To Play the Fool
Chapter Thirteen
After Batman took down the Penguin, my car was impounded as evidence since several pounds of explosives were found inside and the investigation was ongoing. I ended up having to rely on public transportation. Overall, taking the bus and train was surprisingly relaxing. It was nice to devote my mental resources from paying attention to the road to catching up on current events or studying chemical formulas. (Or, of course, taking a nap.)
It was two days after I had given Batman a concussion and Jackie had come home from her strange night on the town with the masked men. This morning, I had some flash cards to go through, but I was severely distracted by the passengers. For one thing, they were chatting. Gotham City residents don't like talking to strangers for fear of being mugged. For another, several people were quickly flipping through newspapers so they could trade them around.
I read the paper over the shoulder of the person in front of me. It was an article with the headline: "Is Batman On His Way Out?" I scoffed at that – he was out for one night, maybe two, and that was not my fault – until I read the sub heading. "Tex offers Gotham a change of pace." Hold up.
Tex?
The man folded his paper shut so I could see the front page. Gracing the entire page above the fold was Tex's metal face, her red eyes blazing in fury, and one fist just about to punch out the cameraman. The headline: "Tex: Gotham's New Protector." Below the fold was an article and even more pictures of her. The other competing local newspaper looked pretty much the same – they just used different pictures. Just Tex being generally … awesome.
I focused even more on my flash cards so my reactions wouldn't give away that I knew anything about her. Actually, the papers hadn't really decided whether Tex was male or female, so I would just have to think as Tex as an It for now. It is annoying when I have to know how much I should or shouldn't know.
I got off at the train station stop along with most of the other passengers. In the confusion, I stole a paper from under another gentleman's arm and hurried away with it. When I found a seat, I opened my paper and read the first of several articles.
Yesterday afternoon, and anonymous source posted a video online of a disguised vigilante beating up criminals and robbers. This hero clad in what looked like leather pants and jacket, a steel head, and lit up red glass eyes, was vicious and terrifying. This same source alerted the local news outlets to other sightings all over the world. So far, they had identified genuine sightings in Uruguay, Singapore, Georgia, Egypt, Bolivia, Nicaragua, Columbia, Latvia, Sierra Leone, Botswana, Pakistan, and Shri Lanka. They had already covered half of the places I knew about, and I was pretty sure I was still missing some locations. Jackie never stayed put in one country for very long; usually less than two weeks. Sometimes she didn't have a chance to let me know where she was.
The trip to Wayne Enterprises only took five minutes. Because repairing the damage Batman did to the lightrail trains had been Mr. Wayne's pet project, there was a station right at the building that led to the third floor. I took the elevator up to my office, sharing the car with four other people either reading newspapers or watching a newscast on their smartphones.
My office was buzzing with chatter, more so than usual, and all of it was about Tex. I sat down at my desk, and two of my coworkers immediately demanded my attention. "We need you two settle a dispute," said Luis Vasquez.
His friend, Maria Walker, clarified. "I think Tex is a guy, and he thinks Tex is a girl."
"How do you want me to resolve this?" I asked. I needed a reason to justify telling Luis he was right.
"You could flip a coin," said Mary.
"No," Luis argued. Then he borrowed my computer to look for a video on YouTube. "Watch this and tell us what you think."
"And why does my opinion matter more than anyone else's?" This could not become a habit.
"You know, you're smart," Mary answered. "Just watch the movie."
The video in question was called Tex: Vigilante of Gotham City, and was accompanied by a heavy metal soundtrack. It began with Tex taking out two robbers in a gas station, then introducing herself as Tex. Then it really got going. The clips were taken from low quality security cameras from various crimes Tex had stopped around the city. The criminals didn't seem to stand a chance against her iron fist, and if she did get shot, that didn't even slow her down.
That was only the first minute or so. The bulk of the video was of a single fight inside a bank. This had to have been taken two nights ago. It was easily her most impressive fight since these guys posed an actual threat. What was impressive was the multiple camera angles. No, not more security cameras. The footage was taken from the points of view of the combatants. Jackie did mention they had cameras in their masks.
"So?" Mary looked at me expectantly when the video ended, as did Luis.
"30,000 hits overnight? That's impressive. Who is this user?" I clicked on his name: 7h3 R!dd13r. He had been active for three days, and had posted 50 different videos. From what I could glance at, they were the unedited footage of Tex. I clicked on one from the bank.
"What do you think? What is Tex?" said Luis.
"A little more hype than substance," I replied.
"I mean what gender?"
"Oh. Definitely female, for sure. Tex has a small frame, wide hips, and breasts. They're small, but they're there."
"Ha! I told you! You owe me lunch."
Mary sulked away, Luis followed, mocking her, and I got back to work. Since Mr. Wayne was out with the flu yesterday, I had cleared his schedule for the week. I didn't have a whole lot to do except figure out what else Gotham knew about Tex. The first place to start was with the source: 7h3 R!dd13r.
