A/N: oh my crap, its been a while! Sorry, I'm so sorry, I feel like crap! RL is just... consuming. I don't even get a break anymore to write, and I feel so down and uninspired... anyway, he is the chapter! Please forgive me (T.T) thank you so much for following and favoriting! It means so much to me, its the reason I keep writing for you!
After much deliberation, I decided to search the library for Kevin. It had been five minutes since he had left me alone and confused in the encyclopedia section. I had thought my sarcasm amusing at the time, but now I felt guilty and thoughtless. Perhaps I was indeed the fool.
After a few deep breaths, I pushed my chair back and followed the general direction I believed Kevin had taken. The sky flashed once more and almost instantaneously, thunder bellowed like a beastly laugh; even the heavens were mocking me.
I looked out the window as I passed it, and saw the fat rain drops fall to the ground, and quickly, it was beginning to flood. I swallowed loudly and continued my search. However it proved fruitless, it was as though Kevin has simply vanished, but I knew he couldn't have left into the freak storm, could he?
Suddenly, I heard the shifting of weight from above me and remembered the Tree house. The Tree house was the brilliant idea of a student who had read an article by Harvard documenting an increase in concentration when studies were done in elevation. That was to say, if you are reading in a high up place, you would probably remember more. So came into being the Tree house, and where I believed Kevin was.
I approached the ladder, and with one unsteady step after another, made my way up. Slowly but surely, until I saw the silhouette of Kevin, sitting forlornly. I finally made it all the way up, and though I felt kind of sick, I stood and walked towards him.
His back was to me, and his legs were dangling from the balcony; he shifted so his chin came to rest on his arms that were crossed on the railing.
I approached cautiously, and spoke before he realized my presence, "I do apologize Kevin for my insensitivity, it was inappropriate and unnecessary, and I ask for your forgiveness"
Looking down, I heard him turn and burst into laughter. My eyes shot up and I looked at him. His body was shaking with laughter, the sound echoing through the library.
"Shut up Double-Dweeb, none of it matters, it's like whatever" he said, turning away from me again. I nodded and shifted from one foot to another, "So I guess I can join you?"
"Yeah, whatever" he said. I sat beside him and imitated his positioning, so as to make sure I could be comfortable. I wasn't.
Kevin looked around and said, "The school puts a lot of money into running this library, look at how huge it is"
"Well, it's a hub for information, of course it is invested into" I said, smiling down at the shelves of books… home.
"Uh, Kevin" I began. He grunted in response and I took that as an ok to proceed, "Why did you react as you did to my previous comment? Was it my tone?"
He was silent a moment, and said, "If I answer your question, will you answer mine?"
"And what question would yours be?" I asked skeptically, smelling a trap.
He shrugged, "It doesn't matter, just a question for a question"
"Hmmm… fine" I said finally.
He was thoughtful for a moment, and played with his hands, before saying, "You said that if I read more I'd be good like you with the words… well, it kinda hurt you see"
"But why Kevin?" I asked, feeling my chest begin to hurt; the last thing I wanted to do was seriously offend Kevin. He hesitated and then continued,
"Because…"
"Because?" I pushed.
"Promise not to tell anyone?" he asked, putting forwards his pinky finger. I smiled a little, oblivious to the fact that people still did that, "Promise"
"Well… I'm dyslexic" he said finally, in a rushed breath. My mouth formed into a comical "o" and I nodded, realization coming hard.
"Yeah… people don't get it you know, they just think I'm stupid, but I actually have a problem, you know?" he said, exasperation evident in his voice, "I just wish people would understand"
"Well, I understand Kevin" I said. I looked awkwardly to his hand and contemplated, before reaching over slowly to give it a squeeze. He looked down at it with a slight frown, and then sighed, "How can you? You are so smart!"
"Well, perhaps I am, but I'm not good at other things too. Like, my body is too fragile for me to play sport, which you are quite good at"
He smiled at this and said, "Yeah, that's why I love football so much! Like, it's the only thing I'm good at. Otherwise, I wouldn't even be here on scholarship"
I nodded and pulled my hand away, feeling it tingle with warmth. His hands were so warm, and though calloused from years of catching the football, were pleasant to the touch.
