Shattered Souls

by The Awesome Novice Writer

An unexpected quarter quell. Twenty four teenagers. One arena. It's a nightmare, and I don't see myself ever waking up. *Now complete.*

45. Disaster, Loss, and Regret Part 1

District One's Calamity Mershade's POV

A girl fought back, and was actually a challenge for Zane. I was glad, it showed Zane once again that he wasn't as invincible as he thought he was. Sure he had let the first one go because Victory was Victory and she was actually a challenge like she was supposed to be. But Caia on the other hand, he had expected her to be just an easy target.

Caia had shown single handedly just how far the human body and mind will go to survive. Her mind refused to allow her to die, so her body complied, giving her strength that she would never of hand otherwise. And that spelt trouble for Zane.

She had gotten so powerful that Zane had gotten several teeth beaten out of him, cracked ribs that hurt with every breath he took, and was one testicle short.

I wish that the other girls had been victims of him had gotten the same strength as Caia. Wern didn't deserve to be beaten and raped by Zane, nor did Vida deserve it, nor did Selene, and Adrienne and Alexia. If anything, Vida and Adrienne should of gotten a fighting chance against him, taken him out just like Caia did. But Vida was asleep and he had gotten a sneak attack on Adrienne.

If those two had been in the same position as Caia, they wouldn't of been scared to fight him, they would of fought him until the end, and though the District Six girl did do that, Zane's sneak attack had ruined any fair chance she had had.

Adrienne had fought with all her might, despite being disorientated and weakened. I thought for sure that she would be one to put Zane down. But instead, all she ended up as was another one of Zane's victims.

It was painful to watch all of this happening in front of me. My former best friend, the one that I thought was the greatest person in the world, was nothing but a monster, and there was nothing that I could do to stop him other than getting him to run away.

*Ten years ago*

Walking down the road home. Alone. Again.

I wasn't surprised. Nobody wants to be with me. But that's okay, because I don't want to be with them either. I mean, what's so great about being a tough guy anyway? What's so great about being a career? You train all day, train all night, and then you go to bed, sleep, and start the whole thing all over again. I don't get it, why would anyone want to do something that's no fun? Have no fun in their life?

Train. Train. And train some more. That's what the academy wants you to do, because the Hunger Games are everything that you should care about in this world. Fighting, is what you should learn to love.

Yeah. Because training until your body hurts and you're pucking out your breakfast, lunch, and dinner is considered the best thing that's ever been invented.

The other kids don't like me because I don't like training, or working out, or any of the games we play. Even more of a reason they don't like me is because I don't enjoy the Hunger Games. What kind of kid doesn't like the Hunger Games? Me. That's who. I don't even like the mock Hunger Games that we play at the academy.

Kids get separated into twenty four teams, each time gets one person, then they go out and proceed to beat the snot out of each other. That's fun teacher, really really fun. It's so fun that I want another bloody nose, another cut, another hurt arm, another black eye, or some other kind of injury. I just love getting dirt thrown into my eyes, I love getting my face smashed into the ground, I just love the way six other kids tied me to a tree and started to beat me up.

It wasn't fun, it was a way for the bigger, stronger, faster kids to feel superior, while the weak kids, like me, felt humiliated and beat down.

The teachers tell us to survive the mock arena, so I do try and survive. I try to survive my way. But it never works, because the teachers say that hiding is not allowed, that it's against the rules. So what do they do? They pull me out of my hiding spot and tell me that I'm the personification of everything that a career shouldn't be. Whatever personification means. All I knew was that it wasn't a good word.

Forced to run, forced to learn to fight, and forced to adopt the career way of District One. I hated it, so I did just enough to pass. I ran the courses, I jumped the obstacles, I learned the techniques, I wrote the tests, but that was it.

When it came to the actual fighting, I'd give up, or just defend myself, because I don't like hurting people. And because I don't like hurting people, I get shunned, because here in District one, your a career, and you have to learn how to hurt people, because in the games, everyone wants to hurt you.

Well what if I don't want to go into the games? What if I just want to live my life and not die in the arena? And for what? Fame? Glory? Money? You only get that if you win, and as I've seen year after year, there's a huge chance that you'll die, because two people from the same district goes in, but only one of them might, MIGHT, come out alive.

Stupid careers, stupid academy, stupid Hunger Games with their stupid prizes of fame and glory. I wish that they'd just disappear!

"What's go you so down?" A voice asked in a non-threatening, non-mocking and a not making fun of me voice. It surprised me, nobody but my family talks to me like that.

I didn't know how to respond, so I just said simply

"Nothing."

"Doesn't look like nothing to me." The boy said. "Come on. What's up? You can tell me."

"You won't laugh or anything?" I asked, still not facing the boy. I didn't want to see his face when I told him what I was about to say, nor did I want to recognize who it was, if it was someone I recognized.

"I'll try not to." He answered. It was good enough for me.

"This whole training thing." I told him, angry at the whole thing. "It's stupid. They want you to be a career and bring 'glory' to the district, but all it does is make you sick and dead." I told him, saying glory like I didn't mean it. "Train train train, that's all they want you to do. I hate training. I hate barfing my guts out, I hate hurting people, and I hate the academy in general. And I especially hate the stupid Hunger Games."

"Why do you hate the games? Everyone loves them."

"If it weren't for the stupid thing, there wouldn't be a thing called careers, or a training academy for it. I wouldn't have to go through with all this crap if it weren't for them."

"So let me get this straight." The guy said. "You don't like the games, you don't like careers, and you don't like training?"

"Yes."

He burst into laughter, causing me to clinch my teeth. I shouldn't of told him. I was so stupid.

"You're the worst career in the history of ever! And what kind of person doesn't like the games? What are you, some District Twelve sissy?"

"Shut up! All right!" I yelled at him, regretting that I had told him what my problem was. "Just shut up!" He kept on laughing anyway. And he kept on following me, letting me hear his laughter. It was annoying, I wish he'd just leave.

It took him a whole minute to finally stop laughing.

"I'm sorry." He said, still chuckling a little. "I shouldn't of laughed."

"Yeah, whatever. Everyone does it anyway, why shouldn't you?"

"Because it's your opinion, and you're entitled to it."

"Doesn't mean it gets respected though." I said, thinking of all the times I got laughed at by the other kids, and how I got told on by the teachers. And my parents wondered why I was a loner.

"I know that feeling. The other kids beat me up for my opinions as well."

It was then that I stopped in my tracks. He got beat up? By other kids? For his opinion?

I turned around and saw the kid that I was talking to. And like the majority of District One, he had blond hair and green eyes, but I didn't notice that, what I noticed as his body. His body was covered in bruises, and small cuts. My body was covered in bruises and small cuts. He was just like me. And what do you know, we had the same features as well! Our hair was the same length, our bodies were the same, and we even had injures in the same places. It was like looking in a mirror. It was awesome and scary at the same time. It was scarsome!

"You got beat up as well?" I asked, not believing what I was seeing.

"Yep." He answered.

"For voicing your opinion?'

"Yep. They didn't like it, so they dog piled on me and punched me while I was on the ground."

"Some kids did that to me too!" I shouted, thinking of how much alike we were.

"We should be friends," He suggested. "Based on mutual situations."

I didn't know what mutual meant, but I didn't care, he knew what I was going through, and he wanted to be friends. I was about to get my first friend, who could I say no?

"Okay." I told him.

My first friend. How awesome was that?

*Present day*

I never did ask him what they beat him up for, nor did I ever ask what his opinions were. At the moment, I didn't really care, and I thought I knew what they were anyway. All I knew was that someone that looked like me, thought like me, and got in the same situations as me, wanted to be my friend.

It was the best thing that had happened in my life, though people looked at me strangely every time I talked to Zane. It was like he was invisible, like he wasn't there. Because of that, I went from the weird kid that didn't like training, to the weird and somewhat crazy kid that hadn't yet grown out of having imaginary friends.

