The moon waxed slowly towards full and Lavender felt her energy increase accordingly. The moonstone around her neck started to glow brighter and brighter with the growing moon and Alexei commented on it more than once. He said she probably didn't need to wear it because she wasn't really a werewolf, and far from reassuring her, it just irritated her. She had seen him twice more since their first date and while he treated her like a princess, she couldn't help but feel that he wasn't really comfortable with her scars. Well, that wasn't strictly accurate. He seemed fine with her scars, it was what they might mean that scared him.
It didn't help to remember that the first full moon after the Battle of Hogwarts, Seamus had waited with her overnight as she waited and prayed and desperately hoped that she wouldn't transform. She hadn't, but she had been immensely grateful that he had been there for her the whole night, constantly touching her to reassure her that she wasn't a wolf, talking to her and telling her ridiculous stories to keep her mind off of her possible transformation. She had fallen asleep in his lap on their couch, confident in him watching over her, and had woken up with him frying up steaks. Hers had been practically raw and she had fallen in love with him just a little more for that.
Comparing Seamus's attentiveness with Alexei's badly disguised fear of what she might be made her angry. She supposed a few months ago it would have made her sad that she wasn't human enough for this handsome Auror in training, but now it just annoyed her. It wasn't her fault she wasn't entirely human, and she didn't feel she should be blamed for it.
She found herself in the Half Moon Tavern more and more frequently, talking with werewolves and a few other people like her, who had been attacked outside of the full moon. Those like her were few and far between, but as the local werewolf population saw her around, some of them started getting comfortable enougn to talk to her. The more she learned about how many of them had no schooling and no wands, the more upset she got about it. Just like her, it wasn't their fault they had been bitten. She was starting to suspect there would be fewer bites if werewolves were properly included in wizarding society as well. Most of them were angry and they had a right to be, even if some of them did take it out in bad ways.
It didn't make her able to forgive Fenrir or those who had allied themselves with him, of course, but it did make it easier to understand. After the bite, especially as children, young werewolves were ostracized from the community. How could they possibly learn to care about other wizards like she had learned at Hogwarts without being included at all? Many of them only knew other werewolves and she was one of the first witches who had been decent to them, and she wasn't even completely human anymore.
As she was getting ready for work the morning three days before the full moon, a knock sounded at her door. It had been so long since anyone had come to visit Lavender had paused in confusion before remembering what she was supposed to do when someone knocked. She answered the door to find Hannah there, dressed for work at the Leaky Cauldron. "Oh Lavender, thank Merlin," Hannah said, stepping inside the door as Lavender stepped back.
"Hannah, what's... is someone hurt?" Lavender's mind flashed suddenly to an image of Seamus hurt, or Seamus at St. Mungo's, or the Healers telling her there was nothing they could do to save him. It unnerved her how quickly her imagination jumped to the challenge and she tried to tamp down on that before it got out of control.
"No, no," Hannah said. Lavender nearly whimpered in relief before getting a hold of herself. "Neville just told me that Bill Weasley was attacked last full moon. Seamus told you about the rogue werewolf who has been trying to finish what Greyback started – well, he got Bill. They don't know if he's going to be a full werewolf yet or not, but he's been in the hospital for nearly three weeks now."
Lavender felt her knees start to give out and she sat down on the couch quickly, fear coursing through her. Seamus had mentioned the rogue werewolf and given that as his excuse for why he wasn't around all that often, but Lavender hadn't thought too much of it. Now, without him around and with the full moon coming up, she was scared.
"Lavender, I'm so sorry to tell you this before you go to work," Hannah apologized. "I know it must be awful to hear. But the Aurors are tracking the rogue down as quickly as they can, and they hope to have him caught soon. Still, he's getting bolder and Neville thought I should warn you." She looked like she was about to say something else but then she bit her lip, meeting Lavender's eyes with worry.
"I... I appreciate the warning," Lavender said, mustering a smile for her friend. "Tell Neville thanks. I won't go out on the full moon, I never do."
"I know," Hannah said, sitting down next to Lavender to wrap her in a hug. "If you need to come over to our house to wait it out with some company, you're always welcome. You know that, right? We're both getting off around five on Sunday, you can come over any time after that."
"Of course," Lavender said, returning the hug. She would never put anyone through the hell of being cooped up on the full moon, but it was sweet of them to offer. Hannah left soon after that and Lavender resumed getting ready for work, thoughts churning.
