The morning run has been the end of him and somehow he managed to be late for training because he took the wrong bus and Viktor was already gone as he had an hour ahead with Yakov. He opened the door breathing hitched and removed his backpack from his shoulders, heading towards the changing room but catching a glance of his fiancé on the ice. He was talking to another guy – someone he never saw before but who was very attractive, having blonde overgrown hair and a well-built body that contrasted the elegance of his gesture. Viktor was laughing at something the mysterious man said and he felt a strange pull inside his chest, one that made him hurry towards the changing room where he put his training clothes on.

Viktor was like a drug addict when it came to socializing with his fans but that man didn't seem an admirer, he was surely a skater or a friend if he was allowed to be there. Viktor looked so relaxed back there, he wondered if he ever made him be like that. Insecurity bloomed inside his mind, intending to ruin the good mood he still had left.

He felt his anxiety creeping and whispering to him that Viktor was getting tired of him, that he was finally going to grow tired of his bad days and his fears and he was finally going to realize he can have anyone. He was a god-like skater, he was a showbiz man loved by everyone so it was not hard to find a partner, especially with his looks and words. Yuuri was… simple, he was near mediocre, if not worse; or at least that was what he truly believed about himself. He heard Viktor's words whispered to him, he heard the "I love you" and it wasn't that he didn't believe them – he just knew it was temporary. He began to despair, the room spinning when the door opened and inside came Yuri Plisetsky.

"Oi, piggy! The geezer is looking for you" He almost shouted while using a towel to wipe the sweat off his neck. Only when he grabbed his water bottle to drink he saw the empty look on Yuuri's face. "The hell's wrong with you?"

"Hm?" Brown eyes widened. "Nothing, I'm off" He announced and stepped outside the room, feeling he was closely observed by the teen. He wanted to skate so he would relax a bit but he didn't want to see that man talking to Viktor.

"Yuu~ri!" The familiar voice startled him but not as much as the sight of the two men walking towards him, smiling brightly.

"Hey" he said in English staring at the new man that offered him a hand.

"Nice to meet you, Mihail Chiknaev" he presented himself and Yuuri came to the conclusion that he must have been a national skater.

"Katsuki Yuuri" It was useless to present himself because Mihail already heard a lot about him from the talk he had with Viktor.

"You're late" He explained he took the wrong bus and then excused himself and began to rehearse his routine, his legs somewhat sloppy. The Russian observed something was off with his fiancé but he decided not to pressure and let Yuuri figure things out by himself first – oblivious to the fact that it was the exact opposite of what his lover needed.

Yuuri skated his anxiety away or at least he tried to and when he got to the jumps he took just enough speed to start a good double axel. The problem was that his adrenaline could not cover for his wobbly feet and soon his whole body fell on the cold ice, his leg in unbearable pain. He didn't realize he had fallen with a loud yell, just how he hadn't realize what was going on until he felt a hand reaching for his cheek.

"Yuuri! Yuuri!" His name was sounding like an echo. "Look at me, solnyshko, look at me" A few more people appeared and he recognized one of the paramedics that grabbed his foot, making him wince when it was moved.

"My leg" he gasped and looked down, his vision getting blurry. It was only the beginning of the season but he didn't want to be unable to skate because that only made his anxiety worse. Also, he was scared it could be a major injury so he felt tears fogging his vision. "My leg" he repeated as he felt his body placed on a stretcher that was soon lifted. He would have cried if everything wouldn't have turned black.

The light was too strong; that was the first thing he saw once he opened his eyes. He looked around, confused and tried to rise in a sitting position but gave up when he felt the pain burning in his right leg. He was in a hospital room, obviously because a machine was beeping beside his bed and soon he saw something similar to a silver head coming closer. Where were his glasses again?

"Slava Bogu" he whispered and then wrapped his arms around the brunet's man body, as gently as possible. "Yuuri, dorogoy, you're okay" He was trying mostly to convince himself but the Japanese didn't stop him. "I was so worried"

"I am sorry" he whispered and felt guilt taking over. Because of his recklessness, Viktor has been worried, he even spent his time in the hospital beside him, cancelling his training.

