AN: I'd like to apologize to all of my readers for the colossal delays between updates. There's a good reason, though, I swear! I've actually started writing my own book with an original setting and characters and that's what's been eating up my time and creative energy. I have no abandoned this fic, though.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Argis quietly cursed the mead for not working well enough. Despite how much he had drunk, he could still recall with perfect clarity what he had done the night before. He could still feel the other man's warm touch and the momentary flash of joy from his betrayal. Self-disgust washed over him as he recalled the warmth and passion of the moment. "Your husband is out there risking his life and you break his trust so quickly?" he murmured to himself.
He looked away from the hearth's low fire as he heard a small thud at his door. It swung open to reveal a stone faced Calder carrying a large tray of steaming food. "Get out," said Argis with quiet force.
Setting the tray down on the small table in the room, Calder nodded and turned to leave. At the doorway he hesitated and cast a glance back at Argis, saying, "It's not your fault. We were both drunk."
"Get. Out," spat the blonde Nord as he watched the door close behind Calder. The smell of the freshly cooked rabbit legs and grilled leeks that were on the table slowly filled the room and Argis' stomach rumbled hungrily.
He looked sullenly at the steaming meal and tried to decide whether he hated Calder enough to overcome the lethargy which seemed to have settled over him like a cloak. After a moment's hesitation, he grunted and pushed himself off of the bed and walked over to the table where he sat down with a thud. Listlessly, he pushed the food around the plate but he couldn't find any sort of appetite to eat.
Returning his gaze to the fire, the Nord sat down on the edge of his bed and worried over the future.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"You thought you were quiet, didn't you? Thought I wouldn't hear. You'll pay for that, little elf," snarled the Orc.
Spitting a viscous glob of blood and other bodily fluids onto the ground in front of him, Ardanthis tried to lunge forward and away from his assailant. I have to find my calm, he desperately thought as fear clawed at the edges of his mind.
The Orc's hand lashed out and snagged the elf's belt. With a heavy grunt the burly orc dragged the slender elf back towards him and then used that same grip to drag the elf's pants down. "Still got some fight left in you, eh?" the Orsimer chuckled, "I like that in my elves. You usually pass out before the fun sta-" His bragging was cut off as Ard took advantage of the Orc's distraction and blindly lashed out with his foot. Though it felt like he connected with solid stone, the Orsimer's pained grunt told him he did some sort of damage.
Rolling onto his back, Ardanthis sucked in a deep breath and found the energy boiling deep in his chest. "FU-" he began before the Orc's fist flashed forward with astounding speed and slammed into his gut. The rest of the Shout vanished in a pained gasp as the air was knocked out of him again.
"That hurt, you long eared rat, but if you want to look at me while I take you I can work with that. The only thing you're going to shout is how you want me harder" growled the Orc with a rough laugh as he finished pulling down his pants and revealed his excited state. Ripping the elf's loin cloth off, the Orc gripped the elf's ankles and spread Ard's legs while pushing them back.
A sudden drop in the air's temperature was all the warning the Orc got before Ard slapped his hands on the looming Orc's chest and a massive spike of ice drove into the Orcish armour.
The Orc was knocked back by the force of the blast, and tried to recover from the arcane assault. Not bothering to rise, Ardanthis' hands flared as lightning coursed into the Orsimer's body, which caused the other man to collapse in twitching heap. Skittering back from the uncoordinated flailing of the Orc, the High Elf rose to his feet and pulled his pants up.
Still shuddering, the Orc tried to lurch to his feet, but another burst of lightning dropped him back to the ground. An icy blue mist drifted off of the wizard's hands as he stared at the Orc and remained well out of arm's reach. He brought his hands together and let the blue mists flow together before snapping his hands apart. A massive spear of ice shot with unerring accuracy towards the fallen Orc and punched through his armour.
Giving a shocked gasp as the javelin of ice punched through his gut, the Orc coughed blood and vainly grasped at the shard of ice protruding from his gut. "Die, monster," spat Ardanthis in a voice colder than the ice which impaled the Orc. The sound of crystallizing ice resonated through the cavern's air and was punctuated with the snap! of more ice being shot into the Orc's body.
