District One's Jenriko "Jen" Florence's POV
"Everything's all right." I lied to a crying Tanner.
"Bull. Shit." He told me.
"Could of been worse." I told him, thinking of how he was still alive and how Adrian's death was at least a quick one. Tanner wasn't that injured, and our enemies were both dead. As far as I could see things, this fight could of been much, much worse.
"Not by much." My ally told me. "Did you see what those District Twelve bastards looked like? Did you see how Adrian looked? Did you see what I did?"
I did. In fact, I had been there when Adrian had been nearly decapitated from multiple stabs to the neck. I had seen the damage I had done to Daria from the result of me slamming her head into the ground with the full force of an attack aimed to kill.
Daria's neck, as I suspected, had snapped, and a couple pieces of vertebrae had spiked out of her neck while her head was at an angle that was impossible to achieve naturally. And while I hadn't seen Tanner kill Zeal all together, I had seen the final damage that he had done. Tanner had smashed a rubix cube into Zeal's skull, or what was left of it, and turned his head into cranberry sauce and meatballs. Destroying the rubix cube in the process.
I felt like crying, but I held it in. I had failed to protect Adrian, and because of that, he had died, just like Terry had. But unlike Terry, where there was nothing I could of done for him, I could of done something for Adrian. I could of woken up faster, I could of not gotten knocked out in the first place, I could of prevented it. That was what made me feel so mad at myself, and why I felt so sad.
Tanner on the other hand, let the tears flow from his face, and I had hugged him in comfort, which only seemed to make it worse, but better for him at the same time.
He cursed and cried, blaming himself for not being a good enough fighter and saying that he should of helped Adrian and been there for him. He had then escaped my grasp before walking over to Adrian's body and apologized to him. All this, coming from Tanner, was shocking to me, because the Tanner I knew, didn't act like this. He was tough, and didn't show any emotion besides happiness and anger. This Tanner was totally out of character. It made me wonder even more, what had happened during my blackout?
"Tanner, what happened while I was out?"
Tanner wiped his nose on his sleeve, which I found a little gross, before he started to talk.
"Your throat got slit, Adrian and I bandaged you up while Victory was busy chasing after Dylan. We still don't know if he survived or not, but we guessed that Victory killed him. Then we talked for a bit. Then we burned down the cornucopia. Then we-"
"You what?" I asked in surprise. Did he just say what I thought he just said? "Did you just say you burned down the cornucopia?"
"Well actually, we just burnt the supplies to ash, but basically, yeah. We burnt the bitch down."
"Why?" I asked. "Those supplies are the careers life blood." He should know that, he was part of the pack, and if he watched any previous Hunter Games, which I'm guessing he did, he should of seen that on the T.V. "We need those supplies."
"You think there's a pack anymore?" Tanner asked, looking and talking to me like I was stupid, which I didn't like since he and Adrian had done something beyond stupid. "From what I've seen, it's just us and Victory in the so called pack, and Victory's not to be trusted."
"She's our ally though." I explained to him. "Allies stick together."
"Say that to Jeremiah, and Dylan, and that traitor bitch Selene." Tanner countered. "Victory's not to be trusted. She's cold and has problems with anger, and with the pack dwindling as it is, she probably doesn't see much use for us anymore. Especially when we're basically the only threats left, and that you were crippled."
"Victory wouldn't leave us." I told him, thinking that he was just paranoid for thinking that. "She has anger, sure. But that doesn't mean that she will just outright murder us until the game's almost over."
"The game's probably almost over." Tanner told him. "With all those dead, I'm sure there's probably only half of us left." He then turned to me. "Face it, the pack's dead. It was dead the second Jeremiah died."
"Listen you." I said to Tanner with a bitter tone as I stepped in front of him, blocking his path. "Things could of worked out. Sure we ran into a few bumps in the alliance, but with you, Adrian, Victory, and I, we could of still been a huge threat to anyone else in the arena. But you just had to fuck it all up because of an assumption that Victory killed Jeremiah and was planning on doing it to us as well?"