Zane was real though, I knew that much. I knew that he was real because he felt so real, more real than the imaginary friends that I had long grown out of. There were times that I wished that I could turn back time and reunite with my old imaginary friends, but I would of felt stupid doing that. They were fake, that's why they're called imaginary friends. And even if I could be back with them now, I doubt that I'd be able to.

I wouldn't be able to reunite with them for a good reason. That reason wasn't because I was eighteen years old and it wasn't because I'd feel stupid, it was because they simply wouldn't accept me. After all, why would they want me back? I was a different person than I was back then. I wasn't the Hale Celeste that they had known, the one that had been their friend, I was Calamity Mershade, the boy that was known as an arsonist, a murderer, a rapist, and a psychopath. Even if it wasn't completely my fault.

I watched as Zane put his bloody hand on the wall, keeping my body balanced so that we wouldn't fall over, and watched as he streaked a crimson line as he stroked the wall.

That streak of blood reminded me of all the blood that he, that I, that both of us, had spilt long before this game had started.

*Seven years ago*

"What'd you get beat up for this time?" I asked Zane as I threw another rock against the wall of the academy. In my imagination, I saw the building come crumbling down with every stone I threw at it. But as reality told me, it was wishful thinking.

"Some jerk tried to take my money," Zane told me. Unlike me, he wasn't throwing stones, he was just watching me to it. "I didn't want to. And I fought back."

"You fought back?" I asked, surprised at this. Now a days, whatever happens to Zane was hardly as surprise, since whatever happens to me usually happens to him. But today was different, because I thought that we were going to have a different conversation. I guess we weren't. "Why?"

Zane shrugged.

"Guess I just got tired of being pushed around."

"Well guess what." I said, smiling widely.

"What?" Zane asked.

"I fought back today as well."

"Really? How'd that go?"

"Not good." I admitted. "I let my anger think rather than my head. There were four of them, all a year older than me, all bigger than me, and I just attacked."

"What's the damage?" Zane asked.

"What do you think?" I said, thinking that he should know what the damage was. "Got these black eyes and my arms and legs and stomach and entire body hurts like hell."

I my of had the first attack, but they were the ones that had given the last attack. After they pounded me to the ground, they continued to punch and kick me. The best I could do was defend and hope that they didn't hurt me too badly. And nothing was broken, so I guess that was good.

"No," Zane said, like I was stupid. "I mean what damage did you do to them?"

"In all honesty, not much." I admitted. "I punched one in the face then kneed him in the stomach, then the other three ganged up on me and beat me up."

"You know what we should do later on?"

"What?"

"Find them, then beat them up."

I don't think we'll stand much of a chance." I told my friend, thinking of how many times the two of us got beaten up by those that didn't like us. As much as I wanted to get them to leave me alone, I don't think getting beaten up was a good way to get them to leave us alone.

I didn't want to get beaten up, and I don't Zane wanted to as well. "The two of us, against the four of them? Are you crazy?"

"We'll bring things with us." Zane told me, his smile widening. "Pieces of wood, metal poles, bricks, we could break their bones before they even know what's happening to them."

I was shocked to hear Zane say what he was saying, mostly because he hadn't talked like that before. Sure he talked about wanting to get those that had hurt him back. Sure he said he wanted to hurt them and make them pay. Sure he said that he wanted them to feel his pain, but I didn't think that he'd actually suggest that we go out and actually break bones. And the way he said it, the way his eyes lit up, it was like he looked forward to doing those deeds. It was scary.

"I don't know Zane." I answered honestly. "You know how I feel about hurting people."

"I don't like hurting people." Zane said in a high pitched, mocking tone before he retuned to his normal voice. "I didn't see you complaining when you said that you punched and kneed that one kid. In fact, the only thing you complained about was not being able to beat him."

I hated to admit it, but I didn't feel sorry for hitting him, but that's because he was a bully, it's not like I wanted to cripple him. "If anything, you're giving them what they deserve. After all the times they've taken advantage of you, after all the times that they've pushed you around, don't you think that they deserve to be knocked down a little?"

"Well..." I said, not knowing what to say.

Yes, I wanted them to get a taste of their own medicine. But at the same time, I didn't want them to be in casts and never be able to walk again.

"You want to break them. You want to break their body, mind, and spirit. Let me help you with that. Together, we can rip their arms off and shove them up their stupid butts!"

"No!" I shouted to my friend. "I don't know what's going through your head, but I'm not a murderer! And neither are you!"

"How would you know?" Zane asked. "Huh? How would you know?"

"Because I know you." I told him. He was just like me. What had happened to him? Ever since he got his finger broken, the same day I got my finger broken, he started to say some really mean things. Some really violent things that were more like what the older, crazy kids said. Where had the old Zane gone?

"You obviously don't"

"Shut up Zane! Whatever you're planning, I don't want to be a part of it!" Whatever he was thinking, I didn't want to hear. Whatever his plans were, I didn't want to know. If he really was going to do something to those kids, I didn't want to see, hear, or even know about it. If he got beat to a pulp, that was his problem.

But then I started to feel scared for him. He was my friend after all. I didn't want him to get beaten to a pulp, I just wanted him to not hurt those kids. "Zane..." I started, but then he turned around and shouted at me.

"Whatever!" He shouted before running away from me. "See you later! If you change your mind, which I hope you will, I'll find you!"

I didn't chase after him. I should of, but I knew that I was never going to catch him, he just seemed to have a talent of disappearing on me.

And like my thoughts told me, he was gone within seconds. If only he could disappear like that to those who hurt him.

I briefly wished that I could disappear like that as well. I imagined the possibilities that I would have if I had that ability.

"Looks like you're a little bummed out there." A female voice said. Her voice was so close to me that I jumped up in fright. I heard her laugh as I turned around to face her. Her face was so close that our noses almost touched each other. I yelled out in fright, again, and fell on my back as he let out a laugh, again.

"Don't do that!" I shouted at her, angry that she had gotten so close to me so suddenly.

"Do what?" She asked innocently.

"Scare me half to death." I told her, annoyed that she thought that it was funny. I had more then one bad experience from people sneaking up on me. I think girls seemed to sense that, because my younger sister tended to do that to me. It was annoying, and something that I never got used to, much to her amusement.

"I'm sorry," She said, crouching down. "Didn't mean to kill you."

"Sure didn't seem like it." I muttered.

"What was that?" She asked.

"Nothing." I said, thinking of how she wasn't supposed to hear that last comment.

I mentally told myself that her sneaking up on me was her way of fun, like my sister's. She wasn't here to attack me, she was here to scare me, nothing more.

I looked up and saw that she was still looking at me. Not laughing this time, but smiling. "What are you smiling at?" I asked with some anger, just wanting her to leave.

"Oh nothing." She said, looking around like she hadn't just nearly killed me with her voice alone. Her smile continued to irritate me.

"Okay, you scared me, congrats, now please leave."

"Nah," She quickly said. "I'm good." And before I was even able to say anything, she began talking again. "I like this spot. It's shady, looks comfortable, and it's away from everything. Or, at least the best you can get from away from everything at the academy."

That's the point. I wanted to tell her that, but something told me not to. A feeling more than anything. But it was my spot, my spot and Zane's, she shouldn't be here. It was our spot for getting away from everything and everyone, but with her here, it would ruin everything.

"Great. Yeah. Enjoy it." I said, thinking of where a new good spot for escaping reality would be.

"Going somewhere?" She asked.

'Don't say yes. Don't say yes. Don't say yes.'

"No." I said, not wanting to be rude. After all, it's not like she had done anything to me, besides scare me.

"I think I'll join you then." She said, still squatting down where she was. "What you doing?"

"Nothing." I answered automatically, because really, who wants to hear that I was throwing rocks at the walls hoping that they'd crumble down? "What about you?"

"Same." She answered with a shrug. "Let's do nothing together."

"Fine." I said, not wanting to argue with her.

I dusted myself off and fell to my back, realizing that today was a beautiful day. There were white clouds of different shapes and sizes in the bright blue sky that had a touch of white. The kinds of clouds that looked like something if you looked closely, or not so closely.

