, rolling his eyes as if he was already bored of their silly questions. "I'm known as patient A-0 to you doctors and nurses."
Yachi's breath hitched and Kei tensed in his chair.
"You're not supposed to know about that," Kei scoffed, fumbling with the ring on his finger as a form of habit, the gold band conciliating him.
"Yet I do, no offense but you guys don't do a good job of keeping things from me, so I guess you've been warned, alright?" Yamaguchi smiled triumphantly, leaning forward just the slightest bit for it to go unnoticed by both blondes.
"What happened to the manners?" Kei challenged him, smirking, even sitting up slowly from his previous position. He was amused by the patient that stood before him.
"Left them at the door, just like the rest of my sanity," the freckled boy smirked, the distance between him and Kei shrinking with each passing second.
"Figures. Onto the next question."
"Where did you grow up?"
"Not too far from here, but a few cities over. The neighborhood I lived in was neat, but I didn't go outside too much."
"What about your childhood? How was it like? How did it make you feel? Do you think it played a major role in who you are as a person today?" Yachi's voice got quieter until the point where her words were just as subtle as the wind's susurating.
"It was quite nice. I wasn't the kid to go outside, while everyone my age was cruising in their Volvos I was studying to get into a great college, maybe an overseas university if my parents felt like it. Everyone was catcalling each other, fights were the most common thing, couldn't go a day without one to consider it the usual boring day. Then our senior year of high school rolled over, everyone was fretting over their grades and the community college courses being offered downtown. I didn't have many friends as I was probably known as a 'flower child'. Even though I was called a 'ditz' multiple times, I got accepted into many colleges. Most of the people I hung around with were talking of trying out for Harvard, and I'd try my hardest not to laugh in their faces 'cause for the longest time I was the only one that cared for my future. Last day of senior year, some of the boys at school invited me to play Chicken with them, they were up against a rival school.
"Mind you, I wasn't the most social kid, so any given chance I was invited out I'd take it, tell my parents that I was planning to study at someone's house, and off I was. We met up near the edge of the city, where the old warehouses were, and heck, I was ecstatic. It was fun for the first hour, but one of the jocks from the rival school was pissed that we were taking the lead, not my fault he was friends with a bunch of pansies. He punched one of the guys I was with, think his name was Kuroo, something weird like that, and then a fight blew up. Someone called up the police and everyone was bookin' it faster than the dude who's girl told him she was pregnant. I wasn't fast enough and got arrested, and I think you can make up what happened after that," Yamaguchi was leering fondly at his ring finger, probably musing over something that had once been there.
Both of the doctors were stunned, staring at the patient who only returned a simple glance.
"Tsukishima, can you write all that down for me?" Yachi whispered to Kei who reluctantly received the clipboard from the blonde. "You can summarize as you see fit, or shorthand it if it's easier."
"Shorthand is for losers," Kei muttered, managing to scribble stuff before Yachi managed to look over his shoulder and laugh lightly.
"And yet you still know how?" Kei furrowed his eyebrows and grit his teeth, not bothering to look up at the blonde who was definitely giggling at his expense. "Tell me when you're done, so we can move on."
"Why does he have to write down what we're saying, isn't this already being recorded?" Yamaguchi asked, tilting his head to the side to emphasize his confusion and wonder.
"Yes, we are indeed recording this session, but we do need at least something else in case we lose the recording and vice versa," she explained kindly, smiling at him with a sincere grin.
"Hmm," he hummed in response, not caring for the conversation any longer.
Kei put down his pen and nodded over to the short girl, indicating to continue on with the questions.
"I think we can take a small break from the personal questions, so let's continue on with the present. What do you think of this institute, the doctors and the nurses," Yachi inquired carefully. She had gone through this process a few times before and there had never been a patient who didn't snap and try to attack her. Yamaguchi seemed like a reasonable young man, but he did have his tendencies and some dark habits that outed him out from time to time.