"You shouldn't have started the jumps so soon!" Viktor said on a half-angry voice. He didn't want to go through anything like this anytime soon and he was going to make sure Yuuri was going to be more careful from now on. "You must listen to what I say, Yuuri! I'm your coach!"

He expected another apologize, he expected guilt but he did not expect the tears that ran down his fiancé's pale face and the heavy breathing that made his chest rise and fall dramatically. The machine that was recording his pulse made faster and pitcher noises that scared the Russian beyond words and he scooted closer, his mouth gaped in horror.

"Love, no" he winced and went closer to pull the other in another hug, holding him tightly at his chest and making him feel his equally fast-beating heart. "Shhhh, it's okay, solnyshko" he kissed the top of Yuuri's head. "I know you didn't want to scare me, I know"

"I-I'm s-sorry" Yuuri whimpered. "I'm h-horrible" His hands turned into fists grabbing Viktor's shirt desperately.

"You're not, baby" Was the reply that was accompanied by another soft kiss on his forehead. "I didn't mean to scare you" Yuuri gulped and a nurse came inside, spotting the scene shocked but not stepping back.

"Mr. Katsuki?" Viktor got back on his chair reluctantly but took the other skater's hand in his, holding it tightly as to assure him he was not going anywhere. "I see you're awake" She was speaking in English with a broken accent but she seemed nice. "The radiography of your leg came and it seems you have a sprain" He breathed out long, relieved by the information and also overwhelmed.

"Thank God" He heard Viktor whisper.

"You also have a concussion so you better avoid any activity that might result in another head injury" He nodded weakly and thanked her when she said he could be released in a few hours, after the doctor came to see him. His leg was already bandaged and it hurt like hell but more than that hurt his guilt.

If only there weren't his stupid thoughts.

He closed his eyes helplessly and let his body fall limp against his many pillows. He was trying not to fall into that darkness again but he didn't dare to look at Viktor, not that he had a choice because the lattest sat on the edge of the bed, blue eyes concerned.

"Yuuri" he tried but there was no answer beside wet and black lashes. "What's the matter, zoloste? You know you can tell me anything" Now it was Viktor's turn to get nervous. The Japanese shook his head, trying to calm his thoughts but gave up when his lover began caressing his now-sweaty hair.

"I-it's a bad day" he managed and was relieved when saw Viktor kept his mouth shut, continuing to gently caress his hair until he relaxed. He had to get used to his fiancé interacting with other people on a daily basis, after all, he couldn't keep him all for himself – he belonged to the world. It was still a tensioned atmosphere when the door was kicked opened and inside came Yurio, holding a white bag.

"I ran away from training" he said simply and went closer to Yuuri to put the bag in his lap. "I hope chicken soup is fine" Surprise was a small word compared to what the Japanese was feeling. He grabbed the bag with both hands and turned to the blond teen.

"Thank you" he gulped.

"Whatever" He sat on a chair and it took about 10 seconds to realize how weird the men were behaving. "What the hell's going on? Did you have a fight or some shit?"

"No" Viktor said but Yuri was already on his feet, tugging at the sleeves of his leopard-print hoodie.

"Fuck no – he's been like that even before training" He pointed towards the bedded man and Yuuri got upset with the fact that they were talking as if he wasn't there.

"Is it true?" The silver-haired man turned to him but he was lost at words. "Then why did you even think of jumps?" Yuri began to shout something in Russian and the room was so loud that a nurse came in and asked the both of them to wait outside and let the patient rest properly. He shouldn't have felt this way when he heard that but he felt relieved and grabbed his phone, deciding to talk to Phichit about it if he was free.

