A/N: Big thank you to Jezebel Jai-Braxlin for beta reading this chapter.
October 1st, 2008
Seth had been acting strangely for days. I couldn't for the life of me figure out the source. Even Charlie had picked up on something, and Charlie was one of the most oblivious people I'd ever met. Anyone else would have figured out what was up with their daughter's boyfriend, but Charlie liked to live in a bubble where everything was fine. If he picked up on anything, then it was obvious.
It wasn't until Jake called to say that both packs were going to meet at Sam and Emily's that night that I started to figure it out. I'd been charged with alerting half of the pack about the meeting, and Seth was the obvious first choice.
He was up in his room when I found him. It wasn't a place he spent much time in, but I wasn't surprised he was here after how he'd been acting recently. He wasn't angry at everyone like he had been during his past periods of strange behavior. He just seemed… off. The best way to describe it was a preoccupation, although I had no idea what that could be. My best guess was that it involved Al.
A textbook and a notebook were open on the bed in front of him. Seth had a pencil in his hand that he was fiddling around with. I didn't get the impression that it had been used recently. When I walked in, Seth was more concerned with the wall than with the book.
"Joint pack meeting at Sam and Emily's in an hour."
I hadn't meant for my words to lead to a conversation. I still had several other wolves to contact and little reason to stick around Seth's room to talk. But something about his expression when I said it made me stop in the doorway.
My words had startled him out of his thoughts. He looked at me with wide eyes for a second before he worked on getting his expression under control.
He nodded and turned away. After glancing down the hall and debating if I should continue walking, I stepped into the room.
"Okay. What's going on?"
Seth glanced at me for a second. I could see his chest rise and fall with a sigh.
"Have you admitted to yourself that you like Embry yet?"
"Of course, I like Embry. We're friends," I said, deliberately ignoring Seth's real meaning.
Nothing about his expression showed a reaction to my statement.
"Then we're not talking about this."
"Our agreement was that we wouldn't discuss our love lives," I pointed out. "So this has something to do with that?"
For the first time, Seth looked at me for longer than a second. His expression was no longer neutral, but it wasn't settling on one emotion either. His brow was scrunched up in a frown, and eventually, he shook his head.
"We're not talking about it."
I shrugged, realizing that expecting anything more would be hopeless right now. There had never been a time in the past where I'd convinced Seth to tell me anything he didn't want to. It was doubtful that now would be different. Plus, I had other pack members to call about the meeting. I couldn't skive off my duties as beta.
"Okay," I said with a shrug, turning to go back to my own room to grab my phone.
Seth was still in his strange, distant mood as we walked to Sam and Emily's an hour later. I didn't bother saying anything. Now we were in too public of a space, and with the others coming to the meeting too, there was a large possibility of being overheard. Seth would be even more closed off than he had been at home.
The house was lively when we entered. Everyone was just as loud as normal while joking around. I couldn't remember another time where a pack meeting hadn't been a somber affair. I squeezed onto the couch between Quil and the armrest, watching as Seth took a seat in the corner. He wasn't as isolated as he'd kept himself this time last year, but he was definitely keeping himself apart from the group. And it was noticeable. Jake and Embry both shot me questioning looks in response to which I could only shrug.
I looked around for Al, knowing he'd been the one to ask for this meeting. It didn't take a genius to figure out why. Our entire pack knew what was about to happen, of course, but I knew even Sam's pack had a good idea. That's why I was so surprised to see Al joking around with Collin, only a hint of anxiety showing in his eyes. He might have been a good actor if I weren't paying close attention.
Several other wolves arrived after us, but soon, everyone was quieting down in anticipation. It was the first real sign of the night that they all sensed that this was a serious moment. Al stood quickly after that, his shaking only noticeable if one paid close attention. He cleared his throat. "So," he said, drawing out the "o" as if unsure how to continue. "There's been enough of these lately, I think, so I'll keep it simple. I'm bisexual."
