Mr. Bennet was true to his word, and the next morning after breakfast he retreated to the library while the rest of the party gathered in the drawing room. Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam soon departed to inspect some place or other on Pemberley's land; Kitty did not pay much attention. She was more interested to see exactly what the morning would bring, with Mr. Knott and Lizzy (such an odd combination of personalities to have struck forth on such a mission together!) working together to observe her and modify her behavior. Whatever that meant.
It appeared to mean nothing out of the ordinary. Mr. Knott offered to read to them, and brought out another chapter of The Absentee when they accepted. Miss Pratt hovered near Kitty's chair, hardly attending to the story. As soon as the chapter was finished, she practically pounced on Kitty.
"I am so glad you are free at last!" she cried, settling herself down as close to Kitty as she could get. "Your father has finally shown some sense."
"I believe I am indebted to my sister and Mr. Knott for that. He says that they persuaded him to take a different approach in correcting the faults in my character."
"Faults in your character? Nonsense. The only flaw I can find is too great a willingness to do as your father tells you to, and a perverse sort of forgetfulness when it comes to me."
Kitty had to protest. "Forget you? How have I ever done that?"
"You promised me that you would help me attract Colonel Fitzwilliam! Yet, when he announces that he will be spending the whole day away from us, and I can say nothing to him in my distress, you are silent! You have not stirred yourself on my behalf in a long time, Kitty." She picked at a pulled thread in her skirt. "Not that I wholly blame you, of course. There have been so many others who have taken your time and attention away from me. And of course you are quite desolate without Mr. Johns."
Kitty was suddenly very, very conscious of the others in the room, all of whom appeared to be very carefully not listening to her, as quietly as possible. "I would not say that I am… quite desolate," she faltered. How was she supposed to feel about him? She was mostly confused, particularly because everyone had such wildly varying opinions about whether she was at fault. She had liked him a great deal, but did that mean she should now be desolate?
"Of course you are! I know you were very much attached to him, and for him to have pulled such a cruel trick on you would be devastating to anyone." She reached out to pat Kitty's hand, but Kitty drew it away almost unconsciously. "But he is lost to you forever, and you really must move on to new projects. Helping me would give you a renewed sense of purpose, don't you think? And it would be such fun!"
Kitty tried to gather her old enthusiasm for helping a friend find love, but she could not manage it for Amy's sake. She had gone through a bizarre ordeal, and where had Amy been through all that? If she was so worried about Colonel Fitzwilliam that she was willing to neglect her friend, well, they could have each other and Kitty would happily leave them alone. They seemed to want her to leave them alone, except when it was convenient for them. "I don't think I will be of any help to you, Amy. Truly—you've seen what a mess I can make of things."
She waved her hand. "Oh, that's nothing. None of it was your fault, anyway. And all I want is to find a way to spend some time with the Colonel alone, without Mr. Darcy always interfering. Could you not just pull your brother away and give me some space to work?"
"What on earth would I have to say to Mr. Darcy, of all people?" The very idea frightened her. He was, perhaps, less intimidating than she had thought him at first, but that did not mean she wished to seek him out for conversation. "Besides, he speaks to Elizabeth and Georgiana often enough. Wait until one of them has his attention."
"That doesn't work. Colonel Fitzwilliam is more often than not with him. They're thick as thieves, those two. I have no idea of how to tease them apart."
Georgiana came over at that moment, to Kitty's relief. "Forgive me, but—as it is my cousin and my brother you are discussing, would you not rather have my help?"
Amy accepted with an enthusiasm that was calculated to make Kitty feel guilty, and even though she knew it she still felt bad. But Georgiana was not likely to be more helpful to her. She was interrogating Amy about her expectations regarding the Colonel, and Amy was beginning to look rather uncomfortable. Kitty, who had no desire to witness the disaster that this was developing into, slipped away and went to join Mr. Knott and Elizabeth.
"It's good to see you freed," Elizabeth said, smiling.
"Yes," said Mr. Knott. He was watching Kitty closely, but said nothing more, and Kitty shifted uncomfortably in her seat, muttering a less grateful thanks to Elizabeth than she knew was deserved.
He was certainly taking his task seriously, but did he really think that it was so likely that she needed such scrutiny? Was she really that bad? She couldn't think of anything else to say. She probably appeared more stupid than anything at that moment.
Elizabeth must have sensed her distress, because she turned the conversation away from her. "How is your mother, Mr. Knott?"
He blinked and looked over to her as if he'd forgotten she was there. But it was only for a moment, and then he was polite and attentive as ever. "Very poorly, I'm afraid. My father insists that I do not need to come home to her yet, but I can't help reading between the lines of his letters. I expect to need to go to her soon."
"Why do you not just go to her now? That way you can be sure to see her," Kitty said.