"Viktor is nuts about you" His Thai friend said, the ice rink visible behind him. Yuuri frowned. "You must talk to him, you can't keep avoiding him forever. There is nothing more wrong than lack of communication" He nodded, not liking what he heard but knowing it was true and said goodbye when the doctor came in to check on him.

"We will let you out in an hour, Mr. Katsuki but you must stay put for two weeks before coming to another check"

"Okay" He didn't want to think about it so he answered the questions he was asked and then called home only to find out Viktor already told them what was going on. He spoke with Mari for a while, until the nurse came to help him change in his previous clothes and helped him out where his fiancé was waiting with a concerned face.

"I called a cab" The Russian man said earning a fake smile and then helped him all the way down where the car was waiting. The road home was silent but Viktor never let go of his hand as he looked outside the window, admiring the lights and the people. Yurio left as soon as Yakov tracked him down but he decided he should thank him properly later for his care – under the hard surface, there sure was an emphatic, troubled child.

At home he was greeted by Makkachin who rushed over to lick his palm when he tried to pet her. Her small black eyes followed the hurt leg curiously but then she began to jump around enthusiastic at the sight of her owner.

"Easy with Yuuri, girl" Viktor admonished kindly and then helped the younger skater to the bedroom where he sat on the bed. "I'll go prepare something for dinner" He announced generally. By preparing he meant heating some leftovers from last night but he didn't have the chance because he was stopped by Yuuri calling his name. He turned around, brows furrowing.

"Who was that man?" That was the last thing he expected to be asked. His eyebrows shoot for the sky as he turned around to watch his fiancé confused.

"Mihail?" A nod. "He's a former skater, he used to train with Yakov when I was younger"

"He's handsome" Yuuri stared at his laced fingers on his lap and Viktor let out a surprised gasp, going closer. "And you seemed to get along well, I saw you talking"

"He was telling me how he never imaged I would be the marrying type." Viktor gulped. "Is that why you acted so strange even at the rink?" Yuuri nodded, avoiding the blue eyes searching him but had no choice once the Russian's fingers grabbed his chin gently, turning his face towards his. "Yuu~ri" he sang, in a lower tone than usual.

"I love you, Viktor but you can have anyone. You don't have to settle for me" The words were harder to say than he imagined.

"I didn't settle for you, I don't want anyone else but you" His panic grew once he understood Yuuri was doubting his feelings. "Der'mo! Why don't you believe me when I tell you I love you?"He began to pull on his bangs stressed until Yuuri grabbed his hand to stop him and he turned around with teary eyes. "I love you, Yuuri! I love you" he shouted and his lover withdrew his body, an alarmed expression on his features. "What can I do to prove it? Tell me!" he continued to shout, making Makkachin bark once at the obvious distress. Tears began to pour on his pale skin and he sniffed angrily at his weakness.

"Viktor" Yuuri whispered gently, trying to wipe away the tears. "I am sorry, I am not doubting you"

"Of course you do if you think I would just run with anyone who is interested in me." He rubbed his eyes viciously, making them red and swollen. Yuuri had to grab both his hands in order to stop him.

"Put yourself in my shoes for once; I looked up to you since I was… 11, Viktor, this seems surreal to me. That someone like you would be interested…"He wasn't given the chance to finish.

"Stop, I don't want to hear you calling yourself bad names. I won't allow anyone to talk bad about you and that includes yourself" The tone was vehement. "Stop idolizing me, I'm not that perfect prince of ice you think I am, Yuuri! I am flawed, just like anyone else" Oh he knew that but even his flaws looked perfect in his eyes.

"I'll try to control myself" he muttered before wrapping his arms around the taller man's chest, burying his face in the crook of his neck. "I'm sorry for worrying you" A reluctant hand began to trace his black strands of hair gently as a deep sigh made his chest drop suddenly.

"I'm just glad it was nothing severe" He pressed a kiss to the other's forehead. "Do you want me to run you a bath?"

"Please" He did that and after Yuuri chose a pink bath bomb he helped him to the bathroom before returning to the livingroom where he sat on the couch, urging Makkachin to join him and sit next to him so he could pet her head.

