Warning: brief self-harm, for those who are uncomfortable with this please skip out the last section of this chapter (as indicated by the –x- separators).
Part V
but of someone, he once knew,
"You remember too much,
my mother said to me recently.
Why hold onto all that?
And I said, Where can I put it down?"
-Anne Carson, from "The Glass Essay"
"Welcome to the CCG base, Ackerman-san."
Stepping out of the vehicle, Levi glances at the scene around him. A tall building looms over the two, staring down at them as if to swallow them whole. Most would be intimidated, but both maintain their composure. They watch for a second, taking in the surroundings as men and women pass through the glass doors- some looking more solemn than others. You could almost pick off the ones who work in the field and those who don't.
Shinohara leads, Levi follows behind him, gaining a few stares.
What am I? Some kind of exhibit? Though a lot of them are mostly in awe, some are surprised, some even fearful. He grins. What a nice welcome.
-x-
We step in and it's not nearly as intimidating as the outside tells it to be. But an odd sense of tension follows. I notice something odd though. It's clean.
Too clean.
It's alarmingly spotless, almost empty; from the floors, the ceilings to the table tops. But what's truly odd is that there isn't a hair of cleaning staff in sight. Or civilians for that matter. Like they were preparing for something messy to occur.
Almost a little foreboding.
I scrunch my nose up at the smell of chemicals in the air. Chemicals and… something else. I can't pinpoint its exact origin, it seems like it's from multiple sources. I can't tell what it even is; but it's there.
We pass by a seated man with a suitcase next to him, and the smell gets stronger as I approach, but I realise that it isn't just him.
All those with a briefcase or some sort next to them emanates the same smell.
Disgusting. Just what do they carry?
Shinohara looks completely unaffected by the smell, but I can't help but feel that it's familiar from somewhere. My mind goes to those ghouls at the coffee shop, it smells like them, but its different- more metallic, cold- if that were even possible.
Approaching a desk with a beaming smile, he checks in with a woman, being handed keys and throwing me a kind smile as he gestures over to some grey door frames, a light blinking over them.
-x-
Levi looks unwilling at first, glancing at the strange frames. He reads 'CCG RC CELL DETECTOR'. What in the world are RC cells? He almost asks, wondering what would happen if it did find something. Would it be instantaneous death? Or something a little more tame? But looking around at the number of what can be assumed as field agents littered around the room, trying to blend in but obviously ready for action when necessary, it sounds as if like the first option is what is most likely.
Hesitantly, he steps through.
…nothing.
All those around seem to heave a breath of relief as it looked like they wouldn't have to fight their terrifying senior and live another day.
Levi himself breathes a sigh, continuing forward as his large subordinate follows behind.
The staff dissipate and the entrance goes back to business as usual, the woman at the front desk sending the green light to her superior.
They were safe.
All completely unaware of the light intermittent beeping sound of the grey gate that the two had just passed through, signalling an error in the reading it had just taken before. It was displaying its default screen nonetheless, being an issue only seen once before; during the visit of two apparent high school students, one, oddly enough, adorning an eyepatch.
…Or so it had seemed.
-x-
"So, what were those back there?" Levi asks, genuinely interested.
"Oh, those? They're just to make sure that you weren't a ghoul."
"I could've told you that."
"Oh we know, we just like to check."
"Right."
The trust issues are staggering.
Levi resists the urge to roll his eyes at the blatant lie.
"What are 'RC' cells?"
"Oh, they're 'Red Child Cells', according to our scientists, everyone has them. Humans have only around 200-500, but ghouls have thousands more; it's what gives them their weapons."
"Huh." Genuinely uninterested. All this science was Hanji's thing, not his.
"So, what do you remember, sir?" Shinohara asks, walking side by side with Levi as they searched for his previous office.
"Not much, I barely recognised Erwin."
"Just Erwin? Sir, I wasn't aware that you and he were acquainted like-"
"Don't finish that sentence if you want to live."
"…Haha, yes sir."
