When she stood to retire for the evening, the others did their best to pretend as though nothing had changed, but she could see the way they all looked at her. This was not a humiliation to be forgotten in a day. Kitty had a sudden vision of the days stretching before her until they turned into months, always enduring the awkward half-sympathy, half-accusation of her companions, and it nearly caused her to lose her breath. It did not help anything that as she left, her father rose and followed her out. No good could come of this.
Mr. Bennet walked down the hall behind her until they were quite out of earshot of the drawing room, and pulled her aside. "I hope the events of this morning have impressed you with the severity of your actions," he said, his face shadowed in the dimly-lit passage. "Your behavior is going to lead you to worse infamy than your sister, if you cannot conduct yourself with more propriety."
If only she had more courage, perhaps she could have managed better than her weak response."I did not know he was married. How could I?"
"Whether or not a man is married should not be the deciding factor in how your behavior to him is judged! You must learn to control yourself. What gentleman would want a wife who can't keep her behavior in check around other men?" He sighed heavily and rubbed his hand over his face. "I do not know what to do with you, child, but it is clear to me that you cannot be left to your own devices or you will end in ruin."
Dread pooled in Kitty's stomach. Suddenly, taking her back to Longbourn seemed as though it might be the kindest choice he would consider. What if he thought her so irredeemable that he sent her to live in some quiet country house for the rest of her life, with only some poor, worn-out governess for a companion? She would die of boredom and loneliness! "Papa…"
"Don't interrupt me, Catherine. Lord knows I hate doing this." Another sigh, and Kitty suddenly realized how very old her father looked these days. "From this point forward, until I have satisfied myself on what to do with you, you cannot be left unattended. You are not to leave the house unless Elizabeth or I accompany you. You may not be in company with any gentleman, nor that abominable Miss Pratt, unless you are attentively chaperoned."
Indignation welled up in Kitty. She might deserve some kind of reprimand, but Amy had done nothing wrong to warrant that level of censure. "Miss Pratt—"
He waved her words away. "I know she is the one who put you up to all of this. You are far too apt to take the advice of any young woman who promises you ten seconds of amusement, and you are certain to be amused by only the worst kind of behavior. I suffered you to take far too many liberties when you were under Lydia's influence, but I cannot allow it any more. I ought not to have allowed it then, and I might have saved your sister—that, however, is beside the point."
Kitty thought of Georgiana's history, so recently related to her. She wondered, for the first time, what her father knew of Mr. Wickham's character that she had always been ignorant of.
"You may walk in the garden immediately outside—I expect you to be visible from one of the windows in a public room at all times." He glanced toward the window across the hall from them, which showed little in the dark.
"What of Miss Darcy? I promised her I would go to return the basket of mending we finished."
He hesitated, but shook his head. "You will have to convey your regrets and send the work with her."
"That is unfair! There can be no possible complaint against my doing charity work. What if Elizabeth came with us?"
"Mrs. Darcy has responsibilities of her own and cannot be expected to abandon them to go traipsing about the country with you. I am asking too much of her simply by requesting her help in supervising you while you are in the house. You shouldn't need it, and she shouldn't be burdened with it."
Anger, resentment, and frustration at the excess and irrationality of this punishment welled up within Kitty to the point that she could hardly see. Of course she knew that crying would only lower his opinion of her further. But it was a battle to keep the tears at bay. To distract herself, she said, "I know I did not behave toward Mr. Johns the way Jane or Lizzy would have done," she said. "I should have been more circumspect in my interest in him. But I do not believe that it was wrong to be interested in him, given the circumstances, and what I knew of him." Then, boldly, "Besides, Miss Pratt encouraged me to do much more than I did, and I refused. I am not wholly without a sense of propriety!"
"That you admit that she encouraged you to behave worse than you did is enough to persuade me that I have done rightly. However, as I will be in company with you regardless, I will be observing you closely. If you can demonstrate consistent good sense, I will think about loosening my rules."
This gave Kitty a small measure of hope, and the burning behind her eyes diminished a little. With Georgiana's help, she was certain that she could demonstrate as much good sense as her father required of her. "What would you have me do? I will begin immediately."
"I would have you show me that you are possessed of some good sense, as I said."
"But what does that look like? What must I do? How must I behave?" If he could only give her a direction, she could follow it—could do anything he required.
He shook his head. "If you must ask me, then you clearly do not have the sense you need. When you can show me that you not only know how to behave, but can behave that way, I will grant you more freedom."
