Disclaimer: I still don't own these characters . . . I just move 'em around the board.

"Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat."

- Fran Lebowitz

Chapter 3: Scrabble

Crawford stepped over to the FBI equipment, pushed a button, and nodded at Beckett. Beckett clicked the speaker button and spoke. "Hello?"

A male voice, obviously distorted, asked, "Is Richard Castle there, please?"

"No, I'm sorry, he's unavailable. Who's calling?"

Kate's question was ignored. "Then, may I please speak to Detective Beckett?"

"This is Beckett. Who is this?"

"Detective, this conversation will not exceed three minutes. I am assuming you or the FBI are trying to trace this call, but that won't happen. When there was no announcement of your marriage at the scheduled time, I assumed something bad had happened last night or today. I am calling to let you know that I had nothing to do with it."

"Well, that's interesting, Mr….."

"Call me Loki."

"Not very original. What announcement are you referring to?"

"Black Pawn had a press release scheduled at four. It didn't happen."

"So why do you think something bad happened?"

"Detective , you have wasted 45 seconds. Allow me. I was hired by a third party to delay your nuptials. I set a fire at your earlier venue, making sure that the building was clear. Check with the owner. He needed the insurance for a new floor without losing revenue, so I was paid twice. You'll find the internal alarm went off ten minutes before the fire department was called. I then caused a water break at your upstairs neighbors. They were less than thrilled to hear their downstairs neighbor had a penchant for having her apartment explode, not to mention dead bodies showing up at her door. They needed to break their lease."

Lanie swore and strode over to stand beside Beckett, fire in her eyes. Beckett put a restraining hand on her, as the cultured voice continued. "These were mere delaying tactics. However, imagine my surprise when I found that one Rogan O'Leary had listed a Katherine Houghton Beckett as his spouse, once while applying for a job as a minister in Texas, and once when he was trying to avoid a charge of impersonating a federal agent in Kentucky. He was kind enough to have supplied the date and location. Turns out he was lying. However, he did inspire me. It was a simple matter of creating a record and inserting it in the system. However, it was all for naught. I am amazed you managed to overcome all these hurdles. Your commitment is to be commended."

"Okay, Mr Loki. Why should we believe you about today?"

"Because I have never, intentionally or otherwise, directly harmed any individuals. I pride myself on it. However, my employer contacted me last night, very distraught, and suggested I either take more direct measures to derail your wedding or return his money forthwith. I assure you, neither had any chance of taking place."

"The name of your employer, Mr Loki?

"Unknown. However, he paid me through the Peoples Bank of Jakarta, a branch of the Bank of Hong Kong. The account number is 654-68369-128, and as of an hour ago was still active. I will now have to take some steps in insure I can't be traced, but I felt it was worth it to inform you of these facts. I have no desire to be in your crosshairs, so to speak."

"Is there anything else you can tell us?"

"Not really, and certainly not in our remaining six seconds. Goodbye and Good Luck, Detec . . ."

Lanie could no longer contain herself. "Well, I've got more, Mr Loki Whatever-your-name-is! You're in MY crosshairs now. Do you know how long I worked to repair that dress? Realizing everything I tried just made it worse? Do you know how heartbroken my girl was to hear about your trumped-up marriage? Not to mention how hard Alexis worked and how much Castle paid to get this entire circus shipped out here to the Hamptons? When they catch you, I'm going to do a pre-posthumous autopsy on you, starting on your genitalia. Do you hear me?" She turned to look at Crawford, her voice full of outrage. "Did he hang up on me?" She spun on Esposito. "Javi, I want you to go out and catch this Loki clown for me. I want him alive, and strapped to my table! I want him now."

"LANIE!" On Beckett's fourth call of her name, the pissed off M.E. finally quit her ranting. "Not now!" Beckett looked at Crawford, talking on her cell phone. "Did we trace him?"

Crawford took off her headset and shook her head. "Charles said he bounced his call all over the world. He was looking for a downlink in the Ukraine when the call was disconnected. The call was exactly 179 seconds long." She looked Beckett in the eye. "Do you believe him? The whole, I'll try to mess up your plans, but I'm not involved in a kidnapping?"

"You know, I think I do. It explains a lot."

"Lots of drug money and lots of cartels are now using Indonesian banks. Bring anyone to mind?"

"No, nobody. Maybe Bracken's friends. Can you trace the bank account?"

Crawford shook her head. "Not in time. They're very tough over there." She looked closely at Beckett. "Can you think of any reason, professionally or personally, someone would want to delay your wedding? Anything special planned this week?"

