AN: Contains (slight) spoilers for SnK: A choice with no regrets 2. Also gore, more swearing than usual and violence. You have been warned.
Part VIII
he felt his person catch alight once more,
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."
— Norman Cousins
"Hey Heichou, have you ever had to torture someone before?"
"We're survey corps soldiers, not military police shitheads."
"Would you if we ever needed to?"
"…I've done worse for less."
"What?!"
"I'm a soldier, not a saint Jaeger."
"…"
"You want that 'purity' bullshit? Go to church. You wouldn't last a second."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"We live in blood, kid. You wanna stain their holy water red?"
-x-
"Ha… Ha…" She pants, wiping sweat off of her brow and cracking her neck. "You're… a tough cookie aren't you?"
(Seventy-six)
He tugs his head upwards, dripping in blood. One eye is closed (he's not sure just how much of an eye he has left in there) while the other is swollen, just barely open.
He really wishes she would shut the fuck up.
"I'd go all out but…" The corners of her lips rise (Levi swears they could reach her ears) and motions to the window behind her. "We have a very strict audience."
(Sixty-nine)
Oh how he begs for someone to release him so that he can killkillkill this fucking psychopathic bitch and everyone else in this fucking building.
This is the only time he'll ever pray to a God.
"Such a pity, I wish I could do more…" Walking across the bloody tiles she laments in clear sadness.
He just wants them to burn.
(Sixty-two)
He doesn't want freedom. He's accepted that they'll never let him leave – not alive at least. Nor does he want any bullshit forgiveness for his sins or whatever.
"But as per the agreement with leadership, this is our last day together." She shrugs and prepares another syringe, a dark red liquid filling its capacity.
(Fifty-five)
God, how he'd kill her.
Of course, he doesn't expect anyone (let alone some mystical deity) to listen to him.
Hell. He doesn't even think he can hear anymore.
The only thing he can hear in his head is her stupid fucking voice and the fucking CLANK CLANK of the bolt cutters as they bite through his bone with a CRACK and a snap and then the pain - oh god the pain - why does it have to hurt so damn much? Then her fucking laughter thecrazybitch she should die they all should-
"So I've decided to make it extra special!" Stabbing him with the needle in the upper arm one more fucking time (he doesn't even flinch now) the lifeblood enters his body and he can feel his bones and tissues mend and grow. He can even feel his eye socket filling up again (he accepted that he definitely wasn't human around the five hundred mark). He almost groans in relief but he knows better than to show that viper any sign of joy.
He made that mistake four fingers ago.
(Forty-eight)
-what kind of fuckers subject anyone to this fucked up shit? They can't be human, he knows he's not human (pretty fucking sure she isn't either) but who really gives a shit anymore because everyone in this room wants to kill, devour,murder and as long as someone here dies he doesn't care no, no one cares, pretty fucking obvious that no one cares - not even that eat shit fucking 'team' he once called comrades.
Like anyone is buying their faux display of disbelief and outrage. Shits think they can fool him, like they didn't know - of course they did – it'salltheirfault they wanted this to happen to him, those ungrateful brats, he practically fucking raised them-
-he decides that they no longer exist.
He decides that the only ones he can trust are those in that small little coffee shop. Ghouls.
He wants to protect them.
And just maybe, they'll protect him too.
"I hope you're excited!" She quips, full of mirth "I know I am!" He doesn't even have the energy to glare at the woman.
(Forty-one)
He wants them all dead.
"We worked very hard for this too! You've been quiet for far too long. And as much as we admire your undying loyalty, we really need you to talk, okay?" With another one of her eat shit smiles, she waves to the window.
(Thirty-four)
He couldn't imagine what kind of surprise she has for him.
The door slides open and four figures walk in – two are investigators, the other two…
His eyes widen.
Not them.
"Levi-aneki!"
Isabel.
Please.
"Levi?!"
Farlan.
Not again.
He stares up blankly at the two, cracked lips parted and eyes wide in complete disbelief. Two of his dearest friends, friends he has watched die another world away; now standing before him alive and breathing. Yes, they have obviously been captured by the CCG (he didn't think the handcuffs were an accessory) and are in a worse-than-bad situation, but they were here.
He wants to laugh, he wants to cry, he wants to kill something; never before has he had so many feelings present in him at any one time and it's tearing him apart.
"Isn't it great!? You see, we had prepared for this – if you didn't give us answers, we'd have them make you tell us!"
(Twenty-seven)
He doesn't respond. He wants to. But knows what will happen if he does.