He coughed and pulled me out of that reverie, "Now my question"
"Now yours" I nodded apprehensive once more.
"Are you actually gay, Double-D?"
Once more, put on the spot with a question I had no desire to answer. I swallowed and knew that I would have to answer this question eventually.
I felt his hand land heavily on my shoulder, and I looked to him. His eyes were encouraging and a convincing smile was placed across his face. I could tell him.
"Yes, I am homosexual"
"Aha" he said thoughtfully. The warmth from his hand radiating through my cardigan and into my very bones. And yet I felt cold. Lightning flashed across the sky, sending white light across Kevin's face. When he opened his mouth to speak, thunder sounded loudly and drowned out his words.
"Sorry, what was that?" I asked, looking at a nearby window. Large, dark grey clouds were travelling across the sky. It was going to be a long night.
"It's nothing" he said, shaking his head and retracting his hand. A smiled still on his face he said, "How did you know?"
I pursed my lips and said, "Well it's a long story"
"Wanna tell me, we've got time" he said, tilting his head slightly to indicate the storm. I nodded and with a breath, I began to relive that day…
It was my first day at college, and while my parents scoured the University lab facilities, I explored the clubs fair that was taking place on the quad. The usual suspects were there; acapella groups, football club, comic book fans and of course, band.
I walked to the physics stall were a tall boy was standing, with a monocle. It looked pretentious with his t-shirt and jeans. He had an air of pomp that made my skin crawl with irritation. I studied him and his stall apprehensively.
Then suddenly, something caught my eye.
A rainbow flag. Blowing true in the late summer breeze, with a red headed girl chanting loudly, "I don't even think straight!" repeatedly. Along with her comrades, she was dressed all in rainbow, as though nyan cat had decided to excrete on them.
Monocle boy said, "That's the LGBT club, advocating for their usual fair treatment and such" he sniffed, "I personally think they are disgusting"
"Well, I wouldn't want to be in a club with a hypocritical homophobe anyways" I huffed, "Let me know when you come out of the closet" and walked away leaving Monocle boy dumbfounded.
I approached the red headed girl, her hair billowing in the wind, she smiled and said, "Hai there, my name is Jessica Monreau, but you can call me Jess. You can also call me LESBIAN" and cheered loudly. Her crew also cheered, adding to the enthusiasm.
"Hello Jess, I'm Eddward, with a double D"
"E-D-W-A-R-D-D?" she spelled out, looking confused. I laughed and corrected, "E-D-D-W-A-R-D. But you can just call me Double-D"
"Oooooh, well, welcome Double-D, what can I do for you today?" she asked, smoothing down her crazy hair.
"Just looking through" I said, turning to the large rainbow banner that read, "I am gay in every sense of the word"
"Oh, well, cool, let me know if you need anything" she smiled.
"Yo, Jess" a familiar voice suddenly called. Both Jess and I turned to a blue haired girl with heavy makeup and low riding green pants. I squinted against the sunlight to realize it was Marie, my ex.
She approached and let out a squeal, "Look who it is, Sock head!"
"Marie, you know him?" Jess squeaked.
"Hell yeah, we dated for a while before we both realized we were totally playing for the other team!" Marie laughed, smacking harshly across my back. She hugged me with a shake, as I recalled the night we attempted to make love, and I backed off, without any real reason as to why.
I looked back up at the banner, and to Jess who smiled encouragingly.
Kevin watched me intently throughout my speech and when it was done he didn't stop. The silence stretched on for a while, filled only with the sound of the rolling thunder.
Then suddenly, Kevin spoke up, "So you just knew?"
"I suppose, but I had struggled with the truth for many years, that day was the first time I had admitted it. So, there you go" I shrugged.
"But, what about Marie? Was that just a test?"
"It was just a test for both of us I suppose, a chance to see if we really were who we said we are" I pursed my lips and smiled at Kevin, "I hope this is all ok with you"
"Yeah, it's cool. I don't judge" he said, though from the look on his face, I wasn't able to tell if that was sincere.