"Just about, yeah." He bluntly told me. At that point, I felt bitter anger start to flare up inside me.
"We could of worked it out!" I shouted, shoving Tanner in the chest with both hands. He hardly flinched, and he only flinched out of surprise. Damn that made me mad. "Allies!" I shouted as I smashed my fist against his face. "Stick!" With the momentum of my punch, I swung my leg around and kicked him on the same side of the face. "Together!" Then with his head behind my knee, I lifted my body up in the air as high as I could get it, before kicking him in the neck with the bend of my other leg. With the combined power of both my legs, I managed to force Tanner to the ground.
His body fell to the ground with a thud, the back of my legs slammed against the side of his neck and face. "We were the career pack!" I shouted angrily as I started to crawl on top of him. "We stick together! We help each other!"
I was then on top of him when I started to punch him in the face. "But! You! Ruined! It! You! Bastard!" Each punch to the face was stronger then the last. By the time I spoke the last word, I managed to punch out blood from his mouth.
And yet, he didn't do a thing, all he did was look at me. At that point, I wasn't sure wither to be angry, sorry, or disappointed. All I knew was that I was confused.
"You done hitting me yet?" He asked calmly. "Because you're acting like a child."
"You're an idiot!" I snarled before I slammed another fist into his face, sending another shot of blood flying out of his mouth.
"And Dylan was smart." My ally countered. "Smarter then the rest of us. If he suspected Victory of killing Jeremiah, then he had good reason to."
I hated to say it, but he had a point. "You're too trusting Jen, and that's what makes you weak and vulnerable." I wanted to hit him in the face again. So I did, but Tanner didn't seem to care, he kept on talking. "Tell me, Jen, have you ever been taken advantage of because of your trust in people?"
I was about to hit him again, but then I thought Calamity and how he had told me that he had escaped from a bad place and that he was really a good person. I believed him, and what he said turned out to be nothing more then a big, fat, lie.
He had taken advantage of me, and it had made me so mad when I did discover who he really was. "It's the same with Victory." He said, seeming to sense my hesitation. "Even if she killed me and Adrian before you woke up, would you of still trusted her?"
I was about to answer no, because that was the right and logical thing to say, but then I thought of what would of really happened. I would of believed that Victory had killed them for a good reason. Like how it would be justified like the killing of Dylan.
It was then that I hated to admit it, but, I would. If she had killed those two, I would of continued to trust her until the end. "Thought so." Tanner said as he smiled a blood stained smile. "Another thing to add to your rant is that Adrian and I aren't careers, so really, we might not even be considered part of the career pack. Careers stick together, but what about outsiders? Like Trim?"
Trim. Had we killed him because he was an annoying guy? Or because he simply wasn't a career? The career pack sticks together, but who was really in the career pack?
Damn. I was now angry and confused at Tanner for both twisting my words, and for being like this. When had he suddenly turned so damn insightful? Was this really the Tanner I knew? "Now either get the fuck off me, or do you want to actually go forward with your fake proposal that you made back in the Capitol?"
"What?" I asked, wondering what in the world he meant. What proposal? I don't remember anything happening between us back in the Capitol beside me proposing that we be allies by going up to him and-
I punched him in the face out of embarrassment. "Get your mind out of that filth." I told him, remembering the way I had talked him into becoming allies with the career pack.
"Aw, baby, don't be mad because I'm not fifty." He said with that stupid smile on his face, like he was making fun of me.
I lifted a fist up to punch him again, but then I felt myself being bucked up before getting rolled around. I then felt my back being pressed against the floor as weight was crushing against my chest and arms. Tanner was now mounted on me, looking at me in a way that I didn't like.
