"Psst!"

"Nnng…?" Chris mumbled. Was that the rain? He listened again. It was raining heavily in the night outside, pattering on the windows. He felt so dizzy… the alcohol…

"Psst! Hey."

"…Ivy?" Chris gazed around blearily in the darkness, but he could hardly see a thing. He felt the warm weight on his chest, though.

"Wake up, sleepy." Ivy whispered.

"Ivy, what's up? Why are you, um-"

"Shh…" she murmured, gently placing a finger on his lips. "Not a word."

She slid forward, leaning in slowly and pressing their lips together. Chris lay there, paralysed with surprise. Was this a dream?

Ivy's hands caressed his hair and neck, running their way downwards towards his chest. She pressed herself harder against him, and for the briefest moment he almost found himself kissing back, raising his arms as if to embrace her.

Instead, he gently gripped her by the shoulders and held her away.

"Wait - Ivy, what are you doing?" he whispered.

"Isn't it obvious?" Ivy whispered back, sitting up and stroking his arms. "Don't you want to?"

"Ivy, I don't understand." he said. He still wasn't sure if he was awake. "Why?"

"Does there need to be a reason?" Ivy replied, the slightest hint of frustration in her voice. She wriggled out of his hands and knelt over him, ringlets of her hair brushing his face as she leant in again. "Just kiss me."

Chris turned his head away, confused. "I don't understand," he repeated. "Are you doing that thing with your processors again?"

"Aw, how sweet of you. No, I'm perfectly sober," Ivy said softly, playfully chasing his mouth with little kisses. "Now come on, you idiot. Let's have some fun."

Chris pushed her away and sat up on his elbows.

"Titch?" he said loudly.

Ivy growled, clenching her fists. "Oh… you-! Why did you have to pick the middle of the night to be smart?"

"What the fuck, Titch is that you?!" Chris gasped. "Oh my god… ohhh no. Titch, what have you done?"

"Come oooon," Ivy whined, pouting. All of a sudden the table lamp came on at a low setting, throwing the room into dim relief. Chris watched as Ivy began to pull off her top, smiling seductively as she lifted it over her head. "Forget about that. Forget about everything else. Let's play. Just you and me."

"Titch, stop. Please? Oh god, please, please stop."

"Why?" she countered, giggling as she pulled the top free. "It's just a little fun. That's what you like about Ivy, right? Isn't that why she's so enticing to you? You knew she could do what we're going to do next, after all…"

"What? No, what are you talking about?"

"Liar," she smiled, "You remember the clothes she arrived in. It was obvious, wasn't it? No? Well if you really don't know, then let me show you." she leant over him again, pressing her hands authoritatively on his shoulders to lay him back down, and Chris reacted immediately.

"Titch, I'm telling you: Stop. Right. Now!" Chris said, wriggling out from underneath her and leaping off the sofa. He backed away across the room, staring at her with wide, disbelieving eyes. He scanned around the room for Titch's body, but it was nowhere to be found.

Ivy…Titch… threw the top at him, and it fell at his feet. "Stop why?" she demanded heatedly. "You would if was really her, wouldn't you? I can tell! You were totally into it!"

"I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe it. You have no idea what you're doing to my head right now. Holy shit." Chris ran his hands through his hair, gripping his head and screwing his eyes tightly shut as if it would make the room go away. Maybe it was a dream - a bad one. Please let it be one of those…

"Why do you look so horrified? I'm only borrowing it!" Titch pointed to the body she controlled. She sounded hurt, now. "You were fine when you thought I was Ivy, so what's the big deal?"

Chris opened his eyes. Nope, still here. "No, I wasn't! The big deal is - shit, where do I even start?! I don't know, let's start with whether Ivy gave you permission to do this!" Titch said nothing, so he continued, "Right. Right. Yeah, ok, that's all kinds of fucked up right there. You couldn't just talk to me about this? You had to go straight to crazy?"

"I'm not crazy!" Titch said venomously, emphasising every word, "You and that bloody persocom were all over each other yesterday. I can't stand it. I can't! And you can't call me crazy when you two were going zero-to-sixty in a single afternoon, right in front of my face! What was I supposed to do?"

Chris swayed a little on his feet; he was still groggy from the alcohol. "Do? Anything but this! How you could possibly think this would ever be a good idea? Titch, this is insane." he said, bewildered.