"I hope you are being honest with me, Kevin. I wouldn't want it to spoil our…" I was unable to finish the sentence. His eyebrows screwed to the center of his brow and said, "Our friendship"
The word sounded strange from his mouth, it rang out like a bell, calling all my brain cells to process it just as a church calls its worshippers. Friendship… OUR friendship…
Smiling at the tantalizing thought I said, "Yes, our friendship, uh, Kevin"
"Uh huh?" he asked mid laugh, cocking an eyebrow. His lips were slightly parted and I felt my face heat up as immoral thoughts suddenly came to mind, "Uh, how do you feel when you play football?"
"What do you mean?" he said, licking his lips. I internally cursed him for sullying my mind and continued, "That is to say, how does it make you feel… as in… happy?" I offered.
He pursed his lips and said, "Oh, Double-D" the way he said my name was so sinful it probably deserved a place in hell, "It makes me beyond happy. It takes me to places that I never thought were possible. When I see that ball coming towards me from across the pitch, and it lands in my hands as if it was supposed to be there, and I turn and I run to the end zone… it's just… awesome" he finished, closing his eyes. His face was a mask of pure ecstasy, and I felt a smile tug at my lips.
"That's brilliant" I said, and he slowly opened his eyes,
"Hey, you know what, why don't you come to one of my games next weekend? Write about it in your interview thingy" he said, shrugging.
"Wait, next Saturday?" I asked, thinking back at my schedule.
"Yeah, it will be the last game of the season, so I guess it'd be pretty great for the paper"
"Oh no, the interview comes out before then" I corrected, recalling the information Lee had given me.
He shrugged and said, "Whatever, come anyways, it'd be pretty special. You know, see me turning my problem around and stuff"
"Yes, a typical success story" I giggled, covering my mouth. I opened my eyes and saw Kevin searching my face with a smile, "Like, I've been to your science exhibitions and stuff, it's pretty cool what you can do, Double-Dork"
"Thank you Kevin, I try to do my best, compensate for my physical incapacity, luckily I always have my parents to cheer me on. Them and Ed and Eddy" I laughed to myself, remembering Ed carrying a huge foam glove written "U R #0". I had asked him why and he said, "Double-D, zero comes before one, which makes it the first number, silly!"
"That's great, my support it definitely my Dad, oh yeah, and Nazz. I love my little cheer leader" he grinned, looking down at his hands with a blush. For some reason unknown to myself, my chest tightened. The look of love and admiration on his face for his longtime girlfriend made me feel… terrible. I grimaced at the thought of me being envious. I wouldn't be jealous, they had been together for what seemed like eternity, and they'd probably stay like that. My chest grew tighter.
"That's great, I'm guessing you two are doing great" I smiled half heartedly, hoping he wouldn't notice how strained it was. He finally looked up and said, "Yeah, she's awesome. And she loves me. I guess the only thing is, she doesn't get my dyslexia"
"That's a shame, Kevin, why do you think that is?" I asked, feeling pleased that Nazz wasn't perfect, but feeling immediately guilty. I would not allow myself to take pleasure it someone else's imperfections.
"I guess it's pretty hard to understand it, so I can let it slide I guess" he shrugged several times throughout the sentence, I was sure his back was aching. Somehow, a thought of massaging his back came to find, and I swatted it away like a pesky fly. But just as a fly would, it returned repeatedly and persistently.
"What about you Double-D, anyone special in your life?" he asked casually, turning to face my completely. He crossed his legs, and leaned his chin on his knuckles, while he knee propped up his arm. I took a deep breath and said,
"Well, there hasn't been anyone in particular who had ever caught my eye. Eddy and I have kissed a few time, but nothing to write home about. I have never actually had anything serious with anyone, other than Marie" I said quickly, with a cough at the end.
"So wait, you've never been with a guy?" he asked.
"Does Eddy count?"
"All you did was kiss?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"That's all"
"Then no, if you haven't dated or slept with a dude, then no" he said, "but why do you think that is?"
"Like I said, there has been no one of interest" I said, yet I felt as though I was lying.
"Why, what do you look for?" he prodded, "Someone like me?"
I held my breath, what?
N/A: thank you for reading :) please review and let me know what you think!