Book 6

The Best-Laid Plans

October 1898

Russell Square, London

The glider landed precariously on the upper deck of the Machine, only for the League to find themselves surrounded by a swarm of cats. Only two things kept them alive at this point; firstly that there were so many cats that each of them thought the others could deal with the intruders, and secondly that any cat that did make an attempt was fought against by a Sea Rat with a belaying pin; a red-eyed mongoose with vicious teeth and claws; something they could not even see, but it seemed to have a sword; and a boxing hare shouting incomprehensibly about how easy it would be to have more wine.

If the cats had co-ordinated, they could probably have taken the League down quickly enough, but it is a hard business for cats to co-ordinate at the best of times, let alone when faced with something as disconcerting as this. The chaos was such that Tanya found it surprisingly easy to slip away from the others and locate the auroral gold, exactly where Gizmo Hackwrench had said it would be, if the flying machine was based on the theories he had shared with D'Angermouse.

The noise reached the control room, disturbing Macavity, who had just decided upon bombing Deptford first, and was carefully double-checking the mathematics of travel in his head. He sighed and made his way to the hatch.

"Growltiger!" Macavity snapped, "Keep this thing steady!"

"I'm trying, Colonel!" yowled the pilot, "I told you, it's not like steering a barge! It would help if the damn' thing hadn't been built by heathen Siamese!"

Macavity rolled his eyes. Two of his most reliable agents seemed to think they were a music-hall double act and his deputy was a frothing racist. Of course he had to do everything himself.

He climbed up to where Tanya was trying ineffectually to pull the clay container out of its casing. "Ah," she said, turning to face him, "Hi."

"Do you know, Miss Mousekewitz," he purred, "what the most trying and annoying thing about being head of Rodent Intelligence has been?"

"Having to pay for D'Angermouse's suit to get laundered three times a day?"

Macavity gave a perfunctory chuckle. "No, Miss Mousekewitz. It's having to restrain myself from eating any of you. A policy I don't really think I need to bother with any more." And he pounced.

But Tanya ducked, causing Macavity to turn round in mid-air trying to work out where she'd gone. Inertia kept him going and he crashed directly into the auroral gold container, shattering it. Tanya scrambled back into the glider, followed by the rest of the League, and as the Machine started to fall, the glider caught an air current and left the deck. Macavity, seeing the auroral gold heading away from him, unthinkingly clutched at it. It continued to rise.

As he disappeared into the clouds, the last thing Macavity saw was the frontage of the hotel.

And, presumably, Tanya thought, as the glider entered what the Sea Rat was optimistically calling a "controlled crash", he'll end up in that magnetic sphere of Professor Hackwrench's.

November 1898

St James's Street, London

A couple of weeks later, the glider landed much more gently outside the Drones gentleman's club, nearly hitting a human who muttered about these "bally pigeons all over London."

"Well, we're here," said the Sea Rat, "But why?"

"Search me," said Tanya, "You all got the same note I did, this time."

"I don't wish to alarm you fellows," said Hawthorn, "But there's a cat coming towards us. Again."

Indeed, a feline shape wandered slowly out of the club and headed towards the League.

"We can easily outrun him if he's a threat," replied Tanya, "He's fatter than D'Angermouse!"

The black and white cat was indeed remarkably overweight. "You must be D'Angermouse's League of Extraordinary Gentlebeasts," he said, "Bustopher Jones at your service. But you can think of me as the new Colonel."

"So Rodent Intelligence is still run by a cat?" the Sea Rat asked.

"Yes, but a more reasonable one than Macavity, I hope. And one who is sure there will be more missions for your little team. Although for now, I suggest you take a little holiday."

"Really?" said Rikki-tikki in disappointment, "There's nothing else happening just now?"

"As best as I can tell from Macavity's appalling filing system, nothing where your talents might be needed. The Meerkovo crisis is probably better dealt with by conventional agents, and bringing a mongoose into it would be problematic in any event. Macgregor Farm is currently under observation, but there's been no need to act as yet. There's a curious report from the American town of Junctionville that the mice there have somehow earned the wrath of the Shaman of the North Pole, but I'm at a loss as to what anyone can do about that save the residents themselves. And I believe the Rescue Aid Society is currently working on the Moreau situation, so I'm loathe to interfere until I know how they're getting on."

Jones smiled at them, presumably unaware of how unsettling it was. Or maybe, Tanya thought, he was perfectly aware and didn't care. "Something's bound to turn up sooner or later, though. It always does."

Llantisilly, Wales

Indeed, little could anyone at that meeting have suspected that, at that very moment, a curious vessel was descending from space. Unnoticed by animal or human, it alighted outside a curiosity shop called "Emily's" and slowly opened. From the vessel there emerged a creature that resembled a mouse, only bright pink with a curiously textured skin. And, looking around, the creature declared its arrival on Earth in its own language, and a voice like a slide-whistle.

What is this strange creature? What are its plans for the good rodents of the British Empire? All may be revealed in a second volume of The League of Extraordinary Gentlebeasts. Until then, God Save Queen Mousetoria, and Rule Rodentia!