And he hates it.
"Levi-aneki! Don't worry, we won't tell them a thing, got that!?" She smiles such a bright smile at him and his chest falls lower than it ever has before. He can feel that bitch smirk behind him and he wants nothing more than to choke her life out of her.
Isabel. His hands start to shake.
You don't understand.
"Yeah! Believe in us!"
His fists clench in anger. He wants to stop them.
"My, my. What confident peers you have." Her voice turns smooth and low. It's dangerous.
(Twenty)
Stay away.
"Hell yeah! Do you know who we are?! We're the-"
Don't help me.
"Isabel!"
Stay away.
"What? They should know!"
Stay away.
"Shut up and let me do the talking alright?!"
He sees the bloodied woman chuckle at their bickering and turn to look at him, a devious expression on her face.
STAY AWAY.
Levi can't look away.
DON'T TOUCH THEM.
She smiles.
DON'T DO THIS-
Waving again at the two guards, they nod, reaching into their jackets. They both pull out metallic objects. Guns.
Pleadingly, he looks up at the woman, all sense of pride swallowed.
She smirks.
"What? Have something to say? Better be quick – these boys are eager to do their job."
(Thirteen)
His lips press together tightly, careful not to let any sound escape.
A part of him wants to speak, to end this, but – he can't.
His lips won't move.
"Well, whatever. Your loss."
(Six)
He thinks about closing his one remaining eye to this, but decides to watch instead.
(He's failed them again)
A monster such as him should at least bear witness to his misgivings.
(Again)
He has chosen to sacrifice them, so that others could live another day.
(Again)
He's sorry.
(Again)
CLICK. He hears the sound of the gun being loaded as one of them prepares to shoot. The one standing behind Isabel presses it to her shoulder and their argument comes to a halt.
"Hey! What are you-" A large hand comes up from behind, silencing her. She thrashes against her hold and her captor becomes agitated. She's on very thin ice. Farlan throws her a serious glare, forcing her to stop and wait. She reluctantly complies, much to her captor's disappointment.
"Any final words, my little ghoulie? This is your – well really, her last chance." Leaning over his metal seat, she moves to his ear and whispers "Or is she joining the rest of your scum in the afterlife?"
He only glares. It speaks volumes in itself, but she doesn't really care for that.
Clicking her tongue in annoyance, the woman pulls away. Cracking her neck, she motions to the investigator.
"Fine. If that's what you want. Just know that this is all your doing."
BANG!
Blood splatters across the room, dyeing the walls, the ceiling, the floors and everyone in it red.
"AHH! IT HURTS, LEVI-ANEKI, FARLAN-!" She crumples to the floor, clutching her shoulder and writhing in agony. She stares up at him, begging. The light he saw in her eyes only moments before is no longer glowing, but screaming.
"You could've prevented that!" She yells over Isabel's cries. He doesn't want to hear it. "But no… You're just too selfish aren't you?!"
At this, a deep sadness immediately wells up in his chest as the warm blood spills beneath his feet, mixing with his own. He feels his torso constrict and tighten, suffocating his insides.
But amongst that flood of grief, a fire scorches brighter. Pure unfiltered rage.
Stop it
Stop it
StopitSTOPITSTOPIT
STOP IT LEAVE HER ALONE-
-he wants to move, to struggle against his holds, he wants her to know that he doesn't fucking want this, he isn't abandoning her. Godwhy, not again, she doesn't deserve any of this - you can beat me, fucking torture me all you want, takemeinstead, just DON'T TOUCH THEM-
-But he doesn't.
His body remains still and unmoving. But his eyes burn with a fury that no hell can match.
He swears to destroy them.
BANG!
This time a bullet imbeds itself in her leg. She screams once again and Levi struggles to drown out the noise, focusing on her leg. Why not her head? Then, he realises. They aren't shooting to kill, no; they're shooting purely to inflict pain.
These fuckers want her to hurt. And in turn, him.
He begins to shake. This one, he promises.
These pigs will beg for something as sweet as pain.
"STOP IT!" Farlan looks livid as he screams in the hold of his guard, his eyes darting over everyone in the room as terror paints his face, disturbed by the blankness that he sees in every expression.
BANG!
Another, this time, in her arm.
He wants to look away.
"PLEASE STOP!"
BANG!
Levi notices that Farlan has started to weep, tears flowing down his face as he begs for her life.
"NO MORE!"
BANG!