A choked sob wound out of the elf's throat as he shot more spears of ice into the red slush that he had reduced the Orc's corpse to. With a deep breath, he fired one more blast into the dead Orc's head before turning away from the fallen body. Retrieving his swords and loin cloth with shaking hands, he sheathed his weapons and dressed himself before walking out of the dark cave.
Back under the brilliant light, Ard sucked in a deep breath of cold air as he tried to fully grasp what had nearly happened. Blowing out the breath, he retrieved his pack and shrugged it on. He struggled for a moment as he sought to tighten the cinches on the pack before he realized that there was nothing wrong with the pack, only with his hands. He concentrated on his hands, which still shook slightly, and breathed slowly until they stilled.
What could have been is not what happened, he thought sternly to himself. He closed his eyes for another moment and felt the wind on his face. Opening his eyes slowly he strode away from the cave and back along the path that had taken him there.
He tried to imagine what his husband and housecarl were doing back at their home and he smiled faintly at the image of Argis and Calder reading books with bored expressions. He knew neither man was meant to stay still for a long stretch of time and he let the smallest trace of a mischievous smile play over his features as he imagined them waiting.
The sharp scent of a juniper bush caught his attention as he walked, and he stopped to quickly pluck several bunches of berries off of the trees. Argis might want to try to make a potion out of the berries, and the markets had largely been bare of them.
Another small smile, this one slightly larger, crossed his features as he hurried towards home. The warmth of Hjerim's hearth would be a very welcome sensation after his constant time in the cold. Even Calder's presence would be a welcome relief after what that Orc had nearly done.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
A bottle flew through the air and shattered against the kitchen wall as Argis roared, "Don't you dare say that!"
The blonde Nord's face was flushed red from all of the mead he had drunk, and he glowered murderously at Calder. Sparing a glance back at spray of glass and mead that was splattered over the wall and floor, Calder immediately stammered, "I meant that he only loves you as much as an Altmer can, and not in the true way of the Nords!"
"Liar!" shouted Argis with a touch of a drunk slur in his words, "You tricked me, you bastard. You made me betray my husband, who loved me before we ever came to this godsforsaken house."
With a sharp gesture towards his own chest, Calder pleaded, "And I loved you before you ever met him!"
"That was over a decade ago!" countered Argis.
"But you still love me," softly said Calder as he held out a hand.
After a moment, Argis snarled, "No! What happened last night was a mistake, damn you."
"Was it really?" asked Calder simply.
"Shut up!" snapped the bigger Nord as he took a shaky step backwards.
"There is no shame in following your heart, Argis," imploringly whispered Calder as he watched Argis' resolve visibly shake. The blonde's gaze flicked between Calder's outstretched hand and his brilliant blue eyes. With a snarl of self-disgust he swept away from the other man and thundered up the stairs.
Calder let out a long, disappointed sigh as he watched the man he loved turn away. His outstretched hand slowly curled into a fist as he retracted it towards himself. Late last night Argis had begun to drink himself into a violent stupor, and every last attempt to communicate with him only resulted in screamed threats.
When he moved slowly and quietly, Calder had stood outside of the master bedroom and listened to the drunken ramblings and the odd sob that could be heard through the thick wooden door. His own heart nearly broke as he listened to Argis damn himself, damn Calder, and murmur apologies to the fire which still burned low in the hearth.
Doubt tried to find cracks in his love for Argis, but Calder knew that the other Nord would quickly come around after the damned elf was out of the picture. He didn't doubt the Orc's cunning and ability to get the job done, and he didn't doubt his own ability to be there to catch Argis when the elf's influence over him dropped away.
He cooked himself a simple pot of stew by throwing whatever was convenient into the steel cauldron and put it over the fire. Without emotion or interest, he stirred the stew until he figured it was close enough to being done. After serving himself, he sat down to let it cool as he ate. The rest of the meal he left in the pot and left the pot over hot coals. Quietly, he hoped that Argis would come down and eat something. So far, the big man had only taken bottle after bottle of mead into the room he shared with that filthy elf and hadn't taken any real food since their conflict the previous night.
Calder continually cast nervous glances towards the door, the red haired housecarl nervously feared that the elf may have somehow bested the Orsimer he had hired. He fiddled with the stew in the bowl in front of him as terrifying thoughts of the Altmer banishing him from city rang out in his mind.