"If I did not have things I still need to do here, I would." His tone was mild, but it was a strange clash with the intensity with which he looked at her. How did he expect her to respond? Kitty was beginning to wonder whether she would rather go back and plot with Amy over Colonel Fitzwilliam. At least there she had not worried about what they would tell her father of every word she spoke. And whether he would approve.
There was more silence. Kitty was unable to inquire further, and Elizabeth unwilling, so that line of conversation seemed dead. But no one introduced anything new. Kitty could hardly look at either of them. She knew they were judging her, and given her present behavior, probably not coming to any favorable conclusions about her. Worse, she still could think of nothing to say, or do, that would put her in a better light.
But a sudden recollection inspired her. Was not Mr. Knott in love with Georgiana? Perhaps she could use this time to promote her friend's interest a little bit. Surely there could be nothing wrong with that, if she was not stupid about it. She glanced over to where Georgiana was sitting, and winced. She was showing the strain of her conversation with Amy—if it could be called a conversation, because it looked like Amy was doing all the talking. "Poor Miss Darcy!" she said, almost involuntarily.
Elizabeth glanced over and sighed. "I wish she did not take things so seriously as she does. I know that Miss Pratt is not the friend she remembers, but she should not feel so ashamed for not liking her as much as she'd expected to."
"It is difficult to be so disappointed in a friend, though," Mr. Knott said. "Particularly one of whom you have fond memories."
Kitty smiled a little bit. "That sounds like the voice of experience."
"Indeed it is. I know the pain of finding an old friend so altered that resuming the friendship is impossible. You mourn for the person they were, and if you are not careful, you may come to resent the person they have become."
"Perhaps you might advise Miss Darcy in handling it," Kitty said, feeling very clever about her suggestion.
But he did not take it as eagerly as she had expected. "Perhaps, if she would wish it. But my advice would be to do much what she is already doing. What else is there, but to try to love them for the sake of your old friendship, and bear with them as best you can?" He shrugged. "You are fortunate, Miss Bennet, if you have never had this experience."
Kitty never had, that she could think of, and she shook her head slowly. "It sounds painful."
"It is. But then, so much of life is painful, isn't it? Try as you might, you'll never avoid it."
He glanced over at Georgiana as he spoke, and Kitty wondered whether she had made a mistake in bringing her to his attention. Perhaps things were not progressing as well as he wanted in that area—perhaps she had made them worse by trying to interfere. She blushed and changed the subject back to him. It was safer that way. She was determined that she would not make a mess of Georgiana's love life, as she had made of her own and Miss Pratt's.
The mornings became much better. Georgiana and Mr. Knott were always ready to be her companions, and seemed to conspire together to find new ways to amuse her. Miss Pratt did not join them as often as they did, and the others almost never, but Kitty did not mind so much. They had resumed their regular morning reads of The Absentee, though Mr. Knott generally constrained them to about a chapter a day, insisting that his voice could not bear much more sustained reading.
To Miss Pratt, indeed, Kitty was rather colder than before. She had not wholly forgiven Amy's selfishness, and as Amy seemed perfectly unrepentant, there was little to induce her to seek reconciliation. Kitty was sad to see a promising friendship dissolve in that way, but she reminded herself that she had Georgiana, who was turning out to be a much better friend.
This morning, she was seated on the sofa, her work forgotten in her lap as she listened to the story, her eyes fixed on Mr. Knott. Lost in the story, she forgot about her own troubles entirely. When Mr. Knott finished the chapter, he looked up to see Kitty staring at him, and smiled at her. Kitty quickly looked away.
"It's an engaging story, is it not, Miss Bennet?"
"Yes, very. Are you sure you can only do one chapter today?"
He laughed a little. "Quite sure, unfortunately, lest I lose my voice entirely. But that means I will have a captive audience tomorrow, doesn't it?"
"And every day until the story ends," Georgiana added, smiling at Kitty. "It is a wonderfully captivating story." She turned to Mr. Knott. "And where does the rest of your morning take you, Sir?"
He placed the ribbon back in the book and set it on the table next to him. "In fact, it doesn't take me anywhere. I have absolutely no plans today, and am completely at your disposal, ladies, if you wish me to be."
"At our disposal! What shall we do with him, then, Georgiana?" Kitty asked. She saw this for the compliment to her friend that it must be, and was determined to promote their mutual interest however she could.
"Our options are sadly limited, Mr. Knott. I'm afraid we can offer you no greater pleasure than our conversation and company." Georgiana smiled at him.
"You say that as though your conversation and company will be no great pleasure, and I can assure you that is not the case. But I thought, perhaps, that you had contrived some sort of plan to prove to Mr. Bennet that his daughter is not so hopeless as he seems to suspect."