He doesn't realise that his own crimson tears have started falling. Joining the growing pool of blood below, they go unnoticed, leaving only ripples.
"THAT'S ENOUGH, PLEASE!"
BANG!
What looks to be a final one, to her chest. The screams stop, but he can still hear his name being called, pleading.
Tilting his head down, he sees her looking up at him, blood-soaked hair clinging to her face, the light in her eyes fighting to stay alive. He sees her struggling to move her lips.
"A…Aneki?"
BANG!
"DON'T HURT HER ANYMORE!"
In a pool of her own blood, holes littering her body, the young girl lays motionless on the floor. Her face is turned away from him, and for that he is immensely grateful.
"ISABEL!"
Panting heavily, Farlan is released from his hold and drops into the puddle of red staining the ground. On all fours, he crawls over to the lifeless corpse, his entire body shaking. Tears are still falling from his eyes as he pulls her body towards his, trying to protect what little is left.
He can feel the blood seep into his clothes, the cooling liquid staining his skin beneath. Isabel's body becomes colder with every passing second, and he tries fruitlessly to warm her. His hands search for a pulse, any sign of life, something to show that she didn't just… that she hasn't-
"…Sorry."
Farlan snaps his head up, eyes brimming with tears, not entirely sure if he's just heard right. Barely above a whisper, he's sure no one else in the room had caught it. Levi… has never apologised for anything. His fists tighten their hold on Isabel. Just what have they done to you?
"Anything to say, ghoulie?" Levi bites his tongue, forcing himself to hold his silence. "Are you sure you have nothing to say?"
Reaching into her own pocket, she pulls out a small pistol of her own. Levi's eyes dilate at the sight and his breath shakes and becomes uneven.
No-
Fuck it, not him-!
Loading the gun she walks behind Farlan, still cradling Isabel's body to his chest as he rocks back and forth, as if trying to call her back to life. He is deaf to the woman's footsteps, only continuing to stir up the blood around him with his motions. She stops directly behind him, gun pointing at his torso, near where his heart lies.
"Are you sure?"
No.
Her finger rests against the trigger.
"This one will be your fault too - are you sure you can live with that?"
Gripping the ends of his armrests, he tries to channel all of his energy into crushing the metal beneath his fingers. He can't say anything, not now, not when Isabel has already – no, he can't speak now.
His resolve remains firm, and she can see that. She can see fresh blood dripping from his mouth, no doubt from a bitten through tongue. She wants to applaud him, this is the what? Fourth, fifth time she's done this, and they've all talked. All of them. Usually long before it came to this, this is the furthest anyone has gotten without saying a word. He's either lost his mind or was already well acquainted with the crushing void of grief and loss.
She feels a faint twitch where her 'heart' used to be, and for a second, almost feels bad for him. But he's a ghoul. She reminds herself, the scum of the earth.
That hollow thought drives her to squeeze the trigger.
They deserve this.
At least, that's what her grandfather had taught her to believe.
BANG!
Farlan slumps forward, Isabel held loosely in his arms. They both lie there in a heap.
Levi sits motionless, the bodies- the corpses of his friends staring back at him. Deaddeaddead.
He just let them die. What a fucking weakling. I let them die again. They're dead. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I had to, goddamnit I HAD TO! It was either them or everyone else and I can't do that, I can't let a little girl die GODDAMNIT. She just lost her mother to these fuckers, I wasn't about to let her get killed too-
Wait.
How the fuck did I know that she-
I didn't even know her fucking name!
Levi looks down at the bodies once more. The blood in his veins runs cold, his mind goes blank and his entire body grows numb.
What-
What have I done?
-x-
"He's very resilient, ghouls truly are terrifying."
"Three days of interrogation and nothing more than the occasional squeak!"
"You have to admit, his rate of recovery alone is amazing, even for a ghoul."
Murmurs surround the two investigators as they watch scientists marvel at the scene on the other side of the window, the crowd broken only by a space that held a small camera (normally used in interviews, Erwin hoped he'd at least gotten the better model).
Originally, the two didn't want any external help, but the laboratory division were much more useful than they had ever expected. Everything had gone according to plan. And had it not been for the serum they had provided, the survival rate of this particular interrogation would've dropped significantly and it was entirely possible that their participant would have… expired long before they gathered any results.
"Hmmm, what an interesting specimen - won't you let me borrow him?"
"Hanji. What a pleasant surprise." Erwin turns to his scientist (and investigator-on-the-side), Hanji. "We weren't expecting you until later this evening."