Levi swore he could kill this man, but he had an odd charm about him, not to mention the trouble he'd get into. No, he'd save that for another day- besides, he had much, much bigger fish to fry.
So many people on my shit list, so little time. His mind drifts back to the old man at the café, wondering if there was an inch of truth there, or if he was steadily losing his mind. Not to mention his hallucination that really was better off forgotten.
And there was his superior, Erwin Smith. Different world, same game, threatening to throw him out into some ghoul infested area with no means of protection, it was a silent threat; join me or die.
He could only hope that none of the other brats had doubles in this place, or if anyone else had been incorporated in his 'coma dream'. If that was even the case.
He swirls his ankle around, checking the joints.
Perfectly fine.
He winces, cursing at himself for silently hoping that it was still- or rather, was, injured.
The two approach an office, or rather the door to one. Situated at the end of a hallway, it had the name 'L. ACKERMAN' written across the panel that it adorned. Reaching for a key buried in his back pocket, the large man finds it and goes to open the door.
He goes to twist the key, but stops, twisting the door handle.
Already open.
"Well, would you look that that, they're already here."
-x-
"LEVI! YOU'RE ALIVE!" Soon two arms circle my neck in a vice like grip and I stare up to see goggles glint in the artificial light.
Oh fuck me.
"Heichou, good to see you made it out okay." I look over Hanji's shoulder to see titan boy waving with a goofy grin, besides his little band of followers leaning on what appears to be my desk.
Oh fuck me sideways, what is this shit?
"Indeed, we were very worried sir." The small blonde one says nervously. He elbows the Mikasa girl, throwing him a sneer before she faces me- a scowl obviously trying to pull at her face like my fist was at my side.
I didn't miss them, why are they here?
She looks displeased but speaks regardless, "Yeah. We were worried."
This little brat, I should-
"Oh-Oh no, she didn't mean that sir! We were all hoping for your safe return!"
What did I do to deserve this?
"I think you and Eren were, I on the other hand…"
That nonchalant little shit, how I ought to-
"Heichou! When can we get back to training? You said you'd teach me how to-"
Fuck off titan boy, it's not all about you.
"Eren! He just got out of hospital, we need to let him rest!" The small blonde one scolds, I'm starting to think he's the only one with a brain here.
"Haha! What a great team you have here Ackerman-san, I envy you." Shinohara pats me on the back, his mouth upturned in mirth of the situation.
Great team? Where? All I see is pain and headaches.
"LEVI! How could you let them dissect you but not me?! And to think all the years we spent in the academy together…" Hanji weeps on my shoulder, mumbling about some kind of experiment and various implants, which I selectively drown out. The three are bickering amongst themselves, and Shinohara watches on with a smile on his face. He seems honestly entertained by the situation, which I can disagree with wholeheartedly.
Coincidentally, heavy footsteps could be heard down the hall and we could all guess who that could've been.
Nice seeing you again, you bastard.
-x-
The room goes eerily silent as their current superior enters the room. Hanji drops her grip on Levi, and everyone shifts into the proper position.
"Good, you're all here." Fixing his cuffs as he crosses into the room and locking the door behind him, most of the room's inhabitants stiffen and tense as he approaches.
He means business.
A brief look of realisation crosses Levi's face momentarily, before it drops again. Of course this was set up, he wonders why he didn't figure this out when he first arrived. Looking at all those present, he figures that this is no ordinary get together, he was a fool for assuming that Erwin would let him go through his recovery period without so much as a bump across the road.
"As you know, we have recently been under attack by the ghouls," He starts, straightforward as ever making sure to make eye-contact with everyone in the room "especially with our recent losses in the 11th ward."
Ah, he had mentioned that to Levi earlier. They lost a great amount of investigators, and investigators only. Many of the main staff were still alive, but are effectively powerless against any ghoul attack.
"And with the incapacitation of one of our best," He says, looking over at Levi, only to receive a heated 'Don't pin this on me' look back "we are hilariously disadvantaged; any move we make could be our last."