Tanner learned down close to me, so close that I could feel his hot breath on my face. I then felt something foreign to me. A feeling that I hadn't experienced in a long, long time. And as I looked at Tanner's bloody smile, I knew what it was. Fear.
Memories of pain, falling, failing, worry, and misery flooded my mind as I saw a younger me experience all those things.
I saw myself falling down the obstacle course. I saw myself failing to do something right. I saw myself worrying about my parent's approval. I saw myself crying in misery. I saw all those, and much, much more. Memories that I didn't want to remember, but had almost forgotten.
They all flashed before me before they all suddenly disappeared as quickly as they began. I was glad that they were gone, but I also felt something else, something around my mouth. It tasted slightly metallic.
I looked and saw that Tanner was kissing me!
The hell!? I felt my face getting hot.
I swung my head up suddenly and bit his mouth. Tanner released me an instant later before shouting in pain.
"What the hell?" I shouted angrily as I shoved him away. Tanner stood up, stopped shouting, which was also kind of scary, looked down at me, and smiled. I felt the heat in my face warm up more. "What was that for?" Why in the world did he do that? And why had I allowed that to happen? I felt fear for one second, and that had happened?
"Thought it'd be funny." He told me calmly. That really ticked me off.
"Thought it'd be funny?" I snarled. How could he be taking this so casually? "Thought it'd be funny? Do you how serious this is?"
"No." He bluntly told me. That made it even worse!
"Of course you wouldn't, you're a guy, and something like kissing someone or fucking someone for the first time is nothing to men like you. For a girl, it's supposed to be for someone special, someone that you really, really like. But instead, I lose both to an old man and...Someone that I've only known for about four days!"
"Wow." Tanner said, like he was amazed. "Who are you?"
What? Who was I? What were you, stupid now? After all that stuff you just said?
"I'm Jenriko Florence. Why?"
"I don't know. It's just that, you're acting really strange Jen, the old you would of probably laughed this off."
"This-" I started, but then stopped myself as I thought of how I had willingly gave my virginity to my mentor, then laughed about the entire situation, like it didn't even matter. But in reality, it mattered. A lot.
I then thought back to the Capitol, when my allies and I were meeting each other, getting to know each other and going into the games. I never took anything too seriously, if I even took anything seriously. Then there was the games, where I still wasn't completely serious. Even when I had assisted in killing someone, and when my allies, my friends, if I could even call them friends anymore, started to turn against each other, I never took it as seriously as I should of. Shrugging it off like it was no big deal.
Killing Timer and stealing his clothes while mocking him. Going off to hopefully fight mutts with Dylan. Jeremiah dying. Dylan commenting on Victory. Tanner and Adrian fighting each other. The only situation that I had even taken as serious as it should of been was when Selene had bashed in Tanner's face and when Dylan attacked Victory. Everything else before then, I didn't take seriously.
My whole attitude, my whole acting like that, was what got me into the games in the first place. That, and the murders during the reapings.
Damn. I was...
I couldn't think of a word to describe myself, but I felt bad. Really bad that I couldn't of taken the situations more seriously, then my male mentor would still be alive, Dylan might still be alive, and Tanner and Adrian wouldn't of had to burn down the cornucopia. Adrian might still be alive. Things could of turned out differently. Things, might of not turned out as horrible as it was right now.
I felt like crying again. But big girls don't cry. Big girls don't cry. Especially career girls. Nobody, and I mean nobody, should see a big career girl cry. That was what I was taught, it was beaten into me. But I just felt so...Pathetic. I almost wanted to break the seals in my eyes and let the water flow free, but didn't.
"Oh." Tanner said like he had just remembered something very important. "I had a thought."
"What?" I asked, hoping that he didn't say anything to trigger tears. It was the last thing that I needed right now.
"You don't have to worry about that first kiss incident."
He was worrying about that? Now of all times. While he had just gotten my mind to screw with itself? "Because you wanted to give it to a special boy, right?"