"What's your name?" The girl asked.

I sighed, wondering what she wanted with me.

"Why do you want to know?" I asked.

"Just want to know the name of the person I'm doing nothing with." She said in a kindly voice, not like a sparing partner that knew that all I was going to do was defend attacks. And because she asked like that, I was going to answer.

"Hale Celeste."

A pause came. And as an after thought, I wondered what her name was. "What's yours?"

"Ruby." She answered. "Ruby Jivani."

*Present day*

Ruby.

If I had known what would happen in the future I would of never let her sit with me and do nothing. I would of done everything in my power to send her away from me, and do everything that I could of done to keep her away from me. She didn't deserve what happened to her, nor did anyone else that were the victims of me and Zane. But Ruby stuck out in my mind the most, other than my family, because she was my first friend, my first REAL friend.

She was kind to me, helped me out, got me going in life, stopped from being the loner that I was. Got me some friends that my parents actually approved of. She got me to participate in the training sessions, like a somewhat normal career, even though I still didn't like the idea of beating the shit out of the other person.

She told me to fake it, so I did. That got some people off my back, but some of the bullies kept on coming for me. But Ruby saved me from that as well.

At first, I didn't think she saved me, because when she saw that there were five of them against me, all she did was shout at them as they beated me. But then I heard some of the words that she was shouting at them. She called them cowards. Said that they were weak because it took five of them to fight me and that they should pick on something else.

The five boys then turned their attention to her, and then proceeded to fight her. Ruby stood her ground, but I didn't want her to fight. There were five of them, and while they were in the same year, they were all bigger than her.

I told them that she wasn't a part of the fight, it was just between me and them. Ruby then said that they couldn't beat me one on one, then they weren't even worth her time.

With their pride on the line, the leader of the bullies challenged me to a one on one fight.

That conversation got me into the academy fighting ring, in front of everyone. Kids, parents, the teachers, they all came to see me fight. Now not only was I going to get beaten up, again, I was going to get beaten up in front of everyone. But Ruby assured me that everything was going to be all right.

I told her that I was scared, and that I couldn't fight the leader of the group of bullies that had been hitting me. Ruby then quietly told me that I was no different from everyone in one main way, that everyone was scared of fighting, they just don't show it. She then told me that if I didn't want to hurt him, make him forfeit, pin him down or choke him out.

So that's what I did, I went into the ring, gathered up my courage, and charged towards my opponent.

What happened after was a blur. For the life of me I can't remember what happened, but when the fighting was done, I was on my back, but I had my legs wrapped around the bully's waist and had him in the guillotine choke. His face was literally dark purple before he passed out and the instructor forced me off of him.

I was beat up, bloody, could barley see out of my two black eyes, my whole body was one fire, I later found out that four of my teeth were missing, but at that moment, all I saw was that I had beaten someone, and I felt proud of myself.

Ruby was proud of me as well, holding my beaten and bloody body in her arms as she called me her protector for some reason. I told her that I didn't do anything to protect her, that she was the one that made everything all right. She then told me that the reason I was her protector was because if they had gone after her, she could see that I was going to do everything in my power to stop them from getting her, even if I wasn't going to hurt them.

That was true. If the situation had gone sour, I would of done things to stop them, or at least slow them down so that Ruby could get away from them.

If I had been older, or knew more about beauty, I might of asked Ruby to be my girlfriend. She was pretty with light blond hair and brown eyes that weren't the norm of District One. Taller than me at the time by four inches, she was a big girl who was a year older than me.

But I didn't, but it was for the better, who knew how devastated she would of been, how I would of been when the future came.

When I looked over Ruby's shoulder, I saw Zane with a look of disappointment on his face. I knew what it was for. It was for me not bashing my tormenter's face in.

Zane had gotten more and more violent thoughts, but he was still my friend.

Little did I know just how deep our... 'Friendship' was.

*Six years ago*

Black outs.

I was having more and more black outs, and more and more people were getting hurt.

I'd be going around like normal, walking, running, thinking, whatever, then suddenly, everything would go dark. It was like it suddenly became night time. Then when it became day again, things would be different.

I'd be in a different place, I'd be holding something, or there'd be someone lying on the ground, bleeding, beaten. I didn't know what to think when those black outs occurred, the only thing that I could do was stare in shock until I recovered.

If I was holding an object, I'd drop it. If someone had been beaten up, I'd run away. I didn't know what happened, and I didn't want to know what had happened. The only thing that I knew was that I had been involved in some sort of theft or assault, or both.

I didn't understand. Why had these events happened? Why did I have no memory of doing them? And more importantly, why was I doing these things? What had made me get the sudden urge to steal, or to fight? It wasn't in my nature, I knew that much, so it was strange and confusing.

My friends got worried about me, and so did my parents.

When I first told them about the black outs, they thought that it was just something that I was going through. But the more times that I blacked out, the more that they thought that it was an excuse than anything else.

Then I got into a fight with them, and that's what killed our friendship. I got into a fight with one of them, apparently head butting one of them so hard that it knocked out six of his front teeth.

Real friends don't assault each other. Sure we get in disagreements and maybe push each other around, but we don't attack each other like we're going to murder them. That's what I apparently did, and they didn't want anything to do with me anymore.

I'd be alone again if it weren't for Zane, and Ruby. Ruby was the only one that would listen to me, actually worried for me. Zane on the other hand was singing me praise for finally getting out of my weak state of mind.

I told Zane that I hated what I was doing, but he told me that if I was doing it, then I must of really wanted to do it. It was false, I didn't want to do any of those horrible things I was doing. Attacking people? Stealing things? If I could control myself I'd make sure that none of those things would ever happen. Zane just told me to give in to my darker desires, I told him that I wasn't.

He didn't seem too happy about that.

That was something that scared me about Zane now a days, he was even more violent and seemed to think that injured people were the best thing ever.

"What happened, Zane?" I asked him one day. "Why are you like this? What happened to the old you?"

"I grew up." He answered. "I know what I want, and I'm not hiding behind some chicken shit cowardice."

"But hurting people," I said, thinking of the times that he talked about how he wanted to hurt people, that he wanted everyone to pay.

"Hey!" He shouted angrily at me. "People hurt me when I was younger, why shouldn't I pay them back?"

Zane still looked like me. Same blond hair, same height, same body type. The only difference between us was that his green eyes looked like they were almost dead. Blank. Empty.

He may look like me, but he was nothing like me. Not anymore.

Then there was Ruby, comforting me, trying to help me. She did everything in her power to make things right again. But even with her help, she couldn't help me.

"Ruby." I said sadly. "Can I ask you something?"

We were at her house, once again, seeing if she could help me in anyway. So far, all the books and all the homemade treatments that she had read and attempted had failed, but she kept going for some reason.

"Sure." She said, swinging a coin with a string attached to it in front of my face.

"Why are you still with me? Everyone else has left."

"Because we're friends." She answered. "Friends help each other through thick and thin."

"But you're in danger every second you're around me, doesn't that bother you? Aren't you worried that I'll attack you like I did with our other friends?" They continued to be friends with Ruby, but they didn't want to come near me. Ruby told me that they thought she should stay away from me. I agreed, but she didn't agree with any of us, choosing to do what she wanted. I was glad, but worried for her. I was happy that she wanted to say friends with me, but worried that she'd be the next victim of one of my black outs.

"Hale." She said, dropping the coin down, seeing that the treatment wasn't working. "If you ever do attack me, I know how to defend myself." That much was true, she was a better fighter that I could ever think to be. "And besides, I think that if you ever black out again, you'll be my protector again, try to stop yourself so that I could get away from you."

"What makes you think that I'll be able to do that?" I asked, thinking of how I didn't succeed the last who knows how many times. Doesn't she think that if I could stop myself, I would?

"A girl can hope Hale, a girl can hope."

"So can a guy." I told her, hoping that whatever was happening, I could get rid of it. With or without her help. "So can a guy."

*Present day*

They didn't stop.