There was a pause as everyone looked at him. The entire thing felt more comfortable than any of the other similar meetings I'd been at recently. Al's nerves were only noticeable from small actions here or there. For the most part, he was doing an amazing job of keeping it under control. I turned to look discreetly at Seth. He was watching Al with something between pride and annoyance.
I had no doubts now that Al coming out was somehow what had Seth in his mood. The entire story still eluded me. From what I'd been able to gather, I would have expected Seth to be happy about this, not uncaring as he was trying to appear.
"Glad to know another one of these is out of the way," Jared piped up. Others echoed the sentiment. I wasn't the only one who picked up on Jared's choice of wording. A quick glance at Robbie showed that he was as stiff as he'd been when Seth had come out to both packs.
Al and Seth had become so open in recent months, and my heart lurched knowing Robbie hadn't gotten there yet. I hoped he did soon.
Both packs would be better off if we could get rid of all the secrets between us and start trusting each other more. God knew it was something each of us had had to work on. I'd had my own struggles with it.
Now though, as everyone began joking around with each other again, pulling Al right back into the fold after doing the same for Seth several months ago, I felt good about the people who had been forced into my life. I still wasn't the biggest fan of being a shapeshifter, but it could have been worse. There were more unbearable people in the world to be stuck in a pack with.
I forgot about Seth's terrible mood the rest of the time I was at Sam and Emily's. Everyone talked and laughed, and I managed to miss Seth slipping out of the house. I was walking home alone when I heard them, stopping dead in my tracks.
Seth's voice was what had caught my attention, but it took a second longer to assess that it was Al he was talking to in the forest. Again, their argument had them too consumed to notice my presence. Again, I wished I hadn't stumbled into this while choosing to spy anyway. I couldn't resist. It was like I'd lost all control of my actions.
Their voices were quieter than they had been last time. It made sense considering they were just out of earshot from the house where most of the guys were still gathered. They were managing to pack quite a bit of emotion into their voices, just above a whisper or not.
I froze, keeping myself as stiff as I could manage, although I didn't think a little rustling would get their attention. I had been walking along the road, and the asphalt beneath my feet created very little noise. The wind blew towards me, but even if it changed, my scent would mingle with those in the house before it reached them. It was doubtful they would realize I was within hearing range.
"I don't get why you're upset," Al said. It was the first statement where I actually caught what was being said.
Seth responded in a blunt, irritated voice. "I'm not upset. Good for you. Hip hip hooray."
"Yeah, hip hip hooray," Al mimicked in an even darker tone. "Seriously, Seth? Are we still going to do this?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Don't pull that shit."
"What shit?"
There was a moment of silence where I could only imagine the looks on both of their faces. I heard Al make a noise of annoyance before speaking again.
"You're being such an asshole. I'm trying to fix things, Seth. I'm trying to fix things."
They both went quiet again. I forced myself to stop trying to make out what their voices were saying, to turn back in the direction of my house. I had my deal with Seth. It was obvious by now that he didn't want me to know what was going on for whatever reason. He would tell me when he was ready. Hopefully.
I was careful to tread as lightly as possible on the asphalt until I knew I was out of their hearing range.
October 31st, 2008
Emily was a very happy pregnant woman. That was better than her being a moody one, I supposed, but her exaggerated cheerfulness was annoying by the time October came around. The bigger her stomach got, the happier she appeared. I hadn't spent a large amount of time around pregnant women in my life, but I didn't think that was normal.
It could have been a sign that Emily was made to be a mother. That was one point for the mating theories about imprinting, I guessed. Maybe I should have pointed it out to Embry. I was sure he'd bring up Rachel again as a counterargument.
Speaking of Rachel, she was the first person I saw when I walked into Sam and Emily's house for their Halloween party.
Part of Emily's overt happiness in pregnancy was a desire to have as many people around her as she could at all times. It was an exaggeration of her normal desire to be a continual hostess. Since the pregnancy, she was throwing out every excuse she could to get people to her house, and Halloween had been an obvious one.