"It's terrible here, not to mention no one really dares to stay longer than a week as my doctor."
"Well, maybe we can change that. I'm pretty sure we can last longer than a week," Yachi reassured.
"No offense, but just yesterday he had to push you out of the way so you wouldn't get hurt," he muttered.
"But you were the one who initiated the conflict," Kei interrupted, trying to defend probably the only person he didn't find annoying, apart from Sugawara.
"I was?" There was something in the patient's tone that chilled both doctors to the bone, an uneasy edge that made the both of them uncomfortable.
"Yes, we had more than a handful of eyewitnesses who can tell you the same thing that we've informed you on," Kei muttered, still being able to keep up with their conversation, even mustering enough talent to multitask by contributing to their conversation while jotting down what all three of them were saying.
"Seems like life's just cut out for you, ain't it?" Yamaguchi practically sneered, straightening his back, but not for one second did his orbs have Kei out of their sight. His own fingers were clawing at each other, but the rest of his body was properly composed.
"Sometimes you just have to work for what you want, Yamaguchi," the blond's eyes never looked up from the clipboard, the concentration was greatly admired by all who had met him.
"And how exactly did you do it? You're practically a golden boy. You've got a good job, great body, and you aren't locked up here. How exactly did you work towards it?"
"This session isn't about me. I guess we haven't established that, so we'll carry on with asking our questions and we'll be able to call it a day until the evening," he muttered. The small blonde who stood by his side drew in a hesitant breath, her body tensing up. He stopped to look at her, and could see the forced smile on her face. "Are you okay?"
"We can talk about that later," she whispered, straining her composure and putting on an even more forced smile. Kei could practically read her, anyone who had half a brain could see right through her dilemma. Yachi was troubled by something, but he wouldn't press to know. It wasn't of any of his concern. "Do you think the people you were around with in your early years influenced you and shaped you as the person you are today?"
"Most likely, I mean hanging out with people like them was a huge mistake. Of course, there was someone from time to time who would steer me onto the right path, but it didn't last. Nothing except the constant disappointment from my parents was ever way they would look down at me and force me to study. They wanted me to get into a good university and have a good job, loving wife and kids as well, but I didn't want their golden life. I didn't want a wife, she'd only bring me down and nag at me all day, it's what my mother did anyways, and their idea of a good job would be to work in an office all day, go in early come back home late.
"I didn't want their life, I didn't want to be just a copy, or the image society wanted me to be shaped into. No one tells you what they like about you, what you want to be instead of what you should be. No one wants to accept you for who you are, they want to be able to see something you're not capable of. No one will praise you for what you are, all they want you to be is something useful. If you aren't what they want, they'll forget about you, or even worse tell you how worthless you are, and that's about the worst thing you can say to a child who just wanted to make someone proud of them."
The way he looked down was the sight that ignited a fire in Kei, the sad tone in his voice, the way he wouldn't meet his eyes just like he had been doing until that point.
The blond pushed up his glasses, the sickening feeling in his stomach growing more noticeable with each passing second he was in the patient's presence.
"Let's… wrap this up in a few minutes," he looked down at the watch he had been given and sighed, "I promised Sugawara I'd review some of the documents from Bridgewood with him, just ten minutes from now." It was a blatant lie, something he was hoping Yachi and Yamaguchi wouldn't pick up on.
"We can end the session now, you'll have to walk to your office and I'm assuming back to Sugawara's office to discuss, you'll have no time to spare if we continue with the session," Yachi chimed in, a small smile playing at the edge of her lips. Kei nodded and stood up, directing his attention to the recorder. The young blonde seemed to get the memo and quickly muttered the memorized information before pressing the button, the end of their recording. "Have you short handed everything that was necessary?" She asked her tall companion.
"Of course I did, what if you're too flustered and clumsy that you lose your tape recorder? Those things aren't cheap you know?" Kei lectured an even more anxious Yachi.
