"We're finally back on air, good children!" Denmark laughed boisterously as his partner, Norway, proceeded to choke him with his tie.

"I'm pretty sure that's illegal…" Canada whines behind the camera. Apparently this Norwegian too cool for the law… and being a good role model to the kids at home.

"This is the three o'clock new update. The idiot gasping for air is Mathias Køhler and I'm Lukas Bondevik. Seriously, you people should know our names by now." Denmark finally was able to climb back onto his stool and managed NOT to spill his coffee.

"We've got some great news! Spain and Iceland have been released so we can finally have Mr Puffin for dinner." Denmark pulled out a rotisserie as if on cue. Fangirls cheered and tracked down Spain and Iceland on cue. Spain and Iceland drowned in fangirls on cue. Everything was on cue. Life was perfect.

"I had forgotten about that. No, seriously, I'd forgotten about eating that evil, rude, hell spawn of a bird. Anyway," Norway coughed as if embarrassed (A/N He is NOT) and continued to stare apathetically into the camera, to Canada's chagrin. "Estonia has won a lot of money on the stock market and since we're jealous people we're going to interview him and ask him why. Austria, if you please."

"Of course, Norway. This is Roderich Edelstein in Talinn, Estonia and we're in front of Mr von Bock's multi-million dollar mansion." Austria looked back at the obnoxiously huge marble mansion, just in time for multi-coloured fireworks bearing Estonia's name to explode in the night sky. "As you can see there, it's definitely his... Ow!" A crystal, albeit a small one, had dropped on his head. This was followed by a shower of crystals, to which Austria just put up his umbrella. "…Excessive bastard. We'll be going inside to talk to Estonia and see what it was that made him able to spend money like water. Though personally, I wouldn't do this myself had I gained the same amount."

"Damn right, you frugal bastard!" Prussia huffed dramatically as Hungary paused to hit him with her frying pan, quickly resuming reading her yaoi manga. Prussia assumed it was yaoi, at least; what else would made her nose bleed like that?

Austria had opened the intricately shaped iron gates when Estonia greeted him from an approaching Lamborghini.

"Hey, Austria! You're gonna want to catch a ride; it's a long way to the house if you don't have some help!" Estonia laughed obnoxiously as he slapped the side of the car. "Don't mind the crystals. They're formed from chemical reactions that happen inside the firework rockets as they explode. I don't know how it actually works though. Anyway, get in. I'll show you around." (A/N I do chemistry but I have no idea how valid this idea is. If I can get an answer about it I'll change this bit to suit the facts.)

Estonia pulled up in front of the most excessive entrance Austria had seen. Studded with what appeared to be precious gems and intricately carved in the style of Classical Greece, this entrance was the stuff of Austria's nightmares. He could hear the sound of a fountain, and as they had driven past it he saw little laser beams shining through the pillars of water, giving them vibrant colour. Ew. There went another $500 000. Could've saved that. Yes indeed.

"This place cost about a few million. Nothing much. I'm still reeling in the cash gradually from my other deals too, you know. Plenty of fuel for this fire." Estonia laughs at the camera. "We'll talk inside. Follow me."

The inside of the house was so full of exotic animal furs, gems, marble and chandeliers the size of boats that it took EVERY. SINGLE. THREAD of Austria's being not to lose himself over the disproportionate waste of money that blurred his vision.

And then it came.

The most adorable little fluff-ball of all time.

The cat.

Jumping onto Austria like he was a cat tower and climbing to eye level, it looked like a little pom-pom had been blessed by a fairy and given life.

"Oh, the cat? That's the rare Pommeus breed. They cost about a few thousand a head."

It was at this moment Austria lost it.

*Technical difficulties, please stand by*

"… Goddammit. I wanted to win a billion too…" Denmark was lying face down in a puddle of his tears. Norway just slapped him.

Canada was imagining all the parents at home having to cover their children's eyes.

"This guy's too cool for school."

"Are you stingy? Do you want to stop wasting money? Then this is the book for you! Penned by the ever elegant, ever frugal Roderich Edelstein, How to be Frugal is the book for all of you conservative money-grubbers out there! Available at your nearest bookstore."

"Breaking news! Austria has become the Hulk and is destroying Estonia's Talinn mansion! This is Heracles Karpusi, the camera man! May the gods save us all, so I can have a nap!"

I would make this longer but I have block exams and I don't wanna. Also I might have slacked off in economics this term. And maths. And physics. And everything else too. Ask for me tomorrow, and I shall be a grave woman.

To the guest who asked about Ivan's whereabouts, I WILL stick him in the next chapter. Maybe as a superhero. I don't know :3.

Sorry for like, disappearing and everything. I moved and stuff and life in general has been really annoying.

I don't own these babies.

Viva la fanfiction.