"You're serious, aren't you?" Titch threw back Ivy's head and laughed. "Wow. This is insane? What's insane is I don't even register as a blip on your radar but the moment a full-sized persocom bats her eyelids at you, you go all weird like you can't handle how human she seems - and the worst part is it's so bloody obvious you want to." she was getting angry now, and raising her voice.

"So it isn't fair I'm not like that around you, is that it?" Chris said, raising his voice in turn. Titch clapped sarcastically.

"Well done. Yes, it isn't fair! I'm the one who lived with you these past years! I'm the one who knows you! Me! But when she arrives, it's all about her! I thought it was bad before, just getting you to interact without looking at me like I'm broken, just to make some kind of fucking connection, but it was so much worse from the moment you opened that box. It's so clear to me now, as well! You treat her differently. You look at her differently. You take her more seriously! I'm just Titch the tiny persocom but her? She's your Ivy. Oh so different! Months of time together since the Event and I'm just a misbehaving, malfunctioning robot… But you don't know her even two days and she's sleeping in your fucking bed, Chris. What the fuck is up with that?!"

"Oh, so what, now you want into my bed as well, do you?" Chris shouted.

"Why not?!" Titch yelled back, throwing Ivy's arms wide. "Look! Look at me! We could be in bed right now! What's to stop us?"

"Jesus christ. Listen to yourself! Titch, this is a scary level of irrationality. I thought there might be some kind of awful, twisted justification for this, but you're just... what, jealous? That's even worse!"

"Well maybe sapience involves irrationality! You humans seem to be good enough at it!" Titch began to sob. "Maybe that's what it means to have feelings! How the fuck should I know, I'm just a p-persocom right?"

"Don't give me that crap! If that were true, by your logic Ivy would be irrational too, but she isn't. Everything she does is perfectly rational to her - even that… that bed thing!" Chris argued back, unsteadily. His head was starting to hurt.

"Of c-course she isn't irrational. I c-configured her didn't I! She's s-still a stock persocom, she isn't-"

"Sapient? That's what you were going to say, right? I see. Ivy is just a machine, but you? You're the special one."

Titch tried to correct him, but he interrupted her. "No, I meant-…"

"Admit it! You're unbelievable. After you gave me all that shit before, as well. You said it couldn't be both ways. Now all of a sudden you're trying to tell me I should draw the line at whether or not the persocom in question is you!" Chris shouted.

"B-But, the virus-"

"Fuck the virus! Other than your batshit-crazy behaviour, I've seen little difference between the two of you! I promised to take you both seriously! But guess what, Titch: this is too much. You want my serious assessment of this? It's psychotic! I'd never dream you were capable of something like this. You know what? Maybe there really is something wrong with you. Maybe you are broken!"

Titch gasped through Ivy's body, her expression a mix of anger and betrayal.

"Could you not humour me... Just this once? You couldn't do me that favour? So I could at least pretend you gave a shit?" she asked bitterly, her voice trembling on the limits of self-control.

Chris refused to play this game. If she stopped this nonsense, then they could talk like bloody adults. Maybe. Assuming he could stand to even look at her.

"Humour this? How could I ever humour this? Are you fucking kidding me? It's disgusting. You're disgusting. Let Ivy go, now." He demanded.

Titch looked like he had slapped her in the face. She shook Ivy's head, as if to ward away his words, but they sank too deeply, and her face crumpled in anguish. "Fine! Come and get her!" she screamed, leaping off the sofa and running into the hallway, heading for the stairs. It surprised Chris so much he took a moment to give chase, and when he did it was because he was terrified of what she might do.

"TITCH! DON'T! Oof!" Chris lost his balance and crashed into the bottom of the staircase. He could hardly see a fucking thing - Titch hadn't turned on the lights! He cursed the alcohol and leapt up the remaining stairs as Titch slammed the bedroom door. Clearing the landing in three long strides, he burst into the bedroom only to hear her slam and lock the door to the en-suite.

"TITCH!" he shouted, striding across the room and rattling the door handle. He heard her opening the window, the noise of the storm increasing. He tried frantically to twist the lock open from the outside, but couldn't get a purchase on the smooth metal nut, and in a panic he threw his body at the door, ignoring the pain he still felt from the other day. Powerfully sharp sensations lanced through his shoulder as he hit the door again and the frame splintered. One more time, as the doorframe broke inwards. He stumbled into the bathroom, finding her trying to climb out of the window into the black void beyond. The rain waited for her there, its downpour loud and threatening, thick droplets blowing through the opening. Leaning forward, she prepared to fall.