When she first suggested the idea, it had been a costume party, but when most of your guests are wolves who hunt vampires in real life, the idea of a Halloween costume feels ridiculous. So now it was nothing more than a normal party with themed food and decorations. All of which Emily had put a lot of effort into. She'd been talking about her plans for weeks.
Rachel being here was probably the only bit that could surprise me. Her relationship with Emily had been rocky, to say the least, since Rachel's outburst on Kim's birthday. It was almost as if Rachel and Emily had become the newer version of Emily and I's old antagonism. Except this time most of it was instigated by Emily.
Rachel was proving to be the only person Emily could be cold to while pregnant. Although most of the time she at least attempted to hide her anger.
"You're here," I exclaimed out of surprise.
Rachel's frown deepened. She had a cup of beer in her hand, and she took a large gulp of it before answering.
"Of course I am. Paul insisted on coming, and what the fuck else was I supposed to do in La Push on Halloween?"
For a moment, I thought that all I'd be able to do was shrug lamely. "Go TPing," I suggested from a lack of other ideas.
"I'm twenty-two," Rachel said. "I burnt myself out on delinquent behavior years ago. That right of passage is over."
"There's always the 'stay at home to pass out candy' option."
"I'm twenty-two, not middle aged." She groaned and took another gulp of her beer. "There would be somewhere else to go if we weren't in La Push," she grumbled once she'd swallowed.
I'd been worried about this happening ever since Paul imprinted on Rachel. Well, not worried. The worry was a newer development, but I'd been anticipating it. Last year, Rachel had been adamant that she was happier in La Push than she had imagined she would be, but that wall had been cracking since her fight with Emily. Now I was waiting for it to come tumbling down completely.
I watched with an eyebrow raised as Rachel downed the rest of her beer.
"Where's Paul?" I asked, trying to keep my voice as nonchalant as possible because I knew that increased my chances of getting an answer. If Rachel detected any worry, she'd stop talking to me, and it looked like she needed to be talking to someone.
Rachel shrugged wordlessly as her eyes scanned the room. I couldn't tell if she was looking for Paul or more alcohol.
"Let's go further in," I encouraged her, trying to herd her away from the entrance way that we'd been standing in since I entered.
Without saying anything, Rachel made it clear that she had little desire to go further into the house. Based on her expression, I might as well have asked her to eat an entire plate of worms.
"Emily's in there," Rachel complained, and I was thankful that Emily was in the minority of the party who wouldn't be able to hear that comment from across the house. The last thing I needed to deal with tonight was another fight. And while I wasn't up for coddling Emily like Sam often did, there was something about yelling at a pregnant woman that was unsettling, even if her stomach was only slightly bulging.
"She is, but so is everyone else," I pointed out. Surely there was someone besides me that Rachel was willing to talk to in there. She hadn't been having problems with anyone besides Emily as far as I was aware, and both her boyfriend and brother were here.
"I don't want to talk to everyone else," Rachel complained, staying firmly rooted in her spot.
"Then what do you want to do, Rachel?"
That question made her stop pouting. Her face got distant instead, like she wasn't quite there with me. After a minute or so, she shrugged, but that was the only response I got.
"Rachel," I said after the length of her silence had gotten a little strange. "I'm going to go in, okay? Come find me if you need to?"
She nodded, but I still felt terrible for walking away. Something screamed that it was a bad idea even though I knew nothing could hurt her here of all places. She wasn't in danger, so why did it feel like I was abandoning her? It wasn't like any of these people were strangers to her. Rachel was an adult who could handle herself.
Seth, on the other hand, wasn't an adult, and that was glaringly obvious when I saw him tucked away in a corner. He was doing the same thing as Rachel except further into the party and without a drink of any kind in his hands. He kept shooting glances to where Al was talking to Nick, and I had to roll my eyes. Anyone who so much as glanced at him would be able to see how much he wanted to talk to Al, but I knew that he wouldn't.