I nodded, not seeing the point of this anymore. I have given it to him, though, really, I could of done worse. So, I should be a little bit happy, I guess. "Well." Tanner said as he rubbed the back of his neck. "You're my friend, I guess, so, I guess I can tell you something."
He then walked up close to me, leaned in close, placed his mouth near my ear, and talked softly like he was telling me a big secret. "I'm a girl, so that kiss doesn't count. Right?"
As soon as I heard that, I felt my face go so hot that I thought it might be glowing. My face started to sweat so much heat was in it.
A girl!
I wanted to turn towards him...her...Tanner...And shout that out to him...her...Tanner!
I kissed a girl! My first kiss was to a girl, which I thought was a guy, that looked like a guy, that...acted like both now that I really think about it.
I flirted with a girl!
This wasn't possible! He...She...Whatever! Tanner made fun of Selene for being every dirty word he could think of for lesbian, and yet, here he was, one of them. Why did he have to be such a good kisser anyway?
Don't think that!
I started to feel faint as I thought of Tanner as a female, just like me.
It does matter. I wanted to say that, but then I felt myself blackout as my mind exploded. Twice.
District Ten's Tanner Hart's POV
Changing.
We were all changing, wither we knew it or not.
Adrian wasn't the lazy, laid back person that didn't seem to care about anyone. Before he died, he had shown that he was a hard working person that did care about others.
Jen was no longer the person that didn't take anything seriously and thought that life was one big adventure.
And I, thanks to Adrian, let some of my true feelings out. I didn't kept it bottled up as much, I let some of it free, and though I still didn't know if what I did or said was right or wrong, I felt glad that I didn't have to act like a complete jerk. It was kind of like a moment of freedom, it felt that good.
Though, I think I might of let that freedom go too far, because now Jen was unconscious, again. Guess there is such a thing as too brutally honest.
Jen just couldn't believe that I was a girl. Well, I was, and the only people that knew about it other then her, were my friends, and my owner. It was always a laugh when a girl would start hitting on me, not knowing that I was really of the same gender. Or maybe they did know, and didn't care. Lots of things could of happened, there were so many of those incidents that I just didn't seem to care anymore. I didn't care if they were genuinely interested in me, if they knew I was a girl or not, got dared by their friends, or was just playing it as a joke, I treated them all the same.
Not that it seemed to matter, some other girl would come up to me after a while, it just seemed to be a matter of time. So what was the point of worrying about it?
I remember one time when a girl started to hit on me, I wanted to ask her if she knew I was a girl, and was about to tell her when D'ardaigh pulled me aside and told me not to tell her and just go with it. When asked why I should keep her in the dark, D'ardaigh's answer was that it would be funny. And, it was kind of funny, though I did feel bad for tricking her.
Needless to say, Tarbh was not impressed, but she forgave us both, finding it a little funny as well. She then said that talking to those girls might help me get some social skills. It...Did and didn't at the same time.
Since then, I've never seen a reason to tell anyone what gender I really was, not even when this year's reapings happened. I could of said that I was really a girl and saved myself, but then the boys would of continued to be killed until someone volunteered, and who knows when that would of been.
I looked at Jen, who was almost as dead to the world as those that got killed during the reapings, except that she'd be able to rise again. With her face a dark red and sweating, I thought that she looked really cute that way.
She wasn't having a good day, so I tried to make it better. I'd like to think I succeeded, though she didn't like that I had stolen her first kiss. I never understood this romance stuff as I had never felt that kind of love for anyone. The only people that I loved were my friends, and not even that was the kind of love people wanted to get.
My friends often asked why I didn't just start dating a girl, I got some real pretty ones that would ask me if I wanted to do anything with them. I told them that I wasn't searching for love, and that they'd never last long with me and I knew it.
Ilia had said that I was like her, asexual or something, meaning that I wasn't attracted to either boys or girls. I'd like to think it was true, though Tarbh would say I just never meet the right person, and that it was hard for people like us, staying on the farm almost all the time and with my attitude. That, and I never really got to hurt anyone.