There were only two problems with this. One, I know next to nothing about computers, so the most I discovered was that he listed his name as The Riddler. No surprise there. The second: One minute into my search, my computer screen froze up, and then went blank. My computer didn't turn off, but instead went to a white screen with a black cursor blinking in the middle of the page.
"Oooookay… This looks like an IT sort of thing."
Just when I was reaching for the phone, a male voice from the computer said, "Do not turn off your computer, and do not attempt to call IT." I literally jumped out of my chair. "Their phones are disconnected, and you have all been locked in."
The entire office turned and looked at me. I dialed IT anyway and found my phone absent of a dial tone. "Somebody to go down to IT!" I ordered.
A few people went to the elevators to summon them, but the lights were out and they didn't respond. Someone else went to try the stairs, but that door was electronically locked. Mrs. Miller even went to Mr. Wayne's office to give his private elevator a try. "It's no good," she said. "It's not working."
I looked back at my computer. Above the cursor was a line of text that said, Have a seat, Jenny.
All of a sudden, everyone else's computers did nearly the same thing, except their screens were replaced with a Guy Fawkes mask overlaying a green question mark on a black screen. Whoever was doing this was proving he really did have control over our floor, possibly even the entire building.
Have a seat, Jenny.
What other choice did I have? I had to play along. I slipped my phone out of my pocket and sat down.
Thank you. "If you're trying to call the police, I wouldn't bother. They can't help you."
So he could see me. I didn't have a webcam, so that meant he was using something else to watch me. Keeping my eyes on my computer, I asked, "Mrs. Miller, do the security cameras in this building capture sound?"
"No, they don't have that capability." She still hadn't left Mr. Wayne's office, which has no cameras.
I made a show of picking up my phone, showing it to the camera behind me, and throwing it as far away from me as possible. Coincidentally, it landed right at Mrs. Miller's feet. "Do not leave that room under any circumstances," I ordered her. I made sure my face was away from the camera so he couldn't see me talking. "He can't see you in there. Call Mr. Wayne and let him know what's going on. Then call my sister."
"I have to congratulate Bruce Wayne on his security system. If it hadn't been for that bomb, I never would have gotten in. Even then, it was difficult, and I don't have all the passwords I want."
I took a piece of printer paper and wrote, "Who are you?" in sharpie, then held it up.
"Feel free to type your responses," my computer said. "How silly of me. I didn't introduce myself. I am The Riddler."
That name got quite a few reactions from the office because they all knew who posted the Tex content online. Since their computers were useless, most of them came to my computer and gathered around my desk. The same one who leaked Tex to the news? I typed.
He chuckled. "The one and the same. What did you think of my music video?"
Poor choice in music. Next time, look up Red vs. Blue.
"Well, I've never made one before. Maybe you'd like to make a better one?"
Not really. Tex isn't that impressive.
"Is that so? Are you wondering why I'm called The Riddler?"
"If you make me answer riddles, I will strangle you through the computer," I muttered. Let me guess: You like to tell riddles.
"You think you're clever, Jenny? I'll give you a chance to save your company – if whoever has just called Wayne hangs up."
It's no one on our floor. If he could track cell phone calls in the building, there's no way he could trace them vertically. "Mrs. Miller? Call Jackie. She's on my speed dial. Tell her, 'There's a séance in Merripit House.' She'll understand." What do you want me to do?
"I have five riddles for you. Solve all of them, and you save your company. Answer one or more wrong, and I fry the collective hard drives of Wayne Enterprises, destroying years of research."
"Why? Why would he bother to give me a chance? What does he get out of destroying Wayne Enterprises?"
"Mr. Wayne has been alerted and Jackie says that she's on her way," said Mrs. Miller.
"Good. Then we can't lose." Alright. I'll do it.
The first riddle appeared on the screen along with a text box for my answer.
I have keys, but open no locks, space, but no room, and you can enter, but not go in. What am I?
"Are you sure about this?" said Mary.
"Aren't you the one who said I was smart?" I replied.
"Shoo, people," the Riddler said. "Jenny doesn't get any help."
I don't need it anyhow. The crowd moved away from me and kept their mouths shut. "Someone ask the Riddler if there's a time limit."
One of the interns held a paper up to the camera with my question on it. The Riddler chuckled. "Already having difficulty?"
I typed in my answer to show him I wasn't intimidated in the least. A keyboard. I hit Enter triumphantly.
"Very good, but I was starting easy. Don't get cocky."
I have a heart that never beats. I have a home, but never sleep. I can take a man's house and build another's. I love to play games with my many brothers. I am a king among fools. Who am I?
"Hold up the sign again," I told the intern. "I want to know how long I've got."
"Why?" said Tiffany, one of the secretaries for a board member.
"I want to give the police time to get here."
The Riddler considered an answer. "I'll give you three minutes to answer the rest of the riddles. Does that sound fair?"
Jackie would appreciate this particular riddle because she considers herself a sort of Jack(ie) of Hearts. King of Hearts. "Tell him yes, I'm fine with the terms."