"My question still stands, commander." With a sly look on her face, her eyes sparkle with hope.
"Ah, right." He pauses in thought for a moment "Of course not. We'd never see him again."
Her expression falls as he turns his attention back to the large window, but she isn't one to give up so quickly. This is, or rather, was her friend. Though she had initially agreed to the interrogation, she had hoped to see him, if only to check up on him.
She sulks, thoroughly disappointed. "After all my hard work? I can't get even a little time with him?"
Erwin sighs. A grin erupts on Hanji's face.
He's caving!
"…I'll allow you to see him after his session."
She smiles brightly, her face heating up, giddy with excitement.
Not only from the prospect of seeing him after laying witness to the horrific experience he'd been put through (and, with more than a mere stab of guilt, allowing such events, not that he needed to know that) but also because she needs something from him – very badly.
"Thank you Commander! You have no idea how much this will help our research!" She makes what Levi would call a 'disgusting face' but she knows that no one present minds.
She commends herself, throwing a large syringe in her pocket. He really has no idea, after all.
-x-
Just like old times.
Hanji hums an odd tune, as she opens her first aid kit. Kneeling down on the now spotless white floor, she picks up some cotton wool, soaks it in alcohol and reaches up to his face.
"Ah, she busted you up pretty badly, huh?" Hanji remarks as she cleans his wounds, or what's left of them at least. His recovery rate truly is amazing – three days' worth of (what Erwin had called) 'interrogation' practically all healed in only a few hours.
He is still sat on the chair he'd spent most, if not all, of the past few days on – still secured, though not as tightly in order to access the flesh below the restraints. They couldn't afford to lose him to an infection of all things, not after they'd gotten this far.
Around them, the room is still being cleaned. Men in white protective suits are wiping off any remaining traces of blood. The scent of various chemicals permeates through the air as all sorts of cleaning equipment scatter the floor.
"It's okay to talk you know, I won't hound you for information." He looks up at her with a blank look, all the swelling in his face gone. "I just need your blood."
Of course.
He makes no movement. He doubts she'd listen anyway.
"Alright, you'll feel a pinch." Preparing a needle, Levi feels a involuntary shiver through his body as he sees it. "We won't hurt you anymore."
He's willing to bet another finger that that's a lie.
"Right, here we go." Grabbing his forearm gently, she searches for a vein or at least the scars from the previous injections. Finding one, the needle slips through and the crimson liquid floods in.
"I'm sorry" She starts, catching his attention. "If it counts for anything, they were already due for interrogation."
She looks up at him, expecting a response.
Nothing.
She's not sure if it's because he's still mad at them (who can blame him really?), or if he's genuinely unable to.
She's afraid of it being the latter, but even if she were right, what could they do about it? No one would be willing to provide therapy to a ghoul after all.
She looks up at him, his steely eyes showing even less emotion than ever before as they gaze into the distance.
No, therapy won't save him. After all this, will anything?
A heavy weight pulls at her stomach. Guilt tugs at her moral conscience as she fully comprehends the extent of their actions.
Her mouth goes dry and her eyes soften. That's right, she thinks, pulling the needle out of Levi's arm. They just tortured a man- no, a ghoul, who has fought beside them, humans who hate his kind. A ghoul who has saved countless lives by killing his own.
She wipes the spot clean, pocketing the needle. Smiling, she thanks him and turns to leave.
She isn't so sure who the monsters are anymore.
She leaves him behind with heavy thoughts on her mind. And with every step, she feels her entire body being weighed down by the syringe in her pocket.
-x-
"And just what is the meaning of this Smith?!" An older man in a crisp white suit demands, his entire face scrunched up in anger. "Just what semblance of an idea did you have when you decided to do this without authorisation?!"
The rest of the board of directors sat around the circular table nods in agreement, arms either folded or resting on the table, their expressions more or less identical.
Seething rage.
"The media tore us apart when an idiot leaked Jason's story, what are you planning to do once they catch wind of this?"
"I would accept full responsibility sir."
Arima, who stands beside him, shakes his head.
Wrong answer.
"Oh? Do you think that will save you? Imagine this: 'CCG TORTURES ANOTHER, BLAMES A ROGUE INVESTIGATOR, ARE WE REALLY SAFE?' No, that simply is not enough."
"No, sir, I did not. But for that scenario, it is all I have to offer."
Arima throws him a sideways glance. The board of directors are never easy to please, but right now he's certain Erwin is asking for it.