Chris hurled himself at Ivy's body, throwing his arms around her and dragging her off the windowsill at the last second. She struggled furiously, but he held her tight, stumbling and bringing them crashing to the floor. His mind raged at him, furiously demanding that he shout and scream at her for what she had done, for what she was about to do, but he willed himself with all his might to lay there and wait.

Titch kept trying to free herself, pulling at his hands and fingers, pushing and scrabbling at the floor. When it became clear she was immobilised by his arms, she whimpered, making pathetic attempts to kiss him again, but he held his head away and she was powerless to do anything. Finally sensing defeat she relaxed, sinking into his arms as she began to cry in earnest; it was a keening, pitiful sound.

"I... h-hate you..." she sobbed quietly.

"That's enough, now. I just want you to stop. That's all. Just stop." Chris said with forced calm, holding her still. For the first time that night, she seemed to listen. Wrapped in his firm embrace, she buried her head in his chest, savouring his touch. "W-Why couldn't it be like this?" she whispered.

They lay there together in silence for several long seconds, accompanied by the sound of the pouring rain, before Chris felt Ivy's body fall limp.

"Titch? Titch!" Chris said, shaking her gently. "Titch, can you hear me?"

The persocom slowly opened her eyes, looking up at him. "Mmnnn…"

"Ivy! Are you ok?"

She stirred as she regained control of her faculties, and quickly began to struggle. "Let go of me. Let go!" he let her go at once and she scrambled away from him, huddling a short distance away. Raindrops dripped from the ends of her hair, pooling around her legs.

"Ivy, Titch -"

"I know." She said, hugging herself as she sat on the floor. "I saw everything." Her eyes were wide open in dismay, and she shied away from him, not making eye contact.

Chris heard a little bell tinkle its way along the corridor downstairs, and he leapt to his feet. Of course; a wireless link... but how had she initiated it?

"I'm so sorry. I'll be back soon." he said, running out of the room as Ivy nodded quietly.

"Titch! Titch!" Chris shouted angrily, jumping clumsily down the stairs. She'd headed for the kitchen, and he knew where she was going next. "You stay where you are! Don't you dare!"

Chris slipped on the third-lowest stair, sliding down the rest to hit the ground with a pained grunt, but he immediately got to his feet and hurried after her. She had already disappeared through the old cat-flap in the back door, vanishing into the storm. He flicked on the lights and ripped open one of the kitchen draws, scrabbling for the door key. Using it to unlock and pull open the back door, he followed her outside.

The back garden was practically invisible at this time of night, but he scanned it with his eyes anyway, desperately searching for Titch. What was she playing at, now? Was she running away? Was she getting further from him every second? He called for her for some minutes, peering worriedly into the bushes and foliage, but the pounding of rain on wet leaves and grass was all he could hear in reply, and he couldn't keep the water from his eyes. Drenched and defeated and still concerned for Ivy, he was eventually forced to go back inside the house.

Ivy was waiting for him in the kitchen, holding a towel. She was dressed again and blushing intensely, her hair still slick and jeans damp from her time in the open window.

"Did you find her?" she asked, a strange edge to her voice. She still wouldn't look at him.

"No… are you okay?"

She didn't reply.

"I'm so sorry, Ivy." he said, trying to think of something comforting. "Look... You need to know that none of this is your fault."

Ivy handed him the towel wordlessly and walked briskly away.

"Ivy? Wait a second. Ivy!"

There was no response. Chris heard the door to the lounge close quietly. He growled in frustration as he towelled himself off, a thumping ache blooming inside his head. Titch was out there somewhere in the pouring rain, doing who-knows-what in her current state. Ivy was apparently extremely upset with him and/or Titch, if not traumatised, and he himself felt worried, ashamed and furious all at the same time. That was way too many emotions to feel at once! A normal bloody week is all he'd wanted, not ten thick layers of bullshit. This was fucking ridiculous.

There was nothing he could do to find Titch in this weather, and he thought it best not to pester Ivy. It was clear she really didn't want to be around him right then, and come to think of it, he couldn't really countenance being in the same room as her, either. Besides, tomorrow was a work day, and he needed rest. Wearily, he walked upstairs and flopped into bed to attempt to salvage some sleep.