Levi refrains from shaking his head. It's just like him to try and scare off those he's trying to convince- old habits die hard it seems.
"The likelihood of survival for this mission is 50%. Given this figure, I will allow those who wish to leave- leave."
...
Not a soul moves.
The muscles of Erwin's mouth tug upwards, half impressed, half pleased- he has hope in this lot.
"Good. I thank you all for your co-operation." His eyes pierce into theirs, filled with respect and light eagerness he continues, "I have selected you to either lead or aid our forces into what we believe is an Aogiri Tree Base. Our aim, to purge them from this ward before any more lives can be lost."
A suicide mission. Great.
"This will commence in a few weeks' time, in order to accommodate for the recuperation of our recently discharged Levi Ackerman," Levi himself only wincing at what may come to pass, "In charge of his recuperation, will be you four, and help may be requested if deemed necessary."
All three of the trio's faces fall, both in shock and awe but also disbelief. Being told that they have to essentially help re-educate a previously first ranked investigator just sounds ridiculous- especially for recent graduates themselves. Of course, given that they were amongst the top 10 of their class it made sense, but it was still quite an honour.
Hanji on the other hand could not look any happier, after being reunited with her favourite (and longest lasting) partner and being told that she got to spend more time to figure out his bodily changes made her absolutely giddy with excitement.
Shinohara, though was shocked that they were tasked with this. It only pushed him to become more curious, though nonetheless accepting of the decision, he would have preferred to have had helped. However, he did have his hands full with the CCG's own Jason. Who, he just remembered shouldn't be left alone for too long.
"This will be effective as of immediately, I have high expectations for you all." With a quick bow, he was on the move once more, dismissing himself as he made his way to a meeting, leaving the five in the office to digest what had just happened.
-x-
This is fucking great.
Levi was brooding. Of course he was, being handed as a student to his students was a pretty big slap in the face, especially for a man of his pride. After being stuffed into another car (not before he could change his coffee stained clothes) he was being transported to what was apparently his apartment. It was a large place, spotless, and it felt very comfortable, even if there were only the basics present.
If only he could keep it that way. Given that the brats were assigned to him, they were also charged with his safety, to make sure he doesn't injure himself further or come under attack while recovering. Leading him to his current main issue, those three.
-x-
Currently sprawled across my leather couches, the three sat, fixated on what was apparently a 'T.V' or television (I gave up trying to understand this world's technology, like any of it will last long anyway). They were currently watching some kind of ghoul theorist on a 'talk show', why you'd want to watch people talk is beyond me, but the man did give some very interesting information.
'Ghouls are very peculiar, even though they look like us, speak like us and act like us there is always that one defining feature that sets us apart. And that is the innate need for Human flesh.'
I could hear his drivel from the kitchen, where I was apparently tasked with cooking for them or some bullshit like that.
'Oh? But aren't some ghouls armoured, or have some kind of weapon?'
It was a repayment or some sorts for doing a job they actually hadn't done yet.
'Oho, that is only true in some cases and well, the fact that they can't be cut by normal metals. What can kill a human, won't necessarily kill a ghoul, some are actually adapted to regenerate pretty quickly, and those are especially difficult to defeat.'
Currently, I was preparing some steak, steamed vegetables, all that's needed for a good diet. I mean, they smelled like shit when I got them from the 'fridge' (apparently it preserves food, even freezing them?) so I'm sure they'll enjoy having a shitfest after it gets through their system.
'But what is really interesting is their taste buds. The main reason why they can't eat our food is because their tongues don't have the enzymes to process our food.'
Well, isn't that a fucking tragedy? They can't taste normal food, boo-fucking hoo, I think as I flip the steaks over, some oil almost splashing onto my skin.
'And as a result, our food repulses them. For some, even the smell disgusts them.'
...
What did he just say?
'Our normal beef or pork tastes like cardboard to them, and our ice cream would be like thick clay, it's quite unfortunate really.'
