This chapter actually exhausted me.

I banged this out pretty quickly, so please excuse any mistakes.

Enjoy the interview!

"Bella, what's wrong?" Renee asks, looking between the television and me.

I can't say anything. Even as the camera fades out and a Burger King commercial comes on, I'm still frozen in my seat, my eyes trained on the spot his eyes had been. A part of me convinced myself that he just stopped existing, especially with his absence in the tabloids. But there he was, in full color on my mom's average sized television screen.

"You're starting to worry me, sweetheart."

I look at Renee. I told her a little about Edward, mentioned that he might show up in a few magazines, but never actually confessed his true identity.

"Uhm…remember the guy I mentioned? In my first letter?" I ask tentatively.

"Yes, you said he had the same sort of problem I did," she says, nodding. "Why?"

I open my mouth to respond, but before I can she gasps.

"Oh my God, you were dating Edward Cullen!" she exclaims. "How the heck did you meet him?"

I jump in surprise. I found it strange that my mother new who Edward was. Even though he was one of the hottest names in Hollywood, my mom just didn't seem like the kind of person who kept up on pop culture.

She rolls her eyes. "Oh jeeze, Bella," she laughs. "Rehab wasn't a prison. I still got to watch TV and movies. A girl I was in rehab with was completely enamored with Edward. I've seen all his movies."

"Oh." I don't know what else to say.

"So how did you meet him?"

I rest my head on the back of the couch and give her the Sparknotes version of how I met Edward Cullen. I was sure to include how bitchy I was and how pompous he was but somehow, we found a middle ground but it was so rocky and shitty because neither of us were stable enough to be in a relationship but we were both to stubborn to see it.

Renee looks from me to the television, her expression thoughtful.

"Can we watch the interview?" she finally asks. "Or would that be too hard for you?"

I think of Heidi and what she would want me to do. She'd tell me that there would be no harm in watching it. Only Renee and I would know. Edward would never find out unless I told him.

"Let's watch it."

Renee turns the volume up a bit as the reporter comes back on the screen. They start doing a brief biography on Edward.

"I'm proud of you," Renee says softly as the reporter talks about Edward's big break into Hollywood. "You got out of the relationship and you got help. That's admirable."

I smile at her and she smiles back. Words aren't necessary.

"After a few questionable reports, Edward disappeared from the spotlight and found reprieve in the small Washington town of Forks," the reporter says. An image of the Forks town sign pops up and I smile at the familiar sight. "Speculations have been flying about since his departure, and even more rumors surfaced after he returned. But his return was short lived. A few months after Edward came back to LA, he disappeared again for some "personal time."

We finally see the reporter again, but this time, she's in a large red chair. She looks very serious as she stares into the camera.

"But tonight is about answers," she says. "Edward is here, and he's going to talk about his disappearances and his personal trauma. Thank you for being here, Edward."

The camera switches to a close up of Edward smiling, sitting in an identical chair. "Thanks for having me, Maria," he says. His voice fills me with a strange feeling that takes me a moment to identify: longing.

"Edward, I know this is a delicate situation and that you went through quite a lot," she says in a clearly fake sympathetic voice.

Edward nods and takes a deep breath. "I had a lot of problems," he admits.

"Why don't we start with the weeks before you left for Forks," she says. "What happened to the clean cut boy America had grown to love?"

Edward shrugs. "He grew up too fast," he says. "My story isn't really all that unique. I did a movie and met some new people. They introduced me to a different Hollywood, one that I'd grown up reading about."

Maria shifts slightly in her seat and leans forward. "What happened?"

"I started experimenting with drugs and alcohol," he says bluntly. "The stress started to get to me and I didn't know how to handle it. It started off innocent enough on my part. I'd sneak a few beers here and there, maybe borrow some meds from a friend or two. But then a friend got me into the harder stuff. Coke, mainly."

Maria's eyebrows shoot up, and I believe she is genuinely surprised. Edward's PR must have done a fantastic job of covering everything up.

"I'd heard that rumor," she confesses. "But you had a reputation of being the ideal teen star for a long time. Most of us fans didn't believe it."

Edward runs a hand through his hair, and I can tell he's nervous. I find myself starting to wonder how much he's actually going to reveal about his time away.