I continued to push my way past everyone in the living room to get to the kitchen. Only Emily and Kim were in here, and it felt like a weight off my shoulders to be out of the room that was full of negative emotions. Emily provided a huge contrast, beaming at me as I entered. I wondered if she was aware of Rachel still standing in the entranceway or if she'd managed to stay oblivious.
Experience had shown that Emily could be very good at pretending people weren't mad at her, no matter how obvious they were.
"Happy Halloween," Emily greeted. Her voice was bright, cheerful, not at all in tune with the holiday we were supposed to be celebrating. I echoed the sentiment half-heartedly back to Emily and Kim, taking a seat at the table across from where Kim was chopping fruit. That had become her thing at pack parties. She took the task eagerly, happy to please.
"Nice use of fake blood," I commented, referencing the decorations I'd seen during my walk through the living room.
Emily frowned before nodding. "Jared suggested all the blood. I'd been going for a more light-hearted approach before."
I was impressed that I was able to reign in my snort of laughter. "It is Halloween, Emily. The holiday is meant to be anything but light-hearted."
Emily shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. But no one was that fussed with throwing out the costume tradition."
"I could phase right now. Would that be enough of a costume for you?"
She ignored my sarcastic remark, staying focused on the food. She'd become good at that. In the past, whenever I made such comments, Emily's face would darken like she'd been wounded. Of course, then I hadn't bothered to tread lightly around her. I'd even enjoyed hurting her like that a little bit.
Now that things weren't as hostile between us, she was starting to take my more biting remarks as me being me. The newer me at least. Emily was accepting that something had changed in me since "the event," and I wasn't going to go back to the Leah who used to be her best friend. Slightly insulting comments were my thing now, even if they weren't driven by as much bitterness anymore.
I watched Emily as she moved around the kitchen. All the food connected to Halloween somehow. Not one thing was un-themed. The pumpkin seeds I'd seen sitting on the table in the living room had been the least Halloween-y of the food.
"Is that supposed to be blood?" My nose wrinkled a little as I watched Emily pour the red liquid over the cupcakes she'd baked.
She nodded, not answering until she'd finished concentrating on pouring just right.
"It's just cornstarch and corn syrup. I hope it doesn't turn out too messy." I wasn't sure why that mattered when she was dealing with wolves. "I'm just happy the sugar glass turned out well." She motioned to what looked like real shards of glass laying out on a plate, waiting to be added to the cupcakes. "I'd never made that before."
"They look great, Emily," Kim piped up. Emily beamed.
The compliment might have been a bit premature, but we both knew it would be true in the end. They did look great even though only a few had drizzles of "blood" so far and none of them had gotten their shards of "glass."
Emily went back to decorating the cupcakes, and Kim went back to chopping up fruit. Trying to find someone to help occupy my time, I wandered back into the living room where everyone else was congregated. Even Rachel had made her way completely into the room. She was in the midst of everyone, sitting beside Paul, yet she was as disconnected as she had been standing near the front door. Her entire expression was one of disinterest and detachment.
With a sigh, I navigated my way over the legs and bodies that occupied the ground. There were never enough seats at these things. Sam and Emily couldn't have packed enough chairs in here even if they'd bothered to try. I squeezed into one of the only spaces that remained vacant on the floor, pressed between Moses and Brady.
There were various conversations going on around the room, and I listened to bits and pieces of each to see if anything caught my interest. None did. Instead, my attention was drawn to my brother, who was now more detached physically than Rachel was. He wasn't looking at Al now because Al was being blatant about how he was currently staring at Seth.
"Can I bash both of them in the head?" Moses piped up beside me. I jumped in surprise, turning around to make sure he was looking at the same people I was. I grinned at him and glanced back over at Seth and Al. When I saw both of them glaring at Moses, I had to stifle a laugh. They deserved it with how blatant they were being about their current antagonism.