"R-Right!" He laughed at the poor girl's expense before diverting his gaze to the patient who had been too interested in their conversation.
"We'll meet you in the evening, just after your supper, to conclude the day's treatment," he told Yamaguchi who only waved him off.
"Of course you will," he muttered as Kei and Yachi stepped out of his cell. "Of course you'll come back," he whispered to himself, Kei tensing up at his sentence.
Yachi locked the door behind them, her shoulders relaxing and her breathing going back to it's steady pace. "I've something to tell you."
"I figured as much," Kei scoffed, looking down at the jittery blonde.
"How?"
"Your body language told me what I needed to know, your shoulders were pushed back and your posture was straighter than usual. Your breathing pattern was ragged as well, I've taken it upon myself to memorize my co-workers' breathing pattern, it gets rather boring just analyzing people. The first week was all I needed to know that twentyfive percent of the staff here's on drugs, a five percent of them are married, two percent is emotionally disturbed. The rest are… how should I put it? Nevermind. You wouldn't even want to know," he muttered, staring at the wall to his right, avoiding her unamused faced.
"I'm leaving work early, two hours before the next session, so you'll be the only one handling him. I know you can manage, but I just thought it'd still be good of you to know," she muttered, hanging her head and letting her bangs hide her chocolate brown eyes. She was twiddling her fingers, especially playing with her ring finger. She was longing for something on there, Kei noticed. She seemed to play with that finger the most, she obviously was hoping for something that seemed to make her sad.
"You have something else to say," the blond noted, starling the shorter of the two. She looked up with pink tinted cheeks and chewed on her lip nervously. "You're still rather nervous, you usually calm down after you've spilled what's made you nervous," he explained to the flustered girl.
"Well, there is something, more of a favor of sorts that I need to ask of you," she whispered, hanging her head once again so that her pale yellow bangs hung in front of her eyes, shielding them from the glasses clad boy.
"What sort of favor?" Kei asked, losing more interest in their conversation as she hesitated.
"Is it okay if I tell you later? I have something to do in a bit," she muttered, stuffing her hands in the pockets of her lab coat. She waited from an approval from the towering blonde, who only shrugged and nodded, turning his back to her and walking down the corridor.
"Make sure to tell me soon, I don't have much free time to spend on you," he coldly called to her, only giving her one glance before he opened the door that led into the main chambers. "You're not the only one who's in need for my attention."
The blond smirked to himself, looking back only once to see if she would even dare to follow after him. She sighed and walked out the corridor, giving a small nod of thanks as she walked by the cells of the mush brained patients.
After her exit, Kei locked the door that had led them to the mentally ill patient.
"Of course I'm coming back, why would I not keep our promise?"
"What do you mean?" Kei hissed, glaring at the ashen haired man sitting across from him.
"Exactly what I said," he responded with a playful roll of his eyes. "Honestly, I thought you would have listened the second time you asked me to repeat myself."
"I was… busy," the younger of the two muttered, crossing his arms over his chest and looking at the wall to his left. He bit his lip, narrowing his eyes and sighing at Suga's light laugh.
"You're always busy," he claimed as he looked up from the small object in his hand.
"Not entirely true, you know that by now."
"Of course I'd know, how long has it been?"
"Too many years to count if you ask me." Both men hummed in unison, the blond looking at the metal toy the ashen haired boy held.
"What's that?" Kei asked, pointing a pale finger at the peice of metal.
"You've never seen one?" Sugawara practically exclaimed, sitting up in his arm chair and looking at Kei with wide eyes.
"No."
"Tsukishima, you never played with one as a child?"
"No. Why would I?"
"My God, you really aren't pulling my leg here," he paused a minute to laugh. He handed him the the slinky, amused by the puzzled expression on Kei's face.
"What do I do with it?" Kei asked as he stared down idly at the object in his hand.