Blowing out a deep sigh he frowned into his stew as he forced himself to eat it. The heavy thud of feet coming down the stairs drew his gaze to the kitchen doorway as he heard Argis approach.
Argis didn't even look at Calder as he stepped into the room, gave the stew pot a passing glance, and then left with several bottles of mead tucked under his arm.
The red haired Nord winced as he saw how matted Argis' hair looked and the wasted, haunted look that clung to his features. He waited quietly as he continued to eat his stew and heard the door to the master bedroom slam shut.
He couldn't let this stand. Rising slowly from the chair he took off his boots before he walked up the stairs and padded quietly towards the door. Knocking lightly on the door he called out, "Argis."
Silence was his only reply, so he tried once more and knocked slightly louder than before and called more forcefully.
"Leave!" roared the man from inside as Calder heard a glass bottle explode against the door.
Shaking his head sadly, Calder answered, "I'm leaving Hjerim for a time. Try to eat something so our thane has someone to come home to."
He turned away from the door and loudly walked away. He darted into his room and grabbed his nearly empty coinpurse before returning to the kitchen. Thrusting his feet into his boots he stepped out into the brisk winds and bright sunlight of the city.
Fingering his purse he headed towards the Dunmer's Corner club. He knew how he could earn a little extra coin.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Ardanthis walked briskly towards Windhelm and his anticipation built with each step. After spending another lonely night out in the chilly forests, he looked forward to the warmth of Hjerim. The peace of home called to him in a way that he could not ignore and he focused on happy images of Argis' face lighting up with laughter to distract himself from the memories of the Orsimer's face twisted with lust.
The morning light glinted brightly off of the spears and armour of the Imperial soldiers who were stationed on the large, icy bridge that led into the city. The faceless nature of the helmets unnerved the Altmer slightly, but the guards nodded respectfully to him and let him pass without question.
Quickly turning left as he entered the wide open gates of the city Ardanthis slowed down as he wandered through the large market. The crowd here was made up almost exclusively of Nords and their loud voices rang throughout the large square. Various smells drifted past his nose, ranging from cooking food to smelting iron, and the elf smiled as he settled back into the city's embrace.
Fat snowflakes fell slowly from above but they were ignored by the hardy marketplace goers who continued to haggle as if the sun were shining brightly.
The Altmer passed out of the noise and smells of the marketplace and into the solemn silence of the graveyard. He tread carefully down the sometimes-slippery stairs as he passed the ancient graves that were within the city's walls.
Bounding joyfully up the next flight of stairs, he looked down the long path towards Hjerim. Each side of the road held the great manors of prominent citizens, but Ardanthis breezed past them without sparing them a glance.
He quickly passed through the gate in the low wall surrounding his home and already had his key in hand as he approached the door. With a loud click he unlocked the door and entered.
The gloomy stillness of the house immediately struck him. Where was the cheerfully blazing fire? Where was the scent of cooking? The faint scent of some sort of stew drifted through the air but it was hardly noticeable. Ard looked to the hearth and saw that the fire there was banked and low, little more than glowing coals.
His gaze flicked around Hjerim's central room and the Altmer took in the mess that covered the central table. Taking a step forward, his boot hit an empty mead bottle and sent it rolling across the floor. Worry flared in his breast as he called icy magicka to his hands and quietly prepared to face whatever force had struck his home.
A figure seated in front of the fire, previously indistinguishable in the gloom but stirred by the sound of the rolling bottle, rose to his feet. Although half of his face was draped in shadow, Ardanthis could make out the other half of Calder's face.
"Calder?" he asked cautiously, half expecting the other man to be under some sort of spell.
The other man's face broke out into a strained grin and he immediately answered, "It's good to have you back, my thane!"
Ignoring the Nord's cheerful greeting, Ardanthis immediately asked, "What in Oblivion happened to this place? Where's Argis?"
"Argis is in your room, but he isn't feeling well, thane," diplomatically answered the Nord.
Narrowing his gaze, the Altmer quietly noted, "You didn't answer my first question. What happened to this place?"