I look over at the food I was currently cooking. Thinking back to all the food that I ate since waking up.
'Even trying to eat our food makes them ill for days, and most have to regurgitate it before it passes their system entirely or they'd really be in trouble.'
So what if I spat that shit breakfast out? It was some kind of prank or mistake, there's no way that I could really be-
'However, there are rumours that some foods, such as coffee actually retain their previous taste, and can drink that with no problem; but it is only speculation of course.'
That fucking old man, did he know that- No, there's no way. I'm still a human, that detector proved it.
Looking over the knife by my chopping board, I decide to try something.
If I bleed, I'm human. If not…
Grabbing the knife by the handle, I held my hand over the sink in case I bleed too much.
I take a deep breath.
And-
I slide it over my palm, cold metal on skin and the knife not making as much as a dent.
What the-?
Aha, not deep enough, my skin must be-
Sllllick- Nothing.
I stand, frozen in shock briefly, not really believing what I'm seeing.
It won't- It, I can't- where is it? I'm supposed to-
He tries, over and over again, like a crazed madman, he slices and slices; but to no avail.
Blood. where is it- where-where, it has to be-
Going as far as trying the other hand, his forearms, anything he can slice; tearing his sleeves in the process.
I- I'm human. I'm human- right?
I can't be anything else, I'm-
He feels a wet substance over his palms, hoping for that red liquid, only seeing a clear water-like one instead.
I... my job is to save them, to save humans- but- I-I can't because-
His vision starts to blur and more and more of the liquid falls from his eyes.
I'm not human any more.
Why?
Why?
He doesn't want to register it, but he isn't human any more, or perhaps… he never was.
I won't- I won't accept this, I can still be human, I can bleed like any other human can, I-
Going to the extreme, he lays his hand flat on the sink's metallic surface. Holding he straightens up, lifting the knife as far as possible, hoping for some sort of skin breaking when he-
SLAM!
He bites into his cheek, and nails dig into palms as he crouches over the sink, not out of pain, no, the blade suffered more than he did, bending and curling from the force.
Goddamnit. What- why?
I...
But, for once in his life, humanity's strongest no longer feels deserving of his title.
No, this was the day he received a grim reminder, that humanity was nothing but cattle waiting to be feasted upon.
Feasted upon by him.
...Am a monster.
And I'm doneeeeeeee.
Levi has finally accepted (kind of) his ghoul-ness and now the real fun can beginnnn~
I'm really sorry for the later than usual update, it was the last week of school and I was really trying to fix my writing style and pacing a little more. Hopefully you, my gracious readers, enjoyed this chapter as much as I did writing it.
As a side note, I'm going on holiday soon, so you may expect the next chapter to be as late as this one, but I will try to write while I'm away!
Thanks to those who have followed, added this/me to their favourites and/or reviewed!
Please feel free to leave a comment, I'll try to take as much criticism on board as I can, and I will see you all next time!
Nerrevarrine – I tried to pick the pace up more in this one, but I didn't want to rush it too much, but I can guarantee that it'll pick up the pace next time! A lot of what Levi did before his little incident will come into the story later, so you can be sure to hope for that as well : )
cecld16 – Hey! Welcome to the fandoms! I recommend watching them both since they're both pretty amazing, I've tried to include a few extra background details, so I hope you enjoy!
MewMew – True, but in all honesty given that SnK is in Japanese for the audiences sake, I kind of imagined that people wouldn't all speak English if it really were to happen, so I kinda assumed they'd have a bit know on quite a few languages given the diversity of the people in the walls- though I do see your point, I'll try to see that he's a little more apprehensive to new world things.
WanderingWatermelon - Haha, yeah, I happen to love those too, whenever a character with coloured hair has to come in at any time it's kind of the thing I look forward to writing, and apparently other people love it too, so bonus! :D
IDoubt – Your critique is muy appreciated mi amiga, ngl, Levi's lines are so fun to write, you should see me as I'm writing for him :P