"I missed you too" He whispered with a gentle smile while rubbing the soft fur of his poodle. "Who's my good girl?" Makka barked, making his smile widen. "Yes, you are" He pressed a kiss on top of her head and touched her nose affectionately.

He grabbed his phone and watched the routines he had planned again and again, trying to figure out a way of modifying them and still get enough points. He was deep in thought when he heard his name and he got up, leaving behind the now-sleeping dog and going to see Yuuri on the edge of the bathtub, completely dressed.

"I kind of need help to get to the bedroom" He said, his skin flushed from the hot water he's been soaking in. Once he was in bed he grabbed his laptop and began to search the internet while Viktor was having his shower. He face-timed his parents to tell them he was fine and they shouldn't worry but he hung up once Viktor came in his night wear. Unlike Yuuri who was a night owl, Viktor went to sleep pretty early. But today he didn't feel like going to sleep already so he grabbed a book instead and settled on his side of bed, burying his back in the softness of his pillows.

Yuuri just turned towards him and looked at him through heavy lids. He was tired but he didn't want to sleep just yet so he kept marveling over the beauty of his fiancé : the high cheekbones, the pale skin that was moisturized every morning and night, the softness of his pink lips. Yuuri found himself licking his bottom lip at the sight but didn't say anything. Viktor's brows were slightly furrowed in concentration and his silver lashes seemed even longer as the light casted their shadow across his cheeks.

"I'm still mad" he mumbled after a while, feeling he was stared at.

"I know" Yuuri whispered with the tiniest smile. He remembered something similar back when he told him he wanted to end things between them. He didn't want anything, he just kept staring. Viktor sighed and closed the book, putting it on his nightstand and opened his arms.

"Come here" Once Yuuri's body melted against his, he rested his chin on top of the other's head, appreciating the warmth of his skin. They stood in silence for a while, concentrating on simply being.

"I am sorry" It was useless to keep apologizing but he truly couldn't control his thoughts when he was anxious.

"I know, hush" Viktor sighed. He exhaled loudly and then pulled back, slightly amused by the confused expression on Yuuri's face. "Let's talk about our past relationships" He knew why he was doing this but his fiancé was not sure that was a good idea so he frowned.

"I am not sure about that"

"I want to know" The Russian whispered and Yuuri got in a sitting position, putting the pillows behind him and resting on them so they were at the same level. Normally, he would have dodged the request because they were not necessarily nice memories, they were things he wanted to push in the back of his head but he couldn't keep Viktor in the dark. "So tell me"

"My first crush was Yuuko" His cheeks heated under Viktor's gleaming eyes. "I never confessed so nothing happened. In high school, there was a girl who liked me but she was teased for that so she gave up"

Viktor's eyes widened.

"Why teased?" Yuuri chuckled darkly.

"Because I had always been… mediocre. And shy and easily embarrassed" Viktor frowned, remembering the days when he's been bullied because he was too girly and because he was gay. "Nevermind" Yuuri continued a little flustered. "In Detroit I made out with Phichit, I dated Ellen who was working in my favorite restaurant. She was positive and fun but she was also getting bored pretty easily so it was hard to keep up with her. She wanted to always go out and do different stuff and I was… well, you know how I am. It's hard to get out of my comfort zone." Viktor nodded. "She got tired of me so we broke up"

"She told you she got tired of you?" Yuuri gulped.

"She told me it's tiring to always have to convince me to overcome my fears, to wait for me to be ready" His dark eyes looked at his own hands sadly, like he was lost in his own memories so the silver haired man leaned his head so he could kiss his temple.