They kept in coming and going, never disappearing. I continued to steal, attack, and wonder what the hell was going on.

Anything that wasn't nailed down wasn't safe from being stolen. Everyone that was within my sight was a potential target. I had to do something about that, so I did.

I stopped going to the academy, and stopped going out in general. My parents worried about me, thought that it wasn't good to isolate myself from the outside world. I tried to explain what was going on, but they thought that a doctor would be able to help me. They couldn't. They couldn't find anything wrong with me, not even a brain scan that was second only to the Capitol, could revel anything. As far as they could see, I was normal.

Because of that, I was forced to go back to the academy, participate in the activities, and resume life like nothing was wrong. But paranoia fuelled my thoughts. I looked at everything, and everyone, and saw them as a victim of my next black out.

There was no way to know when the black outs would come, they just happened. No warning what so ever. One second I'd be doing whatever, the next moment, someone, or something, wouldn't be right. Just like that.

I eventually just refused to come out of my house, not wanting anything to happen outside the walls of my home. My parents worried for me, thought that I needed help. I told them that I'd be able to help myself, because even the doctors couldn't help me. The only one that could help me was me.

Ruby, bless her soul, tried to help, but somewhere deep down inside me, I knew that she couldn't help me. I didn't even know if I could help myself.

A sound snapped me out of my thoughts.

What's that? I asked.

No idea. Zane answered, just as confused as I was.

I listened, trying to figure out what the sound was.

Nothing occurred. Just silence in the arena, silence save Zane's heavy breathing and grunts of pain. I couldn't blame him either, those injures that he revived would of probably made anyone else want to give up on life. I mean, the way that he lost that testicle was so brutal that it was painful to even just remembering it.

Must be nothing. Zane said before he continued moving. But then the sound occurred again. It sounded like the skittering of a hundred feet running. But something was strange about it as well. Why did some of it sound like it was coming from the ceiling? Why did it have some deep thuds like it was inside the walls and ceiling?

Looking around, I couldn't see anything, and neither could Zane. We looked towards where the sounds were coming from, but all we could see were the walls and the ceilings with their weakly lit lights that casted those red shadows of theirs.

The sounds alone were creepy enough, but the sounds from an unknown source that sounded like the walls were creating them, and moving, in a dark area that had little light, was even worse.

The unknown. Sometimes, that was even scarier than knowing exactly what was in front of you. Just like those black outs of mine.

Just what the hell was making those sounds?

All of a sudden, a loud metal crash occurred behind me, nearly making Zane jump out of his skin as he turned around to see what had caused that sound.

When Zane finished turning around, I saw a metal grate on the floor. Zane must of been thinking the same thing as me, because when I wanted to look up, he looked up, and what I saw was something that I had wished wasn't happening. Up where the air grate used to be, there were babies, and young kids that couldn't be more than the age of six or seven, crawling out of the ceiling.

From what I could see about those kids, they all looked sick. Sores were all over their bodies, they had deep cuts on them that weren't bleeding, and that was all I needed to see of them to know that they just weren't normal.

The babies gave out a hiss before Zane turned his back towards them and started to run away, knowing just as well as me that they were mutts. Mutts sent in to either kill us, or throw in some entertainment for the Capitol because things weren't as riled up as they would of liked.

But it was strange, it couldn't of been that long since our tangle with Caia. Did the Capitol finally get rid of that peacekeeper? Were they getting rid of us because of Zane's methods of fun?

Rape wasn't allowed in the games, it was an unspoken rule. Maybe that's why the mutts were chasing us.

And now Zane was running. We were running. Again.

*Six years ago*

"You bastard!" I shouted at Zane with all the anger that was burning inside my body. If my rage could shine in physical form, I bet that it could shine bright enough to light up the entire night sky, and more. "You god damn bastard!"

"Don't look at me like that," Zane said to me, but still looking at the flames that glowed brightly against the near black sky. His eyes were as blank as they ever were, but his smile was big and wide. "You're better off without them. After all, didn't you say that nobody can help you?"

"They were my family!" I shouted at him. For once in my life, I was so filled with rage that I wanted to actually hurt someone. No. I wanted to more than hurt him, I wanted to murder him, just like he had done to my family.

I ran towards Zane and managed to tackle him to the ground before I wrapped my hands around his throat and started to squeeze the life out of him. Zane struggled, but then I started to feel pain in my neck as I found it increasingly difficult to breathe.

I looked down, and saw that Zane was strangling me as well. I could feel his fingers digging into my throat. I had to kill him before he killed me. I applied more pressure, but so did Zane. I pressed harder, but then, so did Zane. "You. Were. My. Friend." I chocked out, my tears, from the pain, emotions, heat, and smoke, still burning my eyes.

"Still. Am." Zane squeezed out.

His face turning dark red as my vision started to blur. I wasn't going to stop, not yet. If I was going down, so was Zane, he was responsible for setting my house on fire. He was responsible for killing my mom and dad. He was the one that raped my younger sister after he tied her arms and legs together and tapped her mouth shut. I tried to stop him, but he managed to beat me, before he forced me to watch.

The look on my sister's face. The tears in her eyes. The look of pure horror as Zane ripped her clothes off of her before he inserted his dick onto her vigina. It was a moment of pure horror for not only her, but for me as well. She was my sister, I was her older brother, I was supposed to protect her, and I failed at that. I was the worst big brother in the world.

After he was done having his fun with my sister, he simply slit her throat and watched her blood spray out with a look of pure amazement. He did the same with my parents, but they had been asleep, so they didn't feel any pain, that much I was glad for. But still, he had outright murdered them. Forcing me to watch as I was too weak to do anything.

I wish I could of ripped the tape off my legs and wrists earlier, but I didn't. But I had them off now, and the least I could do was avenge them. Zane deserved it, he deserved to die!

As I continued to strangle Zane, my vision continued to get more and more fuzzy, my ears started to have heartbeats of their own, and it became hard to breathe. I started to get tired. The world turned from a distorted, colour filled world of red, orange, grey, and yellow, into a world of solid grey.

I didn't let go though, not even after the colours started to disappear. Zane needed to die, and I was going to do it.

Then the corners of my vision started to turn black. Then they started to move towards the center of my vision.

It felt as if my eyes were going to pop from their sockets, I wanted to get away from my attacker, but the need to kill Zane was stronger.

I continued to close my hands around his throat, wanting him to just die before he killed me.

But then I couldn't take it anymore, I needed to breathe. I released his neck and threw my hands at his arms, forcing him to release me before I sucked in air like no tomorrow. With every breath I took, it felt as if I was inhaling razors. My throat burned, but my vision started to clear before long, but not without some painful coughing.

Damn it! "You can't kill me." Zane laughed. His voice hoarse and on the verge of coughing. "You can never kill me."

I hated that he was right. But there were always second chances!

I got to my feet as quickly as I could before I started to run towards him again, wanting to bash his skull in until it was nothing but thick red paste on the ground.

I ran towards him, but at the same time, I heard sets of combat boots running towards me. I heard adult voices shouting, one of them which was giving orders. The peacekeepers were heading this way. And here I was, in the middle of an arson attack. "Catch you later." Zane told me before he disappeared into the shadows.

It was then that I knew that I was in trouble. I couldn't tell the peacekeepers that I hadn't done it, they wouldn't believe me. I was the only one at the scene, and that was bad for me.

I thought that killing Zane was bad, but this was even worse, if the peacekeepers caught me, they'd put me to death.

I had a choice, try to convince the peacekeepers that someone who looked exactly like me raped my sister, killed my parents in their sleep, then burned my house down, fled from the scene before they arrived. Or I could run. Run and hope that they never catch me. And live.

Life or death. I didn't need to think for a second which one I wanted more.

I turned tail and ran.

*One year later*

Living on my own, on the streets, with no support what so ever, was hard.

Taking things from trash cans, eating bugs that flew in my path, stealing from stores in a snatch and run technique, it made me feel like someone from District Twelve. Desperate, poor, and alone.