I have many feathers to help me fly. I have a body and head, but I'm not alive. It is your strength which determines how far I go. You can hold me in your hand, but I'm never thrown. What am I?
"Is three minutes enough time?" Mrs. Miller asked.
I tapped my keyboard absently while I thought of the answer. "For the police, no. For me, it should be. These ones have been easy. What flies besides birds? No, don't answer that. A birdie? No, those are thrown in the air at some point. It has to be something in a sport. A baseball has no feathers. Ah! Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." An Arrow.
"You are clever," said the Riddler. "Or have you just heard all of these before?" I shook my head. "This one will hurt your brain."
Five hundred begins it. Five hundred ends it. Five in the middle is seen. First of all letters, first of all numbers take up their stations in between. Join all together and then you will bring before you the name of an eminent king.
"Now this is getting interesting. This is an actual puzzle. It's a name, so each part is a letter. Five hundred, five … got to be roman numerals." I got out a pen and notebook. V is five, which goes in the middle. I was rusty on my roman numerals, so I left the five hundreds for now. Beginning of letters, that's A. As for the figures, he must mean numbers, so that's one, or I.
_AVI_
I could keep guessing at names of kings with five letters – Henry, Louis, James, Edgar – or I could figure out what letter I'm missing. I is 1, V is 5, X is 10, L is 50 … Alright, what does the date on the statue of liberty look like? MCLLXV … I don't know. Wait, there's a D in there. If M is 1,000, then D has to be 500.
DAVID
"You're quick, and you have two minutes left. I'd better give you a clock." A two minute timer appeared on my screen. "Last one."
The wind blows and the sun rises at 9 a.m. It is now 10 a.m. What color was the wind and sun at 9?
This one stumped me for a minute. I wasted sixty seconds watching the clock tick away because the question made no sense to me. The tension in the office was heavy. I wanted to look like I was procrastinating to give us some more time, but the truth was that I was turning the answer over in my mind.
Color? It can't be literal because the wind is clear and the sun is white. What does an hour difference have to do with anything? Could it possibly be a play on words? Or maybe he means 9 p.m. the previous night. No, or else the first 9 a.m. wouldn't have been mentioned. All that's really changed is that now it's later. At 9, the wind blows. At 8, the wind will blow. At 10, the wind blew.
Oh. The tense has changed. The wind blew and the sun rose. The wind was BLUE and the sun was ROSE. I didn't like the answer because that was kind of stretching it. Word-play puzzles are always a bit tricky.
The screen went blank and the Riddler was silent. That was five riddles, all answered correctly. Presumably. If he would just give me an affirmative answer, I would be happy.
"Correct," said the Riddler, breaking the tension. "I have never had anyone answer all five riddles before. Congratulations. As a bonus, here's another riddle."
"Is he just going to keep asking them until you get one wrong?" Mrs. Miller said with horror in her voice.
What demands an answer, but never asks a question?
A second later, my phone rang. I picked it up and answered it. "Well that was a dead giveaway, wasn't it," I said. "Not that I needed it."
"Oh, good, you got it. I'm just about ready to let you go. I just need one thing from you."
"Those passwords you couldn't get earlier."
"How did you know?"
"I'm not just good at riddles. I don't have access to those passwords, and even if I did, I wouldn't give them to you."
"But you don't even know which ones I want. The Research and Development Department is defunct and useless. No one will miss it."
"It belongs to Mr. Wayne, so the answer is no." If he would do a simple Google search on me, he would know that I wouldn't give in to the Penguin either, so there's no point in bothering me.
"I think I may have underestimated you, Jenny. If you change your mind, you can reach me –"
Suddenly, all the power in the building was cut. All the lights and computers went out, and the line went dead. "Riddler? Riddler? Hello?" I slammed the phone back into its cradle in defeat. A lead on this man would have been so helpful right now.
Someone called my cell phone and Mrs. Miller answered it. "It's Jackie. She wants to know if you're okay."
"Toss it here." She threw my phone to me as she left the office and I caught it. "Jackie, was that you?" I snapped.
"Depends. What is 'that'?"
"You cut the power right as the Riddler was about to give me a way to contact him! It would have been a major lead for –" Not for her. Jackie wasn't involved in the Riddler case. Tex was. "For the police."
"You shouldn't be worrying about that. That's for the police and Batman. Firemen are on their way to get you all out of the building. Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine. We're all fine. The police and firemen are coming to get us out," I announced to the rest of the office. They all cheered, giving me a moment of noise to slip Jackie a message. "I need you to write a letter to Sherlock, see if we can meet somewhere in Dartmoor." I went inside Mr. Wayne's office and closed the door most of the way.
"Wait, I thought you were Sherlock Holmes."
"Do I need to write out the code? Who do you think I'm talking about?"
Jackie gulped. "I don't know if I can. We kind of just find each other." A couple moments of silence later, she said, "I'll see what I can do. Don't bring any bats."