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be" He licked his lips and decided to continue. "I was at a party organized by the owner of my home rink and everyone using it was there. I was getting pretty bored and Phichit was talking to Ciao Ciao so I decided I should drink something. I was pouring some punch in my glass when Matt approached me" Viktor tensed, he didn't like the idea of another man around his Yuuri. "He was a hockey player"

"Hm"

"And he wanted my cell number, he was not necessarily that beautiful but I decided to give him a try so we went out a few times. He always said that figure skating is girly and" Yuuri chuckled. "He was annoyed whenever I was talking about you." Viktor grinned and this time leaned to peck his lover's lips, satisfied with hearing that. "So one night we met at his place and he tried to get me undress so when I refused him and told him I was not ready he exploded and admitted it was only a bet he made with his friends – that he could get me to sleep with him easily. And he said he could never be attracted to someone like me, who is so boring and obsessed with a dumb skater he had never met."

"Oh, solnyshko" Viktor's voice was filled with regret when he pulled his lover in a tight hug.

"I slapped him" Yuuri said and the Russian's mouth gaped when he broke the contact.

"What?"

"I slapped him and told him he was an asshole and that you were twice the man he could ever be" The chuckles that followed were adorable but they didn't cover the shock on the older skater's face. "I cried my eyes out that night but that's something else"

"I would have paid good money to see his face"

"Too bad Phichit wasn't there, otherwise we would have a picture" They both laughed and Viktor was thankful the mood got lighter because he felt bad for making Yuuri remember. "And then came the grand Viktor Nikiforov, five time gold GPF winner"

"And soon-to-be husband" He nuzzled the brunet's ear lovingly, enjoying the way they turned red because of his words. "One gold medal it's all you need to turn me into Viktor Katsuki-Nikiforov" The red deepened and the man chuckled at the reaction. Yuuri groaned embarrassed and hid his face in Viktor's broad chest, his arms wrapping around him. "You're so cute, Yuu~ri"

"Shuddup" The Japanese's voice was muffled by the shirt but the words still made the other laugh. It took a minute for him to calm down and look up at the older man. "It's your turn" Viktor nodded and rested his back on the end of the bed that was made of wood, taking Yuuri, who was laying on him, along. He smiled at the curious face and pursed his lips, wondering with whom he should start.

"So you already know about Maurice, we lost contact that summer so it lasted for a couple of months. I was very concentrated on skating so I haven't really began dating until my late teen years when the hormones began raging and I met Ivan who was in the theatre club. We actually met on a public ice-rink when I accidently bumped into him and made him fall; I was feeling guilty so decided I should take him somewhere to make him feel better so we went for a coffee. We were both 16 and when he began playing with my hair I knew he was like me. He kept telling me I was pretty and that he wanted to kiss me so by the end of the night we made out." Viktor chuckled, his fingers beginning to play with the unruly black hair in front of him. "I tend to hasten when it comes to my feelings and I was very lonely when I was not with him or skating so I never said no to him." He gulped. "He was my first"

Yuuri's eyes widened – Viktor's been having sex ever since he was 16 and there he was, a 23 years old virgin. So why was the blue-eyed man looking so sad?

"Let's say it was not necessarily a magical experience" He chuckled. "We were too young and we had no idea what to do" He cleared his throat. "Anyway; He broke up with me soon after that and I realized that's the only thing he wanted from me"

"That's horrible" Yuuri whispered and kissed the pale throat presented to him. "I'm sorry"

"It's okay, it was my fault for being so blind"

"You were only a child, Viktor" The younger one argued but realized it was futile by the look on Viktor's face. A small pause followed before a fake smile spread across the Russian's lips and the continuation.