I was ashamed of what I was doing to survive, but if there's one thing that I wanted to do, it was survive. I couldn't go to the peacekeepers for help, they would never believe me. I couldn't go to Ruby, I didn't want her caught up in all of this. And I hadn't seen Zane in a while, so I hadn't had a chance to get revenge on him. Yet.

Even more ashaming was that I still had those black outs. As usual, they happened without warning, then when I recovered from them, I'd see that I had either stolen something, or had beaten someone up.

I was torn between two personas. There was my human side, the one that just wanted to run away and not cause anymore damage than I already had done. But there was my survivalist side that wanted to take everything that they had.

I hated to admit it, but I gave into the survival side of me. I stole everything that they had on them. Their clothes mostly, but I also stole their money and jewerary to buy things from the shady dealers of District One. Those dealers would get me food and water in exchange for whatever I could give them. And even though I was only thirteen, I knew that their prices were way higher then they would be if I was the one walking in and buying. But what could I do? It was either that or go hungry another night. So I put up with it and kept my mouth shut about the high prices.

When I first started, I was surprised to learn that there were other people that were homeless. It really did surprise me, because back when I still had a home, I never saw anyone without one.

There were people of all ages. Kids, adults, elderly, and even families. This entire sub-culture of people, hidden from sight, only found by those that were either in the same situation as them, or the ones that dared to look. It's funny what you don't see out in the open. But now that I'm part of them, it's all I can see.

I don't want to get mixed in with the people that I used to see all around me due to my unpredictable black outs. When I go into town to steal or search trash cans, I try to stay there for as little time as possible. That goes for the homeless people as well. I try to spend as little time with them as well, for the same reasons. Everyone was a victim of the black outs. Even me.

I stayed in my spot, and tended to stay there. Isolated and alone. Just the way I wanted.

Surrounded by trash, discarded items, and people that others didn't even want to acknowledge, I felt as if I fit right in.

Today had been a pretty good day. In one of the trash cans I found a large chunk of cheese and some lettuce leaves. Though the cheese was more mold than cheese and the lettuce leaves were rotten. But I couldn't complain, I was hungry, and this was probably the best I was going to get, so I sucked it up, took the food items, and scurried off with my prizes.

I didn't head home straight away. Instead, since it was the middle of the night, and nobody was near, I decided to stop by the park and eat there. I wanted to enjoy the scenery that was on the edge of the poor part of town. Even if it was raining. After all, I missed my old life, and I hoped that just seeing the middle class town would get rid of some of that home sickness I was feeling.

While I was in, what was considered the poor side of town, almost everyone had a home and was living comfortably. The only people that weren't were the scum of the earth homeless. Like me.

Sitting on a park bench in the middle of the park, I picked off the worst of the mold, knowing that I'd never get all of it off, and flicked them away. Tasty treat for the rats and birds that found them.

"Hello there stranger." A very familiar voice said happily. A voice that I didn't want to hear. A person that I didn't want to even be near me.

At first I felt happiness within me, but it was quickly replaced with concern as I worried about her being here.

"Get out of here, Ruby." I told her, just wanting her to leave before something bad happened. "You shouldn't be here."

"Neither should you." She said.

I looked up and saw her as she was. Pretty, clean, and dry. Not like me, who was ugly from the dirt, grime, and filthy clothes that I wore. I was also wet, and she was dry because of the umbrella she carried. The umbrella which was now sheltering me instead of her.

"I belong here." I told her. "My home's ash and it's my fault."

I was Ruby shake her head.

"You're wrong Hale. That fire that destroyed your house, it wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was. If it weren't for me being so weak, it wouldn't of burned to the ground and my sister wouldn't of been raped and my parents would still be alive."

"What are you talking about?" Ruby asked, surprised by what I had just said. It didn't surprise me. Nobody knew about the slaughter of my parents or the raping of my sister, just that our house had been burnt down and that there was one less body than there should of been.

"I couldn't stop it from happening." I explained to her. "If I had been stronger. Or smarter. Or something better than the me that there, I could of saved them. But no, I got overpowered and was forced to watch the events unfold." Ruby listened, so I continued. "I was tied up, forced to watch as he raped my sister before slitting the throats of my parents." I felt tears building up in my eyes as I remembered those events like it was yesterday. "Then he dragged me outside and set the house on fire. I only managed to escape my binds when the house was an inferno. I tried to kill him, but I failed at doing that as well."

I looked up at my friend and thought of my name. What she, and my parents had once said. "You call me a protector. My parents called me a protector. My name means protector. But I failed to protect those closest to me."

"Hale..." She started, but I held up a hand, stopping her from completing whatever she was going to say.

"Stop." I instructed her. "Just stop and get out of here before a black out occurs."

"You need to stop living like this." Ruby told me.

"What?" I asked. "Like a homeless person?"

"In fear." She said. "First you fear career training. Then you fear people and fights. Now you're fearing black outs and everything that comes with it."

"And rightfully so." I muttered before I took a bite of mouldy cheese. It tasted horrible.

"Is this what you want with your life!" My friend shouted. "Living outside and eating... Crap like that?"

"Not like my life was worth living anyway." I said to her, thinking of how much of a worthless soul I was.

"Hale!" She shouted so loudly that I was forced to look up, before I felt blinding pain on the left side of my head as a cascade of colours exploded in front of me.

I felt myself leave the park bench and hit the wet ground. "Get a hold of yourself! Do you really think that? Huh? Do you?"

"Yes." I firmly told her. Another explosion of pain and colours appeared.

"Hale! Your coming back to civilization wither you like it or not!" I then felt her grab my wrist before she started to drag me.

"No." I moaned. "No. I can't go back."

"Right. You don't want to go back, because you've finally found a place where you belong." A voice, that I also didn't want to hear either, appeared. "A cesspool filled with cesspeople. There's no way that you'd belong out of that shit town."

"Get out of here, Zane." I told my former friend. I didn't want anything to do with him. Why did he have to appear now? After all this time? Why'd you have to appear now?

"Look at you." He said, like I hadn't said anything at all. "Getting beat up by a girl and forced to do something against your will. Pathetic."

"Zane." I said, just wanting him to get away.

"She's real pretty," Zane continued with a dark tone. I didn't like that tone. "But I bet you already knew that."

"Don't you even-" I started.

"Stop me." Zane challenged before I started to hear something that made my blood boil.

"What are you doing?" I heard Ruby say. Confusion and shock thick in her voice. Her hand let of my wrist. "Stop! No!" I heard her shout before the sound of fists hitting flesh sounded out as screaming occurred. I knew exactly what was happening, Zane had done the same thing with my sister, and he was going to do the same to Ruby!

"Stop it Zane!" I shouted. But it was no good, I couldn't see, my vision was still blurred from Ruby's previous attack. But I could still follow the voices. "Zane! Stop!" Nothing changed.

I stood up and ran towards the sound of screaming, though it wasn't very far, the only problem was knowing where Zane was. If I could tackle him off of Ruby, she'd be able to get away. Then I'd kill Zane, and I wouldn't bother with strangling him, I'd bash his head in until all that was left were his brains splattered across the sidewalk. "Zane!" I shouted before I started to run towards where I thought Zane was.

I ran, and ran, and ran, but I couldn't get to Zane. In fact, running seemed to do nothing. I didn't seem to be moving. The voices weren't getting any closer, nor were they getting any farther. They seemed to stay in the same place, no matter which direction I ran. I was lost in a world of darkness, and the only thing that I could hear was the grunts of Zane and the moans of Ruby.

I hated that there was nothing that I could do. I tried to do something, but just like my family, there was nothing that I could do to stop Zane. I still tried, but I kept on accomplishing nothing. I was filled with anger and hopelessness.

But then my vision started to clear, and I started to see everything that was around me.

I wished that I had remained blind, because I could see Ruby, beaten up and below me. She had her clothes removed, blood was flowing from her mouth, and my pants were down. My penis inside of her.

What the hell is this! I wanted to shout that, but nothing came out of my mouth, I was too shocked to say anything.