"You play with it," Sugawara sighed. He looked at the confused boy for a few seconds before standing up from his comfortable armchair and making his way to the pitiful man. "You're so dense sometimes. I wonder how you live on your own."
"I had to eat instant ramen yesterday since I can't cook well," Kei muttered angrily as Sugawara came up from behind him and took Kei's hands into his.
"Hmm. It's been awhile since you've had a homemade meal hasn't it?" A hum in reply. "So what have you had since the last time I was there?"
The blond grit his teeth before muttering something that couldn't be understood. He repeated what he had said at the sight of a questioning look given to him by Sugawara. "Instant ramen."
"And?"
"That's it." It took the ashen haired boy a few seconds to process the newly found information.
"You've gotta be kidding me. There's no way you can live off instant noodles for two years," he sighed, running his hand through his hair.
"I've gone out to eat on occasion, if that helps. So it's not just that every night. But I can see where you're getting at. You know I can't cook, so it's a struggle to make myself dinner every night."
"Get married then, get yourself a wife." Hearing the words coming from his superior made Kei stiffen, his muscles tensing.
"Wife?" It was probably the most innocent and clueless question Sugawara had ever been asked in his life. The way the blond had asked it, the way his eyes showed little to no interest was pretty clear to Sugawara. "It's pretty degrading to assume any woman would be put in charge of making the meals at home. Besides, I don't plan to marry, marriage and I don't mix well. A wife wouldn't suit me anyhow."
"I wasn't expecting that long explanation, I just thought you didn't swing that way." The immediate pink tint Kai donned was something that told Sugawara that it was alright to joke once again.
"I-I don't…" he answered in a smaller voice than before, hanging his head low and avoiding his superior's amused stare.
"If you say so. Though it doesn't mean I have to believe you." Sugawara sat back in his chair, leaning back and closing his eyes, breathing evenly and calmly.
"Shut up," Kei scoffed, trying to hide the evident smirk on his face. "Isn't it time for you to go?" Both of them looked up at the clock hung just behind the ashen haired man.
"I'm staying late again, I have… paperwork to do," he muttered, making the blond smirk even wider, mischief shining in his coffee colored eyes.
"If you say so. Though it doesn't mean I have to believe you," he repeated the words Suga had said to him just minutes before, making his superior turn a shameful tint of red. "Send him the best of wishes from me, and do try to tell him to straighten out my dear brother, he's starting to nag at me and I'm pretty sure it can be considered harassment."
Kei's ability isn't news to Sugawara, not after knowing him ever since their early childhood, and reconnecting during their high school years. "I swear, that freaky thing you do gets on my nerves sometimes," he spoke nervously, throwing in a curt laugh to ease up his tension and uncomfort.
"It's only because you're ordinary. Ordinary people do tend to feel and think that way," the blond muttered, his volume lowering as he spoke.
"You always speak as if you're higher than us ordinary people, why is that?" Suga asked, locked his hands together and staring at the frame of his companion's glasses.
"Can you analyze people in just a few minutes?" Kei challenged, taking a sip from the tea that had been set up just a few minutes before his arrival.
"No, I'm afraid that's why I hold a tad bit of jealousy towards you. You're about two years younger than me, yet you are smarter than I could ever be in my life. My mother used to compare me towards you, she'd rather have you as her son." Kei nodded in understanding, he had suspected as much with the special treatment he had gotten from the elder's mother, but hearing him say it was a new melody to his hears. "She was rather fond of you, and once we met again in high school she was delighted. You see, she's a professor as the university just a few cities over, and had even opted to become a therapist at one point in her life. If you ask me, her psychology lessons were meaningful to her and you caught her eye. She wanted to study you, which seems creepy, but that's the kind of person she is. You had her attention, so I was quite jealous growing up, but I don't care about that anymore, however that ability of yours doesn't cease to amaze me. Especially when you flaunt it around."