Calder's smile faltered slightly, but he quickly reinforced it and said, "Argis and I have had a slight disagreement and we haven't been able to resolve it quite yet."
The temperature in the room noticeably dropped as Ard stalked forward and hissed, "Did you hurt him?"
The red haired Nord's gaze nervously flicked between the icy blue wisps drifting from between Ardanthis' clenched fists and the elf's intent features. "No, my thane. I haven't hurt your husband," he answered slowly and clearly. "Perhaps," he hesitantly ventured, "Perhaps it would be best if you spoke to him yourself. He's waiting in your room."
Ardanthis cast one last suspicious look at Calder before he hurried up the stairs. The gloom continued throughout this part of the house too, and only the faint light coming in the narrow windows illuminated the upper floor.
The elf hesitated before the closed door to his room. He knocked on it gently and called out his husband's name in a soft voice. There was no answer from within, and Ard refused to let the silence stretch any longer. With a soft click, he turned the doorknob and opened the door with a small push.
Their shared room, normally lit by a roaring fire, was only dimly lit by the glow of a small flame in the hearth. Argis had his back hunched as he stared into the fire that crackled weakly in front of him. In that faint light the scars on his face were cast into sharp relief by the firelight.
"Argis!" exclaimed Ardanthis happily as he rushed toward the big Nord.
The housecarl didn't react except to lower his eyes as the Altmer embraced him. "Argis, what's wrong?" desperately asked the elf as he moved to stand in front of his husband.
"I'm sorry, love, I'm so, so sorry," choked out Argis in a voice thick with emotion.
Ardanthis smoothed the other man's matted hair and said, "What are you sorry for? Are you hurt?"
Immediately after asking that question he waved his hand and a ball of light drifted up to the chandelier and hung there, dispelling the gloom that cloaked the room. In the newly cast light, Ardanthis was able to clearly see the many empty mead bottles that littered the floor.
"I betrayed you," Argis said breathily as if he could barely manage to force the words past his lips.
Confused and worried all at once, Ard demanded, "Tell me what's going on here! What do you mean you betrayed me?"
Argis didn't raise his head but instead directed his words to the floor as he said, "I got drunk and I let Calder pleasure me."
Outrage flared over the elf's features as he sharply bellowed, "I leave you alone for a few days and that's all it took for you-" He bit the rest of his words off an let and angry silence fall over the room.
Calder had slipped up the stairs behind the elf with every trace of stealth he could manage, and he grinned wickedly as he heard Ardanthis shouting at his husband. Good. Let the elf destroy their marriage, he thought to himself.
In a much softer voice Calder had to strain to hear, Ardanthis murmured, "Oh Divines, you still love him." It was clear that it was a statement and not a question.
"I don't know," said Argis as his gaze returned to the fire, "I do, but not as much as you."
To the elf's green eyes his husband seemed to be smaller than he was before. His frame was still as large and powerful as ever, but the hollows under his eyes spoke of his complete exhaustion.
Ardanthis glared down at Argis and his words seemed to get stuck in his throat. He wanted to shout at the Nord and condemn him for his faithless behaviour. He wanted to reduce Calder to a smoking heap of ash. He wanted to be alone so he could try to understand all the feelings racing through him.
Something in Argis' words and posture spoke to Ardanthis, though. Regret dripped off of the exhausted Nord and the blonde seemed to be wrapped up in his own misery. The elf relaxed fists he wasn't even aware he had made and let out a shuddering breath. "I forgive you because I love you," he softly said. The Nord had hurt himself with his regret worse than anything Ardanthis could have ever done.
Argis' head snapped up, and a glimmer of hope flickered in his brown eye and he hoarsely asked, "What?" His voice was thick with hope and hesitation.
In an equally hoarse voice, Ardanthis restated, "I forgive you because I love you." The words seemed to weigh more in his throat and made it nearly impossible to actually say them.
Shock and outrage coloured Calder's face as he gaped at the elf's words. How!? The elf's cold pride had been brutally wounded! With his love shown to be a sham he should be outraged. The soft sound of the High Elf's steps heading towards the doorway made Calder tense, but the door only closed softly.