No. I wasn't the one that was raping Ruby, Zane was the one that was doing the raping, not me!

"Why, Hale?" Ruby weakly asked. The sound of betrayal thick in her voice.

No! It wasn't me! It was Zane! Not me! This wasn't possible, I hadn't done anything! Zane was here, he was the one doing it, so why was I like this? Why was I the one doing the raping? Why!? What was happening?

It's not me Ruby! It's not me! I swear to God, it wasn't me! Ruby, look at me, you know me, I wouldn't of done such a thing.

I knew that I wouldn't of done anything like this, but the looks in my friend's eyes told me otherwise. The picture in front of me showed me otherwise.

I could only look out in horror as Ruby's eyes faded away before her head tilted away from me, telling me that she had passed away. The last thought she had was one of betrayal. It made me feel sick and rotten.

"Zane!" I shouted, finding my voice at last. "Show yourself!"

"I'm right here." Zane said impossibly close to me.

I swung my head left and right, but couldn't see him. I looked behind me, he wasn't there as well. I looked below, but could only see Ruby. As impossible as it sounded, could he be above me? I looked up, and could only see the storm clouds that were pouring down rain. Zane was nowhere to be spotted.

"Where are you?" I shouted, wanting him to just show himself so that I could kill him.

"Right here." Zane said again, his voice sounding like it was in my brain.

"Show yourself!" I shouted, not wanting to play anymore games.

I felt a fist hit the side of my face. I turned toward that fist, wanting to punch the shit out of Zane, but couldn't see him. Instead, all I saw was a fist. My fist. "What the hell?" I asked before that fist lifted up it's middle finger.

"Surprise mother fucker!" Zane shouted as my middle fingering hand waved around in front of me. "Didn't expect that one did you?"

Confused as hell, I could only look at it in shock as an epiphany hit me.

"Zane... Are you..."

"Finally figured it out did you." Zane answered, laughing all the way. "That's right. I. Am. You!" He then laughed louder then ever. "That's why you can't stop me. That's why you can't kill me! Because if you kill me, you kill yourself!"

"But, you were a person-"

"That looked exactly like you, if I remember correctly." Zane finished for me. "Coincidence? Hardly. Though I do wonder how I managed to take that form. I guess your mind just couldn't accept that I was a part of you and decided to create me with a physical body."

"Wait? You knew?" I asked, wondering how he knew about all of this when I didn't.

"Of course I knew." He answered smugly. "I'm you. Only better."

"No." I said, trying to convince myself that this wasn't real. There was no way that this, of all things, could be real. A second me? A voice in my head that became real and had its own personality? That wasn't possible. "It's not real. You're not real."

"Keep telling yourself that, it'll eventually come true." Zane said with extreme sarcasm.

With that, the knowledge that was flowing into me, I couldn't help but scream into the night. My black outs, those attacks, those thefts, Zane's increasingly violent personality, the arson attack on my own home, my sister's rape, my parent's murderers, Ruby's rape and murder. It wasn't Zane that had done those, it was me. It was me!

I shouted into the night as loudly as I could, hoping that it would attract attention. Hopefully it would get the peacekeepers. I wanted the peacekeepers to come and see what Zane...What I had done. They'd see what I had done and put me to death.

I wanted to die.

*Present day*

But I didn't die.

A group of peacekeepers arrived and saw that I had raped a girl before killing her. Everything was right in front of them, they could of killed me, shot me in the head, and everything would of been done. A little piece of the world would be right again. I wanted them to kill me, I wanted to get what was coming to me.

I looked at the lead peacekeeper, and welcomed the sight of a rifle pointed at me. I was ready.

But they didn't sentence me to death like I wanted them to. Instead, one of the peacekeepers got me to be sent into the correctional facility.

The rumours I had heard about that place wasn't pretty. It was a place that they sent people that didn't fit in with the normal world. The place where they sent in crazy people, very crazy people, the vast majority of them were mentally insane, and attempted to correct them. Find out what was wrong with them, and make them right again.

As far as I knew, nobody had returned from that facility. That was what made it scary, the fact that nobody that had been sent into that place had ever came back out. Alive that is.

To say that I didn't want to go there was an understatement. I preferred death. And I tried to get death. I attacked the lead peacekeeper, the one that wanted to send me to that facility, but I ended up on the wrong side of multiple combat boots. They kicked me until I couldn't even see before they started to, literally, drag me to the facility.

When I first got in there, a team of doctors that looked for more sinister than the normal doctors I had previously seen, started to examine me. Talk to me, take notes, hook me up to a machine. They would talk among themselves, almost like I wasn't there sometimes.

After a couple of hours of them looking at me, they sent me into the actual living quarters, but not before asking for my name.

At that point in time, I didn't want to be called, Hale Celeste. I never wanted to be called that again, not after everything that had happened. I didn't deserve that name. I was no protector, I was someone that brought disaster and misery.

Calamity. That became my first name, because it meant disaster. Mershade. That became my last name, because there were merging shades of me mixed into one body. Me, Calamity, and Zane. Two shadows, two minds, one body. Hale Celeste, no longer existed. In his place was Calamity Mershade. Rapist, killer, and arsonist. My old life was over, and good reddens, I thought.

It was after I got my new identity that I discovered what nightmares were really like. It wasn't a dream, and because of that, it was so much worse then anything that I had ever dreamed about.

The howls of the inmates, the sound of gunshots, buckets being clanged, the cries and laughter and sounds of pity. The sound of electricity and running water. The sound of carnage, fighting, and brutality. The sounds of crazy people talking to crazy people. The sounds of inmates getting dragged out of their cells, their fingernails scrapping on the stone floor as they pled for mercy. Those sounds were forever imbedded in my brain.

The sight of the guards with their cruel faces, the doctors with their wicked 'treatment options', the inmates that lived in the hell that was called the correctional facility. Those were forever burned into my eyes.

If I closed my eyes and even just vaguely thought about it, I'd see and hear and feel and smell everything that had been around me for the year that I was in there.

It was a living hell for me. It was a sanctuary for Zane.

The violence that lived in that place, the brutality that existed between everyone, the sense of despair and hopelessness, it was perfect for Zane. He loved it there.

He'd often rile up the other inmates. Sometimes, all it took was a look. Sometimes, that's all he'd need to do in order for someone to go totally insane. It was scary, and I got paranoid as Zane could take control at any moment, and in here, he seemed to be able to take control of me more then he ever could outside of the building.

It was survival of the fittest. You had to find new ways to survive. Catching and eating bugs, licking condensation off of the walls, fighting off inmates, hiding from guards. Those were the basics that you had to learn.

And there were other basic things that you had to endure. You had to endure starvation, dehydration, sleep deprivation, beatings, the death that was around you, and more. Not only were those in that place psyically tortured, they were also mentally tortured.

The doctors and guards would feed you a series of turths and lies with added bits of half-truths, trying to make your mind crack. They would fill you up with drugs that had various effects. The drugs ranged from very mild sensations, to severe hallucinations. They'd try to beat the mentallity out of you psyically and mentally. They would make you sick. Stick pins into your body and test your reflexs. Those were the most basic treatments they would give you.

The worst treatment I had ever been put under was when they filled me up with a strong hallucinogenic drug before putting me into an ice cold bath that would give me electric shocks. I thought that the bathtub was a freezing purple lake that was litterally trying to drown me. Everytime I got shocked, I thought that electric hybrid animals were trying to eat me. I was also on fire as the sky was litterally crushing me as gods with cut open flesh and dog like snouts were watching me with their gorged out eyes that sucked up any trace of idenity I had.

Though that was the scariest thing that had ever happened to me, there were patients that had treatments much, much worse than I could ever imagine.

I was inside that building for a week before the facility doctors told me that I had an interesting case of split personality disorder. One where I knew about the other personality, which was rare for the disorder. What was rarer still was that I had interacted with my second personality, seen him as another person, fought with him, could actually see what he was doing while he was in control. They found me as a rare find that they wanted to examine.

