CHAPTER 9:

Han Solo stood at the large observation window aboard the Home One, with one arm leaning against the bulkhead as he stared at the dark space speckled with stars outside it. He loved the vastness of open space, the infinite possibilities that lay out there. It represented freedom to him, possibility and adventure, something he greatly missed. Although he was suspended in sleep hibernation when he was frozen in carbonite and was unaware of passing time, he felt as if it had been ages since he experienced the liberation that flying through space brought him. Then of course, ages really had passed. When was the last time he enjoyed piloting his beloved ship without being chased by Imperials or bounty hunters? Save for the smuggling he did for the rebels, the missions he led, and chauffeuring the princess around, he did not get much time to just enjoy the open space. He had been on the run for so long—from Jabba and the Imperials—he was tired and craved simpler times before he pissed off Jabba, before he got entangled in the Rebellion.

And with Jabba the Hutt dead, Lando was right; Han Solo was a free man.

As he stood there looking out the observation window, a pair of lithe arms wrapped themselves around his waist, and a petite body pressed itself against his back.

"Leia." Han lifted his arm so that she could slip under it.

"What are you up to, Flyboy?" She now stood next to him, looking up at him and wearing an open smile.

"Waitin' for you," he answered, which was true. Han just got distracted by the view before him.

Solo leaned down and kissed her, lingering there for a moment.

"Well, I'm here and all finished for the day—night, I suppose."

"That's good news." His eyes returned to the open space.

The princess's large brown eyes followed Han's gaze, and she silently studied the stars before her. Like Han, she too loved to look at the stars and remember days of long ago. Her favorite place for stargazing was from Beldover Cliff on Alderaan. That place was no more. Leia shook that thought out of her head and glanced up at Han. There was clear longing etched into his expression, and his hazel eyes seemed far away from her. Leia swallowed and remembered the conversation Han had with Lando that she had overheard, and her heart sunk into her stomach. She knew the open space was calling to him. Han may love her, but that did not guarantee he would not leave her.

So now that Jabba the Hutt is dead, you're a free man, what are your plans?

When she heard Lando ask that question, Leia felt the walls around her heart that Han once knocked down rebuild themselves. That night, she retreated from him as she had in the past when she feared he would break her heart if she gave into her feelings for him. As Leia sought shelter in her quarters, she sat perched on her bed with her arms wrapped around herself unable to sleep. She spent the night thinking about Han, about the three years they had known each other, about her love for him, his love for her, and the fact that Han no longer had to hide from bounty hunters. Leia wanted to run from Han, to break things off with him before he broke her heart. She knew she just could not survive another crack in her soul.

But Leia had spent the last three years pushing Han away, denying her desires and her feelings for him, and this was something she regretted. She still regretted the lost time she could have had with him. Life was unpredictable and fragile, and no one knew how much time one would have to pursue their desires in life. She had learned her lesson: better to relish in happiness found in the now than to never have experienced it. That night, Leia resolved that she would love Han without restraint in the time she had left with him if he chose to leave her.

"Come on." She ran her hand along his arm and caught his fingers. "It's late. Let's go to bed."

Han turned his attention to her, savored her devious smile, and responded with a lop-sided grin of his own. "Whatever you say, Your Worshipfulness."

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Unaware of the time in the darkened room, Han lay awake as he watched Leia sleep curled up next to him, her leg thrown over waist. He still had trouble sleeping; he still feared that he would not wake up and she would disappear. When Han did sleep, nightmares sometimes tormented him. He would be back on the platform on Cloud City sinking into the carbon chamber as Leia watched. The regret and pain and fear in her face. He remembered in that moment that he was more worried about what would happen to her than he was troubled by what was happening to him. He knew Chewie would be okay. He was strong, and he would keep his promise. He would take care of Leia, but that did not alleviate his fears.

And so became the habit. After a few hours of sleep, Han would wake and spend his time watching Leia sleep until she woke up. In her sleep, her worries were absent from her face, the stresses that usually marred her expression during the day. In sleep, a small smile softened her expression as if she held a wonderful secret. No nightmares for her tonight. Han took a lock of her hair, ran his hand along it, and brought it to his nose. He deeply inhaled. His hazel eyes automatically closed as he took in her scent.

He opened his eyes as he released her hair. Han still marveled over the changes in her appearance when he was frozen in carbonite, the lack of baby fat in her cheeks, the toned muscles of her slender body. He still could not comprehend that six months had passed while he was frozen in carbonite. The frightened girl he courted had morphed into a confident woman who unabashedly revealed her emotions. Ever since she freed him from carbonite (and not because she was the one who freed him), he loved her even more.

Han never figured love would be something in his life. It was not that he did not experience love in the past. There was Bria whom he did love at one time. But he never thought he would love someone so deep that would shake him to his core. His attachment to Leia, the protectiveness he felt toward her—though she was quite capable of taking care of herself—the ache and desire that came with love, frightened him to the bone. This type of love was something new to him; he never feared losing someone as much as he feared losing Leia.

And here they were, in the middle of a war where death hung over them on a daily basis. He almost lost her on the Death Star, though that was before he even knew she was something he could lose. He almost lost her on several missions, on Ord Mantel, and on Cloud City, Jabba's palace.

Han could lose Leia now. The Alliance had been assembled and all allies willing to take an offensive position against the Empire were in place. It would not be long now. Solo did not know what her roll would be in this perhaps final stance. While Leia was a capable pilot and had participated as an X-Wing pilot in a few dogfights with TIE fighters on a few missions, most likely Leia would remain on Home One, the ship that would lead the offensive and the biggest target that will be out there on the battlefield. Unless they needed all the fighters they had. Which they will since this battle will take place in space. Han shuddered at the thought. Those X-Wing pilots would be on the front lines of the battle. Most of them would not make it back. Was Leia a capable enough pilot to survive?