Kitty blushed, remembering their conversation and the advice he had given, and which she had not followed. "I am sorry to say that I have not. I simply have no aptitude for the kinds of things he values."
"You are not as bad as you have convinced yourself you are." Georgiana shook her head reproachfully. "I fear your greatest flaw is simply that you do not think to conceal your feelings, as polite society so often demands."
"I know the frustration of not being able to express myself the way I would wish. You have my sympathy, Miss Bennet." Mr. Knott bowed to them both with exaggerated formality and they laughed. "But I would encourage you, Miss Bennet, not to abandon the pursuit of self-improvement altogether. It is my belief that we ought always to be looking for ways to improve ourselves—either learning new things, or practicing new skills, or meeting new people. It is not good to stagnate."
Kitty thought this a very pretty speech, and very much in line with what Georgiana would likely think about the matter, but she found it harder to agree. "That is very easy for a gentleman to say. You have more advantage than we have. You can improve yourself, where we are forced to wait for someone else to help us improve. I cannot simply go learn to do something new; I have to wait for someone to teach me. And there are so many fewer things that I am permitted to learn."
"There are many things a lady may teach herself, given the proper tools," Georgiana protested. "I taught myself to draw, with no formal instruction for many years, because I found pleasure in it. I copied the illustrations I found in books and pamphlets as well as drawing from life. My art improved a great deal during that time, and it was not until I was living in London that my brother engaged a master to further my skill. By then I had mastered the basics, and my master could focus on refining my technique."
"But there was still a point at which you could go no further; and besides, I have no interest in drawing."
"What does interest you, Miss Bennet?" Mr. Knott asked.
She paused. She really had no idea, the more she thought about it. She like dancing, and parties, and gossip, and pretty things. And she realized rather suddenly that she did like visiting Pemberley's tenants, which surprised her. It was hardly a skill she could refine, however, and particularly not when she wasn't allowed out of the house. "I don't really know."
He leaned over to Georgiana, and said, "I think we have found the problem, Miss Darcy."
"The problem is not where we were stuck. What is the solution?"
"You speak as though there is something wrong with not endeavoring to learn something new each day, but I can be perfectly content with the things I already know!" Kitty said, a little embarrassed and a little resentful that they should have come together against her, however pleased she was that they were coming together over something.
"Can you? Do you not think you would tire of it, eventually?" Georgiana asked. "How many days in a row can you sit doing needlework alone before you go completely out of your mind? Variation in one's daily routine is essential."
"If my father hadn't forbade—"
"Your father can forbid you to do many things, but he cannot forbid you to learn entirely. The responsibility of seeking new occupations lies with you, in the end."
"Besides," added Georgiana, "if you intend to marry, you will want as many accomplishments as you can have. The ability to learn new things is very important when you are going to be living in a new house, with new people, and must learn a new way of life."
Kitty shook her head. "That hardly matters, as I shall never marry."
"You still haven't come around to that, have you?" Georgiana nodded in a way that made Kitty feel as though she knew better. "Well, then, I suppose there's nothing we can say to you yet."
Mr. Knott, however, was not quite so resigned. "What makes you believe that, Miss Bennet? I am certain that you are not entirely without hope."
"Then you are more certain than I am. What man would wish to risk his reputation by tying it to me? Clearly I cannot be trusted to behave myself properly, and I am not accomplished enough to attract anyone, as Miss Darcy noted." Georgiana started to protest, but Kitty would not let her interrupt. "I am well aware that I am not the kind of young lady whose attractions are sufficient to tempt any man. My sisters will all be married before me—even the plainest and most boorish of us is engaged! If even Mary can find a husband before me, I must learn to be content with the reality that I have no hope."
"You do not really believe that," Mr. Knott said. "You have let your father corrupt your thoughts about yourself until you do not see the reality of the situation any longer."
Kitty shook her head. She did not want to believe it, but she was beginning to see no other alternative. "I have no evidence to convince me that I am wrong."
Mr. Knott got to his feet rather suddenly, and looked as though he wanted to continue the argument, but he said nothing and walked over to the window to compose himself. Instead, Miss Darcy sat beside Kitty and took up both of her hands. "I know how you feel, Kitty. You know I do. But believe me when I say that this feeling will not last forever. You will find, one day, that you do hope for the love of a good man, and you do not think yourself entirely unworthy of it." She glanced at Mr. Knott. "And if you have been so fortunate as to earn the love of such a man, would you really turn him down for the sake of your own opinion of yourself?"
"I suppose not," Kitty said, sighing. "But it would never happen."
She raised her eyebrows. "And if you fell in love?"
"I can only strive not to."
Georgiana shook her head and patted Kitty's hand. "Don't strive too hard, dear." She looked at Mr. Knott again, but he did not turn away from the window.