Chapter 7

Elphie

Throughout the week, Fiyero went through a vicious cycle. He would get up his courage to talk to Elphie, but he would always find her guarded by either his curling-iron-wielding girlfriend or that Bear, Lukas. He never knew getting a girl could be so … dangerous! This was utterly maddening, and Elphie was completely unreadable!

On Thursday night, Fiyero and Lukas were having their usual awkward, silent dinner when Lukas asked, "How in Oz do you tolerate Glinda? If she was my girlfriend, she would be dead by now. Really."

Fiyero chuckled nonchalantly. "I don't know. She's certainly a handful. But aren't all girls, in their own way?"

"Yeah, I guess." Ugh! The stupid Bear did not realize what he implying!

"How's … Elphie as a girlfriend?"

To Fiyero's surprise, Lukas' face was blank. "I don't know. I've never dated her. Why?"

"Oh, nothing. Just curious." But Lukas could tell that that was bullshit. Ozdammit, the silly prince had the hots for her too! But he had just met this guy. It wasn't his place to play matchmaker. But he would talk to Elphie.

On Friday, Lukas sat in on Dr. Nikidik's history class with Elphie, Glinda, Fiyero, Nessarose, and their friend Boq. Lukas immediately assessed Dr. Nikidik to be a pansy ass, and as soon as the lecture started, that proved to be correct. The class was basically a propaganda session for how wonderful the Wizard was. Lukas leaned over to Elphie. "Yo, Emerald!" That had been his other nickname for her in high school, and it calmed him to use it.

She turned indignantly. "Shh! You're going to get me in trouble!"

He scoffed. "C'mon, do you really want to listen to this crap?"

"No," she said with a sigh. "What is it, Lukas?"

"I talked to Fiyero last night."

Elphie rolled her eyes. "I'm sure that conversation insulted your intelligence! What did you and the Brainless Wonder talk about?"

Oh, screw it all. "Elphie, I think he's in love with you." There. He said it.

In her shock, all that Elphie could manage to say was, "Oh."

"Yeah," Lukas pushed on. "So, you should probably talk to him, you know."

"Wait a clock tick!" Elphie exclaimed, reality finally returning to her. "No! That's crazy, Lukas!"

"Elphaba Thropp!" Dr. Nikidik had at last noticed their chatter. "Do you and your guest have anything you would like to share with the class?"

Elphie flushed. "No, sir." Then, to Lukas, "Shut up!"

He smirked. "Okay, but you know I'm right."

The next day, Lukas returned to the Emerald City. Elphie saw him off, with Glinda and Fiyero tagging along. "Bye, Lukie!" Glinda squeaked. "I'm so glad our fates brought us together!"

Lukas was horrified. "Lukie?!"

"Join the club," Elphie said with a dry laugh. "Right, FiFi?"

Fiyero reddened. "Don't remind me. See ya, Lukas! It was awesome meeting you!"

"Yeah, you too," Lukas said before turning to his high school friend. "Bye, Elphie. I never thought I would see you again. We'll keep in touch."

Elphie enveloped herself into his fur like a coat, and immediately her insides melted. "Totally. Write me as soon as you get home, okay?"

Lukas released her and bowed slightly. "Will do. If you can decipher my pawwriting." He chuckled a little.

Elphie cackled, remembering. "Of course! You think I've lost that talent?"

"Never! Bye all!" With one last look at Elphie, Lukas boarded the train. He vowed to see her again someday, somehow.

The weeks after that were uneventful, until finals. It was a late night for both occupants of Room 22 in Crage Hall. Elphie was in the dorm, studying for her Biology final. Ugh. She hated Biology. It was the one class in which she got Bs instead of As, and that drove her crazy! Especially photosynthesis and cellular respiration, two of the most complicated, useless processes to be required to know. Elphie was drawing a diagram for the Kalvin cycle (again) when Glinda burst into the room in tears.

Panic seized Elphie. "Glinda, what's wrong? What happened?" She guided her blonde friend to her bed, for Glinda was incoherent.

"F-Fiyero broke up with me!" Glinda sobbed. "It was horrendified! H-he said he didn't l-love me! I don't understand!"

Unsure of how to comfort her, Elphie took Glinda's hand and squeezed it affectionately. "Sometimes that happens, Glinda. People grow apart."

Glinda sniffed. "Yeah, but not us. We were perfect together! We deserve each other." She collapsed into Elphie's lap. "I think I need to lie down."

Elphie nodded, trying not to smile at Glinda's true nature still showing through. "Yes, get some rest. You need it. In the meantime, I'll go talk to a certain Arjiki prince."

Fiyero was in his suite, reflecting on his completely botched date with Glinda. He hadn't planned on breaking up with her; it had just sort of … happened. And it needed to happen. After all, the facts were simple. He wasn't in love with Glinda. He was in love with Elphie. Of course, he hadn't told Glinda that, mainly because he valued his life.

He was jolted out of his musings by a pounding on the door. "FIYERO TIGULAAR! YOU BETTER OPEN UP THIS OZDAMNED DOOR BEFORE I BLOW IT OFF ITS HINGES!" Elphie. Perfect. Well, maybe not, as she sounded absolutely furious, but still.

He opened the door and tried to look calm. "You knocked, madam?"

"Explain yourself!" Elphie demanded as she tore into the room. "Explain why Glinda is currently in our dorm, hysterical and heartbroken! Explain why you broke things off with a beautiful girl who really loves you! Explain why … you hurt my best friend."

"I-I didn't want to hurt Glinda," Fiyero said quickly. "But I would be doing her more harm if I stayed with her."

Her brown eyes were like lasers into his body. "And why's that?"

"Because … because … I don't love Glinda." He paused to summon his courage. "I … I love you."

This earned him a slap in the face. "How can you even say something like that?!" Elphie exploded, seriously considering hexing him. "That's ridiculous! After all, you're you, and I'm … me, and … you're just telling me that so I won't be angry at you for what you did to Glinda!"

"No, no!" he said, throwing his arms up in defense. "Elphie, Fae, you're the one … for me! Oh Oz, this is gonna totally sound like a line, but … I couldn't imagine a life without you, always by my side."

She couldn't help but chuckle. "You're right, that completely sounded like a line. You're kind of pathetic. And for Glinda's sake, I have a strong urge to turn you into a toad right now." She felt satisfied as he cringed at that. "But, you are sweet, and handsome, and romantic, and completely cheesy, so here's what I'm allowing you: one date. Tomorrow. 8 o'clock. Turtle Heart's Bistro. You pick me up outside of Crage Hall, you pay, you wait on me hand and foot like a gentleman … and I'll consider something more long term." Elphie, though tough as nails on the outside, was screaming internally at her luck.

Fiyero was breathless. "Okay! Yeah! I'll do that! See you then!"

"See you then." She pecked him on the check and then left his suite with a smirk.

You never know

If I'm a drunkard,

Or a dollar,

Too callous or too clever,

Or if I just might be the man

Who's meant to be with you forever.

You never know.

You never, ever know.