Becket frowned. "Not even a little! Whoever it is, they're not trying to stop the wedding, just postpone it. But now they threaten Castle's life? It makes no sense at all!" Her voice mirrored her frustration. "The only things of note this week were a preliminary hearing for 'the dragon' and a couple of parole hearings. My team is covering for me. None of those involved would want me there if they could help it, anyway."

The door opened, admitting Ryan. He made a beeline for Beckett. He lowered his voice so Alexis couldn't hear him, and pointed back towards the door. "Boss, you would not believe what is happening out there now!" He paused, then added, "Actually, you probably don't want to know."

"You're right. I don't. Tell me about the crash scene."

"No major surprises." He was still talking quietly. "The fed techs guess Castle's car was forced to a stop by a large American SUV painted black. Chevy or GMC, it could be government or private. Castle's driver side window was then broken, the door opened, and Castle was dragged out of the car. A couple of blood types on the glass, probably Castle's and at least one of the kidnappers. Castle's car was then aimed off the road, put in gear, and a thermal grenade was tossed in the window. Very little blood at the scene, so nobody was bleeding profusely. Everything else is negative. No word yet on blood type or the origin of the grenade. No sign of casings or spent rounds. No weapon found at the scene."

"Damn. I was hoping . . . " She picked her cell phone and called her voice mail. "Castle sent us a message. He was apparently under duress and monitored. See if you get anything out of this that we missed." She pushed play, and they all heard Castle's voice once more.

"Katie, it's Ricky. I know this is a terrible way to tell you, but I have some truly shocking news. I cannot marry you today, or tomorrow, or ever. I never intended to tell you like this, leaving you stuck at the ball like Cinderella, but everything kind of happened at the last minute. Do you remember that terrific party at the Edward's place we got to attend last month? Where you met Bill the Barber? Well, when we were separated, I ran into my old friend Ginger Knowles. We'd had a fling earlier, and we've rekindled our romance. Our connection is electric. As I was driving to our wedding, I realized I couldn't go through with my marriage to you. I'm too committed to Ginger.

I know how you believe in fate, and karmic justice. After subjecting you to this, I know something bad will undoubtedly happen to me. I'm sure you'll find someone better, someone worthy of your love. I'll miss working with you. I could build a theory as to why this happened, but building theory is pretty dumb without you. Actually, it's definitely dumb without you. So goodbye, Kate. I will think fondly of you …. forever."

At the conclusion of the message, Ryan smiled apologetically at his boss. "You know, I get so used to having Castle around all the time, joking and clowning, it's hard to remember how fricking smart he is. So what are we doing now?"

"So far, we believe he's being held in a barn up near Ridge, booby trapped somehow. The helicopter crew are checking out the barns up there. Esposito is running down names from the movie 'Dumb & Dumber' to see if anything pops."

"Why?"

Beckett looked at Ryan. She knew that tone of voice. "Pretty dumb, then definitely dumb? That's Dumb and Dumber, right?"

Ryan scowled, exasperated, and threw Esposito a dirty look. "Beckett, I can see why you didn't twig to it, but Javi should have caught it. We heard it half a dozen times every day for a year. He didn't say 'Pretty Dumb then Definitely Dumb', he said it's 'Definitely Dumb without you'." Ryan turned and yelled at his partner, "Esposito! How do you spell dumb without a 'U'?"

"D … M … son of a BITCH!"

Alexis exclaims "Shut the Front Door!", then looks accusingly at Kate.

They all hear Lanie shout "LORD, ALMIGHTY!" When they all turn to look at her, she gives a little squeek of surprise and she slaps her palm across her mouth. Her eyes grew huge. She looked at everyone and wailed, "Oh my God, I'm turning into my mother!"

Beckett looks from Ryan, to Espo, to Alexis, to Lanie, and back again, all the while getting angrier by the second. She finally growls, "Will somebody please tell me what in the HELL is going on?"

Ryan sighs. "Beckett, 'D.M.B' has always been Castle's shorthand for Doctor Motorcycle Boy. Castle is telling us his kidnapper is Dr Josh Davidson, your ex-boyfriend."

Esposito looks furious. "Beckett, I could never understand what you saw in him!"

Lanie looked at him with pity. "Then honey, you are blind."

Javi looked down at the ME. "What's my eyesight have to do with anything?"

Lanie shook her head sadly. "Make that blind AND stupid."

"GUYS!" Beckett sinks back down on the couch, and covers her face with her hands. She didn't think the day could get any worse.

She was about to find out how wrong she was.