The following is a bit of a take on Video Game Confessions which belongs to the comedic genius of Doug Walker of Channel Awesome. Black Lagoon belongs to Rei Hiroe. And to make this more fun to you the reader, I suggest putting on the theme from Video Game Confessions ( /watch?v=tCrrZ1NnCuM )

A/N: Black Lagoon!

Anime Confessions – Rebecca Lee

You're introduced to a young Saya-jin/Endurion male of African descent about 5'9'' with a lean frame. His hair spiked and black with eyes of light gray. He wears a typical outfit of a bartender for a fancy restaurant.

"This is Ryo Nazo Blackthorn, a semi-retired Time Patroller. Ryo works in the seven-star restaurant known as the Tori Dragon Palace (which is two blocks away from the Pixel Palace). There, some of anime's most popular celebrities pop in to have a drink. Sometimes, they share stories, and even secrets. Because—as we all know—what the bartender hears is confidential... isn't it?"

Revy

So here I was tending the bar and in walks in one of the foul-mouthed women I knew, Rebeeca Lee. Now Rebecca is a complicated case of a woman. Screwed over and in. This one's tricky. Surprising, if you peel the hard exterior, you can find a sensitive soul. With me, our friendship was rocky, but she opened up. So really this the place where she comes for advices and spill on issues. So tonight, she sits in and orders a…cranberry juice. I was a bit disturbed by the choice as I pour one out for her.

"Um Rebecca, you don't usually order cranberry juice." I asked putting the cup down.

"Well Ryo, I got a lot on the fucking mind, and I don't need to be piss ass drunk to fog up this decision." She said downing it. "Something big happened."

"Is Roanapour going to the dogs? The maid was rebuilt and will return again? Is Balalaika retiring?" I asked shocked.

Revy laughed at that and said, "I wish. That would have been easier than this."

"So what is it?" I asked incessantly.

"Rock needed residency papers so Sis married me to him to get them faster. And now I'm stuck with the fucker." She said somberly. "I got my marriage certificate in the mail just today and I knew I needed a fucking drink."

I look Revy dead in the eye, and I began to laugh. I'm sorry, but that was funny! Rebecca went redfaced and demanded I stop laughing.

"Oh come on, Becky. You can't be that mad about that. Would you rather Eda get her hands on him?" I teased.

She caught me by the collar and hissed, "I'd sooner be on Rowan's fucking S&M shows then let that skank of a nun touch him!"

"Oh ho! So you do care." I said with a smirk.

She let me go defeated and lets me know there's more.

"Fucking Rock went over to some another shithole using some magical bullshit balls to revive the creepy twins! Sure, they aren't as crazy as before but he insists on raising them. I'm creeped the hell out by them and they call me, "Mom"!" Revy said shaking as a pour her a light wine.

"I'd say that isn't so bad, but I've seen those twins. And I do well enough to stay the hell away from them." I said sagely. "But, you might be able to reach to them. You're messed up too, but a lot saner then them. All I could ask of you to at least be a parent."

"That's the fucking problem, Ryo!" Rebecca said crushing the glass in her hand. "I don't know how to be a fucking parent! It's all awkward for me. I'm only married for about three months and I'm having a breakdown already."

I did the only thing to get her to think straight which was to slap her across her face. Now I had to hold back because I didn't want to see her crashing into the wall.

"Calm down. You've fought people most men would be scared of and then some. You live in one of the hidden circles of hell for crying out loud. If you kill thirty guys in ten minutes, you can raise two kids!" I said in a rousing speech.

It worked before Rebecca rose up screaming she could be a parent. Then an axe flew above my head into the wall. What? Looking over, I see…Hansel and Gretel. Oh no… I should run. Gretel is a real fan…a yandere fan.

"Ryo!" She shouted. "Can I have a lock of your hair?"

I bolted.

You see a lot of strange things as a bartender, see a lot strange things at the Tori Dragon. So, I see a lot of strange things as a bartender at the Tori Dragon, and that isn't no lie. Swear to it!

Oh shit, she found me! If you excuse me, I'm outta here!

(A/N: Happy 15th confession! Now this one is a bit special because it's a whole plot reference to two really good AU fanifcs of Black Lagoon. Marriage of Chaos and Assassins Keeper by gunman. I recommend them to you for a good read and a laugh. Final Edit 10/13/17)