So that's what they did, they examined me. But they also did a lot of experiments with me. Things that I didn't even want to think about. Things that made me want to scream and made Zane smile at my suffering.

He wanted to be free, and I wanted him to stay trapped. Those doctors thought that they could help me get rid of Zane. But what they didn't know, and what I knew, was that Zane couldn't be getting rid of. He was me, and I was him. The only way that he would go away was if I died.

They seemed to figure that out after a while as well, so they started to try and teach me things that could suppress Zane and keep him under control. The only thing was, Zane thrived in the environment that we were in.

Zane got control over me through violence and pain, so when he had some control over my body, he'd use violence and pain to get full control. It was hard, but sometimes I'd manage to get control back. But it was hard, almost like trying to drown someone from District Four when you didn't even know how to swim. But I managed to do so. And if I needed some aid, I found out that alcohol was Zane's one weakness.

I could handle the liquor, Zane couldn't. The drawback though, was that I wasn't in complete control of myself either. My brain would go all fuzzy and I'd act stupid. Zane and I would almost always fight while we were drunk, but almost every time I woke up with a killer hangover, I'd be in control of my body again.

It wouldn't last long though, because Zane would find someway to use the correctional facility to his advantage.

The correctional facility. The place where they 'correct' people using any means possible. Where they experiment on them in the worst ways imaginable. And unimaginable. There were some things that I saw there that I couldn't even of imagined before. That in itself was horrifying, the things that went through their seemingly normal heads while the rest of us needed to be fixed. It was funny in a way, because I, along with a few others, thought that those doctors and guarded were the ones that needed to be corrected.

Day after day, night after night, it was the same thing. Treatments, hunger, thirst, sleep deprivation, beatings, violence, howls, and misery.

I wanted to escape. I needed to escape. I needed to get out of there before either they, or Zane, tore my soul apart.

So I planned my escape. Spent a month on it. Got everything I needed, learned as much about the surrounding area of the facility, learned as much about the inner walls and hidden pathways of the facility. Then when the time was right, I escaped. More luck then anything that I didn't get caught, because even though it was the middle of the night, there were guards posted everywhere. And much like the peacekeepers, they were authorized to deliver death or punishment at a moment's notice if someone was breaking the rules. And since I was escaping, the worst thing in that correctional facility, second only to murdering a guard or doctor, they would kill me if seen or caught.

A part of me wanted to get caught. To get killed. But another part of me wanted to live. Zane wanted me to live. And while the determination to escape was on full blast, the will to die was barley a spark in a raging inferno. So I evaded detection, escaped the horrific place they called a correctional facility, and ran away from it as fast as I could.

I didn't get caught, much to my subconscious wishes.

I ran, and ran, and ran. I ran until I couldn't run no more. Out of breath and not knowing what to do, I did what my body told me to do. I fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke up sore, tired, hungry, and thirsty. So I returned to the methods that I had done for the past two years, find food out in the streets, because in the correctional building, you only got feed enough to keep you alive, nothing more, nothing less.

I walked up to the first trash can that I saw and started to dig through it, finding it empty.

I remember smashing the lid down before I heard a female voice shouting at me to get off her property before she called the peacekeepers. I also remember her calling me hateful things, saying that if she was holding her knife she'd skin me alive. Wonderful woman she was.

As I walked down the streets, looking through all the trash cans along the way, I found that they were all empty. My stomach growled and my mouth watered just from the smell of garbage, that was how hungry I was. It wasn't a pleasant situation.

I wandered aimlessly, going from one location to the next, not really knowing where I was going, or what I was doing. The only thing I knew was that I wanted, not needed, to keep moving. I didn't want to think about my hunger, or my thirst, or anything else. I just wanted to walk.

In the middle of my aimless journey, rain started to pour down. I felt the first drop, and it brought back the horrible memories of Ruby. That in turn brought back the arson attack, the rape of my sister, and the slayings of my parents.

I could blame Zane for all that, because he was the one that did it after all. But in the end, I knew that it was my fault. Zane was me, and I was Zane. I could of stopped him, but I didn't. And here we were, still alive and kicking while they were dead. If anyone deserved to die, it was Zane and I, not them. If I could, I would trade my life for their's in an instant. Less then an instant.

With the memories coming back, I couldn't help but cry and slump against the wall that I was walking beside. With my shoulder scrapping against the wall, I couldn't help but feel a mixture of disgust and misery.

I had nothing to live for, but I continued to live, for myself, and only myself. It was selfishness to the max. I wanted to die, I wanted to live, I couldn't make up my mind. So I continued to live. Live in utter hatred that continues on to this very second.

I look back, and see that the sick babies are still chasing me and Zane. A part of me wants to drip Zane, to slow him down so that those demonic infants can feast upon us. But I let Zane run, because I'm afraid of death.

I'm afraid of dying and facing the faces of my family and my friend. All she knows is the betrayal that I had presented her. That Zane had presented her. I didn't tell her that it wasn't me, because until only a little after that incident, I hadn't known it was me either. But facing them and explaining what had really happened was something that I hadn't looked forward to.

With stomach, throat, and head pain, I slide to the ground and just laid there. I didn't want to do anything else.

I kept on thinking about how lonely I was back when I was just a little kid. How much I wanted a friend. I got Zane. And because of that, I got my present. I hated myself. If I had just learned to like the training that they had been giving me, none of this would of ever happened. I would of gotten real friends, and I would of had no need for Zane. I wouldn't of had to make him up, make him a part of me, give him control of me.

If I had just been normal, my family would still be alive, and so would Ruby. I probably would of never meet her, but at least she'd be alive. In my opinion, not knowing someone, or being the one responsible for their death, not knowing them was the lesser of two evils.

*Three years ago*

As I sulked in my past, I felt something hit my side. Twice.

The second attack caused me to roll over and look at whoever was attacking me, and I saw a young girl that looked like she was ten years old. She was small, thin, blonde hair in a ponytail, and had green eyes. And even though the weather was crappy and she was only wearing light clothes, she had a smile on her face.

Because of her lack of a hood on her thin jacket, and the fact that some of her hair was plastered to her face, I wondered if she was cold. But as I looked at her face, I could see that it was bright pink for hard work. That's when I noticed that was panting as well. Her body must of be generating heat for her.

I wondered how anyone could be happy at the moment.

"Oh good, your still alive." She softly laughed, like she was trying to make light of the situation. For her. "I thought you were dead for a moment."

"Wish I was dead." I muttered before I rolled my body away from her.

"What's the matter Mr. Grumpy Pants? Having a bad day?"

"You have no idea." I growled. I wanted to tell her that I had had a bad two years, but I kept my mouth shut. She didn't need to hear it.

"Well," I heard her say happily. "You know what people say, at the end of a rainstorm is a rainbow."

"Hooray for that." I told her, not interested in what she had to say. My rainbow wouldn't come until I was dead.

"Yeah. You just have to wait for the rain to end, and then, you'll be happy to see that rainbow at the end of this nasty weather." Her gleeful tone was beginning to irritate me. Didn't she see that I wanted to be left alone? "So, are you hungry?"

"No." I snarled, hoping that being nasty would get her to leave me alone. Unfortunately, my stomach just had to choose that moment to start growling, giving me stomach pains as well. Great, even my own body wanted to torture me.

"Sounds like you are."

"Sounds like it's time for you to shut up." I replied bitterly.

"I'm just here to help." She told me, not in the least offended.

"I don't want your help." I told her harshly. "The only way you can help me is by going away."

"Fine." She said, her mood never dropping. "See you."

"Whatever." I said, hoping to never see, or hear her, again.

I sighed and decided to see how long it would take to gather my courage and start searching for food again.

You could just steal. Zane suggested, much to my disgust.

You'd love that, wouldn't you? I told him.

"I'm back!" An annoying female voice sang out. Damn! Couldn't she take a hint? "Guess what I got you?" She sang out happily.

"Death?" I asked darkly.

