I'm the worst, I know.

I've been doing a lot of traveling and frankly have had zero time to write. But now that my life is getting back to normal, I'm hoping to have this story finished soon. So thank you for those who have stuck with it this long; I'll try and pound out the last few chapters in the next few days.

As usual, I own nothing. It's all SM's.

I'm also working without a Beta, so sorry for any mistakes.

Here we go!

I'm sure the first speakers are great. I'm sure they are inspirational and helpful and brave. But I don't hear a word they say. I don't hear a single word. All I can do is stare. My mom keeps looking at me, but I ignore her. He's here. After what feels like ages of only seeing him on magazine covers and on TV, here's here. He's within my grasp and I can hardly breathe.

When he finally stands up, I shrink down farther into my seat, terrified of what might happen if he sees me. Will he be excited? Furious? Indifferent? All feel is an all-consuming fear of how he'll react. Do I even want him to see me? Am I ready for that?

He looks around at the audience awkwardly, and I let my hair fall in front of my face. Thankfully, his eyes glide right over me. He pulls out a few index cards and clears his throat before he starts speaking.

"I know most of you are thinking I don't deserve to be here, and you're right," he begins. "I'm not a success story. I've been clean for a while and I've worked hard to get to where I am, but I'm not a success story. But when I was approached about this opportunity, I thought I might be able to do some good. Not because I'm a success story, but because I'm just like most of you.

"I'm a person who is still fighting daily with my addiction, but I'm winning that fight." He puts down the index cards and looks at the audience again. I keep my hair in front of my face. "Every morning when I wake up, I feel that temptation. I feel the urge to throw all my hard work away and fall back into old patterns. I'm not a success story, but I want to be. And it will be the hardest thing I've ever done. But for those of you out there who are still in the beginning of your fight and are still trying to find a way to win, I want you to look around you. I want you to look at the loved ones who came with you today. I want you to think about the people you've let down in the past because of your sickness. But above all, I want you to think about yourself. Because unless you want to fight back for yourself, you won't get better. Don't just fight for the people you love. Fight for yourself."

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before looking down at the podium in front of him. "When I first tried to get better, I only did it for the people I loved. And they're worth it, but I didn't really start to fight until I realized that I was worth it. So I'm not done with my fight, and truthfully, I don't think I ever will be. But I know that my life is worth the fight. The people I love are worth the fight. Fight back. And if I ever see any of you again, I hope I can tell you then that I feel like a success story, and I hope that you can say the same. Keep fighting for you life. Stay strong. Live."

He steps back from the podium and even though I don't have a right, I feel immensely proud of him. He may not see himself as a success story, but I do. To me, he's winning his battle and that's all that matters.

Dr. Graham walks back up to the podium and waits for the applause to die down before speaking.

"Thank you to all three of our guests for sharing with us today," he says, gesturing to where they are all sitting. "Before we finish up, we're going to put aside some time for questions, so if you have-"

Before he can finish talking, someone jumps in front of us. My heart drops into my stomach when Michelle begins to speak.

"Okay, so my question is kind of for Edward," she says, giving him a dreamy smile. "Like, you said that you started to fight back for yourself, but at first you gave up drugs for someone else." Her dad starts to pull on her arm, trying to get her to sit down, but she shrugs him off and keeps going. He lowers his head into his hand. "My mom is kind of the same way. Like she only fights back for me. So, like, what can I tell her to start doing it for herself?"

And then, to my absolute horror, she turns around and looks at me. "And Bella, can you help me to like…deal with the pressure of being someone's reason?"

My eyes shoot to the front and lock with Edward's, who is staring at me, his face completely ashen. My eyes fill with tears of embarrassment, and I quickly wipe them away. I can feel the blood pooling in my cheeks and I feel like I'm going to pass out.

Thankfully, Dr. Graham intervenes. "I was going to say to make a line at the front of the room so you can have a one-on-one. So please hold your questions until it's your turn. Thank you all for being here, and if you have no questions, return to the lobby to learn about what else we are offering today."

Edward and I are still staring at each other, and the humiliation is rolling of me in waves. This isn't how our reunion should have gone. I should have left the minute I realized he was speaking, but I didn't want him to see me sneak out. But this? This is so much worse.

Michelle tries to run to the front of the line, but her father grabs her arm and starts to pull her away. As they walk past me, he apologizes profusely to me, but I just nod until he leaves.

Edward looks at me for one more moment before he directs his attention to a man that approaches him.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

My mom's voice filters into my head and I finally look at her. I shake my head.

"I don't know what to do," I whisper, glancing back at Edward, who now seems totally engrossed in his conversation.

She looks back at him. "Why don't you wait for him to finish up talking and then try to talk to him? It's going to eat away at you if you don't at least try."

After a moment of consideration, I nod. "Fine. I'll meet you inside."

She squeezes my shoulder. "Take your time."

I stand in the back and wait for Edward to finish. Even as he talks to various people, his eyes keep drifting back to me. I'm so nervous, and I keep feeling light headed. I'm tempted to text Jasper and let him now what's going on, but I know if I do he'll call and want to talk but what would I tell him? Nothing has happened yet.

When the last person walks out of the room, Edward stares at me while Dr. Graham leads the other two speakers out a door behind the podium. Time seems to freeze as we watch each other, waiting to see who makes the first move.

I take a step forward, my eyes glued to him to see his reaction.

And then he does something completely unexpected.

He turns around and bolts out the door Dr. Graham just went through. And then it's just me, surrounded by a bunch of empty chairs, staring after him.

~O~

My mom doesn't ask many questions. By the time I was finally able to move and go find her, his driver had already whisked him away. He was gone.

On the way home, I stay silent. My mind is jumbled and full of a million different questions and a million different answers. Why didn't he talk to me? Because he hates you.

I dig my palms into my eyes and groan. Renee reaches a hand out and pats my knee a few times, but doesn't say anything which is fine by me. I don't want to talk. I have nothing to say. I don't know what I expected him to do. Did I really think he'd want to talk to me? That he would still love me after how awful I was?

When we get back to the house, mom lets me sulk on the couch and gives me my space. She goes into her room, leaving the door open which I know is an invitation to come in and talk. But she's not pushing me, which compels me to go in after a bit.

"Despite what happened at the end," I finally say as I sit down on her bed, "I did enjoy today. I learned a lot. I feel like I understand you a bit better now."

She grins at me. "I'm glad, but that's not what we should be talking about right now."

I fall back onto the bed. "There's nothing to say. He saw me. He left. End of story."

Renee lies down next to me. "I hate to inform you, but it's just the beginning. The look he gave you, Bella? He still cares about you."

"I don't know," I say. "He may care… but I just…"

She gabs my hand. "Give it time," she says. "But until then, I'm going to make some cookies and we'll take it easy tonight. Okay?"

I nod as she stands up and leaves the room. Give it time. Easier said than done.

~O~

At two in the morning, my phone let out a loud beep. I hadn't fallen asleep yet. I was staring at the TV, watching an "I Love Lucy" rerun. I grab my phone, expecting to see a text from Jasper, but instead there's a text from an unknown number.

I'm not ready. I'm sorry.

-E

There you go! I hope you enjoyed it. The next chapter will be jumping ahead in time a little bit again.

Please review! I love to hear what you think.

Lots of love,

Emilia Elliot