Not even remotely satisfied, Kitty cast about desperately for some other argument to make. Her father, however, did not seem inclined to allow her to gather her thoughts, and gestured to the hallway before them. "Shall we? It is time I escorted you to your room."
This was the beginning of a very humiliating practice, as Kitty saw clearly. She followed him down the hallway in stony silence, wondering how things could possible get any worse.
The next morning was torment, being escorted everywhere by her scowling father. Kitty did not know where to look when he escorted her to the music room, where Miss Pratt and Miss Darcy were practicing together, and her relief was immense when Elizabeth entered the room shortly after. She nodded to Mr. Bennet, who took the cue to depart. Somehow, it did not seem quite so bad to be under Elizabeth's eye She was not even too humiliated when Lizzy came over to her with a sympathetic look, and sat close enough so that only Kitty would be able to hear her.
"How are you doing this morning, Kitty?"
Kitty shrugged. How well could she reasonably be expected to be doing? But her main concern was lifting her father's punishment, not dwelling on Mr. Johns and his …his wife. In that, Lizzy might be of some help. "I'm very sorry that Papa has decided to be so unreasonable, and that he's dragged you into it. Could you not convince him to be more realistic? I am sure this is unnecessary." She gestured to Lizzy and the door through which their father had left.
"Perhaps it is," Elizabeth said. She glanced at the door and sighed. "You must know that he his not doing this just to be cruel, Kitty. He wants to protect you."
"Does he indeed? I find that difficult to believe! When has he ever been anything but cruel? He has always belittled me, my whole life. He's always thought that I am stupid and ignorant, you know he has. He's said it often enough. And he is forever making fun of me, and I never know how to answer him. It's all well enough for you. You've always known how to respond, and he's always liked you. He never cared a fig for me."
"Oh, Kitty." Elizabeth put her hand on Kitty's shoulder. She started to say something several times, but she ended up just shaking her head.
"You see," Kitty said. "You know I'm right."
"I suppose. But consider: what have you ever shown him of good sense? Your history has not been such as would encourage him to revise his opinion of you. And you have always been too close to Lydia, and too willing to follow her into trouble. He is only trying to avoid you falling into the hands of another Mr. Wickham."
"And he is so certain that I will! Does he think I've learned nothing from her?" Too late, she realized that her voice was too loud, and Miss Pratt and Miss Darcy had stopped practicing to look at her, and each other. Miss Darcy at least had the decency to blush and put her hands back to her music. Kitty let out a shaky breath and lowered her voice. "If he would only take the time to know me, he would see that I have learned, from Lydia and my own experiences. I am not as stupid as he thinks."
"I know, Kitty. But you must show him, by how you behave. Nothing in your behavior this far has demonstrated much improvement—you still flirt too readily and put yourself forward to men who aren't worthy of you. And this business with Mr. Johns has frightened him. You must admit, it looks very bad."
"But I did not know he was married! And neither did anyone else."
"True, but think of what might have happened had it escalated any farther! The scandal you would have brought would be beyond even what Lydia did, if he'd gotten his way."
"His way?"
Elizabeth frowned. "Kitty… you must have seen that his design was to… to compromise you, and abandon you. He was only trying to see how far he could take matters before you objected, or were caught."
Kitty had not thought at all of what his motivations might have been, apart from, probably, to forget that he had married such a miserable creature. But there had to be a better explanation than that. He hadn't really wanted to compromise her, had he? He'd never tried to do anything. It was only a lot of talk.
When Kitty didn't answer, Elizabeth continued. "This was a very strange case, I will admit. There is probably little chance that it will ever happen again, but it still frightened Papa. You must understand: he is trying to protect you."
"Well, he's chosen a terrible method." She stood up. "I'm sorry, Lizzy. I need a walk." Before her sister could stand up to join her, she added, "Alone, please. Papa has still permitted me that, if I stay in sight."
Wisely, Elizabeth said nothing as Kitty walked out.
Kitty stormed out of the house and into the gardens at the south side. Setting out on a likely-looking path, she set a fast pace toward the one place she wanted to go: away. She glared at the sunshine and the beautiful gardens around her as though they had personally offended her, and wished that the day was more suited to her mood.
The more she thought of it, the worse it seemed. How was she supposed to prove her good sense, anyway, if she was never allowed an opportunity to exercise any sense at all?