It was clear that this was going to last a while. Seth's scowl was as deep as it had been last year before he came out. It was an expression I'd hoped to never see on him again, but I guess that had been wishful thinking. Of course something was going to hurt him, and stuff would continue to do so for the rest of his life. There was no escaping that.
"It might do them good," I quipped. I'd whispered it to Moses, but at least half the room let out short, muffled laughs. I didn't glance at either of the boys to see their reactions, but I could see Seth shift in his chair from the corner of my eye. Moses nodded beside me, laughing a bit as well before turning back to talk to Dallas on his other side.
By the time my eyes landed on Al again, his face was flushed and he was interested in picking at a string on the armrest of his chair. Seth shot me a glare that I caught, getting my attention. I smirked back, giving him a look that challenged him to do something about Al. He did nothing but glance away, but I knew that he'd understood my meaning. He looked back long enough to jerk his head towards Embry and then turned away again. My face heated up, and I glanced around the room, paranoid that someone else had seen it and would guess what it had meant. But no one seemed to have been looking at Seth.
I took a deep breath and willed any remaining heat from my cheeks to dissipate.
That was the first time I noticed that Ethan looked aggravated as well. He was in the midst of everyone else, but he was being quiet too. His arms were crossed against his chest, and his face was set in a deep frown. I nudged Brady and motioned my head towards Ethan in a wordless question. He would be more likely to know what was up with that since they were in the same pack.
Brady followed my nod to glance at Ethan and frowned. He gave a quick shake of his head. I could tell he had an answer, just not one he could give me in front of everyone. I let it go. There was no use pushing it and getting anyone more angry than they already were. I wasn't in the mood to deal with it.
"When will the food be done?" Rachel complained. She wasn't expecting an answer. The comment had been so loud and not directed at anyone that I knew she'd wanted everyone to hear it.
"In about five minutes," Emily called from the kitchen.
Several wolves glanced between each other. Emily's voice sounded cheerful, but I didn't think I was the only one who picked up on the falseness in it. Even Paul was frowning beside Rachel, and he didn't have any sort of filter when it came to rudeness.
"She's been cooking all day," he muttered to his imprint. I didn't think he'd wanted anyone to hear it, but of course, if Rachel was going to hear what he said, the wolves in the room would too. Most of us avoided looking at the couple, sensing drama building up. But I watched intently, worried that maybe I should pull Rachel away and get her out of the room.
She wasn't holding a cup anymore, and I didn't think she'd drunk enough to get drunk. There was something about her demeanor that didn't hint at that. She might have been tipsy, but that was all.
"But we're all here," Rachel continued. She wasn't showing any hints that he was embarrassed by her behavior. It was so un-Rachel-like and bizarre. I couldn't understand what was going on or what was causing her to act like this. "We should be eating by now."
"We will," Paul snapped in a tone that was supposed to be final. Rachel looked at him with a challenge in her eyes, and I held my breath.
They'd never fought before. Not in front of anyone at least. That had always impressed me. Rachel was the only person who didn't piss Paul off on a daily basis. It was like he enjoyed fighting with everyone except Rachel. And I could tell even now that he wasn't enjoying this, that he didn't want to fight with her.
Rachel wanted to fight though. That was obvious from the way she stared him down, the way she was trying to provoke anyone in the room willing to fight back. I couldn't understand why she was provoking Paul and not Emily. They'd been fighting for months, but Paul and Rachel had been fine. Rachel hadn't said a single thing that would hint they'd been fighting, not even when we had eaten dinner together two days ago.
"Food's ready," Emily called from the kitchen.
Everyone bolted for the kitchen. The guys were always quick to get to the food, but there was a new sense of urgency this time. Even I was right there with them, not hanging back like I usually did. Only Paul and Rachel remained in the living room while the rest of us crowded into the kitchen.
It was packed so tightly that it was difficult to move. Usually, the pack restrained themselves enough to keep everyone flowing past the food, but tonight it was a struggle to move around. Mostly because no one dared go back into the living room where Paul's and Rachel's voices could be heard. Only a steady stream of forced conversation and slamming down of plates and silverware more violently than necessary disguised their words.