There was only one problem with that, people often felt the hots for someone on their looks. You could get a pretty boy or girl in front of you, and you'd instantly feel something for them, even if they were a complete stranger. I never got that feeling, for anyone. Not like how Tarbh or D'ardaigh, who would look at some of the town folks a certain way and say how much they'd like to get to know them. Their hearts rushed and faces turned red, almost like Jen's, but a much lighter shade of red, a faint pink is more like what they'd do.
D'ardaigh would get girls, but he would never get close to them for a couple of reasons. One reason was that he was working all the time, and would hardly get to spend time with them, and he didn't want them to feel as if they meant nothing to him. The second reason was that he simply liked them as friends and not girlfriends.
I had kissed Jen, not because I wanted to be her girlfriend, but because I was worried for her. She didn't seem to be doing too well, so I had to distract her from whatever she was imagining, but getting her to think of something else. Whatever she was scared of, I'd take her mind off of it, because I didn't want her to feel that way.
Back when I knew less about how to be a good person, I would often hurt them more then help them, I just hoped that I didn't hurt Jen more then I helped her.
So beat me, make me get a mouth full of blood, shout at me, do whatever you want to do, because even if it does hurt me, I just want you to not hurt as much as your hurting. Me being a complete jerk towards someone, but even more so, was just another way that I just didn't know how to act around people. Act like a jerk to them, make them forget about their current problems, and make a new one, me. Distract them from their bad thoughts and focus it towards me.
Jen's anger, the pain Jen was giving me, it was also a way to distract me from feeling sad over Adrian's death. From the deaths of everyone that I had gotten close to in Capitol. The deaths that were a ways behind me. So in a way, we were both winning.
I acted like a jerk towards Jen just now, but that was so that she could learn something, stop being so trusting of people, because I didn't want to lose her to Victory, if she does show up and trick Jen. I didn't want that to happen, not to Jen.
They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Looks like its true.
I looked up at the ceiling, wondering if my friends were watching me. I wondered if they knew what I was thinking, knew what I was trying to accomplish. I wondered if they'd be proud of me.
A flashback came into my mind, one that I didn't like thinking about.
My friends and I were sitting on a fence, watching the sun set with bottles of cow's milk that Ilia had stolen from her aunt. We were enjoying out milk, sitting on that fence, talking about stuff. But I wasn't on the same page as them, because I was thinking back to our trip into town that day.
That day, I, unsurprisingly, got into a fight, and beat up another boy. I had won the fight, but as soon as he said that I was nothing but a stupid person that didn't know how to act like an actual human, I snapped, and beat him some more. It wasn't until Tarbh forced us apart that the fight came to an end.
I had pretended that it didn't affect me, but it did. I just kept it in.
My friends were all talking about what a great time they had in town, all the people they had talked to and how they said that they would of wanted to be their friends if they could go into town more often. It was then that I threw my milk bottle to the ground in a fit of rage.
When my friends asked what was wrong, I told them. I told them that I was nothing like them, that I would never make any friends in town or anything like that because I was bad at expressing myself. How I didn't know how to talk to people and how I hid behind a fake personality because it was what people expected.
I told them that I wanted to be more like them, and less like me, and they understood. They than began teaching me as best they could, but it was hard to break the old me as I had to learn new things. But I tried, I really did, but never fully got the hang of it.
That was a year ago.
Tarbh. D'ardaigh. Ilia. I'm sorry for everything I did to make your lives hard. I know that you know the way I operate, but that still doesn't excuse the way I acted. "Tarbh. D'ardaigh. Ilia. Thanks for being my friends." Because I... "I love you all." And nothing about that was going to change.
A/N: Well people, this story is coming close to the end. If things work out the way I want them to, this story will be over in about eight to ten chapters.
The end is nigh.