Angry, frustrated, and feeling tears tightening the back of her throat, Kitty stalked over to a nearby tree and flopped down onto the ground beneath it.
"It is all too unfair!" she moaned. A bird in the tree above her looked down and squawked. Kitty scowled at it. "What do you want? Do you mean to add to my misery and berate me too? Is there nowhere I may go for some peace?"
The bird squawked again and flew away, leaving Kitty somehow more miserable than before. Even the birds had no use for her! Oh, she knew she'd scared it off, and that only made it worse. It was supposed to see that she was suffering and stay by her, support her. "Stupid bird," she said under her breath. "It's hardly my fault that the only way I can get some peace is by hiding out here."
She crossed her arms over her chest and indulged in a good sulk. What on earth was she going to do now?
"Why, Miss Bennet, what brings you out here?"
Kitty scrambled to her feet and turned to face the approaching visitor, her surprise and vague sense of shame making her clumsy. "Mr. Knott?"
He smiled broadly and bowed. "Forgive me; I did not mean to startle you. I thought you had seen me coming."
"I… I'm afraid that I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I did not see anything," she said, not very smoothly. She realized she had not returned his bow and dropped a hasty curtsy. She couldn't meet his eyes.
"In that case, perhaps I should leave you to your thoughts; unless you would rather not spend any more time with them. You had a rather stormy expression on your face." He was still smiling, a little, but his voice was all compassion and concern. Kitty stared at the ground near his feet. She didn't quite know what to say. When it became clear that she was not going to respond, he continued, "Or, perhaps you might like to share some of those thoughts with me. I am to be a clergyman after all; I ought to be good at helping people with their problems."
"I very much doubt that you will be able to help me," Kitty said with a brief frown.
"Well, we can't know that until we try, can we? Come, walk with me for a spell and tell me what's troubling you." He gestured to his side and held out his arm. Kitty hesitated. He would not be able to help her, but he might at least be able to sympathize with her. It would be nice to have an ally.
"Very well." She took his arm and followed when he led her back in the direction she thought she'd come.
"Now, Miss Bennet," he said, "is it Mr. Johns?"
"No," she said, and stopped herself so abruptly she nearly stopped walking. He was going to think her a stupid fool and she should not have agreed to speak with him.
"Ah." A pause. Then, he said, "Actually, I don't believe I fully understand. You seemed very upset by him yesterday. And you had every reason to be so."
Kitty bit the inside of her lip. "I am upset with him. But I am more upset with my father; he has refused to allow me out of the house, and what grounds are immediately visible from the house. He believes that it was my fault, and my behavior, which has brought this on."
His ears started to redden."Mr. Johns deceived you; that is not your fault. It does not seem to me that your father understand what took place there."
"Yes, and the worst of it is, everything I do seems to solidify his resolve to keep me locked up forever. I do not understand why he should be unfair. I have been out in society for some years now, and there has never been a problem with it before this. But ever since Lydia made such a mess, he blamed it all on me and whatever I do makes things worse."
"That is quite a dilemma," he said. He turned them toward a nearby lake. "What have you tried, to help him see your side of things?"
Kitty shook her head. "Everything, almost. I have told him again and again that I am not Lydia, I have reminded him of all the things that she did which I would not, I have tried to follow all the rules he has set me—only I cannot keep them all straight and so I'm afraid I've made a miserable mess of them. But I wish he would see that I am trying, and give me credit for that at least!"
"You wish your efforts to be counted to you as results?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No-o-o, not exactly," she said with some hesitation. "I only wish that he would acknowledge that I am making efforts, and amend his rules accordingly." She took his hand and allowed him to help her over the stream that ran to the lake.
"Ah. So you are bending and he is not."
"Yes, exactly! I do think he could let me go about the house freely, at least. How much trouble can I get into here?" Kitty frowned. "How am I to demonstrate that I can behave myself if he never gives me an opportunity to prove it?"
"I can see how that would be a challenge."
They walked on for some time in silence; Kitty did not know what else to say, though her mind was still rolling with indignant thoughts. Mr. Knott seemed content to contemplate the matter on his own. Finally, when they reached the lake, he turned back to her, and let go of her arm. "Well, Miss Bennet, it seems to me that if your father will not give you opportunities to prove your responsibility, you must go out of your way to demonstrate it to him."
"But how? He has forbidden me to go anywhere!" Kitty scowled and turned away. She glanced at a little rock at her feet and, in a fit, scooped it up and threw it with all her might into the lake. It made a most unsatisfactory plunking sound and sank with very little fanfare; hardly the soothing crash she had been hoping for.
