Breathing. His breaths were slow, not once did she stop and think about how this would affect everyone aboard the TARDIS-not his breathing. No. Her. She was the problem, she would never forgive herself, never not regret what she had done, she let herself fall into a another man's (time lords) arms In a split second, without a care. She was greedy, and hungry for someone to be there for her, when she had the doctor all along. He tried to send her away, but that was for his and her own good, but Amy and Rory refused, she hurt River, she knew she had but River didn't once-not once did she let her pain show. And Rose respected her for that, for letting the doctor go, because she couldn't do it-not Rose, she didn't have the hearts. But what about the doctor? He never got a say, he simply ignored River-at least from what Rose had seen and heard, did the doctor miss her at all? Rose sighed, how could she do this? She could make it even; go find another time lord... Let the doctor and River be... Well the doctor and River. She couldn't though, she promised River she would keep the doctor happy, because even Amy and Rory would be gone one day. Rose shook her head and rubbed her eyes, she didn't want to think about that, not now, not ever. But that wasn't an option, so for the time being she ignored it.
Amy sat in the kitchen at the TARDIS blue table and drank the tea she had made for herself. Rose broke. She knew it, that had to be it-she wouldn't have willingly just ...kissed him. She was here now, that's what mattered, but what about her daughter-Melody, what was she feeling, and what was she going to do? Amy had noticed River and Rose having some kind of 'mental conversation' but she decided not ask, what she knew was that it wasn't good, Rose had been having a hard time talking to anyone after what they all witnessed, but they would have to forgive Rose eventually. Amy played with the handle of the tea mug and then got up to put it in the sink. A tiny knock at the entry way of the kitchen stopped Amy, she looked up to see a blonde leaning against the wall with her arms crossed and head lowered. Amy placed the cup down lightly and shuffled over to Rose, "hey" she spoke up, "hey..." Rose sniffled in response. Amy made a small smirk, "what's wrong now?" She asked. "Are you okay with this?" Rose looked up, "what'd ya mean?" Amy gave her a bemused look. "I mean...me, are you okay with me being here? With the doctor..." Rose questioned, Amy watched as Rose refused to make eye contact with her, she was okay with this wasn't she? When she didn't answer Rose spoke again "s'okay if you're not-" "-it's fine Rose, I told you to think about it, you thought about it, and this is where it ends up, okay?" Amy assured her. Rose smiled a bit and Amy hugged her for comfort, not just to comfort Rose, but to comfort herself, Rose was different, and sometimes different was worth it.
They each went their separate ways back to their bedrooms and crawled into bed, a million thoughts still spinning in their minds.
Rose played with the doctor's fingers and closed her eyes, she had dreamed of this, being here with the doctor, any of her doctors... But this wasn't what she thought it would be. She only achieved this by hurting others, and this wasn't how she wanted to earn it, too late now... Rose rolled her head to face the ceiling; she watched time energy swirl around. This was the one addition to her room that the doctor still hadn't noticed.
When night came or the room went dark, the ceiling would glow with a sky of stars and planets and time energy would swirl around the room from the mouth of the wolf painted above her head board. She hadn't noticed until a couple minutes later but the TARDIS had begun to sing her to sleep, she grinned, her sister was with her now, comforting her.
The doctor tossed and turned as he slept, his nightmares were vivid and controlling. He sat upright startling Rose, whom he quickly grabbed and wrapped his arms around. "Rose, Rose, Rose, oh my Rose" he breathed, he refused to let go, his fingers digging into her skin. "Hey-hey, doctor, I'm right her s'alright" Rose cupped his cheek with her right hand, turning her body in his arms so she could face him. He kissed her forehead pulling her into his body, "Rose" he repeated, the sheets were twisted around their bodies pulling them together, Rose rubbed his wrist with her thumb "hey, I'm right here" she assured him and pulled at his chin for him to look at her. His eyes darted everywhere, taking in all of Rose just to make sure she was real, he rubbed his hands up from her back to her shoulders to her wrists "Rose" he gasped with realization that it had only been a dream. "Rose" his breath hitched with sadness in his voice, Rose looked up at him with empathy "I know, it's okay, I'm right here see?" she grasped his hand "it was just a bad dream" she tried to comfort him. How does he cope on his own? Rose thought, the doctor breathed and exhaled a shaky breath, he pulled her closer to him (if that was even possible) and tightened his long arms around her.
