Disclaimer: I do not own Black Blood Brothers.

Way # 5: Tell him he's ugly.

You know I realize I've forgotten to thank you people for the reviews. *bows* Thank you, each one of them makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Thank you.

"You're ugly."

Zelman looked up at his certifiably insane maid. Not that Mel was diagnosed or anything, at least to his knowledge; Zelman just knew. It takes one to know after all. And Zelman knew that he and Mel shared one thing in common. That thing being misplaced sanity.

"That's your opinion," said Zelman, and returned to pornographic comic book.

Mel screamed, and threw a lamp against a wall.

"You're paying for that," said Zelman, not even bothering to look up from his book.

"What will it take?" Mel asked.

Zelman did not acknowledge her. While the brewing temper tantrum was no way to behave, it would not do to reward Mel's behavior with attention. Although her frenzied muttering, and wall-kicking were interrupting his reading. This was what he got for listening to Sayuka and spending time out of his dark room of darkness.

"I've stolen your cigarettes, drunk your cola, destroyed your room, and insinuated a man wanted to enter a same-sex relationship with you, and called you ugly," said Mel, hysterically. "And nothing works."

Having given up on reading Zelman fixed his gaze on Mel, debating throwing her through a window –perhaps spending time in the library did have its advantages- or just burning her to ash. Option two would make a mess, but option one was more costly.

"What will it take to annoy you?"

Zelman blinked, "What?"

"I'm trying to annoy you, what will annoy you?" Mel asked.

Zelman blinked again, it had been awhile since anything had surprised him. For that he would allow Mel to continue drawing breath. And his theory that she was insane was now all but cemented in fact. He could tell Sayuka to cancel that trip to the psychiatrist. Only a complete and total nutjob would set out to purposely seek his ire. What was wrong with today's youth? Personally, Zelman blamed the young adult novels.

"You can't annoy me," said Zelman. "I have lived for over eight hundred years. It's made me remarkably laid back."

To further demonstrate this, Zelman sank back in his chair, allowing gravity to do its duty completely, and stretched luxuriously. Though as he relaxed, a thought occurred to Zelman and he realized that his statement was not completely accurate. Rude people irritated him.

Though now that Zelman thought about it, Mel's previous antics had not been polite; three of the five were outright criminal in fact. However, they were so bizarre they amused Zelman. Mel amused Zelman. So he elected not to tell her how to annoy him.

Otherwise she'd amp her discourteous behavior. And he would lose patience and kill her. Zelman could not have that. Killing his new source of entertainment would not do. Plus it was so very hard to find good help these days, and the less dead bodies he had to bury the better. Even Zelman Clock could only kill so many a week before the company came sniffing around.

"Go away," Zelman told her coldly, and to further demonstrate his wish for her to leave, Zelman used his eye-ignite to set the air in front of Mel ablaze, and causing her to jump back, with a startled yelp.

"I don't accept that Clock-sama," said Mel. "I will annoy you, if it's the last thing I do."

Mel ran off before Zelman could tell her that if she succeeded, it would be it would the last thing she did.

Thank you for reading. I feel that Zelman's a tad or so OOC. It's the way he's talking. If you guys have any ideas on how to improve it, let me know.

Warnings, while this is not going to become a Zelman/OC fic, I will be moving the rating up to M for safety as of next chapter. Also, next chapter we will be diving into the place that is Mel's mind. And by that I mean it'll be from her point of view. That'll be fun.