"There must be other things you could do, that he has not forbidden to you, and could prove to him that you are not the person he believes you to be." He stepped up beside her and, with a cheeky smile, handed her another, bigger rock. "This one should make a bigger splash, by the way. Much more satisfying."
Kitty looked at him searchingly for a moment, caught off guard. His smile did not waver, and he nodded toward the lake, so she took the rock and threw it after its brother. It did not sail as far, but it did make a nice, satisfying splash into the lake. Unfortunately, it also sent water flying at them with such force that it reached the bank, and her dress, and Mr. Knott's coat. She leapt back, mortified. "Oh, I am so sorry!" she cried.
He laughed and caught her arm. "You've nothing to apologize for! I should be sorry, for I was the one who found you the rock. Your choice proved to be the much more sensible one." His eyes lit up with a teasing sparkle. "Perhaps that is where you should begin with your father. When we return you may tell him that you are much more sensible when choosing appropriate rocks to throw into lakes, than an ordained man of God. I promise I will act as witness for you. Do you think that will satisfy him?"
Kitty surprised herself by laughing. "Something tells me that it will not, but I thank you for your gallant offer, sir." She glanced back out at the lake. "In the event that it is not successful, however, do you have other suggestions?"
"You might try showing him your good sense through conversation."
She shuddered. "No, I doubt that will go over well. He always knows just what to say to make me feel tongue-tied and stupid. I don't know that to say to him, anyway. He and Lizzy converse comfortably enough, but not the rest of us. He likes Lizzy best."
"Why do you not emulate her?"
"That sounds miserable," she said, making a face. "I cannot become another Lizzy. She is far more clever than I am and she and Papa share the same sense of humor. It is easy for him to love her. I have nothing to offer him and consequently he never cared to try to love me." She shrugged and looked away. "Nor I him, for that matter."
Mr. Knott nodded slowly and began walking along the lake shore, his hands clasped behind his back. Kitty followed behind him. Eventually, he turned his head and spoke to her. "There is not anything you can do to change your father's behavior or preferences, I think?"
"Certainly not that I know of."
"Yes. It is very difficult to convince a man to prefer something he does not wish to like, no matter the inducement. So that leaves you with only one option, as far as I can tell."
"And what is that?"
"Since you cannot change him, you will have to change yourself."
"But I have no desire to change myself!" Kitty stopped following him and folded her arms over her chest. Had she not made that clear? She did not want to be another Lizzy!
Mr. Knott stopped, too, and turned back to her. He came around and stood in front of her, looking her in the eyes. "I know. But we have established that it is impossible for you to change your father. If you wish to change his opinion of you, that leaves only one alternative. You do not have to become an exact copy of your sister; I do not imagine your father would appreciate that, anyway. But find a few things that he would like to see, that you think you could do, and pursue those things. I suspect that if you do, it will not be long before he is pleased with the change he sees in you and is willing to make some concessions because of it."
"Why should I have to do all the changing?"
He shrugged. "Because someone has to change first, and it does not look likely that he will. Why should it not be you?" When Kitty did not respond and would not meet his eye, he continued, "He will change, too, of course, if he is able to. But even if he does not, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that it was through no fault of your own that you are still under his rules."
"That sounds miserable, not satisfying," Kitty said, her resentment swelling.
"Perhaps it does, now, but is it not preferable to the state you are in now?"
"I don't see how, for either way I will not be allowed to go anywhere."
He shook his head. "Well, if you are determined to try nothing, I cannot help you. I am sorry for the situation you find yourself in, but if you are not willing to do what it takes to change it, you have no one but yourself to blame."
"And my father."
"Perhaps, perhaps." He turned away, but he only took two steps before he stopped and turned back to her. "I hope you do try, Miss Bennet. There will be other balls, and you would be happier if you may attend them and dance freely."
Kitty thought briefly of the previous ball, at which he did not dance at all. "Would you even go to the next ball?"
His eyes twinkled. "Only if I had some inducement." He bowed. "Would you like me to escort you back to the house, Miss Bennet? I have an appointment with Mr. Darcy to discuss the living he holds, and I should not like to be late."
Kitty hesitated, but only a moment. She allowed him to help her back up to the path and kept her arm in his as they walked, but she paid him no attention. Her mind was entirely engaged with her father.