"So you understand the gravity of this situation? The impact this has not only on you, but your peers as well as your career with us?"
"Yes sir, I do."
A straightforward answer and not even a hint of hesitation.
Arima looks at him with something akin to respect. This man has guts, I'll allow him that.
"I have a question, Erwin Smith." The air goes heavy and all grows still at the sound of the Chairman's deep, heavy voice. "What is your aim?"
The man in question smirks.
"I'm glad you asked, Chairman." He starts, moving towards the projector screen situated in the room. All eyes follow him as the room dims and the screen turns on.
'THE QUINX'
The directors hold their silence.
"I, along with investigator Arima and the laboratory division, have a proposition." He clicks to the next slide, which showcases various graphs and samples. "Experimental at best, we aim to combine the quinque with the bodies of our investigators."
He's met with another pause.
Faces contort in disgust at the idea, while others are obviously piqued. And while he maintains a seemingly unaffected disposition, Erwin had no doubt that the Chairman is just as curious as everyone else.
"By doing so, our investigators will inherit some of the ghouls abilities, such as the ability to heal even the most gruesome of injuries." He clicks to the next, uncensored images of Levi's injuries appearing. An empty eye socket, missing fingers and toes – this startles a few, whom he forgets have never been subjected to such sights. But as he progresses through, their faces begin to change. Worry shifts into interest, then satisfaction as they watch the injuries slowly heal, tissue growing back.
"They will become faster, stronger than any human ever before. We will then truly have a fighting chance."
"However, this is not without its shortcomings."
Immediately, faces begin to fall.
"We have very little information on the success of the procedure itself, for we have never tried it. We lack the resources to conduct proper experiments and as mentioned previously, almost all research towards this would be unethical at best."
Scowls erupt on their faces, not liking the idea of a media backlash.
"We expect many failures before success, but the end result will be of seismic proportions. You will not be disappointed."
The lights brighten and silence dominates the room.
A heavy tension rests in the room, many are obviously conflicted. The idea of stronger humans in itself has many implications, in the military, CCG and police alike, that can further humanity in ways they have never even considered. But it would cost their own investigators' lives as well as the ghouls. While they personally don't care for the latter, the media and ghoul sympathisers would massacre them if such a project took place.
Is such a price really worth paying?
In the eyes of three men, yes.
"Do you believe that this will work?" The chairman asks, a heavy look on his face.
"Yes."
"…I see." He closes his eyes, deep in thought, before he starts again. "Alright, I shall sanction you this once Erwin Smith. Do not disappoint me."
Sounds of gasps and outrage can be heard, clearly dissatisfied with his decision, which are quickly silenced by a single glare.
"And what shall become of this ghoul in our custody?"
"After some realignment, he shall be reinstated as a special class investigator. Marude has already approved of his participation in the upcoming raid."
A pristine white eyebrow rises with scepticism.
The blonde man only smiles back. "I believe I can convince him to join us, though he may become difficult," worry paints their faces, clearly not welcome to the idea, "he will co-operate. And if not… then we can simply dispose of him."
Disposal, however, they can agree to.
All eyes turn towards Arima, standing tall and silent. Though he himself has not yet spoken a word, his stance in the situation is clearly understood. They have no doubt in his ability to eliminate a ghoul, one weakened by 'interrogation' no less.
The directors look amongst each other and merely nod.
Seemingly convinced,the chairman nods once more before he takes his leave, the board of directors hastily following suit.
Erwin smiles. Sharing a look with Arima, they too soon leave the room as well. As much as they'd like to move forward now that their project is green lit, they still had a raid to co-ordinate.
And a ghoul to visit.
And finished.
Y'all have no idea how difficult it was to write this one.
Again, I appreciate all favourites, follows, comments, criticism or general thoughts!
Thank you to those who have stuck with me thus far (be it through providing reviews, following, adding this to your favourites, or all of the above!) the support really helps to motivate me to write!
Doubt to doubt: Domo friendolaaaa, sadly, no sassy Levi lines at all (*weeps*), but given his circumstances, Idk if I'd be pulling any sass either.
Woody the mighty: Yes! Indeed it was TG!Levi, I didn't know whether I needed to clarify that, but it seems that some people got it x) I hope you liked this update!
Mewmew: As I said in my previous response, it was indeed TG!Levi. We may be seeing more of him in an extra in the future, but who knows~ Switching sides is a beast right now, it's a lot harder to write than I'd first thought, but at least I'm getting somewhere with all this writing :')