"At 18 I met Andrei" His eyes became empty when he grimaced. "He was a piece of art." He gulped. "There were people bullying me at that time because a photo of me kissing another skater was released by the press" Yuuri could remember that, he remembered how hyped everyone was by the news. "Someone even tried to cut my hair on the street. Anyway, he was a curling player and he was using the same rink as me. He was training right after me so he sometimes watched me skating because I tended to work overtime so I could improve my jumps so one day he saw me do a quad jump and stopped me so we could talk. He asked me if I wanted to go have drinks later and I accepted because he was very beautiful; the thing about Andrei is that he always had his words at him and he made me feel adored. Chris was my only friend back then and he was training in another country so I was lonely and was also shook by the way everyone in Russia was reacting to the fact that I was gay. It all went well until one night when I was late – we were supposed to meet at his place – and he hit me. He told me he loved me and if I loved him too I was going to do what he told me so I stupidly did" He spoke the words through gritted teeth and Yuuri tightened his grip on his shirt, acknowledging him he was not alone. "It went on for a year, until I came home to Yakov with a black eye and he told me he was not going to coach me anymore if I kept dating this boy" Yuuri shivered at the thought of a young Viktor abused by another man. His eyes began to glisten unconsciously and when the older skater saw them he panicked. "Don't cry, zoloste, it's all in the past"

"How could someone hit you? Why did you let him?" Yuuri's voice was filled with anger.

"I really thought he love me, he was really nice when he wasn't angry"

"Viktor!" Yuuri shouted, getting up, wincing at the pain in his leg. "No one in this world is good enough for you to let him hurt you like this. Love is not like that" He was crying out of frustration now and Viktor smiled.

"I know that now, solnyshko. But back then I had no idea" He pulled Yuuri back and kissed his now-soft lips because of the crying. "Yakov took care of him" The Russian coach was already scary on a daily basis, he couldn't imagine how he was when he was angry. "I never saw him again after that night. I was reluctant after him when it came to relationships, I only had short affairs, nothing serious until David. I was 24 and just won my second gold. We met at the banquet and he was a fan and an organizer but he didn't last because he treated me like an award – he only wanted to brag about me and present me to everyone he knew. I figured out he was more interested in me when we were around others and less when we were alone. By 24 I was already sure of my sexuality and I learnt to defend myself and not let anyone make a fool out of me so I broke up with him."

He could remember the face David made when he broke it off – he looked almost offended, like he had no right to do this to him but it was already too late. At that point in his life he decided it was better to be alone than with someone who made him unhappy.

"And the last one – Gabriel. He was training at the same rink as Chris and he introduced him to me. They were friends so he knew he was into men but he had no idea just how far in the closet he was. It hurt me to know he was ashamed of going out with me but people knew I was gay so as soon as the press assumed we were together he broke it off. Chris told me he's going to marry soon – a woman." Viktor chuckled humorless. "Isn't that funny?" He rose his hand and looked at the golden ring on his finger.

"It's sad" Yuuri said. "Condemning yourself to an unhappy life" Viktor smiled down at him and kissed his forehead gently.

"That's all that's worth mentioning" He pouted and the younger man sighed, resting his head against the other's toned chest, soothed by the heartbeat against his ear.

"I think I am happy with being inexperienced" he muttered and Viktor chuckled. He couldn't imagine how he would have reacted to any of those types of relationships, they would have probably broken him for good. He was surprised by Viktor's openness in their relationship, he was surprised he could still trust and love him with all his heart. "You're very brave, Viktor" he gulped. "I am not sure I could have opened my heart again"

"You're different" Viktor whispered lovingly. "I wanted to tell you these so you could understand why I don't want anyone else but you. You're the only one who ever knew how to love me, Yuuri" His fingers traced patterns on the other man's back while he spoke and was surprised when the mattress moved and he saw his lover straddling him. Brown eyes bore his soul, a determined expression on Yuuri's features.

"I'll win gold, Viktor" he said loudly. "And I'll love you forever" At the words, Viktor's face turned into a pink mess and he covered his mouth with a hand, trying not to faint. "I want to grow old with you"

Arms sneaked around his body and his chest crushed against the other's, his lips slowly swelling because of the rough kisses pressed against them. He moaned lowly when they finally stopped and they smiled against each other contently.

"I can't wait" Viktor muttered and pressed another peck on his lover's lips. "I love you, solnyshko" He said, enjoying the way Yuuri curled comfortably on top of him.

A/N: Thank you very much for the lovely reviews - I live for theeeeeem! x