Ardanthis looked at the dishevelled Nord and slowly stripped his armour off until he was only left in his sweat stained shirt and linen pants. He took Argis' large, calloused hand in his own and with a wordless tug he urged the Nord to his feet. "Let's clean up," he said softly and led his still-nervous husband to the washbasin in their room.
It was clear from the way the Nord smelled that he hadn't changed his shirt in the four days that Ard had been gone, and so the elf gently helped him pull it off. The Altmer treated his husband like he would someone who was too weak to help themselves – he gently washed Argis.
Argis seemed to be slowly waking up and his movements became less sluggish. He seemed to be somewhat ashamed of his filthy appearance and he quickly took the cloth from Ardanthis. His scrubbing became more vigorous as he removed four days' worth of grime and misery from himself.
Content that Argis' seemed to be regaining vitality, Ardanthis began to clean himself of the dirt and sweat from the road.
They stood before each other, damp and almost naked, but there was none of the fire that Ardanthis had let himself hope for over his journey back home.
The elf could feel himself radiating uncertainty as he kept a thousand unasked questions behind his teeth. He knew Argis sensed the hesitation too, and they both seemed to be awkwardly moving around each other.
Argis wouldn't make eye contact with his husband and the Nord's mechanical motions made him appear to be bracing for an assault.
"Love," he began hesitantly, "I wanted to say that-"
Ardanthis quickly cut in and said, "Not today, Argis." He blew out a quivering sigh before he added, "We'll figure something out tomorrow, but I can't – I just can't handle it today."
The elf quickly walked over to a bookshelf and grabbed one of the tomes at random off of it, but Argis could tell that the elf wasn't really reading the book for he never turned a page.
With a gaze filled with shame and regret, Argis turned back towards the fire and stared into its dancing depths as he tried to think of a way to undo the damage he had wrought.
Hours slipped by as the two men sat in stillness. The only sound was the clunk of wood as Argis slowly fed the fire to keep it burning. When night truly fell outside, they both retired to their beds, but they never once made contact throughout the night.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
The dawn over Windhelm was clear and bright as the skies had exhausted themselves the day before. Thick drifts of soft, powdery snow filled the streets and the citizens worked diligently to clear the main paths and roads throughout the narrow streets of their city.
Ardanthis looked out of one of Hjerim's few windows as he admired the way the snow mantled everything in the manor's yard. He stood in a simple cotton shirt and pants as he clutched a tankard of tea that he had made that morning.
The elf had been at the window since before the morning light had spilled over the streets and reflected brightly off of the snow. He was filled a sense of calm and resolution because this morning he had a plan to fix everything.
He smiled out the window as he heard the hesitant, lighter tread that belonged to Calder. The red haired Nord saw the elf standing by the window and said, "Good morning, my thane."
Ardanthis didn't turn around as he smoothed the smile from his features and said, "Good morning, Calder. You may begin removing the snow from our walkways."
Calder nodded quietly and threw on a cloak before he grabbed a shovel and marched out of the house. Ardanthis sipped his tea as he watched his housecarl work. He could have melted the snow quickly with a few streams of fire, but he was feeling petty and enjoyed seeing the other man heave piles of snow around.
The ancient floors of Hjerim creaked softly as Argis hesitantly stepped down the stairs. Though Ardanthis wasn't actively looking at him, he heard the pause in the Nord's tread as Argis spotted the Altmer by the window.
Without hesitation, Ardanthis turned around and beamed at his husband. "Come on down, Argis. I'm simply starving and I've been hoping you would make your vegetable stew," said the elf cheerfully.
The Nord was stunned by this strange transformation that had overcome his husband. They had just passed the night before wrapped in despondent silence but now the High Elf acted as though nothing had happened.
Snapping out of his confusion, Argis murmured, "Of course, love. I'll get on it right away." He hurried off to the kitchen with his husband's thanks ringing through the air.
He swiftly prepared the hearty breakfast that his husband had asked for but never stopped wondering what had caused the change to sweep over his husband so quickly. Apprehension shivered through his mind as he waited for whatever else was going to come.
The warm, delicious scent of stew filled the air and Argis' stomach rumbled demandingly. It achingly reminded him of all the food he hadn't eaten recently and he sighed impatiently as the stew slowly simmered. It would be the first thing he had eaten in days and his body was angrily demanding sustenance. He quickly added a hunk of beef to a pan and hurriedly placed it over the fire. Come what may, he wasn't going to face the day on an empty stomach.
