"As you well know, we caught your entire conversation on tape," began Fury deliberately. Loki had been removed from the premises, so now it was just us two again. In the glare of the lights overhead, it was almost painful to look directly at his chrome dome. "We have diverted sufficient information from it to determine that you are, in fact, a threat to S.H.I.E.L.D. and its objectives."
I nodded comprehensively, while on the inside I was freaking out again. How was I supposed to react to this right when I had no idea what S.H.I.E.L.D. really saw? It was up to my own improv skills. I determined that I should let Fury talk-perhaps I could pick something up.
"You are obliged to know what we plan on doing with you," he informed formally. I don't like formal things, did you know that? "Until further notice, you are denied contact with the outside world. You are to be detained on this vessel, and your acquaintances will be fed a believable cover-up story."
"Bought from Teddy's Story Joint, I presume?" I quipped, quoting a Studio C skit. Fury stared at me blankly for a long moment, then continued as if I hadn't said anything.
"But because of your rocky relationship with your ex-boss," he said carefully. That told me something: apparently me and Loki didn't get along. Or at least, according to S.H.I.E.L.D. "we are prepared to offer you an alternative. Rather than accept his offer to return to work with him as a general consultant and recruiting agent, S.H.I.E.L.D. has an opening as a supernatural consultant."
"Go on?" I drawled business-like, cocking an eyebrow to indicate that I was interested. Sighing at me and rolling his eyes, Nick nonetheless did carry on.
"There are a lot of things about the 'Nine Realms' and so-called 'magical affairs' that we don't know," he explained. "From what we caught between you and Loki, you know quite a bit about these particular subjects. If you are as valuable to Loki as he makes you out to be, then we want you, too."
"I accept," I said blatantly. Fury raised his eyebrows at me, as if he hadn't expected me to immediately jump at an opportunity to work with the most amazing troop of superheroes in the known galaxy. "...what? Loki's weird. He's a bit of a jerk, too. Something about family trauma, or summat. In any case, I'd prefer to work in a more, ah...controlled environment. Not micro-managed, mind you. Controlled."
"Wise decision," he stated evenly. "You will be working with Tony Stark and Dr. Bruce Banner, on anything from predicting supernatural phenomena to basic work with quantum physics. Don't give me that look, I said basic. If there's anything you need to make our lives easier, just talk to us. Class starts now."
He nodded at the door, which I took as an invitation to leave the room. I swirled out of my chair none too gracefully, faux-glaring at Fury in an attempt to reassert myself. All I got from Fury was yet another eyeroll, so I just kept a-goin' out the door and into the hallway. I had no clue where my new coworkers were, but I didn't feel all that concerned. I just walked along, humming the Russian Pinkie's Brew song again. In fact, I did somehow find my new office by a trick of fate-it happened to be smoking.
Tony stumbled out the door, spluttering as he was followed by billowing clouds of blue-gray smoke that fogged his heavy-duty nerd goggles. He was closely followed by none other than Bruce Banner, wearing a similar set of eyewear, which almost gave me another fangirl seizure had these two heros not been in a potentially threatening situation. I put my face to the wall-window, trying to see through it, but all I saw were the flowing puffs of smoke. I mildly noticed that it was suddenly unbearably hot, a lot like my hometown in the summer. The two backed out of its way as it sank lower to the floor, like something out of a fog machine. Tony noticed me, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly.
"You?" he echoed in disbelief. Bruce waved away smoke, eyeing me. I shrugged sheepishly.
"Who's she?" asked Banner, a little lost.
"Your new partner-in-crime," I introduced, unable to resist smiling to myself. "or partner-against-crime, I guess. Of the massive-scale sort, I can only assume. What awesome secret agency has time for small-timers like Al Capone, am I right?"
"Back up!" snapped Tony when a wisp of smoke got dangerously close to my face. I obeyed at the tone in his voice, asking him why with a look in my eye. "That's nitrous oxide at 450 degrees Kelvin. That laughing gas will fry your lungs."
"What's causing it?" I asked, mentally tossing regard for my own safety in my mind-dustbin. My brain secretary shrieked at this, but I'd learned by now to ignore her in times like this. Which is surprising, considering that I'm not awesome enough to find myself in situations like this very often.
"There's a foaming beaker full of nitro in there that's unplugged," explained Banner before Tony could tell him to shut up. "Its reaction with the oxygen can only be stopped by the pH-neutral seal-which someone decided to putz around with." added Banner hotly, glaring at Tony. When he shrugged at Bruce, I noticed something clutched in his right hand. Bingo-that must be the seal.
I took the sweater tied around my waist and fixed it around my face, obscuring my features from the nose down. Both nerds recognized the look in my eye, undoubtedly because it had been found in people like Captain America. Neither liked it.
"No!" they reprimanded simultaneously. I obviously ignored them.
"I've done worse," I lied.
Acting fast before I lost my nerve, I rushed Tony with a surety I didn't know I possessed and seized his wrist. Angling it so that Tony lost his leverage, I wrenched it out of his hand and stole his goggles. My face burning with embarrassment at having assaulted the one and only Iron Man, I strapped the goggles on whilst running into the murk, tuning out the yells that chased after me.
First thing I did was smack the control panel, shutting the door behind me so that the nitrous oxide wouldn't continue spilling into the hallway. Tony wasn't kidding when he said 450 Kelvin-I immediately felt unbearably hot. I still tasted a faint sweetness in the air; my sweater couldn't have been completely airtight, in hindsight, but it helped. If it hadn't, I would be doubled over laughing until my lungs burned out. Literally. I took careful steps forward, waving the nitro away, trying to see through the fog and find that beaker-
"D'arvit!" I cursed as I tripped on some invisible something, my swear clipped short as the bridge of Tony's goggles collided with what must have been a table. Rubbing my sore nose, I heard something rolling around, glass by the sound of it. The beaker. Backtracking on my hands and knees, I caught a glimmer of glass reflecting what little light remained in the room. I yanked at it, but I slipped again, the tile floor burning against me from the heat of the gas. I scrambled up again, trying to stifle the convulsions in my lungs that made me want to burst out laughing and waste precious air. I never thought I could ever say this, but now was definitely not the time to have one of my can't-shut-up-or-quit-laughing moments. I had to find that beaker. This place was much worse than I'd originally made it out to be. Maybe I hadn't done worse. Maybe this was the worst I would ever do. Maybe this was the last I would ever do.
But I couldn't think about that right now.
There-the beaker.
I literally pounced on it, thanking Asgard above that it didn't shatter under my impact. I took a final deep breath, sensing the lack of oxygen in the room and knowing I didn't have long. I fumbled the conic beaker, the seal sticky in my sweaty hand. As spots swam before my vision, I somehow worked the edges of the seal over the lip of the glass, watching numbly as the gray fizzing within ceased.
As if my consciousness had left my body and its tattered lungs, I watched myself collapse, the beaker rolling out of my hand. The smoke began to clear out, sucked up through air vents revealed on the ceiling. What idiot hadn't thought of that sooner? The door opened in slow motion as I watched through fluttering eyes and fading state of mind.
And then nothing.