Rose let the doctor pull her closer and hug himself around her, she watched as he looked around the room as if he was guarding her from some unknown force. She stifled a giggle as he pulled her into his lap, "I'm fine doctor-" "-Rose stay next to me, don't move, just-don't-don't leave...don't-don't, don't leave..." the doctor rambled on. Realization came over Rose as she figured out his dream was probably about her leaving, "it always helped me to talk about my nightmares, maybe-maybe you should?" Rose hinted. The doctor sat and thought about the idea for a moment, with Rose still cradled in his arms, "okay" he agreed and inhaled before he continued. "You were going to leave me, not because of a parallel world, or because I sent you with a duplicate, you...you were going to leave for someone else..." the doctor stared at the bed sheets and didn't dare make eye contact with Rose. "May I ask, who this someone else was?" Rose quizzed, the doctor looked down at her finally locking eyes, but this time they weren't lonely, they weren't sad-they were full of hatred-and rage, "the Master" he choked out. Rose bolted up and crawled away from the doctor and then proceeded to turn and face him "is this because of the other day?" she could feel tears behind her eyes, it was the truth-she wanted to leave him for someone else the other day, and she almost did... "I don't know...I guess" the doctor answered still holding his glare. "I know- I know you can't forgive me for what I did-but you don't get it" Rose stated "what don't I get? What didn't I see that I don't get?" the doctor growled. "I waited...85 years, for someone-anyone! The duplicate died for me, I had no one, and then-then him-the Master...he played me-he made me feel loved!" Rose argued "And I don't?" The doctor watched her as she crawled off the bed. "Yes-yes you do! But I destroyed your marriage! I thought-I thought maybe...if he loved me-then you could love River-forget about me! I could find someone else, we would all be happy!"
Rose walked around the room hot with anger and filled with dread, the last straw was pulled- she needed to tell him what she felt. "I don't make you happy?" the doctor stitched his eyebrows, "no-I mean yes of course! But..." Rose couldn't think, "But what?" the doctor pushed, "but...you deserve better, -River, I wasn't even supposed to be here...I should've just walked away, you and River are married!" Rose cried. "Well technically-"Rose stopped him "I don't care" she spoke with her jaw clenched leaning over the bed frame staring directly at him, "this is my fault, and I thought if you hadn't come rescued me, that you could forget me-be with River and Amy and Rory-move on!" Rose breathed, she felt like she might just collapse, crawl into the fetal position and cry, "what makes you think, he would love you?" the doctor held back a yell but the anger still in his words. "I don't know, he's just always been there-I'm not saying I love him...but I thought it would be better, and I needed someone who felt the same-who was alone like me" Rose coughed "I've been alone-" "no you haven't been alone, you've got a TARDIS, the ponds-your wife! Every companion!" Rose screamed at him. The doctor sat there taken back at her words, out of the corner of his eye he could see her knuckles turning white as she squeezed the black bed frame. She was right, he had always had someone-even the TARDIS, but wouldn't she miss him? "How would we do it?" he asked, Rose looked up confused, "how do you expect me to get on without you? I get you back and then you leave me again? Are you capable of doing that?" the doctor explained furthermore.
Rose replied "For you, I could do anything, I ripped apart universes for you," Rose paused her jaw tightening with rage "I looked into the heart of the TARDIS and became, like you, I let every moment you made me upset or angry slide- after years, I chose to walk away before Amy and Rory asked for me to stay, I let a cybermen kill the only other person I loved because it was for that you-he wanted to, he didn't love me the same-and you know it. So yea, I could do it, for your happiness with River, I could do it so we both had a chance" Rose loosened her jaw and kept a glare on him which he never looked away from.
"You don't even know what I am" Rose laughed "because I'm not like you!" Rose spat at him "I'm the bad wolf, and I choose, whatever the hell I want to do, for the better or the worse" Rose narrowed her eyes at him and then stood up properly waiting for his reaction. "I can't do it though" the doctor protested "what if you have to?" Rose shot "I-I don't know..." "How do I know you love me if you can just leave River behind-what if you do that to me?" Rose asked "You were first!" the doctor spat back "who cares! I don't want to be dropped like a dead fly!" Rose could feel the heat on her face as the tears began.
"Is that what you want? For me to leave you behind! Or was it your plan to leave me all along?" The doctor yelled as he threw open her door and started down the hallway to the console room. "What if it is? What are you going to do?" Rose played. The doctor began slamming and hitting buttons on the console which mad a loud noise as if it was annoyed, Rose stumbled into the console room in the outfit Amy had picked out for her, the doctor stared in horror as she tied her bright yellow trainers and carried a fez and bow tie up to him as the TARDIS engines slowed and landed.
They stood staring at each other for a second unsure of what was happening, Rory and Amy ran into the console room as Rose spoke "nice knowin yea then" she shoved the bow tie and fez into his hands and ran out for the TARDIS with tears staining her cheeks.
Rose sobbed as she ran out of the blue box and landed on her hands and knees, it was over. Rose sat back on her heels and rubbed her eyes crying "Rose?" an all too familiar voice grabbed her attention. She looked up to see his hand reaching for her to grab it, she grasped it and let him pull her up, she found his brown eyes and waited for him to say something "you alright?" he asked, Rose shook her head and threw herself at him hugging him, "It's okay my wolf" the Master rubbed her back in comfort letting her cry into his shirt.
Every Rose has its thorn
*TBC*
Authors note: yea, that's right, ;) so I like the kind of dark Rose tone, so the fic is going somewhere along the lines of that XD I hope your enjoying it as much as I am enjoying writing it. Remember to follow if you please and favourite and if I get enough reviews I'll update faster! (Sorry for any error/mistakes)(bare with me-exams are coming up!)-Lex