The next two days passed too quickly for Lavender, now that she had something beyond just the full moon to dread. The moonstone started glowing brightly during the night, as if picking up on Lavender's tense emotions. She went over the Hannah's house the night after her friend had come to warn her and Hannah made her dinner, trying her best to distract her friend. Neville came home shortly after they had broken into a bottle of wine and joined them, then insisted that Lavender floo home rather than walking.
That, more than anything, made the strange wildness inside Lavender roil. It didn't like fearing to walk home. It didn't like being coddled as if it couldn't take care of itself. Whenever Lavender started to think like that she fought down panic – it was like there was a wolf inside her. It felt like some of her werewolf friends from the Half Moon Tavern had told her they felt near the full moon, like there was a wolf looking out through their eyes, tinting the world with animal emotions and instincts.
It scared her to think like that. She hadn't been bitten by a werewolf at the full moon, and she knew that that was the only way to be a true werewolf, but the idea that there was a strange, animal intelligence in her brain conflicting with her human mind was scary enough. She got more snappy with customers until Brenda sent her home, scolding her gently for her attitude. Lavender couldn't bring herself to care as she stalked home, people getting out of her way almost subconsciously. Her werewolf friends had told her that they tried not to be around people for the few days leading up to the full moon, but this was the first time she had felt like she might need to remove herself from society for a few days.
Even Alexei didn't escape her full moon emotions, and he left her house angry after she made one too many comments about his attitude towards werewolves. He had just been trying to tell her he was worried for her during this full moon with the rogue on the loose, and she hadn't wanted to hear it. After he had left she had paced her apartment like a caged animal until she realized what she was doing and forced herself to sit down.
She started to doubt that any relationship would work if he was scared of part of her. Despite his reassurances that he was perfectly fine with her scars, she was realizing that while he might be alright with the scars, he might not be alright with what they meant. That made her sad but the animalistic part of her mind had no time or use for sad, so she put the emotion away. The wolf wanted to pace and run and Lavender was determined to stay seated on her couch to prove to herself that she wasn't an animal. She was in control, even if her love life was something she was incapable of handling or holding together. She could at least handle the bestial side of herself.
Anyway, she thought as she made tea, if Alexei wasn't comfortable with the fact that she snarled at people a few days a month, that was his loss. Going out and handling herself in the Half Moon Tavern had done wonders for her self-confidence, and she was starting slowly to see herself in the light she had before the Battle of Hogwarts. She hadn't had body issues like many girls, and she had always known she was beautiful. Slowly that feeling was coming back, and she knew it was reflecting in the way she walked, with her head held high and less powder and foundation by the week, and in the way she talked to other people because she now looked them in the eye. If that made them uncomfortable, if that made them feel challenged, well, that was on them. It wasn't her fault she had been turned into a half werewolf woman, but here she was, and here she would stay.
The wolf liked that train of thought. No more skulking around like a kicked dog. Time for people to learn how to deal with her, rather than her making accommodations for people who were scared of her scars. A dim part of her knew that after the full moon she would go back to being just as quiet as before, most likely. This was probably just the full moon emotions talking. But it was a line of thought she liked, and she indulged it for as long as she could.
The night before the full moon she made her usual grocery store trip and purchased three pounds of steaks and extra bandages for when she woke up. This full moon felt like it was going to be a bad one, and she nearly snarled at the cashier when the girl made a strange face at the purchases. Lavender barely got outside before a growl tore through her throat, frightening both a woman walking into the store and Lavender herself. What kind of creature was she, to be snarling at something she was so used to, to be directing her fury at her situation at some hapless teenager?
That almost got a laugh out of her as she leaned up against the wall of the store. She was nothing more than a hapless teenager herself, turning eighteen in a few months. She just felt older than her age, probably due to the war. Of course it was due to the war. Who did she think she was kidding?
Touching the moonstone calmed her, and she ended up turning the pendant around so that the stone itself was touching her skin. It gave her a point of reference for when she wanted to bite something, a cool spot against her skin that she could focus on. The moonstone itself was always cool despite how bright it had grown, and with Lavender's increased body temperature it was a welcome relief. She had left the window open for three nights in a row now, sleeping with just a light cotton sheet and letting the icy winter wind sweep into her room. She tossed and turned at night, sleeping fitfully until the dawn woke her.
When the sun touched her face she was instantly awake, up and pacing the length of her short hallway, hands fidgeting constantly. She dreaded the next day like she had never dreaded anything before, even the Battle of Hogwarts. At least she had been able to prepare for that. For this, she just had to wait until it happened.