I finally reached the plates, and I saw Emily for the first time since we'd all crowded in. She was finishing up something, and I realized then that she had made her announcement before everything was ready. It wasn't like her. The question was whether she'd been saving us from the fight about to explode or trying to help out Rachel by taking the focus off of her. I wasn't sure.
The front door slammed, signaling that Paul and Rachel had both left. Everyone quieted down and began streaming back into the living room, freeing up the kitchen. I continued to pile up my plate, pausing only to catch Embry's eyes with a "can you believe that just happened?" look.
Paul and Rachel never came back. Seth, Ethan, and Al all continued to sulk. Seth disappeared early too, not with Al this time. I found myself walking home with Embry when I was ready to leave, and we had no shortage of potential conversation topics.
"This has been an interesting Halloween," I said.
Everything was quiet around us. It was too late for any children to still be out trick-or-treating.
Embry snorted. "That's an understatement. I think that wins worst holiday event I've ever been to."
"Same," I agreed. "Although I'll admit I don't understand everything that was going on."
"I don't understand what's going on with this pack most of the time, so it's nothing new."
"What was with Ethan though? Do you know? I tried asking Brady, but he didn't want to say anything when Ethan could hear us."
"Collin brought it up before Ethan got there, but that was also before you showed up. Ethan's parents told him last night that they're getting divorced. Not a great situation, but he's still acting better than the other dramatic ones."
"I wouldn't blame him for getting angry. He has every right to sulk. More so than the others who were all loud about it."
"Has Rachel said anything to you about what's been going on with her lately?"
I bit my lip. There weren't many concrete facts I could give Embry, only speculations.
"You know about the argument she had with Emily," I reminded him. "I assume she was still angry over that. She was fine the other day. Now I'm not so sure."
"There was something about the way Paul acted towards her," Embry said, looking thoughtful. "He was exasperated. That has to mean she's been getting angry a lot, at least around him if not at him. There's no way that was the first time."
I chewed on the inside of my cheek. I'd gotten that impression too, but it didn't explain why.
"What does she have to be angry at Paul about?" I asked. I hadn't expected Embry to have an answer when I didn't, but after I said it, I could see he was debating whether he should answer. "What? What do you want to say?"
Embry sighed before speaking. "Think about it. We've each known Rachel our whole lives, and we both know how adamant she was about getting out of La Push."
"Yeah, back then. She's older now. Things change. I've talked to her about this since the imprint. She said that she wasn't sure about the future but that she was fine in La Push for now."
"And that may have been true when she said it, but it's not that 'now' anymore."
I wracked my brain. How long had it had been since Rachel and I had had that conversation? I couldn't remember. It blurred together with so many other conversations we'd had.
"You think she's unhappy with Paul or unhappy with La Push?"
"La Push," Embry answered quickly. "She's an imprint. I don't doubt for a second that her and Paul are meant for each other. Plenty of couples fight. She can't yell at La Push. She can yell at Paul. And Emily, for that matter. They'll be fine in the long run. I just don't know what it will take to reach their happy ending if they still have the issue of La Push between them."
"Paul can't leave while he's still phasing, and he's the furthest of us from being able to stop. If Rachel keeps provoking him, she's only going to make it more unlikely."
"That is a catch-22." Embry sighed. "I don't know how it'll work itself out, but it will somehow. It has to. They literally can't live without each other. It would be too painful."
I'd experienced the pain of being separated from an imprint through the other guys' minds. Embry wasn't exaggerating. Paul was bound to La Push while he was a wolf. There was no way he could live somewhere else, and as long as that was true, Rachel would be in La Push. She would be even more miserable somewhere else if it were away from Paul.
We came to a stop in front of my house, and I let out one last, long sigh.
"Here's hoping for the best, I guess."
Embry nodded in agreement. "Good night, Leah." He smiled at me, and I couldn't help but smile back.
"Good night, Embry. I'll see you at sunrise."