"It was very true," he says sadly. "I'm human, just like everyone else. I make mistakes and do stupid things. I finally realized there was a problem when there was a very close incident at a party one night. Someone I love and care about very much was almost seriously hurt, all because I was too drugged up to realize there was a problem. After that, my team, my family and I all decided to try to take care of this without causing too much media stress."

Maria is good at her job. Her face looks completely heartbroken as she nods slowly along with what Edward says.

"Is that why you decided to make the move to Forks?" she asks.

He nods. "Yes. My father had a friend on the medical staff at the Fork's hospital. He said the town was a great place if we wanted peace and privacy. So we made the move."

"That must have been big news in such a small town!" Maria exclaims. I think back to his first day and laugh to myself. I was such a bitch to him, and he thought he was God's gift to all of us.

Edward lets out the first genuine laugh I've heard from him in a long time and I can't help but smile with him.

"You have no idea," he says. "My first day at school there was just crazy. But everyone was extremely welcoming and I made a lot of good friends. A few in particular…"

I freeze. No way. There was no way. Nope. It can't happen.

Maria nods vigorously. "Yes, I remember the interview Tanya did after she returned from Forks. You made a friend by the name of Isabella Swan, correct?"

I stiffen and I feel my mom look at my face, and I'm surprised when she tentatively reaches out and grabs my hand. But I welcome the contact. I squeeze her hand tightly in mine but I never take my eyes off the screen.

Edward doesn't give anything away, but I see a slight shift in his eyes as he nods.

"According to Tanya, she had quite the rough life," Maria says as a picture of me appears on the screen.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Edward doesn't say anything. He just looks at Maria.

"I'm glad you were able to find someone to help while you were struggling with yourself," she says, admiration clear in her tone.

"Tanya was completely in the wrong with that interview," Edward says and I can hear the strain in his voice. "Bella…she helped me. She made me see that I had a problem and that it would only get worse if I ignored it like I was trying to do."

"She sounds like quite a girl." I can hear the apology in her voice.

Edward smiles. "She is. She got me through a lot."

"Was Tanya's interview completely false?" Maria asks, switching gears completely. "When the interview asked her about the nature of your relationship with Bella, she said that you were already with someone else and that Bella was only a friend. Was all that true."

Edward stiffens. I can see the argument he's having with himself. Does he reveal everything about us? Does he keep it simple? Does he say no comment?

My stomach is in knots and the few seconds that pass between the question and his answer feel like an eternity.

"I loved her," he admits and my stomach drops and spins all at the same time. "She changed my life. She was a ballbuster and hated me at times, but she taught me a lot about myself and what my life would be if I didn't shape up."

My heart is racing and I'm squeezing Renee's hand so hard I'm confident that her hand is turning blue.

"Then why did you leave?" Maria wonders. "If you were so happy with this small town Bella, then why did you leave? Did you miss stardom that much?"

He shakes his head. "No. I mean, I love what I do, but I left because I started to give up. Everything just became too overwhelming and I wanted to come back and just try to jump back into my life. But my main problem was that I was trying to get better for everyone around me. I didn't care about getting better for myself. I needed that commitment from myself."

"So what happened when you returned to LA?" Maria asks as she leans forward again. "And why did you disappear so fast?"

"When I returned to LA, I jumped right back into work," he explains. "But then I relapsed."

Maria sits back in her seat and puts a hand to her chest. "That terrifying, Edward."

He nods. "You're telling me," he mumbles. "It wasn't a big one, but it was enough that it terrified me into finally seeing what I had to do. So I packed up and checked into rehab."

"That's very brave of you," Maria says.

Edward shrugs. "It's something I should have done a long time ago," he begins. "But one of the things I learned was that you need to forget regret. And the more I thought about it, I realized I wouldn't change a thing. Refusing help, going to Forks, meeting Bella…I wouldn't change any of it."

"Sounds like he had a good therapist," Renee mumbles next to me and I smile at her. It was the same thing she had said earlier. Regrets are pointless.

Maria and Edward begin to talk about his upcoming projects, but I'm replaying the interview over and over again in my head. He loved me. He didn't regret me. He was thankful for how bitchy I was.

As soon as the interview is over, Renee shuts the TV off and looks over at me.

"Are you okay?" she asks, her eyes filled with concern.

In response, I flop my head on the couch cushion between us and groan.

Now what?

Now what?

You guys will find out soon!

Review!

Lots of love,

Emilia Elliot