Leia stirred, and Han watched her eyes flutter open. She smiled at him when she saw him and then arched her back as she stretched.

"'Morning, Flyboy."

"Morning, Your Worship." Han kissed her on the forehead. "If it is indeed morning."

She looked at her watch. "It is. Did you sleep well?"

"The best sleep I ever had," he lied.

"Is that why you look so tired?" Leia raised an eyebrow.

"This is just my morning face."

"Uh-huh," Leia said, but she dropped the subject. She was aware that Han had trouble sleeping, that he was afraid he would never wake up again, but she was not going to force him to talk about it just as he did not force her to talk about what haunted her.

"Leia…"

The way he said her name turned her stomach. The carefree expression she wore melted into her political face as she braced herself for what would come next. "What is it?"

Han propped himself up on his elbow, and he ran a finger down the side of her face. He did not know how to start, but his fear of losing her in the battle prompted him to continue. "What will your role be in this battle?"

"I don't know," Leia answered. "I haven't been told." She propped herself up on her elbow.

"You've been practicing in the X-Wing simulator," Han pointed out.

"Yes. But I won't be in the first string or second. Most likely, not even the third. They'll probably send me out only if I'm needed."

When they've lost their best pilots and are desperate. Han did not say this aloud. "You'll be on Home One then?"

She shrugged. "Probably."

Han took her hand, studied it before stroking it with his thumb. Then he looked up at her. "Why not sit it out on the Falcon?"

The princess rolled on her back and hugged the covers to her body. "You're not staying," she whispered.

Han had not thought about it in terms of staying or going, but his proposal was exactly that. Of course, Leia would see sitting out of the battle as abandoning the Rebellion.

"I didn't say that," he countered, though maybe that was what he was saying. "I just thought…." He paused before continuing. "I don't know. It'll be safer on the Falcon."

"Because you won't be anywhere near the battle," she finished his thought. "It's not safe anywhere with the Empire running the galaxy, Han. I can't abandon the Alliance at our most critical hour."

Han pressed his lips together. He expected that.

The princess rolled onto her side. "I've spent almost my entire life fighting the Empire. For as long as I can remember, I've been preparing for this moment. My father has—had—prepared me since I was a child." Her voice quieted. "I can't let him down."

He's dead, Han thought, but he would never say that out loud. "Luke destroyed the first Death Star, and now they're building another one. You will spend your life destroying new Death Stars if you survive."

"You don't know that."

Han said nothing for a moment, and the look of fear in the princess's large brown eyes made him acquiesce. "Maybe you're right."

Leia sat up and stared down at the covers that still lay upon her legs. "This will be our final stand," she quietly said. "If we don't win….most of the Alliance will be wiped out. I don't know if we can recover from that." She then looked at him. "How can you expect me to not fight when everyone is risking their own lives for our freedom?"

Han sat up and ran his fingers through her hair. "It's just that…." He sighed. "First we were running from the Empire after Luke destroyed the Death Star. Then it was base to base being chased down, and how many missions did someone—you, Luke, Chewie—almost get caught or die? And then there's Hoth. Your stubbornness almost got you killed there."

And you. Leia looked down at her hands on her lap. Han used his forefinger under her chin to guide her head so that she was looking at him.

"Then getting captured by Darth Vader on Cloud City, tortured." Solo paused as he thought about the carbon freeze. "I almost lost you forever." He shook his head. "And then I wake up to find us in another precarious situation in Jabba's palace."

Leia shivered at the memory.

"We were gonna die."

The princess shook her head. "Luke saw—"

"What is it he said?" Han stopped her. "The future is in motion or somethin'? He even admitted he wasn't certain of the outcome."

Leia gazed into his hazel eyes and then looked away. Han was right, but she still had faith in Luke. Where was Luke? How come he hadn't returned yet?

"I'm just saying," Han took her hands in his. "We've come so close to death an' have been on the run for so long." His eyes fell from her face before returning. "I'm tired of running."

"If we win—"

"The odds are against you, Leia."

Leia pulled her hands from his.

Han let out a frustrated sigh. "I just want to keep you safe. I don't want to lose you."

Leia bit her bottom lip. "I don't want to lose you."

"Think about it."

"There's nothing to think about, Han. I know you don't believe in the Alliance like I do. I don't think you can understand my loyalties to a cause that you think is doomed." The princess lifted her large brown eyes and looked into his hazel ones. "Nothing you say will change my mind."

Han's face was crestfallen. He nodded and broke eye contact with her. "I didn't think so."

Leia pulled herself up to her knees and pressed her lips to Han's. It was a long kiss that communicated her feelings for him, her desires.

"I know you have to choose your own path," Leia whispered. "I've accepted that. It doesn't change how I feel about you." She kissed him again. "I have an early meeting to attend. I'm going to take a shower."

Leia climbed over Han, and he caught her hand, pulling her down to kiss her again. She savored his kiss before breaking it, and her fingers slipped out of his as she headed toward the refresher.

Once in the refresher, the princess removed Han's T-shirt and dropped it to the ground. She entered the shower and turned on the water, setting it at the hottest temperature that she could stand. She stepped under the flowing water, then crouched down, letting the water beat against her skin as she openly cried.

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Han Solo deeply inhaled as he stood in front of Mon Montha's office. If he entered, his life would change forever. Summing up his courage, he stepped into the office.

"Captain Solo," Mon Montha greeted him. "What can I do for you?"