"I've told you before, it's just analyzing people carefully. Even the most simplest of people, per say Hinata or Kageyama, could do it if they put their minds to it. It's fairly easy, put your troubling thoughts at ease and just analyze. It's not hard, Sugawara," Kei says, looking up at the ceiling as he leans into the comfortable chair of Sugawara's office.
"I guess you're right on one part, but are you sure simple people could really do it?"
"Practically positive, don't worry about it," Kei reassured him, looking at him directly in the eyes. "Besides, over analyzing people isn't healthy, it gets to you after a while."
"Then why can't you stop?" It's the most obvious question in response to Kei's statement, but yet it's the one he's not prepared for, the one he hadn't had an answer for, for years.
"I'll get back to you on that, Sugawara," Kei whispered, hanging his head and letting his short bangs try to hide his eyes from the older man.
"Even after all these years, you've never had an answer for me." It isn't like Kei's been keeping track of all the times Suga has asked him the question, it's just that the instance is of so little occurrence, he can count all the times he's asked on one hand.
"Please wait for just a little more, Sugawara, as I have yet to find the bane of my reason."
"Alright Yamaguchi, I've only about less than an hour so let's make this quick." The blond stares down and the patient rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, waiting for a conscious Tadashi to at least contribute once piece of valuable information.
"The light's too bright, you know," Yamaguchi muttered, squinting his eyes and sitting up in his bed.
"At least I've gotten you to sit up at this ungodly hour, so as long as you aren't sleeping for the rest of this session that's good."
"What time is it?" Yamaguchi asked, rubbing his eyes and sneezing lightly. "It feels like it's too late to do this."
"Oh don't complain about it, it's barely just a quarter past eight. You're too used to sleeping early, aren't you Yamaguchi?"
The freckled boy hums, the sleep not yet being able to leave him, so anything that doesn't make the young doctor lash at him is a small victory,
"Alright, it's just a follow up appointment to the one Yachi-san and I did earlier, so it should go by quicker. To start off, can you tell me how you're feeling right now?" Kei asks, the tape recorder having started recording as soon as he had turned on the light in Yamaguchi's cell. He didn't keep eye contact with Yamaguchi as he had no one to log in their conversation as an insurance for if something happened to the recording.
"I'm tired, some horrible person just woke me up from my sleep and I'm mad about that," he pouted, narrowing his eyes at the blonde who only grimaced in response.
"What about your mental state? How do you feel about that?"
"The same as I've always felt about it. It doesn't exist."
"You're keeping your answers short. Why is that?"
"I don't think I've told you, but I'm mad that someone woke me up from my sleep. Being here day and night without being able to socialize or do anything is pathetic. You should try it sometime, then maybe you'll be able to understand me better that way." Tsukishima hums in response to what the patient's just said, the tiniest bit of interest not being able to make itself visible.
"I used to have a friend when I was younger. He was exactly like you, and we were the best of friends, but one day, he did something wrong and I never saw him again," Kei muses, looking up from his clipboard and staring at Tadashi. "I'm afraid you won't cooperate any further, and it's fine by me. I have to leave rather early today anyways, so I'll take advantage of this rare opportunity." Kei sighs, stopping the recording with the press of the "stop" button. The room's silent except for the shuffling noises Kei's created as he packs up to drop off his things in his office and leave.
"Wait! Tsukki…" Yamaguchi begins, making Kei tense and look at the patient's shine in his beautiful eyes.
"What do you want, Yamaguchi?" Kei asks, a small tone of worry laced in his words. He knows what Tadashi's about to ask, and his heart races so fast that at one point he'd rather it burst out of his chest. At least then he wouldn't be made to suffer the anxiety, the fear, even the lust and longing that's been plaguing him the last few years.
"Can you… tell me more about your friend?"
-A/N: And now I'm back with the story! I'm so glad that I've updated, sorry for the long wait! By the way, don't forget to check out my other story, The Year Without My Saltwater Kiss. This chapter is dedicated to my friend Izzy.
Also, if you have any questions just PM me or anything