"No, silly." She laughed. "Food. And water. And a blanket." I then heard a thud land in front of my face, and saw a bag full of bread, apples, carrots, cheese, slices of ham, bottles of water, and other items that I couldn't see. Beside all that was a rolled up blanket, a light rain jacket, and a small amount of coins.

How did she gather all that up so fast? I wondered as I swiftly grabbed a loaf of bread, tore off the wrapper, and started to rip off chunks before shoving them into my mouth. "Yep," She said, as if she knew it all along. "You were hungry."

"No shit." I told her though a mouthful of bread. I bet it sounded more like: mogh fiht, to her.

I continued to eat that loaf of bread until it was all gone. Then I grabbed another loaf and devoured that. Then I grabbed an apple and started to bite into that. "You know." The girl said. "If you want a place to stay for a night or two, you can head on inside."

"Inside?" I asked, wondering what I was laying against.

I looked at the wall, and looked around, to see that I recognized my surroundings. I was at the training academy. And I wasn't just at any spot at the training academy, I was in my spot. The spot that hardly anyone goes to. Of all the places, what were the odds of me coming back to this place?

"Yeah." She said, like it was obvious. "Inside. Inside the training center." That surprised me a little. Live... In the training academy?

"No." I told her, not wanting to have anything to do with that place. That place was my least favourite place in the world, second only to the correctional facility.

I heard the little girl sigh.

"You homeless people are so stubborn. You never want any help."

"Why do you even care?" I asked. Nobody cared about the homeless sub-culture in District One. Not even the homeless. We were scum. People that the district ignored and didn't even acknowledge our existence. Why would she even care?

"Believe it or not, my best friend is homeless." That surprised me. It surprised me a lot. Homeless people generally don't get along with anyone else. "So, I try to help. Though, I do help everyone that seems to need help. To the best of my abilities that is."

"One person at a time." She told me. I looked up at her and saw that she had a huge smile on her face. "I don't care what anyone else says."

I didn't know wither to take her seriously or not. Sure her friend was homeless, so she might feel some empathy towards my type. But did she really believe that she could change the situation in District One? Did she really believe that she could help everyone? It was foolish. And if her attitude with me was anything to see, I knew that she was nothing but trouble. She did whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. She didn't seem to give a damn about anyone's feelings or wants.

It would get her into trouble one day. I just knew it. She'd do something foolish, and she'd either live to regret it, or die in ignorance. Or maybe she'd take the third option, and live in ignorance still.

"Good luck with that then." I told her, not really putting any faith in her.

"Thank you." She said happily, neither the less. "And hey, whatever's happening with your life, just remember, after a rainstorm, is a rainbow. You may think that your life is bad now, but it'll pass, because even the rain doesn't last forever."

"I'll keep that in mind." I told her, but already forgetting her words.

"Bye, Mr. Grumpy Pants." She sang before she started to skip away.

I watched her go, glad that she was getting away from me. She was annoying. Helpful, kind, good looking, even if she was only ten years old, and happy, but annoying. But a part of me wanted her to stay with me. I couldn't understand it, but I liked her, even though she had her flaws. She was the first one that had tried to help me since just before Ruby's death. And I was a complete stranger to her, that had to count for something. Right?

"What's your name?" I shouted, not expecting that out of me. It shocked me, but I didn't regret it. I wanted to know her name at least. Even if we weren't going to meet ever again, I wanted to know her name at least.

"Jenriko Florence!" She shouted back. "But you can call me Jen! What's your's?"

"Calamity!" I shouted to her, not even thinking anymore.

"Calamity." She repeated. "That's a funny name."

I hated that she said that. It wasn't funny at all. Didn't she know that Calamity meant disaster? That should of been the first sign that she should of seen to let her know that there was nothing funny about it. Even worse, she said it so casually that I think that she might of been making fun of me. But at the same time, that casual tone made me think that she was just ignorant of the meaning.

Even so, I had to press down on my teeth to prevent me from retorting back. If she knew the meaning behind this name, or why I had given myself this name, she wouldn't think it'd be funny.

Even so, she had helped me, and for me, that was more then what most people had ever done for me. That meant something, and I wished that I could be friends with her. But Zane shattered any hope that I had for that becoming a reality.

Yes. She was kind of annoying, but she was kind. I didn't want anything to happen to her, and for that, I hope I never see her again, and I hope she never sees me again. Because when news of me escaping the correctional facility reaches the eyes and ears of the common citizens, she will recognize me, and she will hate herself.

I could picture it now. She'll wish she'd never of helped me. She'll wish that she had never meet me. She'll feel guilty for allowing such a person get food and water and a blanket. Her kindness would of aided a fugitive, and that wouldn't be a good thing to digest.

That's what you get for being nice. Zane told me with arrogance in his voice. People take advantage of you. Just like how those bullies took advantage of you being nice. You didn't like fighting, so you became an easy target. That girl, Jenriko, her kindness and thinking that everything's going to turn out all right is her weakness also. People will take advantage of that, even if she doesn't know it.

Just like us. I told him. Just like me.

I took another bite of the apple and looked ahead. I wasn't looking at where Jen used to be, I was looking at the academy walls.

Thinking about how there were nice people around in the academy, like Ruby and Jen, and how the training center was being used for housing that one not so homeless friend of Jen, got me realize something.

I didn't hate the training academy for what it did. I hated it for what it stood for.

*Present day*

I didn't know it at the time, but I had developed something for Jen. Something that was idiotic and consuming.

I hadn't realized it until the training in the Capitol started, when we were in the same building as each other. I liked Jen. I really liked her.

I'm not going to say I love her, because I knew almost nothing about her, only that she was a kind soul, she went to the training academy, and that she had a happy go lucky type of personality. So no, I didn't love her, but I really liked her.

The simple act of kindness made me feel that way towards her, not that I could ever return the favour. There were lots of thing that I couldn't do, and returning feelings of being liked were one of them. I tried to do that once, but I ended up with a broken arm from little girl with blond hair.

She didn't want anything to do with me, knowing who I was, and knowing what she did. So even saying thanks was beyond my reach.

After the interviews, when I thought I could tell her what she should know, she didn't want to listen to me. I tried, but failed, to tell her that I was thankful for everything that she had done for me. That, and that she should kill me during the bloodbath, because if I survived the bloodbath, there was no doubt that Zane would get free, and I wouldn't know if I could stop him.

I did manage to stop him a couple of time, but just barley. The first time was because he was still fresh into my body. The second time was because he was severely injured and his mind was going haywire. Even with those things happening, I was just barley able to come back into my own body.

I should of just spat my words out at Jen, because she hadn't killed me, and because of that, I was responsible for the rape and traumatisation of Caia, Selene, Alexia, Adrienne, Vida, and Wern. And while Zane didn't rape Victory, I still think that she was a victim to our violence. And I was still alive, which meant that Zane was still alive, which meant that there would be more victims of rape, terror, and violence.

That blond peacekeeper acting president wanted a show, and things must of gotten too boring for him, which is probably why he's sending in those mutts, to lead Zane towards another victim.

If his anarchy got destroyed, then those mutts could be coming to kill us, because the Capitol folks don't like watching tributes raping tributes. I half hoped that that was the case. That way, everything could end. But at the same time, I didn't want to die. Never did, so why would I suddenly be unafraid of death?

I wanted to die. But at the same time, I didn't. It was pathetic.

Zane was in full control, so all I could do was watch. I couldn't slow him down, even though I was trying. I could trip him, though I was trying to get him to do so. I probably wasn't trying hard enough. And we weren't getting ripped to shreds, so I could count the Capitol restoring order out of the equation.

Zane continued to run, and run, and run, never slowing down as he charged down the halls and rounded the corners. Then the cornucopia appeared in all its ancient glory. The bodies of the bloodbath victims were still laying there.

I then wondered. What was going to happen now?

A/N: Due to the length of this chapter, I'll be spitting this little section of the story into three parts. Part one, as you can see, involves Calamity. Part two will star Victory. Part three will conclude with Jen.