He carefully ladled three bowls out and brought them to the table as he heard the front door open. Calder's voice was low and submissive as he spoke to the elf, and Argis couldn't make out the other man's words.
With a heavy sense of trepidation he brought the stew out. The mundane, trivial act of setting the table felt strangely tense as Argis's calloused hands put out utensils. Ardanthis continued to stare out of the window, smiling softly to himself while he clutched his empty tankard. His distracted gaze was unsettling, but his raw happiness was seemingly reassuring. Both Nords knew that the Altmer had control of their honour.
"It's ready, love," Argis said softly, still waiting for some break in the tension.
Ardanthis turned away from the window and padded over to the table in his soft cloth boots and sat down at the table. Calder approached with evident nervousness and glanced at Argis before sitting down at the large banquet table that filled the common room.
The clink of cutlery was the only sound in the room as the two Nords looked at each other subtly, but neither had any clue to offer the other.
Ardanthis finished his bowl with a satisfied smile and looked at his two companions. "As I'm sure you both realize that things can never be the same as they once were." Both Nords winced and looked down. The High Elf's voice took on a steadily colder edge as he continued, "So I'm not going to pretend that things are going to be the same. I'm not going to bother with the game where we all try to act like what happened didn't happen."
Calder opened his mouth to speak but the elf's hand shot up as he said, "Here's what's going to happen." His gaze snapped to Argis and the ice in his voice softened as he smiled. "Argis and I are leaving Hjerim and Windhelm in general."
"What!?" exclaimed Argis as he looked wide-eyed at the elf, "But the Imperials want us here."
Ardanthis shook his head dismissively and soothingly murmured, "There're enough Imperial soldiers here to maintain the peace. They don't need us anymore."
"Have you asked the Legate or General-" began the blonde Nord before Ardanthis shook his head once more.
"Their opinions are irrelevant to my plans," interrupted the elf with finality.
Argis gave an exasperated sigh and asked, "But what will be done with the house? You can't sell it without losing your title."
"That's where he comes in," said Ardanthis with a very reptilian smile towards Calder. The red haired Nord stared silently at the elf, who continued, "You have steadily become a larger and larger problem for me. As much as I would like to throw you out of this house and beat you within an inch of your life for what you've done, I don't want to deal with the shame and politics that come with that. So I have an alternative plan."
He leaned back in his chair and said, "Argis and I are going to leave and say we wish to see more of Skyrim, and we are going to leave you, Calder, here."
In one swift motion the elf leaned forward in his seat and glowered at Calder. He spat with biting cold, "But you are going to be on a very short leash. I will keep very close tabs on the state of Hjerim, and if I find you bringing any sort of disgrace to either myself or this household I will return here myself and slit your throat." Calder stared in mute hatred but managed a stiff nod in reply.
Argis looked between the man he loved and the man he once loved and bowed his head. "Where are we going? Back to Markarth?" he asked in a choked voice.
"No, Argis. I'm tired of stone, snow, and cold. I miss growing things and running water. I want to go to Falkreath and be near the lake," answered Ardanthis with a trace of excitement in his voice.
The Nord seemed resigned to the move and he asked, "Where will we live?"
"Falkreath has large tracts of land that the Jarl would be willing to sell, I'm sure. We will find a way to make it happen," answered the elf cheerfully. He hesitated for a moment before adding, "We're leaving today."
Stunned silence greeted that declaration.
Argis' face a mask of incredulity but he simply nodded. Ardanthis smile and handed a rolled scroll to Calder and said, "These are all of the things you will have to ensure you take care of." The elf's eyes were bright as he turned to his husband and said, "Come, Argis, let's pack. We don't have much here so it shouldn't take long."
The blonde Nord cast one last guilty look at Calder before following the Altmer up the stairs. Left alone with the dirty plates around him, Calder took that moment to bury his face in his hands as he knew with a final certainty that his love would leave him for the last time before the day was up.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
AN: I hope you all continue to read and enjoy this story despite the large gaps in between updates. Again, I am sorry.